Kindness, generosity, helpful, and I am told by a few that I am an all around good guy. These are the words most of my friends see in me. They say that I will make the perfect husband someday. They say I will be successful in life and do well with my life. They say I'm sweet, cute, and I am called the perfect friend.
Unfortunately, these things are not what I see but instead I look at myself in the mirror and I only see a depressed, old, fat, fading young boy. I may have a smile on the out side but that's not how I deeply feel. Deep at the bottom of my heart, I feel as if I'm withering away in the wind like the autumn leaf blowing softly in the fall air. I get cold and get shivers as I feel myself becoming nothing in life. As I look at my past I feel like a ghost become invisible. At least nevermore will I feel love, being loved, or the feeling of a broken heart. A broken heart bad enough to kill a grown man but at last I will nevermore feel this affection ever again.
At times I feel I'm better off being in my grave. I also think that people would not miss the good I bring in to their lives. As much as I wish I was normal, I am not. I do think what has happened to me in my unfortunate past has made me into the man that I am today.
If only people knew my past but I know they would not fully understand unless they went through it them selves. It is not easy living my life and I am not trying to say that I had more of a horrible life then every one else. Once again, what I have gone through has made me into the man I am today; but who is noticing. Further more, who would want to go out with or be friends with a no body and to take time out of their busy lives to listen to a heart compelling story or just to talk? People my age are still immature, naïve, idiotic, and they just don't care. People my age care about their boyfriends or girlfriends and rather they want to fornicate with them. People my age care about their cell phones, their shoes, their hair and their reputation. So once again I ask who would want to go out or be friends with a no body?