A/N: Part one of this three-shot is in italics because it takes place before any of the actual date stuff happens. So let's take a blast into the past. [wind chime noises]

P.S. I swear this isn't based off of Daft Punk lyrics.

Right from the start, Soul had a bad feeling about this.

Liz Thompson had a boyfriend.

Tsubaki and Maka squealed in unison; Patti was making a boat out of her napkin but it was likely she had already heard the news; Kid slouched in his chair and muttered something under his breath; and Black Star and Soul patted her on the back awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

"What's he like?" Maka asked, wide-eyed and curious as always.

"Smart. And hot. And so romantic. On our last date, he bought me a bouquet of red roses."

"Sounds like a real Prince Charming. Where'd you find this guy?" Maka gave Soul a look that meant instant death but Liz just let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched giggle.

"You won't believe this, but it was actually one of those dating websites."

"Like ChristianMingle? Or OkCupid?"

"Soul, shut up! Liz, I think it's great that that worked out for you. What's his name?"

"FarmersOnly?" Soul added helpfully. Maka punched him in the stomach so hard that he curled into a ball.

"Danny," Liz said. "I think I really like this guy, too."

Soul made a wheezing sound like a ninety-year-old man having an asthma attack.

Tsubaki sighed dreamily. "That's so wonderful."

"If he tries anything funny with you, he'll have to answer to me!" Black Star jumped out of his chair and swallowed his gargantuan mouthful of ice cream. Most people would have choked on it or cried out because of the brain freeze, but as the one who surpasses God, he just brushed it off and proceeded to do ten reps of jumping jacks.

"We're going to a movie tomorrow," Liz said loudly over Soul's whimpering and the rattling table, which was courtesy of Black Star. "You guys can come, if you want. Check him out for yourself."

"Oh, that sounds like fun, but Black Star and I have a remedial lesson tomorrow…" Tsubaki looked genuinely unhappy.

"Soul has an appointment with Stein," Maka said. "For some check-up. I think he just wants to get something looked at."

"It's probably his dick," Black Star said, shovelling more ice cream into his mouth. "It's so small, he needs a magnifying glass to see it." He swallowed. "Sorry, man, but I don't think they can do anything about that."

"THAT'S IT," Soul snarled, launching himself at the offending assassin. He tried to tackle him but tripped over his own feet, falling flat on his face.

Patti dissolved into giggles.

"Anyway, he wants me to go with him, the big baby. Sorry, Liz."

"No problem. This way I get some alone time with my man."

"In a movie theater?" Kid, who had been silent this whole time, finally spoke. "There has to be at least twenty other people."

She shrugged. "We'll sit in the back."

"Thanks for coming!" Maka waved goodbye to their guests. "Have a great time tomorrow! Be sure to tell us all about it."

Liz grinned. "Gotcha. Come on, Patti."

"Bye!" She followed her out the door.

"I told her. I told her so many times," Kid said as soon as the sisters were out of earshot. "But no, it was all 'Danny's perfect', 'Danny's so nice and considerate', 'Danny bought me an entire cake made out of gold and party streamers and unicorns'. He could be anyone! Dating websites are nothing more than a bunch of creepy old men trying to take advantage of sweet girls like Liz."

"Kid-"

"I just don't want her getting hurt." He gave a sigh, and suddenly he looked much more tired than usual. "She may act tough, but on the inside she's just as scared and vulnerable as the rest of us. She's been through a lot. I want to make sure whoever she's with takes care of her."

"I know you worry about her, Kid. I promise I'll do my best to check on her tomorrow, okay?"

"Thank you. And thank you for the food. It was well-made, as usual."

"Tsubaki cooked, actually. But you're welcome. I'll give you the report on Liz later."

Black Star belched loudly and clapped Soul on the back. "See you."

Tsubaki was in the middle of saying goodbye to Maka when he yelled, "ONWARD, TSUBAKI! LET'S GO HOME!"

"I was just about to leave, Black Star. You don't have to shout."

"Oh. I know. I just wanted to make sure that you were ready." He touched her arm, then pulled back, clearing his throat."Okay! We're off!"

"He was sure acting weird," Maka remarked as she cleared the dishes from the table.

"When does he ever not?" Soul licked a spoon clean of cookie dough and plopped it into the sink.

Maka frowned. "What's this?" She picked up a scrap of paper that was under Liz's plate. "Oh, it's some website name."

"God. Is that where she met Fanny or whatever?"

"Danny. Yeah, I guess."

Under the name, she had written "find some hotties for you and that dorky partner of yours ;)". Maka wasn't sure who the note was addressed to, but she didn't really want to find out. "You want this?"

Soul snorted. "Do you think I would use something like that? I can get a girl without that stupid thing."

"Wanna bet?" Maka stacked the ice cream bowls into the sink and crossed her arms. "Twenty bucks says you can't get a date by the end of tomorrow night."

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow," he protested. "That isn't fair."

"Have someone else check on your genitals," she said lightly, walking back to the table.

"IT ISN'T MY- never mind."

Liz's note stayed at the bottom of the garbage can for exactly four hours. Maka snuck out of her bedroom, avoiding the squeaky spots on the floor, and fished around for the paper. " DigitalLove," she repeated to herself silently. So immersed in chanting her mantra, she didn't notice the creak of the floorboards beneath her and cringed. The last thing she needed was for Mr. Cool himself to come in and catch her red-handed.

Little did she know, he came in not even ten minutes after she went back to bed to "check" that the note had been properly thrown away. Of course, he had to write down the web address on the inside of his wrist in Sharpie just in case he forgot.

Soul's appointment with Stein turned out to be a routine check-up for his old chest wound. The professor just wanted to make sure everything was running smoothly and that the black blood wasn't doing anything weirder than usual. Maka was going to wait outside, but Soul looked either nervous, sick to his stomach, or both, so she stayed with him. Later he told her that as much as he respected Stein, he didn't really trust him when it was just them two in a room with sharp surgeon tools laying around like toys on a playground. In a way, an operating table was like a playground to the professor. And that was kind of a terrifying thought.

Soul was fine. As soon as they finished up, Maka said she had to go check on Liz, so her partner headed to Black Star's place. He wasn't there, but Soul used the extra key hidden under the doormat to let himself in. This way, Maka couldn't see him make an account for on his buddy's computer.

But Soul didn't know that after she made sure Liz was okay and told Kid of what she found (actually, Liz was more than okay since she was shoving her tongue down her boyfriend's throat and her hand down his pants), she went to the library's computer lab to sign up for a certain dating website as well.

She could feel the other library-goers giving her the stinkeye, and she was sweating a little because she realized how much of an idiot she would look like if one of her friends walked through that door and saw her right then.

The first question: Your name.

She didn't know why, but putting down Maka Albarn seemed like a bad idea. A lot of people knew who she was in Death City, and she would get messages from people like Hiro if her name came up on a website for love-starved teens and unfortunately, older people as well. Maka felt bad for lying on what was supposed to be a "one hundred percent honest" application, but she just felt too shy to use her real name and racked her brain for an alias. The first thing that popped into her head was Lucy, so she typed it in the little box and moved on.

Gender? Female.

Looking for? Male.

Age? 17.

Desired Age Group? I don't know, teenager? What does that even mean?

The next set of questions were just for fun, she supposed, but why it would matter if someone preferred cats over dogs and vanilla over chocolate? Those were the exact answers she provided, and thought to herself how Soul was the opposite. He liked wiggly, furry, messy dogs and the rich taste of cocoa over smooth vanilla. He would probably laugh for weeks about this too, which was why Maka was never going to tell him about it.

Favorite color? Red.

Favorite food? Italian.

Favorite movie? Anything that didn't have twenty minute scenes of pointless gunfire was okay. She would rather go bungee jumping than sit through a two and a half hours with some random boy, just to get a kiss on the cheek and a splitting migraine after.

What do you look for in a partner? Maka's eyes lingered on the word partner, because it made her think of her own and how he would scoff at what she was doing. What did she look for in a partner? Loyalty. If she could help it, she didn't want to end up with the same kind of man her father was.

There were more boxes she could put checkmarks in; intelligence, courage, kindness, humor. It all seemed so shallow, and for a second she wondered what she was really doing sitting here at this computer and filling out a questionnaire. She wanted someone to talk to that wasn't Soul. She wanted to be able to flirt and gush about that person with her friends like a normal girl. She was seventeen and hadn't been kissed, and it sent a stinging sensation into her chest whenever she saw fellow students hugging in the hallways or chatting during lunch with cartoon hearts floating above their heads. After all, Soul got love notes from secret admirer underclassmen all the time, so she deserved this, right?

Her profile picture was in no way going to be a photo of her actual face. She didn't have any, so that would have been a dead end anyway. And the shutter sound on the computer webcam would attract every person's attention in the room, so she just chose one of the default pictures; a puppy. There. Now she just had to wait for a member of the opposite sex to find her compelling enough to interact with.

Soul was already home when she walked through the door, laying on the couch and drooling.

He couldn't help the drooling part, but it was an unfortunate habit that he didn't care enough to try and fix. He was in the middle of a nap, and Maka knew what was good for her, so she let him be and started dinner.

Soul wasn't actually sleeping. He had gotten back about twenty seconds before Maka did, and he didn't want her to think he'd been out all day so he just pretended to pass out on the couch.

This technique worked wonders for him. He couldn't pick up his socks or do the dishes when he was sleeping, now could he?

A couple minutes went by, and he sat up and stretched like he'd been out for hours.

"Oh, hi," he fake-yawned. "When'd you get home?"

Maka looked up from her frying pan. "Ten minutes ago. Have a good nap? You look well-rested."

"Um. Yeah." He wasn't well-rested. His legs hurt from running from Black Star and Tsubaki's place to home, and his mind was abuzz with nervous excitement from his secret DigitalLove account.

"I'm making pancakes for dinner," Maka said regretfully. "Sorry I was so late getting home."

"Was Liz's boyfriend situation that much of a problem?"

"No," she replied hesitantly. "It was just an interesting movie. I decided to stay and watch with them."

"What was it?" Soul retrieved a glass of water from the tap and jumped up on the counter. Maka almost laughed because he had been twelve when he started sitting up there, and five years later he still kept doing it even though now he had to sit with his elbows on his knees.

"Some… action thing," she said, hoping her vague answer would be enough to satisfy him.

"You hate action movies." He took a gulp of water. Maka stared at his Adam's apple as it moved up and down in his throat.

"Yeah, well, it was a good one."

He shrugged and put the glass in the sink. "Okay. Remind me what the name is later. If you liked it, then I definitely will."

The next day, Maka checked her account for any new messages. Nada. So she checked it again the next day. And then next day. And the next. Until she had been trying for a week, and her spirits were as low and dark and she felt. She hadn't even been specific with her preferences. If no one wanted to date her, then maybe she should just tell Blair to invite all of her cat friends over so she could live with fluffy kitties for the rest of her life instead of moping around in her apartment like she was doing now.

It was the eighth day when she found a message. Stomach flipping, she opened it.

Four things she was sure of.

1.) His name was Kit.

2.) His profile picture was one of the default ones too. A record player.

3.) He thought she sounded "very cute".

4.) He wanted to get to know her better.

Trying not to let her face split open from smiling so hard, she replied back, saying she thought he sounded very cute too and that she would love to talk to him more.

Soul waited with jittery impatience for Maka to leave the house each day so he could chat up the cutie he found online. When she came back looking brighter than the sun, he was sure she had been spending her days shopping or going out somewhere with Tsubaki and the rest of the girls. Same with Maka, who thought her partner was disappearing off to Black Star's to beat him at the newest sequel to the Robot Slayer video games they loved so much.

She couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Kit. He was funny, charming, and honestly made butterflies flap around inside her belly. He was everything she was looking for, and she hoped she was the same thing to him.

They had been talking for two weeks when he said he wanted to meet her. It might have been a little soon for Maka's taste, but she agreed because he was so damn flirty and he sounded extremely trustworthy. "I'll be wearing a yellow dress," she told him. "So you know it's me."

She told Tsubaki about him, and about their date. Yes, she was excited. Yes, she liked him. No, she was very sure that he wasn't a fifty year old man posing as a teenager because who in the hell typed like that? No middle-aged guy she knew. Forgetting to capitalize and punctuate words wasn't something you could consistently fake. She got her friend to drop her off at the restaurant when seven o'clock on a Saturday night came around.

When it did, she needed a cover story as to why she was going out. Soul believed her excuse easily, that she was just going over for a sleepover. When she returned late that night she could just say she didn't feel well and came home early.

It was foolproof.