The long road

Blair Waldorf felt drained out. Physically as well as emotionally. The last week had been nothing but a blur and Blair couldn't remember what she had been doing. Somewhere in her clouded mind she knew she was acting like a robot but she couldn't help it.

She got up in the morning, got dressed and after having breakfast she went in her room and emptied the contents of her stomach in the toilet bowl. It was quite a routine by now.

When Blair went out she easily fouled people in believing that she was perfectly fine. Blair Waldorf was a good actress after all. Her whole life she had learnt to always seem perfectly well and put together.

Her best friend however wasn't fouled that easy. And as hard as Blair tried, Serena knew. Knew that Blair was slowly falling apart, knew that Blair Waldorf now was in a dark place beyond reach.

But the thing that scared Serena the most was the knowledge of the ways Blair was capable of hurting herself.

However Serena van der Woodsen was never one to stand on the sidelines, so she decided to take action. She would put her friend back together piece per piece no matter how long it would take or what would have to be done.

If anyone would have asked Dorota which day Blair Waldorf had started to fall apart, she would have answered: "The night after Bart Bass' funeral when Mister Chuck had disappeared."

In former days Dorota never had been a fan of the young Bass. Not only was he arrogant and spoiled, but also cruel and dark. His presence had always sent shivers down her spine.

Lately however Dorota had become fonder of Charles Bass. She had seen how happy Miss Blair had been after the van der Bass' wedding. Of course Dorota could have killed the boy after he had abandoned her beloved Miss Blair on that helipad last year.

But since then she had watched the two. She had witnessed the way Chuck looked at Blair when he thought nobody would notice, Dorota had seen the affection in the boy's eyes and somehow the conclusion dawned to her that when being together Mister Chuck and Miss Blair increased a sparkle that soon turned into a bright light surrounding them.

But since the night Chuck had left Miss Blair again, Blair's eyes had lost their sparkle and her gaze was hollow and unfocussed.

Dorota was brought back to reality by the suddenly opening elevator doors.

"Dorota, is Blair at home?"

Dorota let out a breath of relief she didn't even know she was holding. Miss Serena was here and she would know how to help Miss Blair getting better. She just had to.

"Miss Blair upstairs in her room Miss Serena."

With that Serena nodded and climbed up the stairs to Blairs' self-chosen prison.

Chuck Bass was in a dark place. Since the day his father had died he felt numb, cold and utterly alone.

But for a moment when Blair had told him what he had longed for her to say for quite a while now ("Because I love you") the numbness had vanished for a brief second and Chuck had been washed over with emotion.

He had seen the sincerity of her words reflected in her eyes and all he had wanted to do in this precise moment was to hold her tight and never let go. However with the emotion the pain, the hurt and the anger had come back and Chuck had closed himself up once again.

With the words – and their crudelity still rang in his ears- "that's too bad" he had fled the scene leaving a heartbroken Blair behind.

Later the day after Lily had spoken to him the numbness had been chased away once again when the meining of her words had entered his clouded and closed up mind.

After what had seemed like an eternity he had thrown the paper which held Lily's best kept secret in the fire and called his driver to bring him to the place he desperately had wanted to be.

Dorota had let him in casting worried side glances at him as she had led him up the stairs to Blair's bedroom.

"I'll get Miss Blair for you Mister Chuck. You wait in here."

With those words she had stepped out of the room leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Chuck had glanced around the room which was so much Blair. Simply elegant with a note of Chanel Nr.5.

With a shrug Chuck hat sat down on her bed on which they had experienced happier times.

Images of Blair shuddering beneath him and moaning his name had entered his mind.

But those happy times seemed like a lifetime ago.

When Blair had finally entered her room Chuck could tell she was angry. After all he had humiliated her with his words earlier whereas she had put her feelings as well as her heart on the table.

Her harsh words spoken with just a little hint of venom "what you think you doing here?" had confirmed her anger to him.

He had glanced a brief look at her but it had been enough. Her eyes had immediately softened. Seeing him broken and sensing his vulnerability reflected in his eyes she had rushed over to him and had wrapped her arms protectively around him.

And there in her bedroom inhaling her scent Chuck had himself allowed to lean back in her embrace.

For the first time since his father had died Chuck had been able to let go. Although no sound had escaped his lips tears had been slowly falling down his cheeks.

Chuck had cried silently for his father, his mother, for Blair, for all the things he couldn't say to her, for all the feelings he held for her but somehow wasn't able to express.

Despite the sometimes even cruel things they had done to each other and despite his earlier rejection Blair had felt her heart aching for him and she had let him cry.

After what had felt like hours in which Blair just had hold him tight to her body comforting him and Chuck clutching her hand desperately both of them had fallen asleep exhausted.

Chuck had woken up a few hours later in the darkness. For a moment he had been confused and disorientated. Then he had felt an arm securely wrapped around his waist and he could remember where he was and why he was here.

He had carefully turned around eager not to wake her up. God she was beautiful, her soft brown curls had been spread around the sheets and Chuck couldn't stop himself from caressing her cheek with his thump.

She had looked so peaceful and at ease. And there lying in her bed Chuck knew. Knew that he couldn't be with her. Couldn't drag her down with him. He was a lost soul and she deserved someone much better than him Someone who could give her everything she deserved and so much more. Someone who could tell her he loved her.

Although a little voice in his head had told him he also did this for himself – because in the end everybody had left him and she would too – he had known the main reason for him leaving her was for her.

In his eyes leaving her was the most selfless thing he had ever done. Without him she could, no she would be happy.

Nonetheless he had written the note because he wanted her to understand and he absolutely didn't want her trying to safe him.

He had put the sheets around her tiny frame and he had been about to leave when he had stopped and turned around once again to look at her for the last time memorizing every little detail about her.

Being on the street in front of her building he had watched her window before stepping into the night welcoming the comforting embrace of the night.