Dumbledore's New Plan
A Severitus Parody. Don't take this too seriously, please! The end is what I personally love the best, so please read until there! =) Thank you.
See profile for disclaimer.
Once upon a time, Harry sat in Dumbledore's office, towards the end of the year. Just your typical end-of-year reunion in your Headmaster's personal office, of course. Nothing unusual there. But that was about to change. A whole lot was about to change. A whole damn hell of a lot, as a matter of fact. For that was when Harry James Potter found out that Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was interested in Severitus.
It all began when said Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore received an urgent Patronus message. Having to leave immediately, he temporarily forgot Harry in his office, or in any case left him there to his own devices. But that was just an expression, of course, for Harry did not have any devices of his own. Therefore, he decided to explore the Headmaster's.
Rummaging around his office for the better part of an hour, he finally came upon an object that he never suspected to find there: a muggle laptop computer. Seized by an overwhelming curiosity, not to mention an urge to do something he was pretty sure would not be approved of (he guessed he got that from being the son of a Marauder, the godson of another, and the student of a third) he opened the laptop and checked the history. Most of the links began with www. fanfiction. net/s/. He clicked on the first one, and was rewarded with a page full of text. Deciding reading wouldn't hurt, he started reading the first of what he would later learn was called fanfiction. He was horrified to see that it was a story about the Greasy Git of the Dungeons (that phrase was actually in the summary of the story. Honestly, did the muggle who wrote it have a death wish, writing it where the staff could find it?). More precisely, it was a story about Snape becoming his, Harry's, father. He decided he had had enough, and totally crept out, moved on to the next story. Which was about the same thing.
While some of the stories seemed to be not so bad, even excellent if you didn't know Snape in real life; most were not only badly written, but had Snape's behavior towards him changing almost overnight. Right. As if that would ever happen! Even the ones when they slowly became grudgingly accepting of each other before getting closer would never happen in real life, let alone the ones where everything happened in a few hours! This was ridiculous!
But that was then Harry realized something. The one thing common to most of these stories was that Harry living in a cupboard for the first 10 years of his life was a major point. But if Dumbledore read these regularly, he couldn't miss it. That meant he knew that he had been neglected growing up, and decided to ignore the fact!
On the spur of the moment, upon realizing the fact that Dumbledore obviously did not care for him, he sent of Fawkes as he would an owl with a message describing what he had found out to the nearest person who could help. Ironically enough, that happened to be Snape. Who would have guessed it?
Snape quickly took one look at the stories on the laptop and instantly grew infuriated with Dumbledore for neglecting the boy whom he could have loved as a son, according to these stories. In fact, Harry suddenly reminded him so much of himself at that age that he decided to adopt him, just like that.
Glad not to be going back to the Dursleys ("Not ever again as long as I'm alive!" roared Snape protectively), Harry joined his new father on his quest to choke Dumbledore on his own lemon drops before moving in his new home.
"Take that, Dumbledore! You deserve it for ever believing that anyone could ever manipulate me into being Snape's son! I did it on my own accord."
Harry never did discover that all the authors of Severitus stories were anagrams of Albus Dumbledore.
The End.
A/N: Don't get the wrong idea; I love Severitus as much as the next person! I just thought I could have a bit of a laugh. I had a sudden urge to write something, anything (as every author knows, those urges can strike at any moment, at any place; fortunately I was at my computer with a keyboard in front of me) and as I didn't know what to write, I suddenly had inspiration to write a Severitus parody, so there! I don't know if it was any good, but even if it was horrible, a review to tell me so would be greatly appreciated! I can only get better if you tell me, people!