Welcome to INSOMNIAC CRACK! Step inside and see what i have to offer. Wonderland has got nothing to on my mind when i have had very little sleep! so relax and maybe even laugh at what my exhausted mind brings forth. and remember-we're all mad here!

A/N:welcome to my new series. i suffer from chronic insomnia and i refuse to take pills for it. so here's to turning it will be funny, some will be stupid, while others will make you wonder if i'm okay. so please enjoy! also, i don't own hetalia axis powers.

Chapter 1: Twerking

NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN IT ON YOUTUBE OR MTV,

BUT RUSSIA HAD THE MOVES BACK IN '43.

I GOT IT ON TAPE, WITH HIS CONSENT,

AT THE WORLD MEETING WHERE HE THREW OUT HIS HIP.

HE GOT SO GOOD HE DIDN'T NEED A BEAT,

HE'D JUST CLAP HIS ASS AND STOMP HIS FEET.

The sight of Russia bent over and jiggling his rather chubby butt really was a sight to behold. France had already passed out due to his massive nosebleed. But how on Earth did our favorite vodka soaked psychopath wind up in this awkward, but oh so memorable; performance? It started on a beautiful spring day in 1943.

Things were relatively normal,other than a naked France running away from China, who was throwing things at him and fussing at him in Chinese. Of course nobody expected him to be speaking Dutch, but it would be polite to point out he was speaking in his own language. But back to the story. Anyways, even Russia seemed to be enjoying the lovely day. UNTIL THE AXIS POWERS SHOWED UP! The three countries were to say in nicely, utterly completely wasted. "Ve~~~. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Jeremy!", Italy slurred. "Vhe vere never in Kan's ass, Italia. Japan, vhy are you floating? Or did you get taller than me?" Germany managed to slur out. Japan looked around, refusing to let go of the pole he was clinging to. "Neither Doitsu. It appears that i am being picked up by a tree. what is you position?" Japan said, trying to untangle himself from a tree limb that had snagged his robes. "Lying face down on the ground and refusing to get up. Vhat about you Italy? Are you okay?" Germany called out. "I CHALLENGE THE ALLIES TO A DANCE BATTLE! NO ONE SHALL DEFEAT THE GLORIOUS AXIS POWERS! FWA HA HA HA HA!" Italy roared. And so the battle commenced.

Even the ever positive America had conceded defeat. The Allies had been in the lead, until Jeremy, WHOOPS, I mean Germany, had pulled out his "S AND M STRIPPER" routine. It had really put them over the top. But out of nowhere a heavy thudding bass tore thru the air. lights flooded the entire area. In the very center of the dance floor stood a very unabashed Russia, his pudgy frame was clad only in a sparkly red crop top and matching booty shorts, thigh high fishnet stockings, and bright red stripper heels. But when he began to move, it was magic. His hips rocked and jerked in time to the music. His ass jiggled with the force of a thousand earthquakes. The Axis Powers threw in the towel. They knew they had just been served. But suddenly Russia stopped, his back facing the others. He hauled off and smacked each butt cheek, grabbing them in the process. He bent over, and like a great wave his entire lower body jiggled and wiggled, rolling like a bellydancer's. Blood shot out of everybody's noses! France fainted from the sight! Angels sang! Russia had invented twerking! The Axis Boys slunk away. Nobody could beat that kind of ass shaking. To this very day nobody has ever challenged Russia to a dance battle. And he still won't tell anybody where he learned his moves. But in 2013 when a scantily clad Miley Cyrus Twerked her way head long into controversy, they countries only laughed. oh if she only knew where those moves came from.

Final A/N: So this is what came out when i watched "Mountain Twerker" by the Darrell Brothers on Youtube at three in the morning. hope you enjoyed the first of many chapters from my warped mind.

kaikanbutterfly