Chapter 2 jordans pov; TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE
I look at myself in the mirror and think, " This is why people dont like me." My elbows are slouched, my eyes seem watery, and my appearance is goody two shoes like. I sigh as my mom calls me for dinner. I try to look as if i hadn't been worrying. I put on a smile,
"Hey mom, what did you make?"
"Oh its just some tomato soup for today, I'm really sorry how i promised you that today would be a day for a good dinner. Its just that my boss moved my payday to next Tuesday." I saw my brother frown as I asked, "It's fine, is there enough soup for the three of us?"
"Hmmm... I think so, but even if there isn't please dont starve yourself. You know it's not healthy."
"I know. I have to tho. Julio deserves to eat enough food to make him full."
"Fine then, but if you're dying, don't say i didn't warn you. You deserve to eat enough too."
Once the tomato soup was ready to eat, we ate in silence. This wasn't normal, since we would talk about different topics to distract our hunger. I kept looking at Julio's bowl to see how much soup he had left. He had about 2 cups left. I'm not sure if that will make him full so I asked him if he can get full with the 2 cups of soup. "Yea, thanks," he smiled.
For a moment, I thought about Hailee. She always makes me happy. She really brings out positive vibes whenever we talk. When we talk, I always look into her eyes. Her eyes really speak for herself, bright and full of excitement. Actually, I depend on her for my happiness, shes the only person that makes me happy, other than my mom. Whenever Hailee complements me, i get nervous bc half of me is saying that I bet shes saying that just so that i can shut up, but the other half wants me to believe she's genuinely saying that. I really want to believe that, since im really insecure about my flaws and practically everything about me.
"Imma go take a shower," I tell my mom and Julio as I walk to the bathroom, like everyday. After that, i try to go to sleep , so that way i wont get hungry. We need food to last longer, so we try to sleep two hours after eating dinner.
I just got a text from Grace on the group chat Hailee and I are in. Its probably her feeling sorry for herself, like always. It says, "Tomorrow's my birthday. I bet no one's gonna give me anything tho." See, this is the type of shit she sends 24/7. Every time we talk about something that's not Grace, she switches the topic on her. She tells us that she's crying or that no one loves her. That's the typa shit she pulls on us. Then whenever we ignore her, she just says bye and that shes gonna kill herself, she doesn't and texts us the next day, which is just typical Grace behavior.
People from my school keep telling me to not be her friend, and that she's hella toxic. I know i shouldnt be her friend, like wE bEeN knEw, but i feel like if i end my friendship with Grace, she's gonna be worse and maybe actually commit suicide. No one deserves to feel like killing themselves. The Earth is like a puzzle, and every single person is like a piece of that puzzle. If someones gone, the world (the puzzle) wouldn't be the same without them and a piece would be missing from the Earth.