A THOUSAND AND ONE
A/N. This one-shot was my entry for the Love Lost Contest. I didn't win anything, but it was fun nonetheless. Thanks to venis-envy, SunKing, and WriteOnTime for hosting the contest. To read the other entries, please visit the contest profile: fanfiction .net/u/2458839/Love_Lost_Contest.
Thank you to my super fast beta glitteratiglue. Girl, you know I love you!
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters.
"…You should sign up for Facebook, Bella," Alice says resolutely. "Who doesn't have Facebook these days? It's ridiculous."
Alice has come to my hometown on a business trip and her schedule is pretty tough. She has just an hour to have lunch with me. We sit in a small café and she tells me about her vacation and how she met the man of her dreams. Of course, photos are only available on her Facebook page. What happened to the good old paper photographs?
"You know my opinion of this thing," I say. "I just don't like the idea of people who used to bully me in school asking me to become their friends. That is ridiculous."
Besides, I don't even have a good photo of myself to put on the profile.
"Oh come on, I'll make you a very cool shot to put on your profile. For free." She winks as if she's read my mind. Alice Brandon is a fashion photographer and her service costs a fortune. She just knows how to bribe.
"Bribery is illegal," I observe, but we both know there's no way I can say no now.
The next day, I receive the email from Alice with a few attached files—she made more than just one good shot. I really like how I look on them with my hair flying on the wind, my skin flawless like a supermodel's, and my mouth slightly open, making me look a bit seductive. And the makeup torture Al subjected me to had appeared to be a good thing—smoky eyes brought depth into my look.
I sigh at the inevitable and write my name in the little boxes on the screen.
After an hour of struggling to understand what to do next, I finally have a Facebook page. I call Alice because I have no idea how to find her there, and she instructs me how to navigate. I think I must be a total retard when it comes to the social networks.
Alice's page is spectacular. She has more than a thousand friends there, and I feel slightly jealous. I barely even know a hundred people. But on the other hand, Alice is a public figure, sort of, and she's always been popular. She also has at least ten photo albums, and I spend the whole evening viewing them. When I'm done, I close the Internet browser, promising myself to never ever open Facebook again. Such a waste of time.
A few days ago, my e-mail inbox explodes. I shudder with horror when I realize I have ten Facebook friend requests.
Five of these people I don't know at all. I think they must be spammers or something.
The other five are my former classmates. The first one is Jessica Stanley, who had always been the most buoyant person at school. I click on the link in the email and open her Facebook page. She grins at me from her profile pic, and as I run over her photo albums it looks like her life is the neverending party. And just like Alice, she has more than a thousand friends.
The second one is Angela Webber, and I smile because she used to be my good friend at school, but we lost the connection after moving to the different parts of the country. Angie has a lot of photos of the small kid and I figure out she's married to Ben Cheney who also used to be our classmate.
The third one is, in fact, Ben Cheney. He has their wedding photo on his profile, and I think it's really sweet.
The fourth one is Tyler Crowley. I shudder because, hello, Tyler and I used to be the worst enemies. He was a real jerk and I don't believe people change. I don't even bother to open his page because looking at his face would stir very unpleasant memories.
The fifth one is Edward Cullen.
I don't know why, but my hand gives a start when I click on the link. From one look at his face I can feel butterflies begin to swirl in my stomach. He's gorgeous. Who am I kidding? He looks even better than he did twelve years ago.
Edward Cullen has many photo albums. I guess he's a very sociable person. I find out that he travels a lot, likes diving, surfing and snowboarding, and he's a frequent visitor of the classy nightclubs. He also has many pictures with different supermodel-looking girls.
My heart wrings a bit, and— I can't help it—my mind begins its walk down memory lane.
It's an early spring of 1998. I arrive at Forks High School in the middle of the term because my mom has just married Phil, a minor league baseball player, and they are about to move a lot before he gets signed somewhere. The first school day is torture, feeling of all eyes on me makes me want to vanish. Gym is especially bad, because I'm clumsy and my new uniform is so big that I want to laugh and cry at the same time when I see myself in the mirror.
And then, there's Biology. As I enter the class room, I notice all the tables are filled but one in the back row. I drag my ass there, praying that I'll have the desk to myself.
I open my notebook and try to concentrate on drawing the random patterns, when I hear the chair next to me moving. I turn and meet the appraising gaze of green eyes from under the long strands of untidy bronze-colored hair. My breathing stops because I've never seen anyone so beautiful.
"You're a new girl?" The boy asks me with a smirk as he sits down. "What's your name?"
"Bella Swan," I reply with a shy smile.
"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen. I hope we'll be friends." He winks and I blush.
The teacher, Mr. Banner, announces that we're about to have a lab and we're supposed to work on it as partners. I'm getting nervous as we start because our hands are so close and for some reason I want to touch him. I've never wanted to touch a boy before and it just feels strange and makes me even more anxious.
So, we're doing this lab. Actually, it's mostly me doing and Edward pretending he's checking if I'm right. His passiveness slightly bothers me, but when I turn to him to say it, I see a crooked smile and I decide it doesn't really matter. The lab's not a problem for me, anyway.
"Thank you, partner," he says when the class is over, and then he winks to me again and leaves the room. I smile back, pack up my things into my old bag and follow him out, nursing the hope that he will talk to me outside.
But it's not gonna happen. Instead, I see him necking with a girl from my English class, Lauren. It looks like she's been waiting for him. It looks like she's his girlfriend.
I feel cheated. I mean, he winked at me. Winked!
I feel the rage, and tears begin to gather in my eyes but I blink them away. I'm not gonna cry over such a man-whore as Edward Cullen.
The next day when I enter the Bio class, Edward's already there. I notice that he's wearing the Spartans t-shirt over the plain black long-sleeved one and grey cargo pants. He greets me with a goofy grin, but I just nod back and open my notebook.
"Um, Bella?" he murmurs, getting so close to my ear that I can feel his breath, minty and sweet for he's chewing the gum.
"What?" I snap.
He doesn't get the hostility, though. "Have you done homework?" he asks.
"Yep."
"Could you please let me crib it from you? I honestly suck at Bio and I was really busy yesterday. The practice was tough," he says and even though I look at my notebook, I can feel he's smiling his dazzling crooked smile.
I get so angry that I'm afraid the steam will blow off from my ears. Of course, he's been busy—making out with a girl surely makes one busy. It's one hell of a practice.
"No way," I mutter through my clenched teeth, still not looking at his face.
"Bitch," he hisses and smacks his fist on the table.
This is how the war begins.
The rest of that school year is the worst time in my life.
I can feel the waves of hatred radiating from Edward Cullen as he sits next to me. We never speak again, apart from the labs when we have to do something together. Since Edward is really bad at Bio and I'm not about to help him through it, I learn a lot of new complex curses. That's what he's definitely good at.
As ill luck would have it, there's another person who hates me for no reason, and that's Lauren Mallory. Jessica had confirmed that she's Edward's girlfriend, but I don't think it's more than just a coincidence. It's just that there's something about me that annoys her and she points at it. She laughs at my old bag and at my obviously out of fashion shoes.
"You're not a Swan, you're an ugly duckling," she says once as I trip and fall in Gym. Everyone laughs at her joke and when I come home I cry all night long.
And on top of it all, there's Tyler. He asks me if I want to go with him to the spring dance, and when I say no, it offends him so much that he almost hits my truck with his Toyota. He does a good job of blocking my way in the parking lot every single day afterwards. Jerk.
Summer comes and passes, and I'm waiting for the new school year with trepidation. But things are never going to be the same, because on the very first day of school I meet Alice and we become best friends.
I don't have classes with Edward Cullen anymore. Sometimes when I sit with Alice in the cafeteria I can feel someone looking at me and when I turn I meet the green intense stare which makes me shiver. Sometimes there's also a crooked smile. I never see him with Lauren, though. Jessica says they have broken up.
One day in the winter it snows and as I enter the school building I begin to shake snow off my hood, not noticing anything around me until I realize I hit someone pretty badly. I turn and to my utter horror I see Edward Cullen standing right behind me, so close that my breath hitches. He rubs his nose, wincing.
"God, Bella, why are you so…" he begins, but stops abruptly and walks away from me down the corridor.
When the spring comes, Alice and I send our applications to the University of Washington. I want to major in English, and she chooses Arts and Design. We get our admission letters on the same day and we jump on Alice's bed and sing along to N'Sync's Tearin' Up My Heart. We are going to Seattle. We are happy.
Alice decides we should be the most beautiful girls at the prom, so she makes me go to Port Angeles to do some shopping. I buy a long, deep blue silk off-the-shoulder dress. Alice squeals with delight. Her own dress is a black satin, and she looks a bit like a witch in it.
I go to the prom with Eric Yorkie. He's a nerd just like me. I drink champagne. A lot of champagne, because the end of torture deserves a good celebration. Eric disappears somewhere, and I dance alone to the crazy disco rhythms. Normally I don't dance, but after a couple of champagnes I'm okay with that. I enjoy myself.
Then the slow song begins. It's I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith, and I know it's a long one, so I turn to make my way out, but run into Edward Cullen instead. He looks amazing. He's wearing a tux and his hair is smooth with some product. He smiles at me, dazzling as usually, and holds out his hand.
"Dance with me, Bella," he says.
"Um… I honestly can't dance," I whisper in panic.
"It's all in the leading," Edward assures confidently and tows me to the dance floor.
His left hand is holding my right while his right hand is on the small of my back. His hands are warm and his touch is surprisingly tender. There is a contradiction, because he's a badass, and delicacy seems to be completely out of character for him.
So, we dance and it's really easy to follow his movements. He dances like a pro.
Edward asks me about my college plans while we dance. I tell him about Washington. He congratulates me and says he's going to Dartmouth to study Economics as a major and Psychology as a minor.
After the small talk we remain silent. I can feel his grip on me becoming tighter and as I look up and behold his face, his gaze is more intense than ever. I lose my breath and my heart starts to race because I know something is about to happen. And then I see him licking his lips and I feel like I can die right there.
Oh God. He's going to kiss me. Edward Cullen is going to kiss me.
I've never kissed anyone before and I feel alarm that I can do something wrong. In one second I try to recollect everything about kissing that I've learned from the movies. I can't remember anything, but it ceases to matter because Edward's lips touch mine.
I blink and see that his eyes are closed. God, he's so incredibly beautiful, the last thought crosses my mind before I forget about everything. He softly locks my lips with his, very gently moving from my upper lip to my lower and back while his thumb rubs soothing circles on my palm.
His breathing becomes heavier and, oh boy, I can feel the tip of his tongue licking my lower lip, warm and wet and so tender. Very slowly, he opens his lips and I open mine, too, wanting to feel more of him. Edward's hand on my back brings us closer to each other as we continue to slow dance and then his tongue slides carefully into my mouth.
He begins to rub his tongue gently against mine, and I finally feel his taste. He tastes like champagne and cigarettes and mint and just like a boy. I don't know how to explain this boy thing, but that's how it is, so good that it's almost intoxicating. I think I forget how to breathe, and I feel unfamiliar tingles in the lower part of my stomach.
I don't want Edward Cullen to think that I'm a bad kisser, so I try to copy his actions and our tongues dance their own slow dance. Our kiss gradually becomes very wet and deep. My whole body is melting, I don't feel it anymore and I just think I want this to last forever. I want to be kissing Edward Cullen forever.
His tongue begins to push more urgently against mine until finally he moans quite desperately into my mouth, making me shiver, and then he pulls away and stands still. I open my eyes and regain my breath and then I realize that the music is over.
I look at Edward's face, and his eyes are very dark and his lips are wet. I die a little when he darts out his tongue and licks my taste off his lips and then smiles crookedly.
"Bella!" I hear Alice's voice behind me, but I'm too frozen to turn.
She grabs my shoulder. "Bella, come on, let's go, fireworks are starting!"
I look at her and back at Edward and I don't want to but he lets go of my hand. "Thank you, Bella," he says in a low voice and winks.
I turn away from him, my mind still in a haze, and follow Alice outside.
I never see Edward Cullen again.
I spend the summer with Renee and her new husband, and in August, Alice and I move to Seattle.
On the first day of college I meet Jacob Black and we become friends. He knows a lot of interesting stories and legends. He also engages me in active leisure, from swimming to hiking. Once we're on a trip to the mountain and it's really cold, so we share the sleeping bag to get warmer. Suddenly Jacob leans in to me, looks into my eyes strangely and traces his finger along my cheek. And then he kisses me and I kiss him back. It's nowhere near that sensual like it used to be with Edward Cullen; it's messy and awkward and Jacob's tongue reminds me of how my old dog Seth used to lick my face, and I chuckle. First, Jacob is offended, but then he begins to giggle, too. In the end, we decide it was a very bad idea and we'd rather stay best friends.
For some reason Alice detests Jacob, so I have to divide my free time between them both. She gets us fake IDs and each Friday we go to the bars. We call it girls' night.
One Friday, we hang out in the big rock club. The place is crowded and at some point we lose each other. I sit at the bar and order a beer with my fake ID when I hear someone sit down on the stool beside me.
"Hey, beautiful," I hear and turn to see a stranger. He looks very cool; his blond hair is long and made into a ponytail, he's wearing a leather jacket and worn out blue holey jeans. His features are stark and his eyes—his eyes are deep sparkling blue, and his stare sends shivers through my body. Man, he's hot.
"What's your name?" he asks, angling his head.
"Bella," I whisper in confusion. What have I done to deserve such an attention?
"Beautiful lady with a beautiful name," he murmurs and smiles, baring perfectly white teeth. "I'm James." He takes my hand and kisses it, and I feel my insides clench. He definitely sends chemical reactions through my body.
We exchange a couple of meaningless sentences, and then he suggests to give me a ride on his motorcycle. He says he owns a Harley. Of course, my parents told me to never ride with strangers, but I'm so buzzed after the beer and excited about this James that my sense of self-preservation totally fails me. And above all, it's a Harley. A Harley!
James pays for my beer and we head outside. I climb onto the Harley behind him and put my hands around his waist. We drive fast around Seattle, and the wind caresses my face and it's extremely thrilling.
Eventually, he drives up to the unfamiliar place and stops at the parking lot.
"Why have we stopped here?" I ask as he helps me to dismount from the motorcycle.
"We're home, love," James says and steps very close to me, our faces barely an inch away. My breath hitches in fear and my heart starts beating frantically as the realization hits me. He seems to notice my reaction, and he reaches out and traces his very cold finger alongside my collarbone. "Don't worry, love. I'm good," he says. His eyes are not blue anymore, but smoldering black, making him look like a beast. I'm terrified as hell, but at the same time, my body reacts in the very different way: I'm excited and I feel the tingles in my stomach.
I don't say anything as he leads me to what I assume is his apartment. He doesn't switch on the light and guides me further down the hall to the small room. Once inside, he swiftly grabs my waist and kisses me roughly. He's not going to be gentle as his tongue darts into my mouth. I flinch and suddenly think that something's terribly off because I remind of the way Edward Cullen kissed me and it's nothing like that. This James's a real badass; he's not delicate at all and I don't feel anything that good.
The kiss doesn't last, because James's mouth traces down to my neck and he inhales my hair. "Your scent is driving me crazy," he murmurs and I feel his teeth graze my skin. I consider whether I should tell him I'm a virgin, but it occurs to me that he's likely to back away then and I definitely don't want him to stop. I'm determined.
He drops me to the bed, pulls up my skirt and we have sex. It's harsh and fast and it hurts. Really hurts. Thankfully, he comes very quickly, pulls out of me, tosses the used condom to the wastebasket and immediately falls asleep.
Alice looks like she's going to kill me when I open the door to our room. But her expression changes in a second and she presses her hand to her lips. "Oh God. Bella. Oh God." She helps me to the shower and then we cuddle up in her bed and when I fall asleep, I finally feel good in her arms.
I think something's wrong with me that I didn't feel anything with James and I need to prove to myself it's not true. Throughout the college years, I date the random guys. With some of them I kiss, and with some I get to have sex. Eventually, I begin to understand the tricks, how to make it all more enjoyable. But no matter how good it may be, something is always off.
Alice's uncle owns a villa in Italy and he invites her to stay there for the summer after graduation. She asks me to go with her. I work at a bookstore and I save money for the trip.
Italy is wonderful. The food is delicious, the weather is fine and the sea is warm. And the men…well, Italian men look just like Gods.
A week after our arrival, I meet Marcus. He's a good friend of Alice's uncle, Aro, and he's a widower. Marcus's in his fifties, but he's in an impressively good shape. He calls me "Mia Bella," which, I think, means "my beautiful" in Italian. It's very romantic.
Marcus and I become lovers. He says I don't know anything about the art of love-making and he wants to teach me. First, he teaches me how to kiss. He knows a lot of techniques. They all are very interesting and entertaining, but it feels more like a sports practice than actually a kiss. I think it's because we don't really love each other. We're just the short time partners, like in badminton.
Marcus is a walking Kama Sutra, and by the end of the summer I learn a lot of that, too. But the most important thing he teaches me is how to pleasure myself. He says you can never make good love to another person until you learn how to make love to yourself. Maybe he's right.
When the summer's over, Alice and I go back to Seattle. I resume working at the bookstore. I like my work because I'm surrounded by books and because I meet different people. Some of them ask me to date. My boyfriends think they love me, because I know Kama Sutra and can make them feel really good.
In 2006, I become a supervisor in my bookstore. In 2007, I decide to change the job. I apply for a position in a big chain bookstore. They hire me. I'm a project manager and work in the office.
In the Christmas Eve of 2007 at the corporate party I meet Mike. He's one of our company's big bosses, but he doesn't act like one; he's rather shy, and he looks like a nerd in his Gucci glasses. As we begin talking, we find we share many interests. Just like me, Mike likes reading and sci-fi movies, and he's all for the healthy lifestyle. He's a very nice fellow.
Unfortunately, Mike doesn't live in Seattle. He lives in another city, where our central office is located. In the beginning of our relationship, he calls me every night and we e-mail each other all day long. I think it's very romantic. Sometimes he even sends me flowers. He has frequent business trips, and every time he comes to Seattle he takes me to the best places in town. We go to the restaurants, museums, theatres and movies. He's holding my hand and it's so sweet.
We kiss for the first time only in the spring of 2008. Our kiss is really chaste, and he pulls away when my lips yearn for more. I don't ask. I think we can get to it sometime in the future. I really like Mike, and I don't want to ruin what he have.
Sex with Mike is a bit awkward, too. He's very traditional, if you can call it that. I'm afraid my initiative would make him feel uncomfortable or doubt himself, so I don't say anything. The problem is, the way we make it is not the best for me. Actually, it's not even close. But I let it go, because Mike is a good person and he loves me and, besides, I know how to help myself.
In the fall of 2008, after almost a year of going back and forth across the country, Mike suggests that I move to live with him. It's a decisive step, but I'm sick and tired of Seattle. I agree. He arranges my transfer to his office, so we work and live together. I miss my friends and family, but it's good to finally have someone who cares for me. I think I love him.
In the beginning of June this year, Mike proposes. He wants to make me the happiest woman on Earth and have three kids, he says. I should be excited but for some reason, I'm not. I feel sick instead. I ask him to give me time to think. He agrees but I see the crease of pain on his face. I hurt him and it makes me feel awful.
I take the small turquoise box from the top drawer of my desk and open it. The ring is beautiful. I don't know why I can't make myself try it on. I try to figure out what is wrong with me. Why can't I just say yes?
I think of our sexual life, which hasn't improved much. I think of the fact that Mike never kisses me at all these days. Then I suddenly try to calculate how many kisses I've had throughout my life. There were far too many. Probably a hundred. Or even a thousand.
I put the box back in the drawer and let out a deep sigh. When the drawer hits the table, the laptop screen returns to life and the Internet browser brings me back to Edward Cullen's Facebook page.
I look at his beautiful, flawless face and then my eyes dart to the 'Information' section that escaped my attention earlier.
At first, I read that his current city is exactly where I live now. I suddenly feel my heart starts to race.
Then I look up and see one more word. I blink because I'm afraid I read it wrong. I look again but the letters are still there. His relationship status is "single". At this instant, my heart is ready to burst from my chest in a frenzy.
I click through to my own Facebook page and select the little icon showing the pending friends requests.
I click "Yes" across Edward's name and mentally send my best wishes to whoever invented Facebook.
Maybe I'll have the guts to send him a message.
Maybe we'll meet.
Maybe he'll kiss me again.
I'll thank Alice later.
A/N: My own personal Edward Cullen used to be a captain of our basketball team. If Facebook doesn't lie, he's married to the beautiful blond girl named Tanya (what an irony!) and works as a surfing instructor somewhere on Bali. Other than that, this story is a work of fiction not based on personal experience.
And no, I'm not planning to continue with it, but thanks for asking.