Hello! Welcome to my first piece of writing on Hotarubi no Mori e. I made the mistake of watching the film (I haven't yet read the manga) knowing that it would make me cry. Let's just say I've never cried so much in my entire life. I woke up that night at 2am with this idea and it demanded to be written. It's gonna be several chapters long so I hope it'll turn out okay. My main issue is making the chapters lengthy so I'll try my best to make them as long as possible.
Anyway, enough stalling. I hope you enjoy this first chapter.
- Léa
Whispers On The Wind
Chapter One: Emptiness
My life seems so empty now. Since I was six the rest of the year was spent waiting for the summer that I'd have with him. Now that Gin was gone, everything in the forest – and in my life – seemed a little less bright.
A day didn't go by where I didn't think of him. Everything brought back memories of us together.
In autumn, the crunching of the fallen leaves under my feet too me back to those days where he'd taught me how to make the small boats out of leaves and the way he'd chuckle at my childlike fascination when they drifted downriver and out of sight.
Winter reminded me of the scarf I'd given him, the orange one with the blue pattern. Sometimes, when I was at home and the snow began to fall, I'd forget and when looking out the white blanket covering the landscape I'd hope he was keeping warm in the fierce weather. Then I'd stop myself and remember that he wasn't out in the cold any more. The scarf was no longer needed because he was gone.
The spring season reminded me of the intense greenery of the forest. The emerging wildlife I'd occasionally see on the way to school would take me back to where Gin would point out all the animal species living in the trees. He knew every individual animal that called the forest its home, including the rabbit he referred to as 'Lucky' because it had survived somehow falling out of a tree. He'd laughed when I said that I didn't know rabbits lived in trees.
Summer was always the hardest. The summer after he disappeared from my life was unbearable. I stayed at my uncle's house again, but spent the days in the house. On the few attempts I made to go back into the forest, I was unable to bring myself to continue once I got to our usual meeting place. I always hoped, a tiny, unconceivable wish that he'd be there waiting for me, perched on the usual rock with the soft summer breeze blowing through his silvery hair. He never was waiting for me when I arrived, and I never passed under the stone structure that marked the entrance to the forest of the Mountain God. The forest no longer scared me as it did when I was young, but I thought that walking through the area wouldn't be the same without him falling into pace beside me.
After the night that I lost him I returned to my uncle's house with no idea of how I'd got back, only that I just wanted to hold onto Gin. I wanted to grip his clothes so hard that my knuckles turned white and reassure myself that it was ok, because he was there. I wanted to make sure that he was real and physical and be safe in the knowledge that he would never leave me.
A few days later the summer break came to an end and I'd gone home. My parents noticed the immediate change in my usual bubbly personality, but thankfully left me alone when I made it clear that I didn't want to talk about it. What could I tell them?
Oh, by the way I've had an adult man as a friend since I was six and I spend every summer with him and oh did I mention he's a spirit and also sorry to break this to you but I love him and now he's gone I don't feel like I'm alive any more.
My school grades plummeted but I managed to regain at least average results by the time I left school for my parents' sake. I pushed hard at school not just for them, but for Gin as well. He'd always encouraged me to do well in my education and become whatever I wanted to be.
As the years passed, life went on. I was angry at the world. Why did everything have to carry on as normal when I felt so broken? Why did the sun still shine though Gin was no longer here? My life seemed incomplete – like there was an unseen hole in my chest that could never truly heal. The only thing that seemed to comfort me was Gin's mask. It symbolised so much and I was grateful to have it with me. Whenever I needed comfort, I found it in the mask. I was a mere shell of my former, younger self. I felt as if his disappearance had left the sheer foundations of my life crumbling and only a tiny knock would cause everything to come crashing down.
Every year without fail I stayed at my uncle's place in the summer.
Eventually I forced myself to go into the forest. As I'd expected, it wasn't the same. There seemed to be less in it. It seemed to be less mysterious and magical without him beside me.
I knew my way around the forest by now, from the winding river to the meadows filled with flowers. Years of him being my guide had helped the forest to become very familiar to me, like a second home.
I often heard sounds when I walked – my name as a whisper on the wind. The first few times I'd convince myself that it was Gin calling me and when I found nothing the sadness would take over again. I suspected it was the other spirits calling my name, but none of them showed themselves. They must have realised that I wasn't ready to confront the fact that they were still here and Gin was not.
When I finished my education, I did what I'd said I'd do and moved nearby to my uncle. I visited the forest almost daily now, not just in the summer. I experienced the harsh winters, colourful autumns and the growth of spring. I saw the forest come full-circle, something that I'd not before seen.
Eventually just visiting was not enough.
One day in summer, I quit my job.
Then I sold my house.
I packed a small bag and told my uncle that I was going to live in the forest.
After some resistance he agreed, knowing how much I loved being in there ever since I was a child, but only with the condition that I'd keep in contact with him and my parents and that I wouldn't disappear into the forest never to be seen again. To leave was all I wanted, so I had simply said I wouldn't disappear. Those words had shaken me to the core. When thinking about it, I had wanted to leave. I wanted to leave my old life of normality and having a job and living in a busy area and go. I wanted...to disappear.
And so, on the five year anniversary of Gin's disappearance, I arrived at the gate marking the entrance to the forest of the Mountain God. The start of my new life.
To Be Continued