Rose Tyler.
She was the beginning of the end really.
Sometimes when you're the only person you have to rely on, your sense of justice can get a bit… disoriented.
Maybe that's why when Rose gave him that smile, where her tongue poked out; he took things to a whole new level. Instead of just impressing her with a couple hundred years like she requested, he took them all the way to end of the world. At the time it seemed like the logical choice.
But then again, maybe that's why the universe had deiced to send him Rose. She was so innocent, so naïve, that some manly, macho part of him wanted to prove to her how little she knew. He justified it in his head by reasoning that he was showing her part of the universe. And yes it had occurred it him that it was one the saddest parts of the universe for the human race but Rose could handle it.
However, there was a tiny, tiny bit of him that he supposed had developed from time war; he was the doctor that was born from war. That tiny bit of the doctor wanted to push her. He hadn't seen something as innocent as her in decades, in fact she barely old enough in human terms to be considered an adult. In his eyes she was still a very young child on Gallifrey.
2.47 Billion.
That's how many died. That's how many young innocent children, very much like Rose Tyler, died on Gallifrey because of him.
That thought alone was enough to send that tiny bit of the doctor with a twisted sense of judgment, over the edge.
All his life all he wanted to do was explore. It was an added benefit that he got to save civilizations along the way. He got to save them all but his own.
So he took things into his own hands and when she smiled at him with that very Rose-esque grin of innocence and pure glee (something he faintly remembered his own face having at some point) he got a bit vindictive and he took her to end of her world, simply to see how she would react.
It all got botched actually. The plan had been to watch the Earth burn. Rose would cry, probably beg to be taken back home. She wouldn't want to travel with him anymore and he'd drop her off and her mum would take her back into her warm arms and Rose Tyler would forget ever knowing him. She'd have her family and he'd be alone and the world would be right again. His tiny bit of skewed Timelord heart would be pacified that yet again he was the only one in the universe with no one to run to.
It was just a bit of twisted justification on his part. His pride told him that he was the only one who could deal with it really, the only one who could watch their entire species die off. Rose was innocent like he'd been at one time and he just needed to know that yes, he was still justified in being a bitter old man.
That was it really. He just wanted someone to know what it felt like. He didn't want a companion that would constantly remind him of what it was like to be young and happy again. He didn't need someone around who didn't understand what it was like to be burdened by the death of a billion, billion people. He just wanted someone to feel what he was feeling.
Rose Tyler. He really had never expected her. He underestimated her. He toyed with her and through all that, even after he killed Cassandra right in front of her, the only thing that truly upset her was the fact that no one had seen it go.
Rose did just the opposite of what she was supposed to do. If things had gone like he had originally planned, she would have shielded her eyes as the sun engulfed the Earth and burst into tears. But instead, if given the chance, as the only human left to see her home destroyed, she would have barred the weight and with open eyes watched it die.
Even as she stood, watching the Earth burn, she choked up not because she was watching it burn but no one had been around to see it go.
Had that even crossed his mind? He realized.
He had destroyed Gallifrey with a heavy heart, but no one had been there to see it go. It was just him and he had most definitely not looked back once the deed was done.
If Rose had been the one to push the button to destroy all of Gallifrey would she have ran away?
This girl, this yellow and pink human, handled the death of her planet with more grace then he'd ever thought possible. And yes, it'd been a long day for her and yes, he'd been unnecessarily cruel by taking her here and yes, they we're both emotionally done but beautiful Rose Tyler couldn't look away from the death of her planet.
So he took her by the hand (though he was still a bit surprised that she even wanted to be around him but then again he had a lot to learn about this girl) and led her back home.
They were surrounded by people again. Real, live human beings and he hoped in a way that would bring her back to reality. It's not over, everyone is still alive and happy and doing whatever humans do when they're not with him in the TARDIS.
"You think it'll last forever. People and cars… concrete. But it won't. One day it's all gone. Even the sky…" He glanced up at the skyscrapers around him that were trying to touch the clouds.
Gallifrey used to be like this. Aspiring to be better. People everywhere. Happy, innocent people, everywhere.
"My planets gone. It's dead." He glanced down and was met with the eyes of someone so much older. There was a twinge of guilt. He'd done that. He'd but that grief there in those big brown eyes. He was the one that made Rose Tyler grow up, but that didn't stop him from talking. The need to tell someone was overpowering. "It burned like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before it's time…"
Rose was still looking up at him with those big eyes. "What happened?"
"There was a war and we lost." In his head he amended that statement. He'd lost, because he was the only one left to remember what Gallifrey had been. No one else in the universe cared.
"A war with who?" He didn't answer the question, and she didn't push. "What about your people?"
"I'm a timelord, I'm the last of the timelord's. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left traveling on my own because there's no one else."
"There's me."
He gave her a half smile. He wanted to believe that she meant that. Somehow in his travels, he managed to bump into the sweetest, kindest human being that he'd ever met and he was fairly sure that if he asked for a kidney she'd have asked which one. So he did what he was supposed to do now, ignoring that tiny bit of his heart that wanted her to stay, he asked her if she wanted to go home.
She hesitated, stuttered a bit, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted and then she did the most impossible thing.
She asked for chips and she made a joke and she grinned at him with her tongue sticking out just a bit.
Rose Tyler was the most incredible girl in the universe and that's when he realized he was doing it all wrong.
He didn't want a companion, he needed one.
He didn't want someone to just know what it felt like, he wanted forgiveness.
He didn't want Rose Tyler to go home; he wanted her to stay with him.
She took him by the hand and with the promise of chips, Rose choose to run away with the doctor. She'd seen him in a dark mood and she still bumped his shoulder playfully and went with him.
Looking back, if asked to pin point the moment he knew that his world would never be the same without Rose Tyler, it was that morning, eating chips with the gorgeous blonde and in a way, he knew that she had already promised him forever.