A/N: Don't own Middle Earth but don't think I wouldn't put in an offer

It was a full moon.

Never mind the fact that there had been one yesterday. Or the night before. This is a dramatic story world. Get used to it.

Perhaps it was because of the frequent full moons that Pippin made the fateful suggestion. To be fair, the blame could not be placed on his shoulders alone. If Gimli had not insisted on throwing Aragorn a bachelor's party in the first place, then the hobbit would not have had opportunity.

At night, the courtyard beyond the seventh gate was empty, save for the guards around the trees and entrance. Gimli, Aragorn and Pippin sat near the "ship's keel" edge, the vast rock that jutted out the middle of the whole of the city. From there one could see many leagues. Under the full moon, the fields of the Pelennor shone silver. Pippin gazed out, perched precariously on the low wall around the courtyard, his feet dangling over the long drop. He whistled carelessly as he waited for the others to arrive. A small fire crackled, built by the king of Gondor to ward off the chill.

"Those Ranger skills come in handy, eh, your Majesty?" remarked Faramir. He sat next to Pippin. "Where are the rest?"

"Merry an' Eomer will be here soon," replied Pippin. "They're bringin' th' hooch."

Gimli snickered. "An' ye can be sure that pointy-eared princeling won't show up when there's booze around…"

A new voice spoke up. "I beg your pardon?" Striding into the firelight, Legolas glared at Gimli. "As I recall, it was not I who fell over backwards in Rohan, thereby losing a drinking game."

"Hrumph! I still say it doesn't count," growled Gimli. "I can't remember."

"Admit it, Gimli." Gandalf, Eomer, and Merry joined them, the first two rolling large barrels near to the fire. "Most of us saw you." The wizard straightened, wiping his brow and glancing around. He frowned. "Where are Frodo and Sam?"

"Still recovering."
Shrugging, Merry produced a bunch of pint mugs. "More for us then."

Pippin caught the one Merry tossed him and shifted to face the fire. "I just thought o' soomthen'!" An evil gleam entered his eye. "We have enough f'r a rousin' game o 'I Never,' d'ye ken…"

A chorus of groans, a cheer from Merry, a raised eyebrow from Legolas, and a distant and ominous roll of thunder written for dramatic emphasis by the author, met his suggestion.

"How does one play this game and why do I get the distinct impression that it includes becoming utterly inebriated?" asked Legolas cynically, accepting a mug from Merry.

"Well, it depends on yew, really." Gimli grinned, eagerly taking his turn drawing a mug of ale from one of the barrels. "Ye see, we go 'round in a circle, each person saying something they've never done. If anyone's done what they've said, then they have t' take a drink."

"Ah."

"I always treat a man marked for the terrors of matrimony with courtesy, so Aragorn, you start us off."

Rolling his eyes, Aragorn looked up and thought for a moment. Then, a smile flickered over his face. "All right, I've never played this game before."

Both the hobbits and Gimli took a drink, the dwarf nearly choking when Gandalf followed suit. Sucking on his moustache to remove the foam, the wizard noticed their stares. "What? When you've been around for a few millennia, things you haven't done tend to be quite scarce."

Gimli was next. "I've never used a bow and arrow."

"You did that on purpose." With another glare in the dwarf's direction, Legolas took a sip, as did Aragorn, Faramir, and Eomer.

"I've never stolen my father's sword and pretended to fight orcs when I was young." Faramir chuckled as Eomer rolled his eyes and drank. The chuckle turned into a great howl of laughter among the group as Legolas turned a dirty look upon him and took another drink.
Pippin wiped tears out of his eyes. "Ah've nivver gotten soo drunk that Ah tried tae blow smoke rings oot mah nose."

Grumbling, Merry drank. "Traitor," he mumbled. "Okay, Pip, I'VE never been drunk enough to kiss Diamond on the cheek…"

As he turned a bright red, Pippin gulped his beer and filled up again.

"I've never fallen off a cliff." All eyes save two pairs turned to Aragorn as he shrugged and chugged. Gimli tried to make his drink surreptitious, shooting a gaze with seven kinds of hell at a smirking Legolas.

Pippin noticed and his jaw dropped. "Gimli?!"

All eyes turned to the embarrassed dwarf. "Aye, so what?" he muttered. "It was while we were going t' Helm's Deep. I was having a dream about fighting orcs – ."

"-And while he was fighting, his thrashing about caused him to roll off a nearby precipice. Thankfully, I happened to be enjoying the entertaining spectacle and managed to catch him." Legolas's eyes twinkled without mercy. "You should be glad it was your leg and not your beard that I caught, master dwarf."

"I'll remember this when it's me turn again…"

Rolling his eyes, Eomer took his turn. "I've never died my hair pink." Merry and Pippin drank, along with Gandalf to their amusement.

The wizard shrugged. "There's not much a guy in his teens won't do to impress his girlfriend."

"You've got a girlfriend?" Eomer looked surprised. "Do tell."

Shaking his head, the wizard corrected him. "I had a girlfriend. She broke up with me for some elf who died his hair green." He groaned at the memory. "I was still attempting to wash Rivendell Raspberry Quik-Dye out for three months afterward."

After Aragorn went again, Gimli's chance for revenge came. "I have never," he began slowly, doing this not so much out of dramatic emphasis as the need for clarity of speech – he'd been drinking the mugs straight down as opposed to sipping and already his speech possessed a small slur. "I have never…had a make-out sesh-session with me pillow."

"WHAT THE – HOW, IN THE NAME OF SAURON'S HEMERRHOIDAL BACKSIDE, DO YOU KNOW THAT?"

A/N: Guesses to who that is? Suggestions for I Nevers? (nonslash or sex) Read and review? All of the above?