"Chandelier" by Sia
Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down
Invincible that's exactly how I feel right now as the liquor washes into my system along with the coke that I just snorted. Nothing can bring me down as I dance on top of this counter. I feel free so free as the drugs take effect. This is the life.
I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
I have 23 missed calls, 43 text messages and notes under my door all asking if I want to go out tonight or tomorrow night. It doesn't matter I'm going to go both nights. Aria Montgomery never misses any party. The attention I am receiving is just fabulous and I rave in it.
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back, till I lose count
I am taking shots that after the 6th one I have stopped counting. The mission tonight is to get wasted and have fun. My problems seem so minute right as if they cease to exist the more I drink. That's when I spot the chandelier and I wonder if I could touch it as it looks so beautiful and mystical. Then someone dares me to and I'm never one to back down so here I go.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
The room looks so beautiful from above its absolutely breathtaking and the feeling of soaring above others is just pure historical. I feel so free as I go back and forth above these persons it's like being on a rollercoaster.
And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
Below me I hear them cheering me on and that's when the reality of the situation hits me. I am slowly trying to kill myself by numbing myself to the pain and the high I am on wears off. Inside I am crying but no one sees. I am no longer looking down at them I close my eyes and envision a different time and life. However as soon as I come off the chandelier I resume my dangerous cycle and I keep drinking until I can no longer who I am and why I am in pain and my heartbreak.
Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame
I wake up to an unfamiliar bed and I say unfamiliar because I would never put my bed towards the sun and right now the sunlight is blinding me. I begin to look around my surroundings and that's when it hits me. I am at his place. He is the reason for my pain and heartbreak. How did I even end up here? I am so stupid and crazy. I have to be to keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. I never to leave before Jason wakes as I can't do this. Have that talk where he says he loves me but will never commit and his refusal to talk about our stillborn baby. Shame is what I feel as I do the famous morning after walk.
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back till I lose count
Yet here I am two nights later repeating the same disastrous cycle of solving or trying to mend my issues. Here drinking again when I know I shouldn't be. I need a therapist that's what I need. However I refuse to have someone judge me. Liquor doesn't and I like that.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
Same place. Same chandelier. Same issues. Same feelings. As I soar above these persons again showing them how brave I can be when in reality I am just a scared and broken-hearted girl searching for love and attention from the person I want it from the most. But who refuses to give it to me along with some closure as to what happened and about how he feels.
And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Oh I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight.
For tonight my issues seem so trivial as the alcohol allows me to cope even if its just for one night. It brings me through the night as it prevents me from dreaming about our son and what he could have been. That's what tears me up inside. Why couldn't I get to be a mother? And that's what the alcohol does it fills the emptiness I feel inside my broken soul.
Author's Note: So I heard this song and my mind wouldn't relax until I wrote something about it. It is only one chapter and I intend for it to be just one as it is a one-shot. This is based off the song Chandelier by Sia