The moment that dawn approaches, I start to feel the change. The despair, the fury, and the otherwise permanent and eternal anger had begun to fade, leaving more room in my thoughts for other things. My awareness of the attic had been getting steadily heightened. I could now look around at our new surroundings, examine each little intricate detail. This house wasn't ours intially, but we had taken it over. Some unfortunate Americans had been in our first house-the one where we had all died. Now, we were in the southern part of America in a very old plantation home. Everytime I hear about "ghost stories" by eavesdropping, I laugh inside. They think this place is haunted by former slaves, but they can't make an explanation for my presence. They can see by my features, however paled, however distorted, that I am of Asian blood. I still don't make sense to them. When I was killed, all sense was lost to me, too. I became the embodiment of the rage I felt towards my husband, Takeo. He was my first victim-after all, he broke my neck and drowned our son and pet cat. Of course I killed him. The others...well...I actually resisted for a while, but the instinct always won in the end. The black hunger that never seems to go away drives me to watch as the light in their eyes is extinguished.
Except for this day.
Today is my birthday.
My skin remains pale, but not as chalky white as before. My eyes lose their dark rings and their blood-shot redness. No blood comes out of my mouth or eyes and I can even breathe without making that awful noise. Of course, I have no need to breathe-I only do so out of habit. Today, I am not The Grudge Spirit. I am simply me again.
I still teleport about the house, upstairs and downstairs, just enjoying being able to be anywhere at a moment's notice. It's a very strange feeling to be solid, and yet as insubstantial as smoke. This house is so unlike our own-it's large and airy with a lot of windows and a lot of space. Toshio, my son, appears. He, too, looks less ghostly. Even Mar, our cat, looks to be in better shape. We soundlessly play hide-and-seek, all teleporting back and forth. After a while, he grows tired of the game and simply wants me to pick him up. I do, and I walk across the living room with my son in my arms. Bless his heart, he always hugs me, but this is the only day that I ever look and feel like my old self again: his mother instead of the monster. Walking towards the window, we settle onto the cushioned ledge there and look outside. The sky is blue with only a few clouds. The shadows trail across the very vividly green grass-it won't be long, however, until it yellows and dies for the winter. I notice the little girl that lives here and I watch her raise her head. Unlike the adults who chalk up the strange occurrences we cause, this little one has a sixth sense about when we're around. Toshio has begged me not to hurt her-she's the first friend he's had in a very long time. It's hard to restrain that emotion, but my love for him is the one thing stronger than all the other terrible things I usually feel. I've frightened her on accident several times, however, because of the dreaded croaking noise. Toshio has explained to her that I really can't help it and I try not to go around her too much. Today, however, her curiosity gets the better of her and she gets up from where she was playing and ventures closer. It isn't until now that I notice that Mar has escaped from Toshio's lap and is curving around her ankles. She shrieks a little, but cautiously stretches out a hand to pet him. He eyes her warily, but doesn't react otherwise. Soon, he realizes he enjoys the petting and flops over on his side.
"Where did you come from?" The little girl's mother has appeared, probably from over in the garden. She follows the little girl's gaze up to me and her eyes get huge. All I do is smile-it's been probably a whole year since I've smiled. Maybe longer. This smile says that I won't bother her, at least not for now. I slowly disappear. While she bursts through the door trying to find me, I see Toshio outside with her daughter. The two are playing catch as if they've been brother and sister all their lives.
Now is the time, I think.
I hate doing this, as no one ever seems to get the hint that I'm trying to help them. I take my diary-as cursed and immortal as I am-and place it on the counter. I'm not counting on anyone to ever solve the mystery about how to contain the curse or make it stop. Even when I'm happy and able to resist killing someone, Takeo usually comes back and ruins it for me out of jealousy. I hate that man. I wonder how I was ever willing to marry him. If I'd have known then what I know now...
Takeo will show up again. It's only a matter of time and he will kill them if I don't. I hastily scrawl a message in the back of the book, annoyed by how childlike my writing is. Some things never change. I only hope my English is good enough to be clear. Then, I head back upstairs for a while. Any minute, the frantic mother will discover the diary and probably start screaming. Sure enough, it doesn't take long. She goes to her daughter and demands to know what kind of trick this is. The daughter says, bewildered, that she didn't write it. Then, I can tell that she thinks of me because I hear her running around downstairs. Within minutes, the family is out the door.
"Not today," I say out loud in Japanese, "these people will not die today."
"I can wait," a voice says from the darkness. Takeo, my former husband, now a yurei, emerges from the dark.
"No," I say firmly, "this is my family. You can't have them."
"We'll see about that."
He disappears just before I grab him. He's too scared to do anything to me, but he still forces Toshio to relive his own death just because he thinks it's a good way to keep me in line. I've proved him wrong and forced him to relive his own death in return for all the trouble he's caused. We have never stopped fighting, even in death.
But no one will die, not today. For today, I've used what little hold I have on life so that I could help them live. I gave them a gift instead of them doing so for me. I hope they use it well.