I was incredibly upset over last night's episode. I didn't like Carol murdering Karen and David to begin with, felt so OOC, but I totally disagreed with Rick's decision, and I'm worried about our caryl :/

I'm starting to think this season plot won't be following my wishes, so I'm not even sure Daryl will stand up for Carol and go find her or whatever. I hope he does, though, It'd be the most logical thing to happen. But we don't know... :/ so I just needed to write this little thing, which is mostly the dialogue I imagine Rick and Daryl would have when Daryl finds out. I know I won't be watching it next sunday, but that's what FF is for, I guess :)

I hope you like it, let me know what you think!

Let's just PRAY caryl is still on!

S.-

...

Herhsel didn't even stop to thank them as they handed him the bags full of the medical supplies that were, literally, the last chance for more than half of the residents of the prison, Glenn included. He didn't have to say anything, though, just patted Daryl on the shoulder, gratitude filling his eyes to the point they were even watery.

'How is 'im?'

'Holding on… son, just holding on.' Hershel's voice was about to crack, he noticed, but his eyes were still lighted up, and Daryl knew if there was something this old man had, something that had kept them overcoming more than one shitty situation, was hope. This epidemy, though, was pushing every positive thought and wish to its limits.

Daryl just nodded and walked past Bob, giving him a dirty look as he headed inside, his eyes looking everywhere around, hoping he'd bump into her and she'd be alright.

He could picture Maggie running from here to there, giving her father whatever he asked her; Tyresse searching through the bags, trying to make sure his sister got all the necessary elements to be treated, despite Hershel's request to let him manage the medical supplies. The currently unsteady man was just grabbing whatever he could and putting it in his own bag until Hershel had to actually put his arms on his shoulders, obliging him to listen and do as he'd said. Daryl rolled his eyes. There was no altruism, no common-good decisions, there have never been… not back in the normal days nor in this sick world, people still looked after those they cared about first. Just like he was doing right now, trying to find her before doing anything else, he thought.

Carol was nowhere to be seen and he started to get nervous. He doubted she was sick; Hershel would have told him that. Then where the fuck she was? It was strange not to see her helping with the medicines, making sure everyone got what they needed, caring for the others first. He saw Beth holding a –luckily- unconcerned Judith, who was laughing and tangling her little fingers on the girl's long blonde hair, so he headed in that direction.

'Where's Carol?' he asked, squezzing Lil' Ass Kicker's cheek.

Beth looked down. And Daryl froze.

'Where. Is. Carol. Beth? Daryl repeated, word by word, his voice coming out with such anger Lil' Ass Kicker started to cry.

Beth glanced up at him and bit her bottom lip. Daryl felt he was seconds away of shaking her shoulders and make her spit the words, if necessary.

'She went on a run with Rick this morning… something happened, I don't know. She's not here'.

He felt his heart spinning then, the prison and the scandalized people walking around becoming a blur. His heart started to beat faster, so fast that he couldn't think straight, he couldn't let his mind process what was Beth telling him. He found himself, after a long time when it came to confront others, acting and speaking before thinking.

'Wha' ya mean, she ain' here? Where the fuck would she be huh?!' he was yelling at her now, and he didn't give a fuck.

Beth remained calm and put an arm on his shoulder. 'I don't know, Daryl. Rick didn't explain it, not to me at least. All I know is she didn't make it back. And I'm heartbroken too, but we don't get to be upset… whatever happened, we will deal with it'.

Daryl roughly pushed her arm away from his shoulder. 'BULLSHIT!' he barked. 'DAMNIT!'

He turned around, walking fast, his eyes only focusing in finding one person, a different one, this time.

...

Daryl couldn't believe it when he finally saw Rick, walking by the crops with Carl. He shook his head in disapproval as he walked. He had just gotten back from a dangerous run, with one clear objective they had succesfully acomplished, while Rick was walking peacefully through his damn crop field, after probably getting Carol killed or having decided to leave her behind. He breathed heavily, putting all his efforts in calming down, focusing not to jump over him and letting all his rage out before hearing what the hell happened.

'Where tha fuck is she Rick?!'

'Daryl…' Rick said, his eyes flicking over his face as he raised both hands, gesturing for him to take it easy.

Daryl ran to him until his forehead was almost pressed with Rick's.

'Where tha hell is she and dontcha fuckin' give me tha' look.'

'Carl, could you leave us alone for a second?' he said to his son without looking at him, his eyes locked on Daryl's.

'Daryl, I need you to sit down for a second, or we won't be able to talk otherwise, and you need to listen to me'.

'she fuckin' dead?' he whispered then, feeling it was the only possibility by now. And he didn't want to look at him, he didn't want to confront the answer to his question.

Rick shook his head, bringing his hand to his forehead and rubbing it frantically.

'She was the one….' – he said slowly – 'Carol killed them man, she was the one who killed Karen and David', he bursted out then, his eyes fixed on the ground, his feet kicking the dust.

'She didn', was all Daryl managed to say, his voice trembling.

Rick looked up at him then. 'She did, Daryl… she even confessed it to me. Said she was trying to protect the group, stop the infection from spreading, told me they were a threat and that someone had to do something about it… she decided to kill them and she did it on her own'. Rick said finally, sounding devastated.

Daryl brought his hands to his head and leaned down. Focus, think, calm down, he obliged himself. Like if everything else going on hadn't been enough, like if life hadn't turned into a fucking nightmare again… after laughing at them, making them think they had gone through it, found a place, a home, a new beggining. Bullshit. It was screwed up since the beggining and it would always be. This was all a huge, disgusting joke.

'Why did ya let 'er leave?' he asked Rick then.

Rick swallowed hard and looked behind his shoulder, and Daryl suddenly understood it without him having to say it. He still did:

'I threw her out, Daryl, told her we couldn't have her in after that. I…' –his voice was shaking and his eyes were glassy, but he looked up to stop the tears from coming down- 'I told her she had to leave. Gave her a car, some supplies, she's on her own now'.

Daryl was just staring at him, thumb on his mouth, his face straight, unexpressive, his pupils moving all around, scanning his face.

'I know brother, and I'm sorry… Hell it took everything to'… Rick started to say, approaching him. But Daryl suddenly grabbed him by the neck of his shirt, almost lifting him up as he walked them forward, his mouth a thin line, his eyes filled with rage.

'FUCK YOU RICK! HOW COULD YA DO THA' TO ME? TA HER? GODDAMNIT!' he yelled, pushing him with such strenght they both ended on the ground, Daryl still grabbing him.

'You need to calm down, Daryl, we can talk about it but you need to calm the fuck down', he told him, his voice harsher than before.

Daryl grabbed him even tighter and pulled his face to his. 'Don' ya fuckin' tell me ta calm down as if I was tha fuckin' unsteady one losin' his mind 'ere, ya son 'f a bitch'. His face was so full of rage it reminded Rick those days back at the quarry, and it hit him again how much had the man changed.

Rick put his arms on Daryl's chest and pushed him away from him, sitting on the grass as he watched Daryl standing on his knees in front of him, breathing so fast he was actually panting.

Daryl felt he wanted to kill the unrecognizable man in front of him right now. Beat the shit out of him until he saw him choke on his own blood, until this… this painfull hurt inside him vanished, at least a bit. But most of all, what he really wanted, needed, was to understand him, trying to figure out what in hell made him take this decision that he knew would hurt him this much… after all that happened, after Merle.

'Why man? Why didn' ya wait on us? Wait till we all decided wha' tha hell ta do'.

Rick sighed. 'Daryl, I didn't even know if you were coming back, or when. What do you think would have been decided if we discussed it with the council or whoever? Ignoring the fact that Tyresse would have wanted to kill her right away, could we've blamed him for that? I didn't want them… Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Beth… Carl… I didn't want them to feel what I felt when she told me. The dissapointment, the fear, even… Carol… our Carol…' Rick stopped, shaking his head over and over again as he closed his eyes and frowned, clearly angsted.

'So yer kid shoots a fuckin' unarmed one, fuckin' murder 'im for no reason and we act like nothin' happened... ya tell who ya think ya should tell, Hershel, me…hide it from the rest cuz there's no fuckin' point in them knowin'… we tell ya it sucks but shit fuckin' happens… tell ya it's gonna be alrite… but Carol ain't yer nothin, huh? Ya don' care 'nough 'bout 'er ta give her a fuckin' secon' chance… so ya decide, on your own like ya fuckin' said she did, ta jus' throw 'er out.' He was almost spitting his words to him.

'Come on, Daryl! It's not the same and you know it. He was just a kid… damn, still is… a scared, angry, confused kid. We –he said, pointing to his chest, to Daryl and gesturing towards the prison- 'we are grown ups, Daryl, adults. We are suppossed to give the example, for god's sake… all this time… we worked on how we wanted to be, who we wanted to be, as a group, as a family… we chose humanity, we decide life is worth it, life was the aim but it was never going to be the means. She corrupted that, Daryl. Carol… Carol out of all of us… how would you've expected me to trust her, to give her Judith to look after as if nothing happened, huh? What would you've done, if someone went and killed her? Burned her afterwards?'

'I didn' want ta see it... but it's fuckin' clear ta me now ya know? there ain' no us fer ya man… we ain' no fuckin family… Judith, Carl... yerself, those are yer family… those are who ya care for in firs' place, I fuckin' understood tha' but reality is tha' tha rest of yer so-called us… are people who either interfer or help ya keepin' yer family alive… makin' sure ya all live.. an' tha's all ya fuckin' care 'bout. Ya did it with Shane, hell ya even did it wit' me when ya decided not ta take Merle in… makin' me fuckin' choose... makin' my brotha fuckin' die by choosin' you people… and now ya did it ta her, and ya did it ta me too, again, cuz out 'f all this fuckin' family, she was tha one I cared 'bout tha most, ya fucked on tha', ya fucked me.' The anger in Daryl's voice slowly turning into sadness as he spoke.

Rick was staring at the sky, which was slowly turning from light blue to shades of pink and grey as the sunset began.

'you never even made a move on her man, I… never knew, for sure, how much or in which way you cared about her'. Daryl made an annoyed growl and Rick hurried to speak 'I know you do, I know you care a lot… I'm just saying that I didn't know you did in that way', Rick mumbled.

'JESUS, RICK! So since I wasn' fuckin 'er then it fuckin' means I should shrug and move on? means I got no fuckin' reason ta give it much thought? Wha's wrong with ya, fer christ's sake? THAT WASN'T YER FUCKIN' CALL!' His voice was raising up again, anger overcoming the sadness.

'I'm sorry, brother… and I know you can't think about it right now, but she did murder those people… you would have never agreed on that, you should have seen her, man… she's changed, I don't know who she is anymore. You should have seen her out there in the run, her face straight, no sign of guilty… anywhere... we ran into these couple… they seemed good, nice, they never made it back to us and she didn't even frown. I've seen that look before, Daryl… that indifference, I know where it leads to… you just weren't there man'.

'Yer fuckin' ghosts are still behin' ya, she ain' fuckin' Shane. And I ain' yer fuckin' brotha'. He spitted on the ground.

'All I'm saying is… she's changed. And not for good. It breaks my heart, Daryl, you don't know how much… it broke my heart, having to do that… she was like a damn sister to me', Rick spatted, his eyes turning watery again.

Daryl chuckled, sarcastically. 'So she changed! Don' ya tell me! She changed in tha fuckin' zombie outbreak, havin' had ta make hard calls… Ya wanted her ta be tha condescendin', weak woman huh? Felt safer tha' way, wit' er cookin' and doin' fuckin' laundry fer everyone.' He gave Rick a dismissal look. 'Where tha hell ya left 'er?'

'Back in that nice neighborhood, about 12 miles north from here… she was driving… don't know where she could be right now. She turned strong, Daryl, capable of making on her own. She's going to be fine, she's going to make it', he muttered, eyes still fixed on the ground.

'Ya keep convincin' yerself ya haven't sent her ta death like ya have, lie ta yerself ta keep yer conscience alrite. No one can make it on their fuckin' own anymore Rick, not even you, not even me. Only a matter of time till' she goes down, could be one day, could be months, it's a fuckin' fact anyways. Not gonna sit 'ere an' wait though'. Daryl stood up, grabbing his crossbow with him.

'What are you doing?' Rick said, looking up, although he already knew, of course. He probably knew it from the beginning.

'Fuckin' findin' er... tha's wha' I'm doin'… doubt I'll be comin' back.'

Rick stood on the ground, watching Daryl's frame as he left, his crossbow on his back. The tough redneck who happened to surprise everyone in these last years, earning a place, a place that had started to become even more important and valuable than Rick's. It wasn't about his tracking or hunting skills, his ability to put walkers down, but rather about his loyalty, his kind heart behind that hard shell, his altruism, his genuine care. He had never been no henchman for him, he was actually more like a brother. He layed on his back and looked at the few stars that were starting to appear. He had exiled Carol, now his brother was leaving after her, because that was who he was, because she was a lot of things to him, too. His family was quickly falling apart.

It was the damn end of the world, indeed.