The old saying "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" was a load of utter nonsense in Jemma T. Kirk's eyes. She'd seen her mother a sad shadow all her life, continually grieving her father and now she was standing there watching the man she loved marry someone else. Happy as she was for her friends, she'd always kind of considered Bones hers and what a shock it had been when he'd started seeing T'Pock in an obviously romantic relationship.
Jemma had become close friends with T'Pock over the years as they served together as first officer and captain and part of her was genuinely happy that she'd found love, but it hurt and baffled her that it was with Bones. The two of them argued and bickered frequently as their views on emotion and logic often clashed.
But after Altamid, something changed and she hadn't realized she'd blown her chance with Bones until it was too late. What a fool she'd been, she reflected, watching the way Bones looked at T'Pock like she was the Queen of his heart.
The lavender gown she wore was beautiful, but felt heavy to Jem's aching heart. Nevertheless, she plastered on a bright smile and pretended to be thrilled when Bones kissed the bride.
Really, if she hadn't been so scared and put distance between them the second he got too close, she might have been the one on the receiving end of that kiss. She'd be kicking herself for that until the end of time.
She took the best man's (Scotty) arm and gracefully followed the happy couple back down the aisle, waving at friends with her bouquet.
T'Pock looked absolutely stunning in her simple white gown that made her slender figure look incredibly willowy. Her sleek short hair was unadorned the way Bones liked it and intricate gold earrings dangled from her ears.
Jamie thought her Vulcan friend's observations on bizarre Terran wedding customs were on pointe and rather hilarious, but T'Pock been reconciled to wearing white when she found the long-sleeved drapy number in a local multi-species bridal store.
As they'd helped her dress before the ceremony, she seemed unusually quiet and Jemma asked her if she was nervous.
"Not nervous, Jem, but I find myself illogically wishing my mother could see me. Do you think she would be pleased?"
Jem had forgotten her own troubles to reassure her friend.
"Oh, I think she'd be very pleased, T'Pock," she said gently as she helped with the fastenings. "You look absolutely stunning. I imagine Amanda would be absolutely thrilled seeing you so happy."
"Thank you, Jem," was all T'Pock said, but her eyes showed her gratitude much more eloquently.
Jem was successful in keeping the painful feelings at bay until the processional and she had to walk down the aisle seeing Bones in all his suited glory waiting for someone else.
She'd never felt more exposed in her life, terrified that he'd see through her mask (which he was very skilled at, unfortunately) and see that raging jealousy and regret simmering behind her bright smile.
She pretended to be extremely smug and gave Bones a ridiculous wink as she took her place. It must have worked, because he turned pink and rolled his eyes at her.
Well, she should be nominated for an Oscar, Jem thought, steeling herself through the rest of the ceremony.
Afterwards, she hugged them both wordlessly, afraid to speak for fear of emotion spilling out.
She owed her life to them many times over. There was no way she was going to ruin this for them.
So she toasted and laughed and drank and danced like there was no tomorrow, trying to avoid the sight of Bones and T'Pock whispering in each other's ears and doing that finger kissing thing that made T'Pock blush to the tips of her pointed ears and got Bones to grin evilly. (She loved that grin.)
Gradually, she retreated into drinking and flirting with random people. Bones asked her if she was okay and she brushed him off with a "Don't worry about me, Bonesy. You know how I get at weddings. I celebrate with gusto and with fervor!"
He didn't look convinced, but let it drop with a caution. "Okay, but I'm not going to be around to drag your drunk ass home tonight, so I hope you have someone looking out for you."
"I'll be fine, Bones. I'm used to looking out for myself."
She gave him another fake smile that threatened to crack her face in half it was so forced.
His nearness, looking so handsome and familiar and delectable and strong in that suit, was driving her crazy and she needed to escape NOW. She sashayed away, not seeing the troubled glances between the bride and groom as she walked off to flirt with Chekhov.
She thought about the excuses she could use to get out of attending the upcoming ceremony on New Vulcan, where they'd be officially bonded. Jem loathed the thought of going through the emotional torture again, but there was no way to avoid it without being rude to her two closest friends.
After the happy couple departed for the night, the mask cracked. Between the alcohol, exhaustion, and pain, Jemma couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer.
She found the most secluded corner she could and let the silent tears flow freely. "Bones..." she whimpered. "I love you and I was so afraid of losing you I shot down the best thing I could have had. Why? I'm such a fool."
Most guests had left and she still sat in a heap of misery when Scotty found her.
"Captain, you need a hand? Looks like you're all partied out and they're about to start closing down."
Embarrassed about being caught in such a state, she struggled to her feet, stumbling a bit.
"Steady there, lassie," he said, putting a hand out to balance her, frowning when he saw her tear streaked red face.
"You alright, Captain? Those do not look like happy tears." Scotty sounded genuinely concerned and Jemma tried to downplay it again.
"Oh, I get all weepy when I'm tipsy, Scotty, I'll be fine once I've slept it off."
"I might believe you if I hadn't seen the look on your face when Leonard kissed the bride. It's not just the alcohol making you sad."
Jemma sighed. She'd forgotten how observant Scotty was when he wasn't buried in the Enterprise's engines and it looked like he'd guessed her problem.
"So you figured out what an idiot I was?"
"Now, I didn't say that. Being in love doesn't make you an idiot, it makes you human. Sadly, it doesn't always get returned, that's the rub."
She allowed him to help her to a chair and he went and found her a water bottle and some tissues.
"Thanks, Scotty," she said, wiping her eyes, "You're a good friend." She didn't notice the way he sort of flinched when she said that.
"The way you talk makes it sound like you're speaking from experience," Jemma deduced, after minutes of silent companionship.
Scotty looked down, "Yeah, I do, but It's not easy to talk about."
Jemma gave a sad smile and reached out to give his hand a squeeze as she stood to leave, feeling composed enough to pull herself back together long enough to get home.
"Hey, it's okay Scotty. I understand. You don't have to say anything. But I can't imagine a girl not loving you back. She must be an idiot."
As Jemma walked away, still battling with the mental images of Bones looking tenderly at his bride, she didn't see the look in her chief engineer's eyes as he watched her go or the whispered "No, she's not. She's human. The most beautiful, gutsy, amazing human in the world."