Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or it's characters... That credit goes to the talented Miss Stephenie Meyer!
BPOV
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking comfort in the familiar smell of grease and gasoline. I was really going to miss this truck. Edward had promised I could keep it, but had insisted on buying me something with a little more "umph," as he so tactfully put it. I wanted to keep it, as it would be a reminder of all things human: Charlie… Billy… and… Jake. My heart broke at the thought of his name.
I could wade through that mess in a few minutes, but right now I was going to revel in my first vehicle before it was permanently parked in the Cullen's garage. It was ridiculously hard to make myself focus on the fact that I would only get to drive it a few more times before it had to be put up. My mind kept wandering toward what I was about to do…
I was supposed to be deliberating the best way to inform Renee of my engagement. Instead, I was here calculating the best way to sneak onto the reservation.
I had told myself I wouldn't go see him. I would make this easier on both of us if I had never gone to see him again. If I just disappeared from his life…
"A clean break…" I shuddered involuntarily as the phrase that had haunted me for weeks resurfaced in my mind. "A clean break." The words meant to save me-help me heal-had nearly killed me. I couldn't do that to him. Jacob Black deserved better than that. Of course, I couldn't possibly mean as much to Jake as Edward meant to me… But I didn't want to even imagine Jacob in a fraction of the pain I had once suffered.
And, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I didn't want him to find his own personal "sun." I couldn't imagine him with anyone else, even though I couldn't bring myself to choose him over Edward.
I cranked the engine, jumping slightly at the sound and smiling sadly at the realization that I would miss even the roaring noise. I fidgeted with the radio for a few more minutes, stalling. Did I really want to complicate things by going back to La Push? Or did I want to leave things the way they were, with Jacob breaking the way I once did?
That last thought was enough to push me on. I couldn't live knowing Jake was hurting. I pointed my truck in the direction of First Beach and reached for my cell phone. "Billy? This is Bella. I know Jake's probably busy right now, but will you give him a message for me?"