Title: Awkward Silences

Author: xfirespritex

Disclaimer: don't own, wish I did but I can't.

Pairing: Paul/Brian, mention of Jeff/Matt

AN: The lyrics are Good Charlotte's Say Anything. This fic is dedicated to zoewwelover who requested these lyrics to be used. Here ya go darling hope it's to your satisfaction. I'm not sure how I feel about the ending but I tried my best. ♥

-

Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silences on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now (right now ) all I feel (all I feel) is the pain of fighting starting up again

I sat on the phone, hundreds of miles away from the person on the other end. Almost simultaneously we sighed, frustration and anger mixed into it. We were on the brink of fighting and we both knew it. We never fought but now it was an everyday occurrence. It all started when he entered our lives.

I hated him, a lot. He used you, for personal gratification. You were so into him and I supported it, just so you wouldn't be torn between me, your best friend, and him, your lover.

He wasn't a bad guy, he still isn't. But you and I both know that I'll never forgive him. He broke your heart and I so desperately wanted to break his jaw. Now, however, it was us who fought.

We tried to support each other but it became hard over time.

-

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Every time we talked, he came up. And it hung around my head. You still cared for him. I didn't know why, he was nothing special.

I wanted to be something special to you, so badly. But you never showed an interest. Instead you talked about him, wondering what he was doing, who he was doing. Everyone thought you were the older out of the two of us but I was in fact and it was times like these that it showed.

You were naive in the sense that he was your first love and that even after he broke your heart you still loved him and thought you could still get him. He wanted an older man, didn't you get that? You were just fun to him.

I truly hated Billy Kidman for the things he'd done to you. But right now I hated you more because it was less than a week earlier that we'd been so close I thought I had a chance, and then you snatched it away.

It was after our tag team match against Cade and Murdoch. We'd lost, they cheated to pin me, and now I was in pain, lying on the floor of the locker room. My arms were crossed over my ribs and I was curled up, my eyes closed shut.

"Brian?" you asked as you kneeled down next to me. "Brian are you okay?" you asked. "Is it your ribs again? Shit they keep trying to break you in half," he said. He frowned and pushed my arms away from my ribs. When you put pressure on my abdomen I cried out in pain.

"I'm sorry!" you said, panicking a little. You always felt bad when you accidentally hurt me. I turned away from you and knew that upset you. "Brian, please turn over," you said taking my arm and pulling me a little so that I was laying face up looking at you. "I'm so sorry," you said, bringing your forehead to touch mine. You closed your eyes as one of your hands rested on my cheek and you mumbled apologies over and over again.

I couldn't breathe. You were so close and looked so perfect that night. When you opened your eyes and looked into mine you didn't back away like I expected you to. Instead you held still. "Forgive me?" you ask. All I can do is nod as I move my head a little, subtly, hoping to get the kiss I've always wanted.

For a moment it looks as though you'll give in but then you pull away from me fully and sit back on your knees in shock. "What are you doing Brian?" you ask as you stand. Without waiting for a response you leave me there on the floor, my ribs throbbing and my hopes shattered.

We never talked about that, I'm not sure we could handle it. But when you didn't pull away it gave me hope, like you wanted to be there, wanted to be that close to me. I think you do but there's no way I can ask you.

-

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

You don't talk to me for a few days after that. We barely speak at all once the silence is broken. I know you felt something that night but you're so determined to hide it. Almost every time I enter the room you leave it and it hurts to see you avoiding me.

The other wrestlers have noticed how distantly we treat each other. Only one of them has the guts to approach me on it. Jeff Hardy.

Jeff was a mystery in his own way. No one understood how he was so comfortable in his skin. Painting himself, dyeing his hair, doing anything he wanted at the drop of a hat. Then I found out why. His brother, Matt, supported him no matter what. The two of them were best friends, brothers and lovers all in one. Yes they Hardy brothers shared a bed at night.

Somewhere along the line the simple brotherly love wasn't enough for them and they took it to the next level, somewhere not many people dared to go let alone tell everyone about. They didn't walk around backstage holding hands or anything but if you asked, they'd tell. I envied them so much for it.

"Hey Brian," Jeff said as he came and sat next to me, a hand clapping down on my shoulder. "What's up?" he asked.

"Hey Jeff. Not much, where's your better half?" I teased. Jeff just smirked a little at my joke.

"He's getting himself a shower after his daily stop at the gym."

"Oh," was all I could say.

We sat in silence for a few moments before Jeff broke it again. "So what's wrong with you and Paul? You're acting funny around each other.

I tried to play dumb. "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Brian don't be a shithead. Now what's wrong?" he asked. So I filled him in. I poured my guts out to Jeff about everything. About my feelings, about Billy Kidman, about you, about that moment after our match, about you avoiding me, everything that had to be told was.

Jeff smiled softly a bit when I finished talking. I was near tears because everything was tearing me up inside. "You sound so much like me," he said.

"What?" I asked. Jeff told me that the way I was now was how he was with Matt just before they got over how "wrong" it is and got together. "I've never regretted any of it since," he said.

Little did I know that my tag team partner was getting the same story from the elder Hardy.

-

Some say that time changes,
best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through
So here we are again the same old argument
Now I'm wondering if things will ever change
When will you laugh again,
laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3 am,
And the neighbors would complain

After a day or so more of hell things went back to normal for us. I was grateful for this because I was so afraid to lose you after what I'd done. Sure my heart didn't have what it wanted but at least I still had my best friend. Jeff and I began hanging out a bit more, him mostly just checking up on me and hanging out while Matt was working out or doing some business crap. At least that's what Jeff told me. I didn't know that every second Jeff and I spent together Paul was spending that same time with Matt.

Once things went back to normal our old argument over Billy Kidman came back too. Now we're back where we started at the beginning of the story. I'm at home in my apartment and you're at your place. We talk every day, sometimes just a "hey what are you up to?" talk but today we're arguing over Billy Kidman again. We're trying not to yell, not wanting to put our friendship on the line again.

"Paul, I'm sorry for putting him down all the time but look what he did to you! He made you fall in love with him and then dropped you. How can you still care for him?" I asked.

You sighed. "Brian you don't understand…"

I cut you off. "You're damn right I don't understand. You could have anyone you wanted Paul. Man or woman. All the guys in the back watch you, all the girls too. If you wanted to pretend to be straight and get a diva or two you could. You could have any superstar or hott guy on the street bowing down at your feet if you wanted. Why are you still stuck on Billy fucking Kidman?"

"Because you're right Brian. Because he made me love him and then he dropped me. And the only other guy I could see myself with thinks it's not going to happen because I fucked up the only chance I'd ever have!"

"Who?" I asked. I wanted to know who else he wanted, who else could break Paul's heart.

"Brian I have to go." Before I could stop you the phone call was ended with a click.

All the things we talk about
You know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about
they'll bring us through it every time,
After time, after time

Don't say a word,
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away,
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

…

Don't say a word, (Please don't leave...)
I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away, (Please don't leave...)
I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything

We were getting ready for the match tonight, stretching our muscles and listening to music to get pumped up. You still hadn't told me who that guy was and I was desperate to know but never asked again.

We share a smile just before our music hits and we run out. We aren't wearing the masks tonight, the ones we'd had made for this gear had been given out to young fans in the crowd the first time we wore these outfits.

We did our entrance perfectly, taking each other's hand after the back-flip. Tonight was different, a spark shot through my from my finger tips up through my arm and into my body. We locked eyes for a moment and smiled at each other. We had another non title match tonight against Cade and Murdoch. As we stood in our corner and waited for them to come out you wrapped your arms around my shoulders from behind and pulled me closer. "I won't let them hurt you anymore Brian," you promised in a whisper. I turned to look at you and smiled the two of hugging briefly before you started off the match against Murdoch.

We flew around the ring, trying everything to pin them but in the end they always kicked out or broke up the count. I heard fans yelling and saw the Highlanders come out. "Shit," I heard you shout as you entered the ring and began trading blows with them, I too joined in. The ref called for the bell, naming us the winners but soon the four on two game became too much.

We were getting beat and we knew it. I doubled over after Cade, like always, took a shot at my ribs. Then I heard the crowd yelling more. The ring shifted and I looked up. Jeff and Matt Hardy were clearing out the ring, the Highlanders gone, Cade and Murdoch looking shocked and panicked. Before they could get away the Hardys attacked them as well and soon they joined the Highlanders on the ground outside the ring.

I felt arms come around me and lift me from the canvas. Was already bruising on my skin and I knew that they might have actually fractured a rib or two. I had trouble breathing as Paul helped me stand. I leaned against the ropes and shouted at the other two teams before Paul and I hugged the Hardy boys in thanks.

Jeff smiled at me before we hugged. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded.

"Thanks for saving us," I said. Matt and Jeff smiled. We walked back, the crowd cheering us on, everyone loving the sight of all the highflyers together.

Once we had gotten backstage and collapsed in our dressing room Matt went to get us ice for our bruised forms and Jeff went to get the tape for my ribs. "Brian?" you asked as you looked at me from where you had collapsed on the bench, me on the floor again.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"I'm sorry." You said.

"What for Paul?" I asked, sitting up as slowly as I could and leaning against the wall.

"For everything." Before I could ask what you meant you began rambling. "For not listening to you about Billy, for treating you like shit after he hurt me, for ignoring you, for letting them hurt you again, for not caring about your health as much as I should. I let them hurt you and I know I hurt you too."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. You stood up and came over to me, crouching down in front of me.

"I've been talking with Matt and Jeff. Jeff told me what you told him. Brian I'm so sorry…"

"Sorry that you don't like me? Don't be," I said, trying to brush it off.

"No I'm so sorry for pulling away that day after our match, for running out. You are the guy I missed my chance with, I thought I'd lost you after that, lost any chance I'd have. I know that everything is hard to understand but I need you to understand this. I dated Billy because I thought I couldn't have you. I fell in love with him because I thought he was the only person that could love me. But Jeff told me what you said. Brian if I'd known how you felt, if I had known that what you were doing that night wasn't a heat of the moment thing, that you'd meant it, that you'd wanted it just as much, I wouldn't have pulled away. I wouldn't have fought with you about Billy so much. I'm sorry."

I was floored. "So what are you saying Paul?" I asked. You moved closer and put your forehead on mine, like you had that night.

"That I want to get over Billy. That I want to be in love with someone else, that I'd like that to be you."

I smile and kiss you, not wanting to make our first kiss too forceful and you seem just fine with that. I hear the door open and then all I hear is the shouting of the Hardy brothers.

"Thank god!" Matt shouts.

"I hope you two don't fight a lot as a damn couple cause it's fucking heart breaking to see you two upset. You two are together now right?" Jeff questions.

Paul and I lock eyes and smile at each other. "Yes," Paul answers for us. The Hardy brothers cheer again as we kiss quickly. When we pull away we look up at them, only to see the ice and bandages on the floor as Matt and Jeff are caught in a kiss of their own.

"Now that's one fucking hott scene," I say. Paul laughs and agrees as the brothers pull away blushing.

"You two aren't so bad yourself," Matt says.

We all smirk and laugh about it but as we're caring for our wounds Paul whispers to me, "Promise that if we ever share a bed with the brothers that I won't lose you to them."

The thought of all four of us in one bed causes my mind to dive into the gutter but still I smile and look at Paul. "I've waited this long for you, I'm not going anywhere," I promise.

This causes him to smile and we kiss briefly before we keep tending to our bruises, the Hardy brothers packing our stuff up so we can leave soon.

I smile a little as Jeff brings up all of us going to dinner together. To anyone else it would seem like a bunch of guys going out together for dinner and beers but between all of us, it's a double date and that thought alone causes my smile to grow. I finally have Paul and that, aside from a career here in the WWE is all I've ever wanted. Now I'm happy again and it's a comfort knowing our phone calls won't be so awkward anymore.