L's Wheelings and Dealings/L the Businessman
The taskforce headquarters were very peaceful that day. Light was sitting at his desk beside L typing in data while the rest of the room was silent. L was sitting sullenly, staring at a blank screen without saying a word. Light turned to him and noticed that he hadn't moved in quite some time.
"What're you thinking about, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked curiously.
"Oh nothing, Light kun," he responded thoughtfully, "just running some numbers through my head that I got in from Tahiti."
"Tahiti?" Light exclaimed, rather surprised, "What kinds of numbers are you getting from Tahiti?"
"Oh, not much of interest, just some stock input from my plantations there."
"Plantations?!" Light exclaimed even more surprised, "What kind of plantations do you own there?"
"Well, what else would one grow in Tahiti?" he stated matter-of-factly.
"Co-co-co-cai-ne," Light stammered as the word slowly came into his head.
"No, Light kun, not cocoa, although that's a brilliant idea, I should consider investing…But back to more important matters, what plantations I have in Tahiti are sugar plantations, Light kun."
"You own sugar plantations?" Light asked incredulously.
"Yes sir."
"In Tahiti?"
"Only the finest. I figure that if I want my favorite candy products to be up to my standards there's no better way than to produce the ingredients myself."
"Wow, I'm impressed, Ryuuzaki," Light said, "Is there anything else you've been keeping from me that I'd find interesting?"
"Oh, Light kun, let's just say I've got a few more aliases than you may know about."
"Really? So you've been holding out on me this whole time," he said with interest. "What else have you got?"
With that L turned around to his computer and opened up a spreadsheet that filled nearly eight pages with names. He listed the ones on the top of the list out loud, "Mr. Reese, Mr. Hershey, Mr. Nestle, a Mr. William Wonka, that one I pulled out of the phonebook."
"Woah! Ryuuzaki, you're all of these people?!" Light said as he was stunned by the well-known list.
"All of what people, Light kun?" L started to ask as a knock came at the door. A delivery man let himself in and called: "I have a delivery for a 'Mr. Wonka.'"
Light and L rushed over to the window to see half a dozen large trucks pulled up to the door, each filled to the brim with chocolate bars and driven by little orange men. "Damn those midget Loompa-things, I told them specifically to deliver this shipment directly to the factory," L mumbled as he went to the door. "You can just have the midg – or men, rather, leave the shipment at the door. I'll find something to do with it later."
He signed the form and shooed the delivery man out the door as Light said, "Wow, Ryuuzaki, this is all so amazing."
"Oh, Light kun. It's just a little secret like we all have. Surely even you must have some kind of little secret, bottled up deep down inside?" L said as he leaned in towards Light and hid a small tape recorder behind his back. "Anything?"
"Well, Ryuuzaki, now that we're on the subject, there is something I've had bottled up deep down inside lately, something I've never told anyone."
"Yes?"
"Well, like I said, I've never told anyone, and I'm not even sure I should be telling you, but…"
"Yes?" L insisted.
"Well, it's just that I'm…"
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss?"
"I'm, I'm" Light stammered on.
"You're? You're?" L said eagerly.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE!" Light devastatingly, turning away with his head bowed ashamedly.
L dawned a face so sympathetic it looked as though he could cry. "Oh, poor Light kun, poor, poor Light kun." He reached out and patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sure there's something we can do for you. It'll be okay."
"Th-thanks Ryuuzaki," Light said as he broke into tears and hunched over onto L's shoulders.
"I'm sure there's something we can do," L said as he stifled a snicker behind Light's back.
Later that evening...
Light walked down to the main conference room as he was beckoned by L. How strange, he thought to himself, He's never called an urgent meeting this late before. Light arrived in the room to see four large stacks of something, each concealed by a sheet. The other members of the taskforce had congregated in the center with eager smiles on their faces.
"Oh, good," L said cheerfully, "everyone's here. Light, we've been waiting for you to unveil the focal point of our meeting."
"What is it, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.
"Yeah! You've been keeping us in suspense all night," Matsuda broke in.
"Oh, you could say it's a party of sorts, you know, to recognize my appreciation of all your contributions." With this he reached up and grasped one of the sheets with a barely concealed smirk on his face, and with a flourish, swept off the covering. Beneath was a massive mound of chocolate bars.
"Whooooooooooooooooooooo!" Matsuda and Aizawa cried while Mogi leaped forward and stuffed his face. Even Soichiro could barely contain his enthusiasm for the large presentation of sweets. In fact, the only person not smiling in the room was Light, who with a resounding bang, sniffled and turned to slam the door as he ran out of the room.
"Hee, hee, hee," L snickered, "That ought be enough payback for that disgustingly-salty pretzel he forced down my throat the other day." L turned and picked up a chocolate bar satisfactorily. "It worked too perfectly, too. Willie Wonka, me? Pshaa. As if I could be that cool."
--
Well, that's my first funny fic. Oh no! I hope I didn't just jinx myself if it isn't funny at all. tell me what you think.