Helping and Healing
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews for my last Alpha's story! This is another similar oneshot, but a little bit more angsty than the last one. I hope I got this right. Autism is such a complex disorder and requires thoughtfulness in order to write it correctly. Having worked with several children with autism spectrum disorders, meltdowns are a part of life, and I am taking a leap to say that meltdowns are less frequent as adults, but still prevalent. Correct me if I'm wrong! Also, I've been playing with reasons Rachel and Gary get along so well or why she is more protective of him than the others. This is just a theory I came up with.
Everyone had good and bad days. It was part of life. But if you add being autistic to the mix, even highly functioning, these good and bad days are magnified. In Gary's life, overstimulation was something to be suffered through. As long as he could remember there have always been visible electromagnetic waves flying in front of his eyes. He was in school before he realized other people could not see what he could. That was another thing he had to constantly work on; the concept that other people have thoughts and emotions that differ from his own. He honestly didn't mean to be self-centered, but sometimes it was all he could do to just regulate his own mind. Those were the times he came off as rude.
When Dr. Rosen started helping him cope, his life changed. Finally he was given the coping skills he so desperately needed. Together they developed a grid system in his office to help organize the incessant flood of data coming into his head. And now, for once, he felt like he wasn't alone.
Even with all of the help and support he received working under Dr. Rosen, meltdowns could still occur.
Bill, Nina, Rachel, Hicks, Gary and Dr. Rosen were in the in the conference room. They had recently been given some downtime to recuperate from the pheromone incident. It was their first case sense that happened, and everyone was glad to have some normalcy, if you could even call it that, returned to their lives. There was light banter and even a little light bickering around the table, because it wouldn't be normal if someone wasn't butting heads with someone else.
Dr. Rosen was pleased to see his team fall back into their previous roles, both relationally and professionally. He was worried about Gary, however. Gary had barely said two words since he had picked him up at his home that morning. Usually he was very talkative, but today something was off. Dr. Rosen knew he'd have to keep an eye on the young man.
After the small talk was winding down, Dr. Rosen tried to start the video on the television, but as usual something wasn't working. Gary sighed and wordlessly stood up and walked to the television. "Thank you, Gary. You know me and my technology problems so well!" Dr. Rosen said cheerfully.
"Fixed." Gary said. He took his seat again. Dr. Rosen was definitely going to have to talk with Gary after this was done. Something wasn't right. The rest of the briefing went on without a problem, and Dr. Rosen had given everyone their respective tasks.
"Gary, can you come talk with me in my office? I have a few questions about my computer." That wasn't a total lie, as he really was having problems with the wifi signal.
Gary followed him to his office. It wasn't normal for him to be so quiet. Once they were inside the office, Dr. Rosen closed the door. "Is everything alright, Gary? You are very quiet today." Gary rolled his head and sat on the couch.
"Your wifi is working in here. But you're on the wrong network." Dr. Rosen nodded.
"Thank you. I knew it was just something I'd missed. But I'm more worried about you than the internet right now. Did something happen this morning?"
"Yes. Dr. Rosen I don't want to talk right now. I'm very busy," Gary said, putting his hand up and scanning for frequencies.
"I understand, but I want to make sure you are alright. Can you tell me what happened so I can maybe help you with it?"
Gary had given up trying not to talk. "Our neighbor lost her cat this morning. I hate that cat. It always gets lost. She came over while I was eating my cereal. My mother let the neighbor come in my house. It is my house. I mean it's our house. My mother said we would help her look. I didn't want to help her look. Apparently I was being a difficult person and not listening, because my mother got angry at me. She made me put my cereal in the sink and help look for the stupid cat. And she made me apologize to the stupid neighbor, even though she was in my house and trespassing." There had barely been a breath amidst the outpour of frustrations.
Dr. Rosen knew that Gary's mother loved Gary very much, but keeping Gary content could sometimes be a challenge. The slightest change in routine or environment could set him off, through no fault of his own. "That sounds like a very interesting morning. Very out of your normal routine!" Dr. Rosen said. "Did you and your mother make nice afterword?" Gary shook his head. That would definitely cause Gary's withdrawn behavior today. "I'm sure she is just as sorry as you are about what happened. Do you want to call her and talk to her?"
"No. She's with her boyfriend today." Dr. Rosen nodded. They had finally gotten to the root of the issues.
"Ahh. Do you like her boyfriend?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"He's nice. But I don't like him. He treats me like a child and teases me. He thinks it's funny but it is not funny at all. I told my mother that I didn't like him and she got upset I think. She told me it wasn't my business and went to her room."
"I see. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you feel like that, though. Next time he teases you, you should ask him to stop. Don't get angry with him, just ask him politely to stop. If that doesn't work, I'm sure you could talk to your mother. I'll even help you talk to her if you wanted, but I know you are capable of doing it on your own. You have improved so much at asserting yourself in appropriate ways. I'm very proud of you."
Gary nodded. "Okay Dr. Rosen. I'm going to go to my office now." He stood up and walked to the door and left.
Dr. Rosen shook his head. He knew how stressors like that could affect anyone, but with Gary it was much more jarring to his system. He looked up when he felt someone else in the office. It was Gary again. He looked distressed.
"There's a beep. Not a buzz. A beep. I have a headache. Can you fix it?" he asked.
Dr. Rosen stood up. "We should track it down and see where it's coming from. Maybe it is a cellphone with low battery." They walked back into the hall. Gary was waiting impatiently for the next beep so that they could start their search. Dr. Rosen noticed that he was pulling at his wristband. He did that when sensory overload was becoming a problem. He was on edge today anyways, and this beep could trigger a meltdown if they weren't careful. Gary hadn't had a meltdown at the office yet, but that was because Dr. Rosen was able to recognize the warning signs and intervene carefully. Finally, there was a barely audible beep. To Gary however, the beep was like an air horn.
It sounded like it was coming from Nina's office. When they got to the door, however, Nina wasn't there and the door was locked. Rachel peeked her head out of her adjacent door. "She went to grab coffee. What did you need?" she asked. She was such a joy to work with, and usually she and Gary were very close. Today however, with all the stimuli Gary was experiencing, he reacted badly.
"Nothing Rachel. Please stop talking. I need to make the beep stop. And I can't find it if you keep talking." Rachel was shocked. She had never seen Gary like this. He was so grumpy and brash.
"Gary. That was very rude. You made Rachel feel bad. You need to apologize to her," Dr. Rosen said. But Gary wasn't listening. The beeping was definitely coming from Nina's office. He was shaking the doorknob and growing more agitated by the second. It looked like a melt down was unavoidable at this point. Gary stormed down the hall and into Hick's office.
"Hey Gare. What's up?" Hick's asked, unaware of the state Gary's patience was in.
"Be quiet. No talking. You need to break Nina's door open with that baseball bat so I can stop the beeping." He gestured to the bat on the shelf. Hicks laughed.
"She'll be back soon. And she'd be pissed if I broke into her office. Sorry Gare." Gary wouldn't have it. He shook his head and lunged at the bat. Hicks quickly intercepted Gary's move. "Hey bud, you shouldn't do that. You'll make Nina mad, and that's not good for any of us."
Gary wasn't listening. He went to the door again, pulling at his wristband again. He was shaking his head fervently when he slid down to the floor, unable to take it anymore. Dr. Rosen ran over to Gary. With meltdowns it meant that Gary wasn't physically able to be reasoned with, and he was likely more frustrated at the meltdown than everyone else. He made Gary stand up and they walked back to Dr. Rosen's office and closed the door. It was the farthest office from Nina's beeping office, and it was the best place to let Gary cool down.
Unlike a lot of people with autism, Gary's meltdowns were almost completely internalized. He sat on the couch and shook his head fervently while tugging at his wristband harshly. Dr. Rosen had turned the lights off and closed the window to avoid any further overstimulation. After several minutes of this behavior, Gary put his hands to his face. His shoulders relaxed and he relaxed into the cushions of the couch. Dr. Rosen went to sit next to him. The meltdown itself was bad enough, but for Gary, because he was so highly functioning on the autism spectrum, the shame and embarrassment that came afterword were more detrimental.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, not looking up from his hands.
"Gary, you don't need to apologize. Everything is fine now, and we don't even need to talk about it. Do you want to rest in here for a little? I need to work on the computer, so if you're in here I won't need to keep walking to your office for help."
Gary nodded. "I'm not Mr. Google. But I'll help you. I'll stay here for a little bit." Dr. Rosen laughed.
"It's kind of chilly in here. You can use the blanket if you want," he gestured to the blanket on the back of the couch. Gary nodded and pulled the blanket towards him. He hunkered down into the cushions, reveling in the quiet. It didn't take long for him to doze off. Dr. Rosen went back to his desk and sat down. He turned his lamp on so that he could see his notes and went back to work.
Pretty soon there was a soft knock at the door. Glancing at Gary, he saw that the younger man had not heard and was sleeping soundly. When he opened the door slowly, he found Rachel standing there.
Dr. Rosen stepped out and closed the door softly behind him. "Are you alright, Rachel? Gary didn't mean what he said. He wasn't thinking clearly."
"I know. I have a nephew who is autistic, and he has meltdowns too. It's pretty clear that was what happened," she explained.
"I didn't know you had a nephew with autism. I guess that explains why you and Gary have bonded so well." Rachel nodded.
"It's not hard to be Gary's friend. He has such a kind soul. It's easier to be with Gary than with some other people in the office," she said, gesturing to Bill's office. They did not get along very well at all, and Dr. Rosen was still trying to figure out what to do with those two.
Dr. Rosen smiled. "I don't know what we'd do without you, Rachel." Rachel beamed. There was a cloud over the office right now, and Dr. Rosen knew he needed to vocalize something about Gary's meltdown. "Can you get everyone to meet me in the conference room?" Rachel nodded.
Everyone sat down around the table, except Gary who was still curled up on the couch asleep. "Nina, have you plugged your cell phone in?" Dr. Rosen asked. Nina nodded, but looked confused. She had just gotten back from the coffee shop and was unaware of the events that had just taken place.
He delicately explained what had happened, and that it was nothing to worry about, and also directed them to not speak of it with Gary later. He explained that Gary was going to be ashamed and feel guilty, even though it was completely out of his control. When everyone understood they went back to work. Rachel stayed behind.
"That was very well put, Dr. Rosen. I wish you could explain that to more people. My nephew is young enough that people assume it's a temper tantrum, but that is not correct at all. People don't understand what it means to be autistic. The label cause people to not even try to get to know the person, and that is very sad because autistic people have so much to offer if someone is willing to listen." She was starting to tear up. Dr. Rosen put a hand on her shoulder.
"You're clearly very passionate about this. You're nephew I lucky to have you," he said. Rachel shook her head.
"I lied to you. I don't have an autistic nephew. My brother had autism. My parents didn't know how to handle it, and they had him institutionalized. It was so hard to watch, but I couldn't do anything to change their minds, because I was only fourteen at the time. He was eight when they made him leave. He didn't understand what was happening." She was sobbing now. Dr. Rosen grabbed some tissues and gave them to her. She laughed. "I'm sorry. I've never told anyone any of this. I haven't seen my brother except at Christmas ever since. Having Gary around is like my second chance at having my little brother."
"Thank you for sharing that with me, Rachel. Gary is lucky to have you around, just as your brother is lucky to have you even if it is once a year. I had no idea about any of this, but it explains so much. You are so compassionate. You were wired to be a big sister, and more specifically a protector of your brother. It is not fair that your parents took that away from you, and I'm truly sorry." Rachel hugged Dr. Rosen. She'd needed to get that off her chest for so long.
"Thank you, Dr. Rosen."