Master of the Boot's Call of Duty: Pro Wrestling
Disclaimer: I do not own Liquid Snake or Robert Roy McGregor.
The following is a Christmas present for my good friend, Blacksand1; one of the premier Metal Gear Writers on the site :D
The critics called it the greatest fight of the Century. Whether that term was accurate or not, a huge range of people from all across the globe were interested in the fight and had fought tooth and nail for front row seat.
Elvis meets the Beatles? Oh, that had nothing on this fight. This fight was one of special proportions and grand galactic designs.
Officially they called it the Battle for Great Britain and the fight was scheduled to take place. The two fighters came from very different backgrounds and one man even came from over two hundred years in the past.
In the city of Glasgow, last minute preparations were being made to the Celtic park for the fight. Over on a billboard, two workers were plastering up a giant sign advertising the fight.
On the billboard were the two fighters. The first man was from England, a man by the name of Liquid Snake. He was a Special Forces agent formerly of FOXHOUND. Few could mistake his trademark swagger, blonde hair and lack of a shirt.
The other gentleman was a Scotsman by the name of Rob Roy McGregor. A Scottish bandit from the early seventeen hundreds, Robert was a bona fide Scottish hero and many Scottish nationalists were hoping that he'd kick Liquid hard in the testicles.
Outside the arena, the managers of the two men were making a press statement. Solid Snake and William Wallace were taking turns being interviewed by reporters.
"Mr. Wallace," asked a reporter from the BBC, "What do you think it is that Rob Roy had that Liquid Snake doesn't?"
"Well for starters," said William Wallace, "Our lad Robert is not a Nancy boy pouf like that snake wanker."
The same reporter said to Solid Snake, "How do you respond to this boast?"
Snake took a moment and lit a cigarette for himself. "Well, I totally believe that Liquid is a faggot; his "relationship" with Sniper wolf is a total scam. But to answer your question, he's strong, he's fast, he's smart and unlike Rob "El Homo" Roy, Liquid never spent time shagging sheep and watching women in the toilet."
Everyone gasped at Snake's audacity. "Well it's true," Snake said between drags on his cigarette. "You have my so called brother, who is fit, fast and does acrobatics and then you've got the Scottish guy whose only exercise is lifting beer mugs to his mouth."
It was at that point that a few of the Scottish locals in the crowd took offense to Snake and the comments he was making. Several people began to swear at Solid Snake and somebody even threw a metal folding chair at his head. Said folding chair sailed over Snake and smoked Otacon like a ton of bricks.
The Otaku had been attempting to try and convince Snake to be a little more politically correct for the Scottish people but now it looked like he was going to have to get an ice pack.
Meanwhile, William Wallace was feeling some rage of his own at Snake's disparaging of his champion. "You have no idea what you're talking about, ya fucking bastard?"
Snake, who was helping Otacon get up paid Wallace no attention.
"Our lad Rob is going to kick yer champion's fucking arse?"
"Oh yeah," said Snake, "I think what you should be doing is telling your gay boyfriend Robert to go back to the San Francisco bathhouse and hang up his skirt on the wall."
At this point, William Wallace's not impressive self-control snapped and he lunged for Snake, accidently kneeing Otacon in the face in the process. Meanwhile, several hundred Scottish people had gathered to lynch Snake.
As Snake raised his CQC knife to defend himself William Wallace charged with a Scottish claymore. A great battle ensued between Scotland's greatest hero and the greatest soldier the world has ever seen.
While those two gents were sorting out their differences like a pair of pyschos, Liquid Snake and Sniper Wolf were going over last minute preparations before the fight.
Liquid was pounding away at a boxing beg which had been tethered to the floor with a bungee. His strikes were as fast as the animal of his namesake. It wasn't just the brilliance of CQC that makes his moves so good; it was instinct for him.
Liquid could roll with the punches and he knew how to hit with a fluid body and muscles. It was all natural and practiced; no move was forced or strained.
In Liquid's mind, this punching bag was Rob Roy and mister Rob Roy of the McGregor clan was going down like butter on a roll.
With a final strike, Liquid went for an imagined throat shot. Were this a human being and not a punching bag, Liquid's enemy would be dying gurgling on their own blood.
The blonde haired man smirked at his victory and wiped a bit of sweat from his brow. His victory was short lived as someone behind him whipped him across the back with a wet towel.
Liquid shrieked like a little girl and spun around. There grinning mischievously at him with a wet towel in her hand "You grow rusty, my love," she taunted good naturedly; "Attacks come from all angles, not just the front."
Liquid laughed haughtily. It was lucky for him that Sniper Wolf loved a bit of ego in a man because he had more than a bit, "My sweetest princess, no man can touch me. I let you whip me until I bled with that blasted towel," The last part of his sentence was filled with a bit of frustration. He preferred Sniper Wolf with a wet t-shirt, not a wet towel.
Sniper Wolf swung the towel around, intimidating her husband in an S&M kinda way that she found kinky. "You'd best see to it that only I can touch you."
They stared at one another for several seconds more before they burst out laughing.
All pretense of joking around or talking in a really exaggerate way fell and then they become only husband and wife; both madly and both very blond.
Liquid embraced Wolf in his sculpted arms and the lady planted one big bastard of a kiss on her husband's lips.
"I love you, James,"
"I love you, Feristeh."
That was all they needed to say; everything else in their love was demonstrated through their actions and their habits.
The two lovers embraced, one being in two bodies. Wolf was a little squicked out by the fact that Liquid had been sweating so much but hell, he was husband. He deserved a little slack. After all, she did push him so hard. Even the great trainers of SAS and Army Rangers didn't push a man as hard as Sniper Wolf pushed liquid. It appealed to her inner dominatrix.
It was then that their little lovey kissy moment was interrupted by Solid Snake, barging in like he owned the place. Becoming Liquid's manager was really boosting his ego to unhealthy levels.
"Whoa!" said Snake upon seeing him cuddle and make out with his foxy wife. "This is a legitimate marriage! Liquid, you really aren't gay."
Liquid broke away from his lover and scowled at Snake, "No Snake, I'm not and neither did I spend five years in the arctic shagging sled dogs."
Snake merely grunted but said nothing to the contrary, grabbing himself a smoke and lighting up. "Show starts in two hours, Liquid. Get rested, get a sandwich and a juice and get ready."
"Of course, Snake," Sniper Wolf purred. She brought up her wet towel and Snake visible blanched at it. Back at Shadow Moses, Wolf's incredible wet towel techniques had broken three of Snake's vertebrae and resulted in some nasty welts.
Snake turned to leave, but he stopped as if by an afterthought.
Liquid saw his brother and had no desire to keep him around. "What is it, Snake?"
Reluctantly, without turning to face his clone brother, Snake almost whispered, "Don't lose, Liquid. I bet on you."
For a moment, shock was etched on Liquid's face; too large for deception or description. "You bet on me?" Liquid could hardly believe it.
"Yes," said Snake, still not turning around. "Good luck."
Liquid's head was spinning. Though they'd largely stopped trying to kill one another, the relationship between Liquid and Solid was far from cosy or easy. There was mistrust, outright hatred and scorn between the two. So for Snake to wish his brother good luck was a massive step forward in their relationship.
Later
The stadium was packed to the brim; everyone and their grandmother had attempted to get a ticket to this fight from all over the world. The price of tickets was so high that the British Government had to offer a special subsidy and raises taxes to make ticket prices affordable to commoners.
High up on a private box, the team from Deadliest Warrior were drinking beer and enjoying pre game popcorn. As usual, the guys were making prediction on who were going to win. "My edge goes to Rob Roy," said Geoff Desmoulins, "He's tougher than Liquid and it's a well-known fact that the English suck compared to the Scottish."
Likewise, Armand had a different view, "I give my edge to Liquid Snake. Unlike his father and brother, he doesn't smoke or drink; he's been doing pushups since he was a fetus. Plus Rob Roy is probably drunk out of his gourd."
Max was just afraid that Richard "Psycho Mack" Machowitz was going to show up. And lo and behold, Mack was hidden in the decorative plastic bush, waiting for his time to strike.
Down in the crappier seats, high above the action, Chell from Portal was sitting with Wheatley, the Fact Core and Glados.
"You know," babbled Wheatley the idiocy core, "I want some popcorn. I know that I don't have a mouth but I would really, really love some popcorn. Just so, you know, we're clear. So yeah, I can't eat the popcorn but I'd be ever so grateful for . . .
As Wheatley babbled and talked, Chell merely ignored him.
At this point, the Fact core was getting tired of Wheatley. "Fact: Wheatley is a faggot, and fails at life."
"Oi! SHUT UP!" barked Wheatley.
"Fact: Wheatley is a retarded door knob." Evidently the Fact core had some pent up rage.
Glados, the ultimate passive aggressive bitch ever, saw next to Chell, minus her impressive body.
"Did I tell you how not grateful I am that you brought me here? No, well I'm lying, I'm very happy to be here, you fat waste of oxygen."
Chell merely ignored Glados, as she had from the moment they met. With a borderline personality incapable of feeling any joy or happiness, it was no wonder that Glados was such a bitch.
Thankfully Glados's passive aggressive goading was cut short by a vulture which swooped down and picked up Glados in its beak; potato and all. "BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!" Glados cried out in horror as she was lifted away.
Chell dispassionately watched the vulture steal away the pride and joy of the shitty company Aperture Science. She really hoped that Glados died a painful death.
Down by the ring, Doctor Frasier Crane, the famous mullet wearing psychiatrist of Seattle was acting as the fight Doctor. And his father Martin couldn't be more proud.
"Hey Frasier!" called the old man as he embraced his son, "I'm really proud of you for taking this job. It's the first thing you've done in two years that wasn't gay."
Frasier smiled back and patted his old man on the back, "Well dad, thank you; and I'm still praying for you to have a life ending coronary so that I can finally throw away that hideous chair."
"Eat me," said Martin, who then went off to get a hotdog.
Up in the media center, the announcers for the fight were Regina Taylor, Liquid Snake's Canadian contact and Erin Sorrel, star of the story Alliances and former stripper and Tony Soprano's bitch.
Luckily, Erin managed to catch a break and get a job as the sports broadcaster for this momentous event. "Hello Sports fans, I'm Erin Sorrel,"
"And I'm Regina Taylor," chirped the two females cheerfully. "And you're watching the Battle for the United Kingdom."
"What kind of shit name is that for a fight?" asked Erin.
"Roll with it, hoser," said Regina. "Tonight's fight is an epic match between special forces Legend Liquid Snake and the Scottish Robin hood, Robert Roy "Big Schlong" McGregor."
"Is he going to be wearing tights?" Erin asked, "Because if he is then this fight is already over."
"I think he's wearing a kilt," said Regina.
Erin shuddered, "That's even worse. Why the hell would a guy wear a dress?"
"I think kilts are sexy," the Canadian woman admitted.
"Say what?" Said Erin, going all weird anime faced on her compatriot.
"Yeah, I love the idea that I can just reach under the kilt and sample the goods; if you know what I mean," the Saskatchewan born girl winked at Erin, who gagged.
"Whatever, you date girly men if you want. I know that real men have piercings and use the word "fuck" more often than a period."
Meanwhile, at Hellsing Manor
Jan Valentine stood before the TV, watching Erin Sorrel's sexy self on the tube. "YEAH BABY!" Jan shouted, causing Seras Victoria to jump as she sat next to him. "Do you see her, look at those tits! I'm fucking those tits and she's mah bitch! And I love her!"
Seras tried to respond, but Jan cut her off again, "And we all know who the real winner of this match'll be. It's gonna be my baby!"
With that, Jan waved his arms high. Unfortunately this caused him to throw his beer into Alucard's face.
Jan instantly froze in horror when he saw a beer soaked and very pissed off Alucard rolling up his sleeves.
With no warning, Alucard gave Jan a punch that makes the Falcon Punch look like a little love tap. Jan went flying face first through the TV and with that he started to fight with everyone in the room; wrestling and punching Walter, Seras, Pip and Luke Valentine.
As they all got whupped by Alucard, Alucard grabbed Pip's left leg and bit down as hard as he could.
"My leg!" Pip screamed.
Back at the Match
"And now enough of that horseshit, let's go onto the main event!" Erin trumpeted happily.
"Entering the ring now, weighing one hundred and eighty pounds; I give you the former leader of the FOXHOUND special operations force, LIQUID SNAKE! He's great!"
Liquid strode through the massive arch of the venue. Fireworks shot into the air and loud music played. Beforehand Liquid had broken some legs to make sure that he got his choice of introduction music. Blaring over the speakers was the song Get it Up from the soundtrack of the video game Madworld.
Liquid strode like he owned the world, so full of confidence and panache was he. Of all the Snake Clan, none of them had Liquid's showmanship or pride; and certainly he was the deadliest of the clan.
Following him closely was his wife Sniper Wolf, who with his gaping window of cleavage was making fan boys and assorted lesbians go crazy and dream about things that would make Liquid kill them with a cork screw if he could read minds. Her strutting step caused her womanly hips to shake this way and that; further adding to her incredible sex appeal.
While Liquid walked, hundreds of Scottish people and just fans of Rob Roy in general began to shout and curse at Liquid. They shouted stuff like, "Fuck you, Liquid!" "Burn in hell, you stupid slag!" "You cunt!" and the ever popular, "I'm going to fuck your girlfriend!"
Following Sniper wolf was Solid Snake, appearing out of his sneaking suit for the first time in ages. And for this reason alone, Liquid hoped that his brother stayed in the sneaking suit more often. K
Today Snake was wearing a purple jacket with tails, black painted on woman's jeans, a pair of red converse sneakers and worst of all he was wearing a big black top hat and holding a cane. It was as if Snake didn't give a damn all about fashion. He'd even chosen to wear a monocle and an eye patch; eye patch over his left eye and monocle over his right.
Snake looked totally crazy and nutty; combined with his mullet he looked like he's truly gone batshitzania.
It was then that bagpipe music started to play on the speakers, just as Liquid climbed over the ropes.
Up in the announcer's booth, Regina and Erin perked up. "What's that shitty music?" asked Erin.
Regina chuckled, "That, my ignorant chum would be Cadence to Arms by the Dropkick Murphys. And that music just happens to signal the arrival of Robert Roy McGregor, Scotland's own Robin Hood; weighing in at two hundred pounds and six foot five height."
Erin looked concerned, "So, is he going to be wearing tights?"
Regina gave an anime sweat drop, "I thought we already established that he wasn't."
Rob Roy walked through the giant arch at the stadium with half of Liquid's swagger but every bit as much confidence. The highland chief was wearing his best tartan Kilt and war gear. He had a massive claymore strapped to his back and a pair of bagpipers accompanied him, playing the sweetest tunes. In the crowd, it was almost the opposite reaction to Liquid. Hundreds of Scottish were cheering and precious few were willing to swear at Rob or say anything bad. He was definitely the favored one in the arena.
To the side of Rob was William Wallace and to the side was Sean Conner, arguably the most famous modern Scotsman in the world.
"Now remember, boy," lisped Connery to Rob Roy, "Don't let the rules slow you down; gouge his eyes out and you'll be an even bigger hero than you already are."
Rob Roy nodded to Connery, there was a reason he brought along his eye gouging rings today.
The bagpipes reached a crescendo as Rob Roy climbed into the ring with Liquid Snake. Immediately, Rob began to silently glare daggers at Liquid. Liquid merely grinned, excited at the prospect of killing another Scottish person.
As the two stood there like mortal enemies, Frasier Crane walked up to them to explain the rules, "Alright, gentlemen. We play clean here; it's a fight to the death but if someone says yield then the fight is conceded."
"There should be no need for that," Liquid drawled.
"Agreed," said Rob laconically.
Frasier shrugged, "Very well then." He turned around and grabbed the microphone from an attendant, "LET'S GET READ TO RUMBBBBBLLLLEEEEEE!"
With a glowy happy look on his face, Frasier said, "I've always wanted to do that."
The psychiatrist then got down to business. "Alright, let the fight begin!"
And it was on!
Rob Roy made the first move, charging at Liquid like a rampaging bull in Spain. The Scotsman flew at the Englishman with the force of a bullet train; he was moving with enough force to cripple an American football team.
Liquid merely stared at Rob, smiling a real smarmy smile. Then at the very last second, he jumped over Rob Roy in an incredibly acrobatic move. Rob Roy went flying, unable to alter his course. He slammed head first into one of the padded posts of the ring.
The crowd gasped in amazement and booed as the post shook on the spot from how much force it'd been hit with.
In response, Liquid jumped up and landed perfectly on one of the ropes, balancing like a circus performer; he began to bow to the crowd and blow kisses. As many people loved him as hated him and a number of women in the crowd wanted to have his babies.
Irate with her husband's arrogance, Sniper Wolf shouted at him, "The match isn't over! Focus!"
Just in time too, Liquid just barely managed to avoid a whiskey bottle flying at his head. And on top of that, Rob Roy had recovered way too fast. The angry Scotsman grabbed Liquid by the legs and was spinning him in the air.
Liquid internally freaked out as the world became a multicolored blur; next time he'd showboat after the fight was over.
After he's gained enough momentum, Rob Roy let go of Liquid. The blonde went flying and slammed into the unpadded part of the padded posts. Liquid Snake groaned in pain, he'd feel that one for a couple of weeks.
Unlike Liquid, Rob Roy felt no need for showmanship, he just ran up to Liquid trying to stomp on the head of his downed foe.
Using his two wrists, Liquid blocked Rob Roy's massive boot and unfortunately got an up skirt shot of Rob Roy's kilt.
Liquid winced at this sight as Rob brought down his boot again and again, hoping to crush Liquid's skull.
Lashing out with a leg, Liquid knocked Rob off his feet and gained half a second of breathing room for himself.
With Rob flat on his ass, Liquid struck, grappling with his enemy using powerful wrestling moves. The two men began to move and shift like a pair of pythons battling for supremacy.
In their announcer's booth, Regina and Erin were enjoying the show thoroughly. "It's like soft-core man on man porn," Erin commented into the microphone, her tank top and jeans suddenly feeling too hot.
" . . . yeah," said Regina, "Anyway folks, the two are battling neck and neck like a pimp's bitches fighting for drug money."
Getting her mind out of the gutter, Erin actually gave some good commentary, "And Snake gets Rob Roy in a half nelson!"
Regina narrated next, "But Rob Roy breaks out and gets Liquid with a right hook!"
"Liquid blocks the right hook with his Godly CQC and punches Rob Roy right in the chops!"
"Oh my God, Rob Roy is spitting out teeth but he's not done yet. He just punched Liquid in the goody-goody!"
"Will the madness ever end?" Erin asked melodramatically.
In the ring, Liquid and Rob Roy continued to try and kill each other, fighting with the ferocity of cat fighting cheerleaders.
There was battle however outside of the ring. William Wallace was goading Sniper Wolf, shouting, "He's going to die! Liquid is going to die!"
Hopped up as she was on adrenaline and being forced to watch her man get his teeth knocked in, Sniper Wolf had little tolerance for such things. She looked like a blond harpy as she charged at William Wallace, teeth gnashing and foaming at the mouth with fury. It just goes to show how quickly a woman can go from pinup to Queen Bitch of the Universe. And unlike Liquid and Rob, William Wallace and Sniper Wolf were not evenly matched.
Sniper Wolf was kicking William Wallace's ass. Delivering two punches into the Scottish Warrior's face, Wallace tried to punch back but Wolf dodged it. Then ducking under her foe, she grabbed him at the wait and bent backwards so that Wallace's head hit the ground.
Snake shouted at Sniper Wolf, "Hey! Stop that! The ref might dock us points!"
However Frasier crane was too busy enjoying some fine wine with organic flax crackers and salmon lox.
Snake grabbed the rim of his top hat. This was how not he planned thing out in his mind when he became Liquid's manager. Liquid was taking too many hits and making too many silly mistakes in the name of his damn showmanship. Things got worse however when a certain sound Hit Snake's ears.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh shit!" Snake cursed, monocle falling out of his eye.
In the announcer's booth, Regina was howling with excitement, "Oh no! It's the headless kamikazes!"
"What the fuck are those?" Erin asked.
Down in the arena, headless men with bombs for hands were running at full tilt towards the fighting ring screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Snake knew that if the half dozen headless kamikazes reached the ring they'd kill both Rob Roy and Liquid Snake.
In the ring, Rob paid no mind to the screams, while Liquid looked to the sight of the headless suicide bombers and laughed. This was truly a glorious day—then Rob punched him in the mouth.
Snake grunted angrily and reached under his purple tailed coat, pulling out an AK-74. "Sean!" he called over to Sean Connery, who was happily watching Sniper Wolf dislocate William Wallace's arms and pull his shirt over his head before starting to donkey punch him in the head.
"We've got to take out the kamikazes before they kill both our fighters!"
AT this, Sean Connery laughed and lit himself up a cigar. "These guys bring kamikazes to a gun fight," he shook his head at the sheer stupidity of it all. Then without warning he pulled out two Uzi submachine guns and with Solid Snake began firing at the headless kamikazes.
The headless suicide bombers stood no chance; the bullets struck them, detonating their bombs prematurely. They exploded in gory masses of meat, blood and shrapnel. A concentrated burst of molten hot copper blew past Sean Connery, narrowly missing his head. Another selfsame burst of shrapnel blew a giant hole in Snake's top hat. Damn, that was close.
So Rob Roy and Liquid battled it out while shrapnel and body parts flew everywhere. Liquid was dodging all of Rob's punches now but all the blows that Liquid aimed for the groin, throat and temples were being deflected by the Scotsman. They'd reached a stalemate but luckily Liquid Snake was an expert in breaking stalemates.
Suddenly, a bloody and burnt human leg landed on the mat. Rob snatched it up in an instant and began swinging at Liquid. The former Special Forces fighter ducked this way and that to avoid being hit by well-done human thigh.
Suddenly, Liquid's knee shot out and hit Rob Roy in the nuts. It didn't have the desired effect; Rob merely grunted and clobbered Liquid with the human leg. It was a little known fact that Rob Roy and Mrs. Roy were into bondage; Mrs. Roy loved to smack her husband's testicles hard with a paddle to the point where now getting sacked was a minor inconvenience.
"Oh my titty fucking Jesus!" Erin cried out, spinning in her swivel chair, "Rob Roy just got hit in the balls! Let's see that in instant reply. Okay again, again, again. . .
Regina glared at Erin as she kept on asking to see the nutshot replay, over and over and over and—"Enough, bitch!" Regina screamed, smacking Erin across the mouth.
However all of Regina's anger melted when she saw Erin's eyes start to tear up. "Oh shit! Don't start crying, please."
Down in the ring, the headless kamikazes were coming in a near endless stream. In the audience, hot women were flashing Liquid and Rob, trying to distract the men for one reason or another. Hot men were likewise exposing themselves. There were a few dozen Mexican flashers showing up and the Village People had made an appearance.
Liquid was engaged in a terrible fencing match where he had an arm and Rob had a leg. As they fought back and forth, neither man gaining an inch, Liquid was desperately struggling not to look at the sea of exposed boobies up in the crowd; because not only would his wife kill him he'd kill himself before betraying that lovely creature he called "wife." And he wished that all the men would pull their pants back up.
Suddenly, a backwards blow from Rob Roy knocked him back. Rob advance don liquid like an executioner.
"Please, please, god, let Liquid win," Erin prayed, both hands clasped.
"Are you praying?" asked a bewildered Regina. "Why the fuck would you do that?"
"Because I bet ten thousand bucks on Liquid winning, ten G's that I do not have; and if Liquid loses then Tony Soprano is going to gently fuck me with a chainsaw."
At last, Liquid had enough. As Rob brought down his severed leg for a killing blow, Liquid rolled out of the way.
Spinning around, he rolled behind Rob and with a light twist, broke Rob Roy's neck just as the last of the headless kamikazes blew up.
Rob hit the floor, dead. William Wallace was in no mood to cheer for Sniper Wolf had pulverised him. "YEEEAAAAHHHH!" Sniper Wolf cried, cheering for her husband with all her might.
"What?" said both Solid Snake and Sean Connery, though with different emotions.
Liquid stood in the ring, victorious as V-Day. Frasier Crain came up to Liquid and held his hand, "Ladies and gentlemen!" shouted Frasier in his usual bombastic way, "I give you your champion!"
Women screamed and cried with joy or hate. Men threw beer cans and swore in either victory of defeat. Chell held up a giant sign asking Liquid to marry her, which crushed Wheatley's poor heart.
Unfortunatley, the sweetness of Victory was incomplete, because right then Rob Roy got up, broken neck and all.
Having a severed spinal cord did nothing to hinder Rob; he just ripped the post right out of the corner of the ring and hit Liquid in the balls with it loud enough for the crunch of bone to be heard all the way in Ireland.
Instantly, Liquid hit the ground screaming; his face turned a bright red and he began to beg for God to kill him.
Sniper Wolf's jubilation turned to horror and she ran to her husband, comforting him and screaming for an ice pack.
The sound of ambulances filled the stadium as a riot began to break out among the fans.
Up in the announcer's booth, Erin stared with horror at the turn of events.
Regina gave her the bad news, "Uh, according to the judges and the referee and fight Doctor, Rob Roy wins this fight because he survived a broken neck and Liquid can't fight anymore."
"What!" Erin shrieked with wild eyes, "He can't lose! He broke the guy's fucking neck! How can he get up!" she grew ever more flustered as full-fledged panic set in, "How is he alive, how is he moving his fucking arms and his fucking . . ." Erin trailed off as she began to pull at her long, beautiful hair.
"Sorry Erin," Regina admitted sheepishly, "I guess you are going to get your legs broken." Still, there was some hope, "Hey, if you want you can come with me to Outer Heaven, Tony Soprano will never find you there."
"Ahem," came a gruff New Jersey voice from the doorway.
Erin went white as a ghost as blocking the only exit was New Jersey gang boss Tony Soprano, all three hundred pounds of him. In his mouth he had a smoking cigar, his hand he had a pepperoni pizza, in his other hand he had a steel pipe.
Putting down his pizza on the announcer's counter, Tony slowly walked towards Erin, patting the pipe into the palm of his hand.
Erin's eyes grew wide with horror as the lighting turned a really spooky red color.
But just when Tony was about to beat and rape Erin and leave her on the side of the road, he got shot by a sniper rifle.
Tony's piggy eyes bulged as the high powered PSG-1 sniper round blew right through him; Regina held the smoking gun in her hands. Firing three more shots, Tony fell backwards and plunged backwards. His enormous bulk shattered the window as he plunged to his death.
Erin breathed easy, "Thanks for the help. Can I still come to outer heaven?"
The newspapers the next morning had a fascinating story to tell.
Battle for the UK concludes: Liquid Snake breaks Rob Roy neck, only to take near fatal sacking.
Judges rule that Liquid wins. Then rule that Rob Wins and now finally Liquid wins by default.
And so Liquid won the fight, but the real winner were the adoring fans who got to watch two men kill themselves. All of this was going to plan for Pinky and the Brain.
"Pinky," said the Brain, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so Brain," said Pinky the dim witted mouse, "But I really don't want to change that guy's giant diaper," he pointed at a three hundred pound Hell's Angel wearing an adult diaper. The guy growled like a hostile bear.
"Well Pinky, I sure as hell am not going anywhere near that ass; he's eaten eighteen bowls of extra spicy chilli for lunch."
"But Brain," Pinky wined, not eager to change a three hundred pound man's loaded diaper.
"Pinky," warned the Brain, "You change that guy's diaper or else I'll pound your head into the carpet."
Pinky groaned, the Brain was no fun anymore.
This has been a Christmas Present for my wonderful friend :D Thank you for all you've done, you're awesome and epic and I love you 3 And just to clarify, Liquid Snake did win that fight ;)
Erin and Regina are two oc's of Blacksand1, the headless Kamikazes are from Serious Sam and I wish you all a happy newyear :D