It was his fifth year on Hogwarts. The tall man stood against this cold wall of the castle. His breath was white, the weather was so cold, but he had put some fire in a glass, which he transported in his hands. His fingers were warm, but his body was still cold. He don´t want to go in. This silence was good, he thought. Suddenly he heard some movement. He turned around. Then he saw HER.

Wrapped in a thick, red scarf, a red hat and thick gloves, too. Her hair blowed against her side and she looked at him very provocative. His heart beaded faster and his hands started to sweat in spite of that coldness.

„Severus, what are you doing here?" asked she with a lovely voice and packed his arm. An electric shiver ran through his body and he turned away from her. She shouldn't see him like that. Confused. He even knew this feelings very much. Every time she touched or even focused him, he wasn´t sure what do to. He couldn´t understand himself.

„I … I just standing around! I like the snow!" Well, nice reply, he thought. Couldn't he say something powerful? Or even dangerously? To impressed her! Something, which didn´t seemed so indefinitely? „You are cold, aren`t you?" she pointed on his arm and showed him his own creeps. He knew, it wasn´t because of the cold weather. It was because of her. She and her touching, but it was better, to kept this secret for himself.

„Oh come on… Severus. Let´s just go in. We can go to the library, if you like and make up this paper for McGonagall", she said. She didn´t know, that his paper was already finished. He always went to the library, if something wasn´t so fine. Or someone bullied him. Especially James Potter and Sirius Black. It wasn´t a runaway, less that a slowly went away, he always said these words by his own. He didn´t think as a coward. Even before himself. Unless he belonged to the Snake' s house.

And now Lily.

Lily Evans- that wonderful, red-haired, green-eyed Lily. That Woman, who confused him. He always started to get paler than usually if he saw her. Lily- his oldest friend. From this days as he was a kid. But why now?

What happened to him?

He extinguished this little fire in his hands with his wand and she looked at him so impressed. „How cute! Please, do it again. It was so sweet!" Five years of magical education and this little magic pleased her so much. He saw her laugh and smiled a bit return. „Come on, Severus. Keep smiling. I love to see your smile", she whispered and his heart began to rise even more. She didn´t know this power she had over his feelings. He smiled a little more, just to see her laughing face. He didn't recognized anything even more. She snipped his fingers in front of his face and laughed out loud. "Your thoughts ran away, aren't they?" "No, they aren´t. I just… thinking of you", he whispered in a low voice. Why, the hell, he spoke out his thoughts out loudly? In front of her. He kept his breath and waited.

„And why are you thinking of me?" she asked in confuse. He shacked, because this chat wasn´t as easy as he thought. He didn´t want to talk about it. About at all.

Should she knew, that he was thinking of her every second? That he dreamed of her? Looked at her and looked away, when she turned around to him? That he was recognized her, even if she talked with her friends, ate lunch, learned in the library or in lessons, when she was doing magic? That it was him, who helped her in potions? Of course in a secret. That he was going to go the long way, only to had to chance to saw her?

Should he said that?

„I don´t know, Lily! Maybe … aehm … I could help you about this paper for Transfigurations?" he said that almost in a desperate voice. He knew it was ridiculous. And he knew that she knew it, too. She pointed at him and came closer. He went back to the wall. Till there wasn´t an exit anymore.

„...Replies.I'.Heard, Severus!"

She emphasized every single word and turn into his chest with her finger. He didn´t feel unsure- In Contraire, he enjoyed this situation. He felt her warmth, which illuminated him and he couldn´t remembered, that she wasn´t as near as this even before.

„Evans! What are you doing with Snivelus?" Potter was arrived in front of them and tried to provoked him. This happy feeling he had had were gone. "Why do you deal with something like that? Nevertheless, you have us to your entertainment! And why do you stand so near with him? Has he done to you something?" hissed Potter and reached automatically for his wand which he always carried around in the elastic waist with himself.

„No, he didn´t Potter …", she almost spitted the last word out. „… It´s none of your business. Only because you have the empathy of a teaspoon, not all men …", she stressed the word Men particularly to humiliate Potter. „… were like that you! Come here to me, Severus!" he dared almost not to stir, but the unspoken request in Lily's eyes arranged him to stepped to her.

But he couldn´t see it coming, nevertheless suddenly she embraced him. This was no normal embrace, it was a right one. From the kind, as he had them always imaginary. Once more his heart and to his big fright also played up his hormones. He smelt her smell quite light shampoo smell, however it was just HER. HER and her smell which flowed out from everywhere here from her hair, her clothes and also from her face, formed a beguiling mixture.

Because she knew that Potter and his friends still watched, she crowded closer to him. It was just pleasure. And it surprised her, because she hadn´t planned in the approach to embraced him. But it felt so well to her that she didn´t want to let him go at all. Instead, she crowded closer to him and noted his black eyes which seemed differently than, otherwise. Ordinarily he turned away his look always directly. But this time he looked to her directly in the eyes and she realized for the first time properly that his eyes were really black. Not only deep-blue, but really black.

Full of dark secrets which she wanted to investigated.

She bent with her mouth to his ear and whispered just so quietly that no one could hear it. „I haven`t forgotten it. You owe me one more answer, Severus! And I would like to have this answer". He shuddered what didn't lie definitively with the weather. Her lips in his ear. Her voice so easily, so with feeling and, nevertheless, bewilderingly. Did she have then no notion what she did with him?

„James, Sirius …", she appealed to these both young men who waited with visible astonishment. Surprise at the fact that she had embraced him. Why she has done this? If both asked themselves and James felt a little jealousy. He covered up this sting with the haughty opinion which would not be worth it this funny, black-hairy thing whom she embraced so just. She will did it indeed only from compassion. If James talked himself.

„… you can already go in? I amount now. Please!" she added almost quite beseechingly, as James and Sirius no institutions came along to start moving. „I must still clear just something, come on Guys!" she stitched further and made a movement of her hand which said unambiguously that she also wanted to be alone with Severus.

She freed herself from the embrace and, besides, he felt a light sting. It felt so right to lie in her arms.

The warmth which it exuded brought back him to life. His cheeks were heated up and he had enjoyed her smell beyond all measure.

She held on him to the shoulders and looked him in the eyes again. His heart rised and his body played up meanwhile properly. His blood pressured and he didn't know part-out what he should say. What was false? What properly?

„Lily …" he began calmly and didn't know presently further. He had never been a master of big words, but this woman made him forget really everything. His head was like deserted.

„You haven't answered my question yet", she countered and grinned deviously. „Why you want to know this?" he asked timidly. „Because I want to get to know you. I want to know what goes forward in you and I want to know how you are real. You are always so mysterious and unfathomable!"

He sighed. Of course he was mysterious, he didn't carry his heart on, in every case not on HER. „But, nevertheless, you already knew me for years". He knew that didn't replied her question and he looked to ground. He couldn't look at her any longer, without she would have known what he felt for her.

„Oh you …", she looked at him played nastily. „Now, Severus … What would you answer if I said that I find you absolutely interesting?" He swallowed hard and looked at her in confuse. He wouldn't have counted on such an answer under guarantee. His desperation in view of this situation made him nervous. Where she stuck to him to the shoulder, his skin burnt desperately. Not painfully, but rather more than prickling. He didn't look at her, however, she preempted to him. She touched with her small hand under his chin and lifted it easily, so that he had to look now in her eyes. „You shouldn't be so shy, I'll do nothing. I promise it!"

Her hand didn't pull away them surprisingly from him and now his face still tingled. He felt like he started to become red. She smiled and laid her hand to his cheek. Her skin was so nicely soft and unconsciously he briefly cuddled up in her hand. It felt so right. So as if her hand was made exactly for him. But he suppressed to himself these thoughts fast again. His imagination really got out of control, he considered.

„Do you like me also a little bit?" she whispered back and looked at him sadly. Oh, Lily If you knew.

„I may like you a little bit more just like!" he pressed. She tormented him capably. So how it only women were able who wanted to know somewhat about a man. All the same what was the price of it. Therefore, he closed the eyes and hoped, she would let the thing now on herself be based. But there he underestimated the women and, besides, above all he underestimated her.

Her face got closer to his and when he hadn't exactly already the breathing almost totally opposed ones, he would have died now of a shock.

„Relax, Severus!" Her voice sounded a little bit shaky, but, nevertheless, promising and velvety. Creeps covered his whole body and felt as if even his hair ends stood alive. „Lily …", he didn't know, how often he had already whispered her name. To hold sometimes just, in order her, to do something what could become embarrassing for him or her. And now in a such situation both were. He closed his eyes and enjoyed her face in his under immense high voltage. Now it was removed only millimeter from him and he felt her warm breath in his heated up face. Now his mind had totally ran away.

And hers apparently also when she plucked up courage and pressed her lips on his. Quite easily and softly, almost like a breath, so that he didn't register at first at all what she did. However, then thousands of sparks shot in his lips and he opened amazedly his eyes. He laid his right hand in her hair and automatically reached in her cap to seize her nape. Where from he found the courage for it, he didn't know, but all at once he felt her gentle skin under his fingertips and he could just still prevent that he sighed pleasantly.

Their lips moved in the harmony with each other, thus as if they fitted really like two jigsaw puzzle parts. He closed the eyes once more and simply enjoyed. His body relaxed a little bit and he drew them still a little to himself.

Their tongue prodded against her lips and he asked himself, where she knew this. But when he granted admittance to her tongue, he didn't ask any more, but stroked them automatically. His left hand lay down on her face which as heats up as his was and stroked with the thumb her cheeks.

So softly …

Why he couldn't stop the world right now?

Ahhhh …

He frightened up from his sleep. He was bathed in sweat and exhaled only fragment-like. Something cut his throat. His heart rests and he didn´t know a moment where he was. However, then it dawned to him. He laid in his bed, the covers were scattered everywhere and he slowly registered which had been it only one dream indeed.

„Lily …" he quietly whispered with fragile voice and dropped himself again back in the cushion.

He should find no more sleep at this night.

Again and again this dream appeared before his internal eye. Every second of it was too precious. He wanted to lose himself in the dream sequences so much.

She had embraced and kissed him. That kiss which she had had stolen from him should be have been his first and last one. Since that time he didn't kiss any more.

He always will love her. He held her also still in honour when she married this Potter. He could still remember the invitation well. The happy pair smiled at him on the official invitation of full fervour and was called him welcome to the wedding. On the wedding day he had drunk, becauce he lost Lily finally to Potters, a bottle of fire whisky and had thrown the glass afterwards with primitive power against his walls. His fists flew behind. He shouted his whole pain after his lost love, his lost, big love who was now married. His hands owed it him with several times broken fingers. What he noted, however, only on the next day, thus he was got drunk.

When he heard Lily was pregnant, he drank again, but left alone his fists. But threw only his vials by his area and destroyed his half lab. He met Lily once again with obviously circular little bellies and he wished presently so much that it may be his child who grew up under her heart that he it made not see in her face at all.

He stared only at her belly and when she left, a virtually awful loss feeling overcame him. He heard only after a quiet one: „I'm sorry, Severus. For everything!"

It was as if he had seen them for the last time in his life.

His heart still rests and a part of him anticipated the awful.

This dream wasn't normal, he hadn't dreamt of Lily for months.

He should keep right.

It was the night in which a certain wizard should put his foot in a certain house in Godric's Hollow.

When he got to know what he – Who shouldn't be named – had acted, he broke down.

He immediately went to Hogsmeade to speak Dumbledore. Pain ate him up alive.

Lily.

HIS Lily.

Dead.

He would never again be able to take them in the arms and smell her smell. Never see again her hair fluttering in the wind and her eyes will never be shine again if she saw him.

With quick and pitiless steps he went to the headmasters office. He knew Dumbledore was there and knocked.

„Come In!" was the answer of which he had been afraid and had requested, nevertheless. He pressed down the blade and entered. The big, white man wasn't astonished badly when he saw him. He saw rage in eyes of the old, wise man, but also disappointment, grief and a piece wide … What was it bare? … Compassion?

„Severus? What do you do here?" he whispered in a hard, sharp voice. He didn't welcome him directly, for it this situation was too sad, too hopeless.

Snape didn't sit down, but stopped. He turned his head to ground looked at the carpet. His eyes filled with tears and he easily trembled. Everything in him burnt with pain, grief and merciless helplessness.

It ate into every pore, he hardly dared to breathe, so much his heart was torn apart in pain. A dumpling formed in his neck and now the first drops of salty tears also started to run down. Still he said nothing, but when he felt Dumbledore - the man who had always supported him - beside himself and felt, how the old man laid the hand on his shoulder, it erupted. With a bloodcurdling shout the proud man sank to ground, buried the face in his arm and shouted.

His whole grief, his whole pain changed into cruel yelling. Dumbledore only heard the words: „Lily …" and „Dead …".

He knew at that moment this night had broken the man who lay in front of him and enclosed his legs so convulsively as if they promised him to help. The man whom he had got to know before as a proud and unbending man was broken by the unfulfilled love to an as proud woman also.