Disclaimer – I own nothing you recognise.
Beta'd by the lovely Michy
Written for the Hunger Games Competition – Training fic.
Written for the Hunger Games Competition – Mockingjay quote 8
Empty
Sirius wandered through the empty flat that had once felt like home. Everything that had once filled him with happiness seemed to hold an emptiness to it. The television that had taken him months to learn how to use, that made her laugh every time she watched him getting frustrated with the remote. The shelves stacked with Muggle romance books that she loved to curl up with in a chair and read over and over.
The cupboard in the kitchen that she always kept full with chocolate and sweet treats in case his friends, namely Remus, decided to drop by unannounced. The right-hand bedside table, tidier than the one on the left, but still holding a half empty glass of water and a book with her favourite bookmark poking out of it. She had found it amusing that he could only sleep on the left, but she hadn't fought him about it. She'd just rolled her eyes and set up the right side for herself.
He opened the closet and her clothes still hung next to his. She was everywhere, and yet, she had left him and she was nowhere.
He sat on the bed, and clutched at the pillow she slept on. His nose was assaulted by the sweet, flowery scent of her perfume, and he held the pillow to his face as tears streaked down his cheeks. How was he supposed to continue on without her? What would he do when he wanted a cuddle, a cuddle he only ever got off her? What would he do when he wanted to watch a romance movie, and had no one to blame? What would he do when he said, 'I love you', and didn't hear it echoed back?
He moved into the living room, pillow still clutched in his hands, and sat on the sofa. It felt empty without her next to him. A seat too big for one person. But that was all he was now. One person. She wasn't here to make up the second part of 'us'. He was back to being a 'me.' No more double dates, no more cinema dates, no more meal dates, no more dates. No more love. No more her.
A meow made him jump, before he remembered that Merlin, her little black kitten, needed feeding. That was his job now. He left the pillow in her seat, and walked into the kitchen. He scraped out the food and placed the bowl on the floor, watching the little cat feast. More guilt, he thought bitterly. He had forgotten the cat for two days. She'd have beat him around the head for that.
He sat back down and stared aimlessly at the wall. He knew it was all his fault. If he had just gone with her. If he hadn't been so grumpy. If he hadn't made her mad. If he'd have told her he loved her. If he'd... If he'd done any of those things, she might have still been sitting on the couch with him, she might have been the one to feed Merlin. She... she would still be here.
He didn't know how long he sat there, staring at the wall, thinking about what could have been. He didn't really register when he stood up, taking her pillow with him. He didn't think about it when he entered the bedroom, and lay down on the right side of the bed for the first time ever. He needed to feel close to her, but all it reminded him of was her not being there.
Merlin hopped onto the bed on his side, meowing again. Sirius could almost hear the question in the noise, and it broke his heart again. Merlin missed her too. He felt the cat moving around the bed, looking for her, he guessed. He leant over and picked the kitten up gently.
"She's dead, you stupid cat. She's dead. She's not coming back."
As Sirius felt the impact of the words fall on him, he let go of the cat, and allowed himself to fall back on the bed, curling up in a ball. She's dead.
As sobs took over his body, Sirius could only think of one word.
Marlene.