Title: Burning Through
Fandom: Nearly Famous
Summary: Owen has realised too late who he really wants, and now his life is shattering.
Rating: PG-13 for some language and slight adult references.
Word Count: 567
Author's Note: Unbeta'd. 'Kay, so this is just to satisfy my ongoing Owen (Aaron Johnson, yum!) and Lila obsession, since I can find literally no other NF fics.
Songfic for Leonard Cohen's song Hallelujah. (Although in my head I hear Owen & Lila's version.)
I thrive on reviews :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Nearly Famous, it's characters or Leonard Cohen's song Hallelujah.
Burning Through
You know, I don't regret hitting Matt. Not one bit. Because of that son of a bitch my life is falling apart, and I can't take any more.
You don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah...
Funny thing is, getting kicked out of school wasn't even the worst part. It is nothing compared to the tears and mascara that were running down Lila's face when she told me that she slept with Ash. Because that means she can never be fully mine. He's tainted her, and even if I didn't have to leave her heartbroken at the Christmas ball, I would never be able to look at her again without the image of them together burning me from the inside out.
The irony is not lost on me that that night, before she came to me with her hair a mess and make up running, I wished I had never been with Kate. Or anyone. I had wished I was as pure as Lila. That it would be as earth-shattering for me as it would be for her. Now it's impossible.
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you...
But despite all this, I still love her. It's just my sodding luck that I only realised this when I saw Matt mauling her in the back of his car.
See, he deserved what I did to him, and he knows it. I hope he's distraught, I hope that this will eat away at him until his life is just as screwed up as mine is now. I hope that somehow this gets out, and he loses his job, like I lost my place at this school. I hope that he loses his friends, like I lost Kate and Joe, and now even Cal. But most of all, I hope he loses Jen, because it's his fault I've lost my Lila, and now I honestly don't know what I have to live for anymore. I doubt I will ever find anything to replace her in my life.
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you...
I will keep our song and play it when it gets especially difficult, and when someone tells me it is a great song, that I have a way with words, I will be able to tell them that no, I don't. This is Lila's song, her masterpiece, and I play it for her, always.
Hallelujah
I wonder if she'll sing her piece tonight. If Cal will play the piano and people will watch and listen and see that she is beautiful and irreplaceable. That they are lucky to be near her.
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah...
No one says anything when I sing along with the voice in my head, that I know could not possibly compare to the real thing. I like to think she is singing with me too, back at the ball with a hundred pairs of eyes watching her and tears streaking her face, only serving to make her even more perfect.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah.