This is kind of what might have happened after the war, actually after Naruto the last movie. I known I have some irregularities here-like Naruto being the Hokage so early- but it's the way I imagined the story and prefer it this way! Anyway, pleeeease please review, it would really mean A LOT.

I tried to have as little grammar mistakes as possible, But I apologize if you find any.

There will be one other chapter in a few weeks time, also longish-bout 8000 words- and that's it.

I hope you enjoy, it was really fun writing this. :)

DEER IN HEADLIGHTS

It was dark and cold when I came here at the arranged meeting spot. This forest always crept me out. Yes, I am a shinobi, but I've always been afraid of the supernatural, and seeing this dark, evergreen forest surrounded by mist made the hairs at the base of my neck erect. Surly Kakashi wouldn't be that late again, I was waiting here for an hour, although the daylight was creeping in, so it wasn't as bad. He said we haven't got much time left until the tournament, and I really had to work on my ninjutsu and genjutsu.

I waited another hour and a half before he had the decency to show up, saying how he was sorry while scratching the back of his neck and smiling apologetically.

„We are getting started right away, Sakura. I'm sure you know Naruto won't be coming today. Tsunade really isn't lenient towards the new Hokage.."

„Sure, sensei. I figured as much. I know you are here only because you are sick of that office"

He grinned in response, meaning I guessed right about him being irresponsible enough to leave Naruto to his own devices. I always thought he wasn't made for the position of the Hokage- sure, he was powerful, but I also know he hated the job. A Hokage should be a calling, a goal in life-like it is for Naruto- not a job you take simply because it is expected of you. Anyway, Naruto was the expected heir of the title, and Kakashi was only too glad to pass it on to his favorite pupil.

„We should work on your genjutsu, Sakura. Your chakra control is perfect, but your mastery of jutsu is not. You've got the summoning jutsu down, but I want to see your other skills, and since genjutsu was always your strong suit, let's start on improving that."

Well, that's all true, but still, I do kind of suck at genjutsu. I can easily detect any form of genjutsu though seeing as my chakra flow is sensitive to it, and any disturbance of it will trigger a series of tell-tale signs such as tightness of the chest and rapid heart beat. I kind of designed for my chakra network to work in such a way so even if the caster wants to prevent me from finding out if I'm under genjutsu, my body will always sense it.

Kakashi revealed his left, red eye. I was staring, I knew, but I couldn't look away-his sharingan always evoked unwanted memories of Sasuke. I haven't been thinking about him that much lately. He came home 2 years after leaving the village for the second time in order to find himself or whatever he was doing. It felt good seeing him, and I thought he wanted to upgrade our relationship to another level, but during a walk that led to a certain bench where he left me unconscious years ago, he confessed he is still very confused and I should move on, because chances are he will never again return after leaving. I was heartbroken, but it made me stronger. I did move on eventually and pushed the thoughts of him in the back of my mind in the process, but never truly forgot him.

Kakashi must have sensed my thoughts, and in an attempt to distract me, launched at me. I easily dodged his fist by leaping in the air, pumping my fist full of chakra and, using a tree branch as a lever, threw myself at him.

The ground split in two. I did not mean to use such a force, but I guess my feelings got the better of me, and in that punch was more than my chakra.

„Good. Now let's try this."

He was in front of me in less than a millisecond! Kakashi's speed never ceased to amaze me. I felt my chakra being distorted and immediately knew I was pulled into a genjutsu...

Kakashi had no mercy, and in the next few hours, I've spent more time in the genjutsu world than reality.

I was beat and could only go home after that. Getting to my apartment was a challenge indeed. My muscles burned and I had to climb over hundred steps to get to my entrance. Upon entering my living-room, I headed straight for the shower seeing as I was both smelly and sticky – the ever present aftermath of rigorous training. Having long showers always makes me think and I must admit I've made some of the most important decisions while soaking in hot water, one of those being that I will never ever fall for Sasuke Uchiha again.

We trained every day after that, each time pushing the limits of my ability to the maximum until one day Kakashi told me he was satisfied- I was ready.

A few days after our final training session, it was time to begin our travel to Kirigakure where the tournament would be held. Not all of the rookie nine were competing, of course, only the strongest shinobi went. I must say I was very surprised when asked to participate. You see, the tournament was a fresh thing. At one of many five kage summits, a fight broke out between Tsuchikage and Raikage, and in order to prevent future conflicts, Kakashi, then the Hokage, suggested such tournaments would be held once a year in order to somehow remind all of the kage that every nation had extremely strong and capable shinobi, and going to war would unnecessarily endanger their lives, but I just think it turned out to be a „mine's bigger" kind of competition. Anyway, I've been invited along with Naruto-who won't be participating for obvious reasons, only going there diplomatically, Shikamaru, Chouji and a bunch of older very proficient ANBU. Hinata had been invited, but as it turns out, she is pregnant. It's only one month, but the competition is rigorous and I advised her not to go to compete, but to go none the less, for the sake of my company- and Naruto's of course.

The journey wasn't long, but I still slept for hours upon arrival. After that I met with Hinata and Naruto for dinner. We had ramen-but it, of course, wasn't Ichiraku, so Naruto spent most of the night sulking while Hinata and I talked baby names. After an hour, Naruto went to meet Chouji and Shikamaru, and Hinata and I were left alone.

„You know, Sakura, Naruto got a letter from Sasuke-kun."

My heart started pounding immediately. I waited to hear from him for such a long time, and now that I had the opportunity to find out what he was up to, I no longer wanted to know.

„It's okay Hinata, I don't wanna know, really."

She looked at me with pity, something everyone had a habit of doing while discussing Sasuke with me. I hated it more than anything.

„Don't look at me like I'm a wounded puppy. I told you, he's dead to me. Not by my own choice, but I guess it has to be this way."

„I know, I'm sorry. Won't mention it again!"

„It's okay, I just hate seeing pity in someones eyes. I like to believe I'm self-sufficient enough to make it without Sasuke, or any man for that matter."

„So, you never plan on marrying? Having a family?"

I thought about it and just couldn't see it happening. It's not that I didn't want kids or husband, but I had the worst luck when it came to men. I went on dates, some of which more successful than others- some even resulting in sex afterwards, but never have I felt that spark. Forcing things wasn't going to help me find happiness.

„We'll see."

We chit chatted for half an hour or so after that before parting ways and going to our rooms.

After I had gone to bed, I got a bit anxious because of tomorrow. I guess I've always felt weak, and I knew I was in a way. I had monstrous strength, perfect chakra control, a jutsu which automatically regenerated my body upon being hurt- and confidence of a mouse. Always being the weak link has left its mark on me, and it was hard to convince myself I was good enough. I remembered Sasuke calling me annoying and weak, and it almost drew tears to my eyes,but I managed to stop myself from my usual self-pity cries, deciding it just wasn't an option anymore. I learned I had no self-respect and that was my first priority after Sasuke left-to work on myself. It took a while but I am now more content with myself.

With that thought, I fell asleep.

First day of the tournament went by pretty fast. I entered one fight and won, though I almost had to use my 100's healing mark, but in the end there was no need for it, which I find success since I started relying too much upon it. Nevertheless, it was a victory and my confidence was sky-high.

After all of that we went to get a drink. Even though most of our friends weren't in the contest, they came as a support to us. Two hours into the night, we were cracking jokes and started playing a drinking game. After everyone was sloshed and had their fill, we just talked and teased Kiba and Lee for not being invited to participate- right about then Naruto paled looking behind my shoulder and yelled-

"Sasuke! Teme!"

Everyone started clapping and cheering, and I couldn't will myself to turn around. At first I felt happy-it's been so long since I've seen him, but then I started panicking. I didn't want to see him now! I didn't want him to see me right now! I was dirty and sweaty after my fight and was feeling more self-conscious than ever. My curiosity got the better of me and I turned around. Naruto was hugging him and everyone else was clearly very happy to see him. You might think everyone would hate him after he joined Orochimaru and eventually Akatsuki, but after they all found out he was responsible for dispelling the infinite tsukuyomi, he kind of grew on them.

I had no intention of communicating with him, but then he looked me straight in the eyes and I knew I have broken the promise I made to myself, the one where I swore I would never fall for him again.

I didn't think it was possible for him to become even more handsome than he was, but it happened. His spiky hair kind of started drooping rounding his face, covering his rinnegan eye. I couldn't help noticing how his jaw became wider, lips plumper and his cheekbones were to die for. He had the stoic expression, but never looked away while I was staring at his masculine features. I must have been blushing because I saw his trademark smirk starting to appear. I turned around and quickly checked my lips using my hand to see if I was drooling- I wasn't. Thank god.

Everyone's came back to their table, and Sasuke seated himself next to Naruto, not paying attention to me. I was glad for that, really. After some time, we began drinking again, and Sasuke was too far away from me to be a distraction, so I started to chit chat with my girls- Ino, Tenten, Temari and Hinata. It was almost midnight when I decided to leave.

„I'll be going now guys, I have an another match tomorrow, gotta get that beauty sle-„

„You are in the tournament? You?"

Sasukes non-rinnegan eye widened in utter shock. I was so hurt and humiliated I just stared at him for a minute. He really was an asshole. I could feel everyone looking at their cups or the floor, anywhere but us, when Naruto broke the silence:

„You are an idiot, you know that? How can you say-„

„It's fine, Naruto. Sasuke hasn't been around, he doesn't know what I'm capable of. But yes, you are an idiot."

And with that I just left. I didn't know what else to say.

I hurried to my room so I can get a nice, hot, long shower.I just wanted to wash away the day. Water did sooth me, and it also calmed my nerves. To distract myself from thinking about Sasuke's hurtful words, I instead started thinking about his appearance. I found him very attractive. It's something about his nonchalance and broody attitude that really appeals to me. He has that dark aura around him that takes my mind to levels full of carnal content fueled by my wild imagination. I thought how it would be to have his lips on my neck and my breasts, and automatically started touching myself. I didn't masturbate very often because I don't like how dirty it makes me feel afterwards, but tonight I just couldn't help myself- so in order to rid myself of some tension, my hand started rubbing my clitoris. It took me some time, but thoughts of Sasuke, though unwanted in my mind, really sped up the process.

To my extreme dissatisfaction, I found the door of my bathroom opened to my room. I hoped no one heard my moans..

The next day went by as smoothly as the previous one- another victory in my hands. Today I had to use my 100's healing mark, and I actually did get some more serious bruises, but instead of healing them myself, I decided to skip the bar and go home and prepare myself an herbal blend which helps in tissue growth and in healing of wounds. I bought the herbs and went back to my room, only to find him standing there in the middle. Like a retarded schoolgirl, I dropped my bag and the herbs spilled all over the floor. Nor Sasuke nor I reacted to the scattered herbs.

„You didn't come to the bar tonight, Sakura."

For some reason, him saying my name made me think of my shower from yesterday.

„I had kind of a rough day, so I thought I'd make myself a healing ointment."

„I know. I saw."

„You watched my match?"

He only nodded in response.

I came in and closed the door.

„Do you want anything to drink.. Or eat..? Do you want to sit?"

I knew he knew I was nervous. I was also hot and red. I couldn't see myself, but I knew I was.

He said no to food and drink, but he sat in an armchair situated at the back of the room. The silence was too much, so I started collecting my herbs from the floor. He only sat there looking at me. If he had any idea what that made me feel, I'm certain it would make that unemotional mask he calls face blush a deep shade of red. When I was done with picking my herbs up, I was also done waiting.

„Was there something you wanted from me?"

„Always so impatient."

I should have known the moment I entered the room. It was apparent from the way he looked at me, said my name and the way his eyes were pitch black, not the usual dark grey. He came to have sex with me.

After I finally understood what he wanted, he stood up.

„Take off your clothes, Sakura."

It seems stupid now, but I did it the same second he commanded me to. He then came close and started to undress himself. I soon came to his aid, and before I knew it, we were both naked and in the shower. It was all happening so fast. A day ago I thought I would never see him again, and now, we were naked , about to have sex. I started to have second thoughts, but when the water hit me, I knew.

„Get out, Sasuke. I can't. I won't."

...

„Fine."

He went out and I slumped to the floor. I tried replaying everything in my head, but my mind was blank. I wondered if I'm going to regret this decision until the rest of my life

I didn't sleep at all last night and it showed- my under eye area was baggy and purple-ish, but I was determined to win another victory today. All my determination wasn't of any use because that day was not going well at all-unfortunately, I lost my ID photo badge which prevented me from formally registering for that day's fight and I now owned everything to Naruto for pulling some strings to get me in. The program which paired fighters was based on random selection, so I could have ended up with some sickeningly strong contestant, but the luck was on my side, so I didn't- that is, until today.

The amount of shock I was feeling after seeing my name next to Sasuke's made my knees falter and my heart rate go off the charts. I tried to find those devilish, red eyes somewhere around me, but I couldn't. The whole arena was clapping and it made me disoriented. Our names were called once more, so when I realized I had no choice, I jumped in the centre of the arena and waited for him. My shock slowly started turning into anger. I didn't even know he was invited. And also, I had a feeling it was rigged. All of the true elites, about 10 of them, were only fighting amongst themselves. I knew I wasn't an elite, and Sasuke, being the second strongest ninja in the world- after Naruto- sure was.

They now called only Sasuke's name, and for some time, he didn't show and I thought he might not, hoped he might not, but soon enough, he teleported himself in front of me on the battlefield, all smug and mighty.

„Ladies and gentlemen, Uchiha Sasuke, the lone survivor and the head of one of the most powerful clans in shinobi world, master of both sharingan and rinnegan, and The Fourth Shinobi World War hero will go up against Haruno Sakura, one of the most renowned medical ninjas in the world, master od 100's healing mark, and a protegee of none other than Tsunade , the fifth Hokage. As I understand, they used to be teammates as genin, and now, they will fight one another to prove their worth in front of our lordships, the feudal lords, the five kage and of course the rest of the respectable audience."

After that I could hear only loud cheering and Naruto yelling 'Finish the bastard, Sakura', which was a little weird seeing as kage don't chant-ever. When I was done taking in my surroundings, I looked at Sasuke.

„You did this, didn't you."

„You said I wasn't around to see the extent of your abilities, so I thought I'd change that."

„You just want to embarrass me in front of thousands of people, feudal lords, kages... my friends! Do I mean so little to you?"

I was flustered and hurt. I couldn't believe he would do this. He was several leagues above me and he knew that. If he wanted to, he could finish me off during the first thirty seconds of our match.

„Do you have so little self respect and confidence in your abilities to say such things? I thought it would honor you. I want to fight you. I've seen you the other day, I've seen what you can do. Now I want to push your limits so you can see what you can do."

I was left speechless. I would never see it that way if he hadn't told me, and frankly, I felt like a fool. I didn't know what to say, so I just simply nodded.

Before we knew it, the horn sounded. The match had begun.

„I won't go easy on you, Sakura. You have to want to kill me to have any chance of getting to me. I'll leave Susanoo out of the fight. If you see me using it, count it as a personal victory. Go ahead. I'm waiting."

He curled his upper lip into a smirk, and I thought about what to do. First is defence, so I activated my mitotic regeneration jutsu and pumped my fists full of chakra- and then I launched at him.

At first, he had no problem dodging my attacks. I used my fist, and he his katana. He was very fast and I could barely avoid his offenses, but then I didn't.

I let his blade go straight through my abdomen. He stood in front of me shell shocked at what I did. His state didn't last more than 2 seconds, but I noticed how he hesitated to retrieve his blade, so I shot my fist at his face, which he dodged, of course. I pulled his katana out from me, slowly and agonizingly. I could sense his discomfort. He wasn't prepared for this and I wanted to use that to my advantage, so I thought I'd try a low class genjutsu, a one that Kakashi told me won't register with a Sharingan wielder. I threw his katana at him high in the air, and while he looked up, I managed to do my signs. The genjutsu would make him feel sick, as if he would throw up, but checking his chakra network won't tell him there is a genjutsu placed on him.

We went on with our fight, and I could see the color draining from his face. He was becoming slower and sloppy. This was it. I readied my fist and punched the ground underneath him. While the terrain split, he leapt into the air not registering I had made a shadow clone to stand on the ground in my stead while I snuck up behind him. Just as I was about to jump, I felt a kunai at the base of my throat and a body pressing close to my own.

„Genjutsu. A clever one at that. The problem is, I also have a rinnegan. And nothing escapes rinnegan. Not your hand signs, not your clone, not even the lacy black underwear you are currently wearing."

He knew how to get to me, that was for sure. But I wouldn't let his sly comments be a distraction.

I felt him tense as soon as thousands of cherry blossoms erupted from my body, slowly disintegrating me, and I was no longer next to him. The new jutsu I picked up from Ino's aunt is perfect for an escape-it's fast and it surprises the opponent. I materialized and decided to push him as far as he went. I started hitting the ground and then picking up the shattered pieces and throwing them at him. He was fast, but so was I. I punched and I threw like a maniac, so he simoultaineously had to leap and dodge, which was hard, even for him. And then, a perfect situation occured. I threw a 500 pound rock at him while the ground collapsed in on itself and he had to move in front of the rock- and that's when it happened. Hand of a purple Susanoo grabbed the rock and smashed it into dust.

I saw anger in his features, but also a hint of pride.

„Sakura, you really amaze me."

It was the best compliment I could have gotten. I felt honoured. But then, it all came to a stop when he used his rinnegan to teleport behind me, using his Susanoo to take hold of me.

„You might be strong, but you can't beat Susanoo."

And normally I might have proven him wrong, but today, I was too exhausted to even try.

„I forfeit. You win."

„Congratulations, Sakura."

And that's when I heard everyone chanting my name. Apparently no one thought I would last more than five seconds in the ring with him. But then again, neither did I.

„Thank you for doing this. Really."

And I truly meant what I said.

He let the Susanoo recede, and just as I was about to fall, he teleported next to me and lifted me in his arms, and then again, using his teleportation, he brought me to the medics. I passed out with a smile on my face.

This night, I decided to go out, so I went home and had a shower. During the shower, I again started thinking about Sasuke and touching myself, but decided against it. I need to stop that.

Ino called me saying the girls will probably wear dresses and heels, as they planned on going out after the drinks, so I rummaged through my closet and found a simple black dress that came just above the knee and was quite tight fitting. It might be a little too much, but I don't care. Besides, I won't be so noticeable when Ino and Hinata show the enviable cleavage. Well, at least Ino will.

I didn't know what to do with my hair, so I just put a pin in it and combed it. I did a minimum makeup and a lot of perfume. When my stilettos were on, I looked in the mirror and was generaly pleased with what I saw.

We were in the exact same spot few nights ago when Sasuke appeared. I was as always late, but was happy to see that a seat next to Ino wasn't taken, so I said hi to everyone and sat there.

Sasuke was sitting opposite to me and stared silently while I talked to people around me.

Soon after, we began drinking, and as drunker I got, the more I stared back at Sasuke. He had the same intensity in his eyes as the day when he came to have sex with me. I remembered the embarrassing night when I kicked him out of my shower, and came to a conclusion-i'll let him have me. I haven't had sex in a while and just hoped it wasn't the alcohol doing the thinking in my stead-I think it was,but, nevertheless, I stood up and said I needed fresh air- of cours meaning it as a hint for him to follow.

Which he did

When he came outside, I started walking towards the forest where I trained the other day, and he followed. I stopped near a tree and leaned on it.

„Change your mind, ne?"

„Yes." My voice was quivering.

„You want me to fuck you?"

Hearing him cuss like that at first surprised me, but then I realized it also made my panties dripping wet, so I just nodded.

„Are you using any contraceptives?"

Well, I don't have sex so..

„No."

„We can't do this then."

„What?!"

I sounded more desperate than I was supposed to.

„I don't have a condom. And I think pulling out only ruins the moment."

So he was experienced. Hm. I don't like it, but I also had sex before, so I won't be a hypocrite.

I approached him, and cautiously put my hands on his chest and started moving them down until I reached his crotch. He gave a little grunt.

„Ah, Sakura, no.."

I took that as a yes. I got a little bolder and put my hand in his pants. He then started kissing my neck. It felt like heaven. It is my erogenous spot after all. Soon, my neck led him to my mouth, and the initial kiss was superficial, like trying out what water feels like with a toe, and then it became as consuming as water after you leap into it, and I remember thinking.. I never want to resurface.

He lifted my dress and with his finger he pulled my panties to one side. He put his index and middle finger into me and I started moaning like an animal. I don't know if it was Sasuke or alcohol, but I couldn't-wouldn't control myself. I let go of all my boundaries and took the dress off completely. Soon after the panties,the bra followed, so I was only standing in my stilettos. Sasuke was taken aback by my behavior, but soon followed by stripping himself as well.

When we were both naked and ready, he kissed me, and then he turned me so I was facing away from him and leaning on the bark of the tree. He positioned himself and grabbed my ass with his left, and held my hands behind me with his right hand, and started to fuck. There is no better word to describe our act than 'fuck'. He was merciless and rough, there wasn't any feeling in it, except lust. I knew all of that, but it still felt so good. After a long celibate period, this was like heaven. The bark was scratching my nipples, which was somehow extremely pleasurable. My moans were louder and I panted like crazy, but Sasuke's breaths only deepened. He then turned me while lying on the ground.

„Come. Ride me."

And I did. The position worked very well for me and I came within the first minute. I was spent and couldn't move afterwards.

„Come on, baby, go on your arms and knees."

Baby? Interesting. That motivated me to do as he says.

„I want to fuck you in the ass so I can come in you. Can I?"

„What?!"

My ass? No.

„I guess that's a no."

„Just come in me, I'm not ovulating."

„You could have said so."

Alcohol, sorry.

I thought he was going to turn me around, but he started fucking me from behind. I felt like I haven't had sex before. I have never experienced these feelings before. He was very skilled and started to touch my clitoris after he saw I could come again. And so I did. After that I slumped on the ground and he fucked me in a position I like to call ' normal style', because I always have sex that way.

„I'm going to cum, Sakura."

„Okay."

And then he spilled into me. It was a weird feeling, having his semen in me. But I was drunk, everything was a bit peculiar at the time.

He kissed me after he recuperated a bit, and then lifted us both from the ground.

„Dress." He commanded and after we were done dressing he made an interesting proposal.

"We should do it again, you know."

I wanted to agree, but decided I was too drunk to make any kinds of promises.

„We'll see."

„Was there something dissatisfying about my performance."

He said that with a devilish smirk on his face.

„I am pleased, thank you."

„Thank you, Sakura."

I told him I'm gonna go home now, and he insisted on seeing me to my room.

„Do you want to come in for some tea or something?" I asked while looking for my room keys.

He gave me the 'I know what that means' look and simply turned around, waving, saying good night.

I, again, didn't sleep.

I woke up in the morning, and since I had nowhere to be, I stayed in the bed for an hour or so, thinking, now sober, about last night. And after replaying last night's events, I realized I still am in love. Also, I felt pretty hopeful about the prospect of a relationship with Sasuke. I don't know why, but I have a feeling it might mean something more to him than just sex. Or maybe it was wishful part of my brain doing thinking instead of the rational one. Only time will tell what are his intentions, as for me, I really hope that the fortune has smiled upon me after all those years of waiting for him. It really is amazing how long I have loved him, though I don't think I did love him in the genin days at first-it was infatuation. But after forest of death, I have somehow grown, and in retrospect, the pain his burdens caused me had been the first sign of childish crush growing into something more meaningful.

Over the next few days, we slept together every night. Carnal pleasures have really grown close to my heart, I must say. He would come around midnight and stay until 4-5 AM. He is gentle sometimes, but then, as if something shifts in his brain, he is back to his old cold self. Tonight, I want us to talk about our future. I think he really might come back, after all, it's time. He has been away long enough and the way he has been acting tells me he thinks the same. He is not that reserved and spends a lot of time with the old gang. For the first time in my life, I feel complete.

I just got out of shower when I saw Sasuke entering my room through the window.

„You're here early."

„I had some time on my hands. We can start the festivities sooner."

That smirk of his is my kryptonite, but I'm determined to talk first.

„Actually, I was thinking we talk about some things first."

„Fine. What is it?"

He closed the window, sat on my bed and started taking his sandals off.

„Are you coming back? To Konoha."

He stopped dead in tracks, and my heart sank. That's when I knew- he's not coming back.

„Oh. You should have said so, Sasuke. God, you are such an idiot."

By then, my sadness transformed into anger.

„You could have gone and fucked some stranger, you didn't have to do this to me."

I started going to the bathroom, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm.

„What are you talking about? I never said I'd go back. This was just sex, Sakura, lets's not pretend I was going to marry you or something."

That did it.

„Get out, Sasuke. „

„Sakura. It doesn't have to be this way. We had fun. You know I can't stay."

„No, you had fun. I love you, and you know that. I knew that you know that. I counted on it even. I thought 'hey, he wouldn't tease you, he knows you love him'."

„Your brain did this to you, not I. I never said I would stay, I never said I loved you."

This was too much. He has broken my heart so many times I don't think it is there anymore. I subconsciously think about how dead tissue dies off and is disintegrated and wonder will that happen to my heart after he's done

I'm going home in a few days, and after I'd come home, I'll pack my things and go travel the world, I think. Konoha will hold too many bad memories for me to stay, so I must go.

„Fine. We'll talk later."

„No. Just get out."

He tried getting close to me once more, but I went in to the bathroom and locked the door. I cried like a baby the entire night, I just couldn't stop. Realizing he didn't love me just hurt so SO much.

I avoided Sasuke as best as I could. He tried to talk to me on several occasions but I refused. I have once already broken a promise made to myself, I won't do it twice.

Today we depart for Konoha and I'm looking forward to going. I've checked out of my room at the inn and carried my bags to the carrier wagon. I saw the gang standing in a half-circle, and I went to join them, only to find they were saying goodbye to Sasuke.

I turned to go where I came from, but Sasuke teleported in front of me.

„Here. Read it when you come home."

He gave me a letter.

„Please, promise me that you will not read it until you are home."

„Fine."

I took the letter and put it in my bag, and with one last glance at Sasuke Uchiha, I turned around and started walking in the direction of home.

The journey had taken us a bit longer this time because some of the ANBU were badly hurt and we had to slow our pace for their sake. I kept thinking about the letter in my bag-what did he want me to know? What couldn't he have said in person? It was probably an apology and 'let's-be-friends' kind of letter. I opened it while climbing the stairs, and as I got it out of the envelope, I had a moment of hesitation. What if the truth was too much to bare? I held on to the letter for two weeks before summoning the courage to open it-I decided it's better to know the facts and move on with my life.

Dear Sakura,

There are many reasons why I can't come home, some of which are even classified, but I want to tell you some of the crucial ones. I hope you can then understand why we can't be together. I'm sorry for misleading you, I know what I have done and I apologize for it. I thought I had a chance of happiness for a moment, but in the back of my mind I always knew I had to leave you.

As for my reasons, I think you understand what my reputation is and can guess I have many enemies. Since I left Konoha, I was targeted by assassins more times than I can count. Having you beside me, or home waiting for me, would destroy my mind with worry. If something happened to you because of my mistakes, my past, my name-I would go mad.

Because all of that, I have decided not to marry nor have any children. I realize now that my clan is cursed and I am destined to be its final head. My goal now is to live out my days peacefully, not bringing trouble to you, or to Konoha.

I hope you realize the extent of my feelings for you.

Forever yours,

Sasuke Uchiha.

I read the letter again and again, drinking every word in. The mixture of grief and anger making my eyes sting. I didn't want to cry, but I finally relented. How could have he made that decision for me?! I started throwing my chairs around in anger. I couldn't leave it bottled up. I didn't know what to do. I felt betrayed, but most of all I regretted not wanting to talk to him face to face as he asked me to. Maybe I could have changed his mind- I knew he wouldn't go back, but nothing would have prevented me from going with him if he had said those words to me.

I had to tell someone, and since Ino left for another mission right after we came back, I went to Naruto's and Hinata's apartment.

Hinata answered the door after a few moments, clearly groggy from the nap she was obviously taking before I interrupted her.

„Sakura, what happened?"

„I.. It was Sasuke. Where is Naruto?"

Hinata moved so I could enter. Naruto was just rubbing his eyes when he saw me standing in the middle of his living-room, visibly shaken up.

„What's wrong, Sak?"

I gave him the letter, he opened it and read it, as well as Hinata. As I saw his eyes move down to the bottom of the page, I told him my decision.

„I have to go find him, Naruto."

...

„Okay. Pack your stuff, you depart immediately. He said he was headed north, towards Hidden cloud. Don't go by land, take a boat instead. Travelling alone is much safer by water. I'll deal with the council tomorrow."

„Thank you, Naruto!"

I disappeared that same second using my teleportation jutsu and appeared in front of my apartment door. It was a chakra consuming jutsu, but I'll compensate with a soldier pill.

It took me 3 minutes to pack my stuff and leave, and an hour to reach the shore. I took the boat I usually take when I go to get supplies for my ointments and medications. I hate travelling via boat because I always get sea sick-not the way Guy sensei does, but I have thrown up on a few occasions.

The weather was fine all four days of my travel, but none the less, I threw up quite a few times. I had some time to think about what I was going to do when I face Sasuke, what was I going to say, and also, what his reaction might be. Initially, I didn't want to form any kind of plans in my head- if you don't expect anything, you can't be hurt, but then I decided to just think of a few possible outcomes my venture might result in, so I can decide beforehand how I was going to react. You see, for an impulsive person like me, this technique makes sure you don't overreact and make a fool of yourself. After some pondering, I deducted there are two possible outcomes- either I would start travelling with Sasuke or go home and never turn back-he might care for me, but I don't beg.

I couldn't wait to find a place to spend the night in that wasn't rocking from side to side the entire time. It was dark when I exited the boat and hid it with a simple jutsu. My energy levels were dangerously low because I couldn't keep my soldier pills down. I hate to admit it, but Naruto was right- they are awful.

I walked slowly, enjoying the starlit scenery, when I heard the foliage rustle. Great, just what I needed to drain my chakra completely-a fight.

My senses must have been duller than I have thought, because before I knew it, there was a stone hand lifting me from the path, squeezing so tight I could barely breathe.

„Why is the apprentice of the slug queen sneaking into The Land of Lightning?"

„I'm not sneaking, my boat was carried off its course and I couldn't find the harbour afterwards."

The hand that held me loosened up its grip and I slid back on the dirt floor, barely supporting my own weight, the result of my drained chakra no doubt.

„Take her to the registry office, we'll send a message to the Raikage from there informing him of the new arrival."

We walked for 15 minutes when I saw a building that seemed to be bustling with life. All of those who wished to enter The Land of Lightning had to register first, so my chances of finding out if Sasuke had already come here were high.

A paper was shoved into my hands as soon as I entered the ugly, old building.

„Fill this up miss Haruno and then hand it over to the lady at the far back of the room. I'll go notify the Raikage of your arrival."

„Wait! Do you know, did Sasuke Uchiha come to The Land of Lightning by any chance?"

„No, I'm sorry. He didn't."

„Are you sure? You haven't checked."

„I think I would remember if one of the strongest shinobi to ever live came into my building. And trust me, skilled as he is, he wouldn't be able to enter without being noticed. He isn't in The Land of Lightning."

Although this did come as a disappointment, I wouldn't let my spirit be crushed. So he hasn't come yet. I'll wait. He'll show.

My Friend told me she found the sex scene weird, but I think Sasuke would fuck like that. He likes Sakura, but he doesn't show affection, it would feel weird if he were romantic.

There will be some fluff, but not too much :)