Requiem for a Radar Technician
"Stupid jerk face," Keylo Ren A.K.A Matt the radar technician muttered as he headed to the common area. He had memorized the Stormtrooper's I.D, and the moment he was done being Matt, he was going to kill the crap out the guy. He walked into the noisy common area, filled here and there with a handful of Stormtroopers and officers, and, grabbing a tray that held a banana, turkey sandwich, and creamed corn, he joined Zack and Tim at their usual table.
"How's it going, Matt?" Zack asked, shoveling creamed corn into his mouth.
"Oh, it's going," he answered, trying his best to sound like one of the guys. "It's so going. How are you two fellas doing on this wonderful day on Starkiller Base?"
Tim shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh, doing okay, I guess," he answered. "Just another day, you know?"
"Yeah, totally," Matt said earnestly. "Totally. So you guys wanna talk about how awesome Kylo Ren is? I hear he can twirl his light sabre like a baton. Without even hurting himself. It's effortless."
Tim squinted his eyes, unimpressed. "That seems pretty dangerous. I mean, it's a light sabre. Those things can seriously maim a guy. He shouldn't play with it like it's a toy. That shows an extreme lack of unprofessionalism."
"YOU'RE UNPROFESSIONAL, TIM!" Matt shouted, and force-threw him into the wall on the other side of the room.
After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Zack spoke. "So…you having a good day so far?"
"Oh, yeah," Matt answered casually. "I can't complain."
"Yeah, same here," Zack responded.
"Oooh," Tim moaned from the other side of the room. "I think my arm's broken."
"No one cares, Tim!" Matt yelled, throwing his sandwich at the Stormtrooper.
Just then, the door opened, revealing General Hux. Immediately, Zack stood. "General," he acknowledged.
"Officer," Hux replied, walking up to him. He didn't so much as glance at Matt as he asked, "Do you have those reports I asked for?"
"Yes, sir," Zack answered, and handed Hux a stack of papers. "Here you are, sir."
Matt abruptly stood between the two men. "Hi," he said. "I'm Matt. I'm a radar technician.
Hux glanced at him with disdain. "Good for you," he said dismissively. He glanced back at Zack and said, "Come with me, officer. I need to discuss these reports with you."
"Yes, General," Zack replied, and they both turned to leave the room.
Matt followed. "So what do you think about Kylo Ren?" he asked, his eyes trained on Hux. "I heard he has amazing hair. Thick, luxurious locks that are the cause of envy by all who look at it."
"Ren's hair is a shaggy monstrosity," Hux said with disinterest, his eyes never leaving the reports. "If you ask me, he should cut the whole thing off."
Matt froze.
Zack tensed and whispered, "Oh, no."
Hux stopped and turned to face Matt, seeming to really notice him for the first time. "Don't you have a job to do somewhere?" he asked.
"FUCK YOU, HUX!" Matt exploded. "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO MAINTAIN HAIR LIKE THAT? HOURS, HUX. HOURS. AND IT SHINES WITH THE LIGHT OF A THOUSAND SUNS." Furious, he strode forward, grabbed Hux's hat right off his head, and chucked it at Zack's face with such ferocity that he fell backwards. As Matt stormed off, he shouted over his shoulder, "YOU WISH YOUR HAIR LOOKED HALF AS GOOD AS KYLO'S!"
Hux stared after him, shocked at the lowly radar technician's explosive temper. "Who in the name of Snoke was that?"
Zack picked himself up off the ground and handed Hux his hat. He too stared after Matt and said solemnly, "I'm pretty sure that was Kylo Ren, General."