Building and Burning

Chapter One [I Know That We Don't Talk, I'm Sick Of It All

"Hey, Koyuki!" Ryuusuke called out, spotting the timid seventeen year old amongst the throng of people crowding the street. Koyuki stopped in his tracks and turned, spotted and waved at Ryuusuke. He waited for his bandmate to catch up with him before continuing the walk to the studio where Beck's practices took place. They walked in silence, the crowd buzzing with conversation around them. Koyuki tried to think of something- anything, really- to say. Ryuusuke on the other hand was desperately trying not to over think. This practice was the first real one since the band accidentally caught up with him in Seattle. His assessment of the situation he had gotten himself into was really only centered around one person, and he had went through the trouble of composing a pro's and con's list (something his sister had suggested). Before he had crumpled it up and whipped it at the wall in frustration, it looked a little like this:

PROS
-Beck was back together
-as of yesterday Taira had started talking to him
-as far as he knew, Taira was still single

CONS

-Taira stillwasn't looking at him

-Taira was only talking to him using one-syllable words

That was about the point where he had proclaimed pro's and con's lists to be completely and utterly useless, his main complaint being that they underrated your problems. When he explained this to Maho, all he got in return was a puzzled look. Ryuusuke was sure there was more- it certainly felt like it. Perhaps that had to do with the fact that Ryuusuke knew why the bleach blond bassist was pissed. This fact only made him more frustrated, as well as angry at himself for being such an idiot. It was painfully obvious that it all had to do with fucking each other's brains out the night before their Grateful Sound show and his asshole move of telling Chiba that maybe he didn't belong in Beck. Ryuusuke was suddenly aware of Koyuki talking to him. He managed to catch the last words of an obviously important (from the serious look he was being given) question. Really, the only reason Ryuusuke had noticed Koyuki had spoke was from the name that rolled off his tongue.

"-and Taira?"

Ryuusuke gave his bandmate a rare wide-eyed look of surprise, his dark blue eyes the colour of the smooth blue bottle glass one might find on the beach. They focused on the teen intently.

"Huh?"

"I asked if everything was alright between you and Taira."

The kid was a flippin' mind reader.

"I-I usually don't ask about these things but... You guys haven't been talking to each other for a while now..."

Ryuusuke didn't know to whether to yell at Koyuki or ask him for help. Maho always made a big production of how much Koyuki helped her with problems, but Ryuusuke wasn't going to risk anything based on his sister's opinion. At least on problem solving. The pro's and con's list he had constructed just twenty minutes ago still irked him.

Luckily, Ryuusuke was saved from having to do anything by their arrival at the studio. Ryuusuke half-consciously took a deep breath before entering.

The practice was going pretty well. There had been limited conversation between Ryuusuke and Taira. Not that "I decided to go with this note instead of this note here" exactly counted. Ryuusuke still wasn't allowed to look into Taira's captivating chocolate brown eyes as the blond cleverly avoided every attempt Ryuusuke made to make eye contact. Chiba, uncaring and unscathed by Ryuusuke's woes and their focal point, came up with a new song. They experimented with the song until Chiba declared, "Alright, dudes, I think it's high time for a break."

"Sounds good," Saku agreed, wiping sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, still clutching his drumsticks.

"Mhm," Taira murmured his agreement, putting down his Stingray. Ryuusuke knew that he should look away, or at least not blatantly stare as Taira made a start to remove his shirt, something he did quite frequently when playing guitar. The band was used to it by now. However, that didn't mean Ryuusuke couldn't help going slack-jawed over Taira's well-formed torso; he knew the bassist love showing off. Taira lifted the hem of his dark grey t-shirt, catching Ryuusuke's lingering gaze halfway through. Expressionless, he paused for a moment before letting go and settling for wiping his face with the bottom of his shirt instead. Ryuusuke tore his gaze away, suddenly becoming quite interested in fine-tuning his Stratocaster as he clenched his teeth, attempting to play the same role as his other bandmates, who were unaffected. 'Whatever,' Ryuusuke thought bitterly. It'd been almost a year and half since Grateful Sound, and Ryuusuke hadn't thought about anyone one else, or been with anyone else, since the night before they nearly didn't play the show and everything almost went to Hell in a hand basket. It felt like the trip had only been postponed these days, at least for him.

'Maybe I'm being too hard on him,' a sympathetic part of Taira's mind mused. 'Sure he left without so much as a wave goodbye after not to mention he didn't give me any notice or anything-' Taira ceased his inner rant and reasoned with himself. The leaving had upset him, even though he had done a fair job at convincing himself that it had happened so often he shouldn't let it affect him. He was usually very good at it, but Ryuusuke had done something to him, even before they crossed the lines of "just friends". It'd been so since- Taira kept himself away from those thoughts, especially when he was supposed to be mad at Ryuusuke, who's shoulder length inky black hair beckoned Taira's itching fingers. Lately, his anger was starting to feel...pointless, in a way, as the band fell into their familiar routine of scrounging for money through minimum wage jobs and finding a way to get heard. He threw a longing glance at Ryuusuke as the skilled guitarist conversed with Saku and Koyuki.

"Alright guys, let's start up again," Ryuusuke announced, adjusting his guitar. "Koyuki, we haven't done 'Slippin' Out' in while, you up for it?"

Two hours later, they had made their way to the usual haunt and were discussing a proposition of another tour, this time in Japan.

"C'mon guys! It'll be awesome! I don't even know why we're discussing it!" Chiba told them, loud with excitement. The rambunctious young man wiggled in his seat, doing a sort of retarded happy dance.

"Well we're a bit low of funds, but we should be able to remedy that. Plus, it's a national tour, so it's not like we're going out of the country, like back to the U.S.A.," Saku commented, cupping his chin in a classic thinking pose. Chiba made a mournful face and moaned. "If only we were...good times..." He put an arm around Taira, who was sandwiched between him and Saku. "Do you remember those hot Canadian chicks we met in New York? I tell you man, next tour overseas, we're going to CAN-A-DUH!"

Taira smiled, but it wasn't unguarded. Ryuusuke could tell he was still bothered. He figured it wasn't worth the effort trying to pry it out of the bassist though. When Taira wanted you to know something, he'd find a way to tell you. And when he didn't...well, it remained unknown. This was a quality Ryuusuke found strangely endearing. Taira was so mysterious, so uncharted, so... talking. Ryuusuke became all ears as Taira spoke. "This could end up being another huge stepping stone in our careers, guys. We should give it some more thought, make sure we want this." There was a serious tone to his voice, replacing his usually mellow tone as he and Ryuusuke made eye contact. Like every other time Taira made a serious statement, Ryuusuke got the message loud and clear. 'Make sure we want this'...the words echoed in his head and Ryuusuke got the meaning almost instantly. Memories of hair that smelt of vanilla and coloured similarly cast in a dim light flashed vividly through his mind, as did recollections of fiercely whispered promises, which were now mostly broken. 'Can promises be fixed?' Ryuusuke thought, almost wistfully. His deep blue eyes flickered down to look at his food. Taira knew he had struck a chord within Ryuusuke, but didn't receive much satisfaction with the knowledge that he'd gotten through to the cool guitarist.

"Damn- see you later guys, I've got the night shift tonight," Saku announced, sliding out of the booth they were seated in as Chiba and Taira stood so he could get out- a movement that had taken much practice to perform as smoothly as they did.

"Ah, that probably means I should be leaving too," Koyuki looked at Maho and Ryuusuke as they reluctantly got up so he could also leave.

"I'll walk with you, okay?" Maho told him, as Koyuki nodded. "'Night, guys," Maho told them, clasping Koyuki's hand.

"Oh hey, Saku. What time are you getting in?" Taira asked, seemingly innocent enough.

'That's right,' Ryuusuke remembered. Saku was living with Taira until he could afford a place of his own.

"Around one," Saku answered, "so don't go bashing me on the head with your guitar if you decide to sleep on the couch. And when I say sleep read: pass out," Saku smirked. Taira still hadn't gotten used to sharing an apartment, resulting in somewhat violent situations when he was drunk and mistook Saku for a burglar, albeit a burglar with a key. Taira scrunched up his features in mock displeasure. "Just get out of here already, you miscreant."

After the three "youngin's"- as Chiba frequently labelled them- had left, Chiba announced, "and then there were three," taking a swig of beer. "Who uses the word 'miscreant' anyways?"

Ryuusuke, knowing that answering that question would most likely result in some sort of one-sided argument, decided to risk talking to Taira. "So, how's the living-with-Saku experience going?" Ryuusuke offered a hesitant smile as he slowly looked up from his drink. He didn't want this awkward animosity to go on forever.

Chiba watched and tried to look only mildly interested in contrast to his burning desire to know what was going to happen next. Taira had told him about Grateful Sound, but he still didn't get it. He saw two fine-looking girls look over the blonde's way and smile flirtatiously. His gaze turned back to Taira, who's eyes were glued on the blue eyed guitarist in front of him. Chiba inwardly groaned. 'Why, God, why? Why give Taira all the power with the ladies and not me? He doesn't even like women!' As Chiba pouted and called for another beer, Taira finally responded.

"It sounds like a TV show when you say it like that," Taira grinned slightly. "It's actually been great. We've been talking about just splitting rent instead of having him move out. It gets rid of a lot of trouble, like finding a decent place, moving...you know. Plus, it's kind of nice just having someone there." He took a drink of his beer, a mischievous glint to his eyes. Ryuusuke felt a pang of jealousy as he simultaneously noted that almost every move Taira made was intentional.

"That's cool. You'll definitely have more spending money." Ryuusuke was determined to keep his cool facade.

Taira nodded, and added, "but I already know it'll be awkward be when we bring people home. Thankfully Saku hangs out at his girlfriend's place."

Ryuusuke wondered if that was code for 'there hasn't been anyone since you' but didn't want to get his hopes up. He wanted to ask, but knew it would be out of line, especially in front of Chiba. And especially because he really had no idea where he was with Taira at the moment. It was kind of a purgatory, but at least he was closer to where he'd been, to the way they were.

"Why does he always get like this?" Taira asked, referring to the inebriated Chiba he and Ryuusuke were supporting by the arms as he stumbled along, mumbling incoherently. The question was unanswerable of course, but Ryuusuke felt the need to reply anyway. "I don't know," he grunted as he shifted Chiba's arm into a better position on his shoulder. He blinked repeatedly, trying to decipher whether or not they were walking in a straight line. It was hard to tell with the combination of alcohol in his system and the orange glow of the streetlights spilling onto the pavement.

Taira leaned against the door of Chiba's apartment after he had closed it, closing his eyes. "I'm so glad Chiba lives close to the tavern." Ryuusuke smirked as they left the building.

"Isn't that why we chose it in the first place?" They both laughed. After the laughter subsided, they walked in a comfortable silence, hands in pockets.

"Ryuusuke?"

"Yeah?"

I'm sorry." Taira told him, looking up at the night sky; only a few stars were visible since they were in the city. Still, the few were beautiful.

"For what?"

'For being such an asshole ever since we met up with you in Seattle. It's just that what happened at Grateful Sound... and then you just left- I was confused more than anything."

"You were never an asshole. Distant, yes. I left because I didn't want to drag Beck down with me," Ryuusuke told him, sounding regretful. "You guys would've been killed."

Taira didn't look surprised. "I kinda figured that out... I mean Leon Sykes, what were you-" Taira stopped himself, biting his lip to keep the words from spilling out. A moment passed before he continued, "I wish I could've gone with you. It was strange not having you around."

"Beck would've never recovered if you went with me." Ryuusuke said, meaning every word. "Besides, I meant what I said, you know. In the tent, I mean." He confessed, looking at the ground, suddenly wishing he had consumed more alcohol.

Taira smiled a little; although he felt remarkably reassured. He had been waiting for that forever.

"Here I was thinking it was it was just one of those things you say in the heat of the moment."

Ryuusuke ceased his procession down the street. He looked at Taira warily, feeling horrible that his best friend thought he hadn't meant it when he told him he loved him.

"No wonder you were mad," Ryuusuke muttered. Hearing Taira actually say what he had been guessing all along made him feel like dirt. Taira instantly noticed this and felt the need to reassure.

"Dude! I'm joking!" He claimed, hating the forlorn look on Ryuusuke's face. "Well half-joking. I knew you meant it-"

"But you thought I didn't mean it as much as you thought I meant it, because I left."

Taira shrugged. That summed it up pretty well. "Basically. Why'd we stop walking?"

"Cos I don't know where we are." Ryuusuke admitted.

"Well... what time is it?" Taira said, and then realized that neither of them had watches.

"Isn't there a way you can tell by looking at the moon? Or is that just the sun?" Ryuusuke asked.

"I actually can't remember."

"We're so retarded. We can talk about our...feelings, but we can't...ugh," Ryuusuke gave up on speaking.

"I think it's just cos we're kinda drunk," Taira pointed out pensively.

Ryuusuke snorted. "I'm not drunk," he explained, just before his knee made impact with the vending machine he was pacing around, trying to get a better look at the moon. He winced and hobbled over to where Taira was leaning against a telephone pole.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm gonna go with 'ow'." Ryuusuke looped his arms around Taira's neck, his face inches away from the blonde's.

"Really," Comprehension unrelated to Ryuusuke's statement flashed onto his face. "Dude... we can just check our cell phones for the time!" He reached down into the lower pocket on his sand coloured cargo shorts to fish out said item.

"Okay. I equal drunk," Ryuusuke admitted, the sentence itself proving its truth.

Taira laid a light kiss on Ryuusuke's forehead before saying, "It's 2.15."

"That was nice."
"Huh?"

"You kissed my forehead. It was nice."

Taira looked away; the expression on his face could only be labelled self-conscious.

"C'mon, stay at my place," Ryuusuke had gotten surprisingly confident since the beginning of the night, Taira noted. "Saku snores..."

Taira suppressed whatever traces of conflicted feelings were left as he smiled at Ryuusuke's feeble attempt to convince him to stay the night at his place.

"Sure," Taira was amazed at how much decision was put into vocalizing that one word. He wondered vaguely where that word would lead him as he and Ryuusuke walked on.