Most of All
:: CHAPTER ONE ::
"Bloody hell!" Spike breathed as white light streamed into his eyes. He moved his hand instinctively and turned away, an automatic fear of daylight. He froze, momentarily, as he realised nothing was going on. He turned and faced the light. He was squinting. "Hello?!" He called in a deep voice.
He looked down at his clothes and jumped back. "Bloody hell!" He cried. He was dressed in white. His leather duster was missing, and instead he had appeared in a suit...a white suite. He blinked and tried to remove what he had seen from his memory banks, but when he opened his eyes again it was still there. "Shit!"
"Tut, tut!" Clucked a voice from behind him. He swung round and glared at the short man who stood behind him. "No swearing in here, I'm afraid." The man bobbed a little before grinning and looking up. "Orders from above!" He laughed. It was clearly a personal in-joke. Spike continued to glare at him. "You must be William." The man continued. "Welcome. My name is Delaney, Patrick Delaney." He laughed again but stopped when he saw the angered look on Spike's face. "It's like James Bond." He grinned, trying to explain. "You know, Bond, James Bond!" He chuckled to himself before sighing and becoming perfectly serious. "This is going to be hard on you, isn't it?"
Spike growled at him before unbuttoning the white jacket and throwing it to the ground. It was followed immediately by the tie and shirt. The man giggled slightly before putting up his hands in front of him.
"Whoa there, tiger!" He mused. "We don't want to see Little Willy!" He giggled again at his own joke.
Spike glared at him, but rested his hands on his belt. "Fuck off." He snarled. Pushing past the man, but he couldn't see anything. Everything was white. There was no floor, no ceiling, no walls, nobody. He stopped short and turned again to face the man.
"What did I tell you about swearing!" He smiled. "Tut, tut!"
"Listen, mate. I'll do what I want, when I want." Spike folded his arms frustratedly as he continued to look around. They stood in silence for a moment, the short man bobbing slowly, back and forth. "So," he said, irritably, "what's the deal?"
The man smiled, wider this time. It was a warm, welcoming smile, but had little effect on Spike. He continued, despite this fact. "The deal, as you so eloquently put it, is that you, dear chap, have died." The man smiled and reached into his pocket, retrieving a small, white paper bag. He opened it up and picked out a toffee from it, popping it into his mouth. He grinned as he noisily chewed on it. "It's a bit of a shock, I know, but there it is."
Spike sighed. "I know I died. I died ages ago, back in England. I meant--" he looked at the man's expectant face, "ah, never-mind." He sighed and turned around. "Where am I?"
"Heaven." The man replied simply.
Spike scoffed and turned to him, but the man seemed completely engrossed in selecting another toffee from his bag. The man looked up as he popped another one into his mouth. Spike scoffed again to add impact.
"What's the matter?"
"Heaven? Oh please. I'm a VAMPIRE! Grrrr." He added, lifting his hands to his sides and attempting to look scary. The man was getting tired.
"Yes, Heaven." He sighed. "It would be so much simpler if you would just accept things."
Spike shook his head. "Hello - vampire. Evil roaming the earth, bitey-bitey, suckey-suckey, that's me." The man watched him, waiting for a question to present itself. "I'm a vampire." Spike added again, with no emphasis, his eyes drooping in annoyance. He glared morosely at the man.
"And you're in Heaven. Congratulations." The man reached inside his pocket and retrieved a notepad, noisily ripping off the top sheet. "Here you go. Throughout the rest of eternity, you are to bunk in with these two...mates. You will find them here." He passed him the sheet.
Spike looked at it and raised his eyebrows. "That's a big number." He said. The man nodded. "A very big number, but where am I supposed to go, exactly. As I said, vampire."
There was a long silence before the man spoke again. "You keep saying that, William. Do you think it has any bearing on what I am to do with you? What exactly is your purpose in saying it?"
"I could kill you right now, that's my point."
"I doubt that, William. Whatever was your bearing on Earth, it isn't in Heaven...at least, not here. And, even if you were to kill me, I would return here simply within the hour. There would of course be paperwork, and you would have a black mark against your name."
"I'm a VAMPIRE!" He growled, trying to morph into gameface, but something was holding him back. "I have killed loads of innocent people."
"Yes, well," said the man, "if you'd rather be downstairs, I suggest you talk to the Man, but he's not accepting personal visits for a while."
Spike opened his mouth as if to speak, but thought better of it. "Ah, forget it." He snarled, before sighing and looking around. "So, where's room six-four-ten-one-four-three-zero-zero-treble-three-nine-twentyseven-four-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine--" The man pushed his hand down on the paper to stop him from going on.
"Follow me..."
::
Read 'n' Review!