Disclaimer: I don't own Sponge Bob.

One day, Patrick was just walking along Bikini Bottom. He was bored and wanted something to do. Suddenly, he saw a brown thing lying on the sandy ground.

"Ooooh!" he shouted excitedly. "A hat!"

Patrick picked the thing off the ground. It had some white stitching on one side and was shaped almost like a diamond…or maybe a circle. "I'll call it a circle-diamond hat!" Patrick decided, feeling very proud of himself for having come up with that name. He looked at it again, deciding it looked more like a diamond. He scratched his head, thinking.

"Wait! I'll call it a diamond-circle hat!" he cried excitedly. That was a much better name, Patrick thought to himself. He felt really smart to have thought of such an original name.

Now all he had to do was put his hat on! Patrick put the hat on top of his head….but as soon as he let go of it, the hat rolled right off.

"Wait…hats don't roll…" Patrick said, thinking. "I know! It must be a rolling diamond-circle hat!"

Patrick tried to put the hat on again. But the same as before, it fell on the ground!

"You stay on, hat!" Patrick told it. But when he tried again, it rolled off before.

Patrick frowned. This hat was just not listening! Finally, he came up with a brilliant idea. If the hat wouldn't stay, he'd just glue it on!

"Lucky I have my super glue with me!" Patrick said. He squirted super glue all over his head and plopped the ball on top. This time it didn't fall.

Patrick was very proud of himself. He'd outsmarted the hat! He'd have to go show Sponge Bob. He'd definitely be jealous of Patrick's awesome hat.

"Oh, SPONGE BOB!" Patrick cried.

"What is it, Patrick?" Sponge Bob asked, coming from around the corner of his house to investigate. "OH MY GOODNESS!" Sponge Bob said, his eyes getting really big and his hands flying to cover his mouth.

"You like it?" Patrick asked, turning his head this way and that to show off his hat.

"Like it?!" Sponge Bob asked. "I LOVE IT!"

Patrick was happy with Sponge Bob's reaction, although he hadn't expected Sponge Bob to make such a big deal over the hat.

"Hands off," Patrick said. "This is MY hat!" He had to say that to make sure Sponge Bob didn't get any ideas.

"…Patrick." Sponge Bob said, looking rather confused. "That's not a hat."

"Yes it is!" Patrick said. "Haven't you ever heard of a rolling diamond circle hat?" he asked. Of course, Patrick knew Sponge Bob would never have heard of it, he'd only made up the name just that morning, but it made him feel good to know something Sponge Bob didn't.

"No, Patrick," Sponge Bob said, shaking his head. "That's not a rolling diamond circle hat. That's a FOOTBALL!"

"Oh," Patrick said. "...what's a football?"

"Oh Patrick," Sponge Bob said, his eyes wide. "You don't know what football is?! I guess I'll have to teach you."

That's it for chapter 1! Stay tuned for chapter 2!

This story is dedicated to a super cool awesome football player. You know who you are. :) He gives me the ideas and I write the story! Together we're a great SpongeBob fanfiction writing team! :)