Butters was mindlessly surfing the internet one day. He had just learned the term "yaoi" at school the other day. Like many of his friends at school, he was confused and curious as to what this term really meant. While researching the term "yaoi", he had come across the website known as "Tumblr". Not knowing much of the website itself, he decided to fiddle around with it. He first attempted to search the tag "TweekxCraig". Instantly, he had come across many artistic interpretations of Tweek and Craig in a romantic relationship. Nothing entirely new to Butters, he had already seen many of the artistic pieces. Somewhat disappointed with his search, he decided to get slightly more adventurous with his search terms. Butters then decided to search the tag "KylexCartman". Then, to his great surprise, he had received many results of the tag. Many artistic pieces depicting Kyle and Cartman in an intimate, romantic relationship. Many of the pieces made in the same manner as the "TweekxCraig" pieces. Astoundingly amazed at his newly discovered information, he decides to delve even further into this mystery. Butters then attempts to pair all of his friends in every combination he could possibly think of. Nearly every pairing he could think of, there was art of it. How far, could the Japanese girls at his school, have gone with this all? Yet, before Butters could leave to tell all of his friends of what he had just discovered, he had to search up a one more pairing.
"FELLAS, FELLLAAAS!", Butters cried, as he ran to his friends, whom were playing basketball outside. The boys stopped playing to listen to Butters. "What is it Butters?" Stan inquired. Butters, with a shocked and desperate expression on his face, said "Ok so I looked up more about yaoi on the internet, and then I found this website called Tumblr!". "What's Tumblr?" Kyle curiously asked. Butters then said "it's a website where people can make their own individual blog pages, and post about whatever they want!". "Anything?" Klyde asked. "Yeah! Like this one time, I saw this one blogger who is half man, half wolf!" Butters explained. "No way" Stan exclaimed. "No it's true! and there's tons of people just like him, and they call themselves the 'furries', they're like ancient pagan cryptids or something!" Butters elaborated. "So, Tumblr is filled with a bunch of pagan cryptid man beasts?" Stan further questioned. "No, and that's not all!" Butters exclaimed, "There's also these people, who are unicorns and ponies!" said Butters. "So now there's wolf people and unicorns?" Questioned Cartman, looking as fat as ever. "yeah, and they're all dudes! and they all watch this show called 'My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic'". "isn't that a show for little girls?" Kyle questioned once again. "It's actually a pretty decent show, I kind of like it" said Klyde. Everyone stares at Kylde blankly for several, uncomfortable seconds. "Kylde, go back home, and watch some Breaking bad, you fruity, Pony loving faggot" said Cartman. Kylde begins to walk back home, head down in shame. "So is that all you wanted to tell us?" Asked Kyle again. "Oh yeah that's right, so when I was on Tumblr, I found out that a lot of this 'yaoi' comes from there. and so, I searched up Tweek and Craigs name, and I found a bunch of the art the Japanese girls drew on there!" Said butters, after going nearly off topic. "Ok so?" Said Stan, not seeing the point in this discovery. "So, I thought that maybe, Tweek and Craig aren't the only ones involved in this, so I decided to search up everyone else's name, and then I found, these!" Butters said, as he pulled out printed pictures of yaoi fan art, all of which depicting Butter's friends together in romantic relationships. The first depicted Stan and Kyle, whom were both shirtless, and staring into eachother's eyes intensely. The second picture depicted Kyle and Cartman, in which Cartman was eagerly clinging to Kyle's left arm. The third was of Kenny and Kyle, which showed both Kyle and Kenny watching a movie together, and Kenny had an empty container of popcorn on his lap, and as Kyle reached into the empty popcorn container, he started to blush, as Kenny had an excited look on his face, thus implying that Kyle is touching Kenny's penis. All four of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman looked at the pictures in horror, as the rest of their friends looked as well. As the four friends were onlooking in disbelieving horror, Jimmy exclaimed "Oh m-m-my god, the asian girls made them ga… the asian girls made them g-gaa… the asian girls made them g-g-gay!". "What!? We're not gay!" Stan panically said. "Yeah! What the hell!? Why did the asian girls pick us?" Kyle added. Kenny angrily muffles through his jacket. "I know right, jesus christ!" Cartman adds as well. "That does it, we're going to those girls right now, an-" Stan is cut off as Cartman finishes his previous sentence by saying "Why the hell are we all into Kyle here!?". "W-what?" Stan asks, as he was interrupted. "Just look at it! every single pairing has Kyle in it, meaning that the hottest one in our group, is Kyle! What the hell are those asian girls thinking? I'm clearly the most ripped and sweet out of all of you." Cartman says as he strokes his own ego. "Hey yeah, what the hell" Stan says as he realizes Cartman's logic, excluding the last portion of it. "What!? You're not seriously listening to him are you?" Kyle says as he tries to bring sense to Stan. "Well I mean, why are you the center of attention? At the very least we should all have our own pairing" Stan begins to reason. "That's not what the issue is here!" Kyle retorts. "Oh that's so easy for you to say, I always knew jews were so vain about themselves" Cartman passive aggressively says. Kenny then inaudibly muffles something about Kyle being a vain prick. "Kenny!" Kyle replies in stunned annoyance. "Yeah dude, you seem way too comfortable with this. Wait, does this mean you're actually into us?" Stan suspiciously questions. "Yeah, Kyle's the fruity one here, you're just so happy that you're the one getting all the attention in these pictures huh?" Cartman interrogates. "I AM LITERALLY GRABBING KENNY'S DICK THROUGH A FUCKING POPCORN CONTAINER IN THIS PICTURE CARTMAN! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE ENJOYING THIS!?" Kyle angrily retorts. "Oh don't try and deny it Kyle, you know it because you're the gay one here, I always knew jews were homophobic" Cartman replies. "Stop linking all of this shit to me being a jew, fatass! I bet the only reason they paired you with me, is because you get off on insulting me all the time!" Kyle says, clearly flustered at Cartman's typical insults. "What? No way." Cartman dismissively says. "I don't know man, he has a point, you're only real source of joy is from insulting Kyle all the time" Stan confirms. "Fuck you, I do not get off on insulting Kyle, I insult lots of people, like Butters!" Cartman defends. "All Butters does is agree with your insults, you know it's not the same as Kyle" Stan retorts. "Is not! Look watch this, Butters, you're a furry loving pervert!" Cartman insults. "Yeah I sure am!" Butters says, not actually confirming that he is a furry, but more of to habitually take one of Cartman's insults. "See" Stan confirms. "That proves nothing dammit, I do not get off on insulting Kyle!" Cartman defensively exclaims. "Yeah you do, I bet if I completely ignored you, you'd feel completely lost and empty inside!" Kyle challenges. "Pft, whatever, I have other people to rag on." Cartman dismisses. "Oh yeah? we'll just see!" Kyle says. "whatever, we all know jews are just fat liars" Cartman insults. Kyle stares away from Cartman, completely ignoring him. "oh very funny Kyle, what? You just gonna go home and count your jew stash money?" Cartman challengingly insults. Kyle remains silent with no reaction. "Hehe, r-real funny Kyle, I don't need you to rag on for fun, hey Token!" Cartman calls. "What?" Token replies. "Bet you feel right at home playing basketball you black asshole!" Cartman says. "Piss off." Token dismissively says. "See that's not the same as Kyle" Stan adds. "W-well whatever Stan! I don't need to insult him!" Cartman once again defensively says. "I'll give you ten minutes before you start feeling empty inside from not getting your fix of insults off Kyle" Stan challenges. "Whatever, ten minutes is nothing, I don't need Kyle! Screw you guys, i'm going home" Cartman says, as he runs off home. "Hey Butters, what's that last picture you're holding? Is that about you?" Stan says, as he briefly glimpses a portion of the remaining picture that Butters is holding. "W-what? What picture?" Butters says, clearly very nervous. Butters then immediately runs back to his home, with the last remaining picture in hand.
Cartman is muttering to himself as he is angrily walking home after his short run of anger. "Pft, I don't need Kyle to insult, hell I don't need to insult anybody, he could die for all i'd care, life would be so much easier without him" Cartman mutters. Cartman then flashes back to the time when Kyle moved away to San Francisco, and remembered why he went to rescue him. Cartman dismissively snaps out of it, but immediately forgets about it as he notices Klyde's house in the corner of his eye. Cartman opens Klyde's door, and sees him watching My Little Pony. "Dude, what the fuck" Cartman says in angered disappointment. "Oh, uh, it's not what it looks like!" Klyde says nervously. "I thought I told you to watch Breaking Bad! Not this girly shit!" Cartman angrily confronts. "O-ok, so what's so wrong with that?" Klyde defends. "What's wrong with it? Dude it means you're a pony loving faggot!" Cartman retorts. "Well i'd rather be a pony loving faggot than a homophobic pussy" Klyde swiftly replies. "W-What!?" Cartman says in disbelief. "At least i'm secure with what makes me happy, meanwhile you're homophobically denying what Kyle means to you!" Klyde says. "What!? How did you hear about that?" Cartman questions. I heard you and Kyle screaming, you're not that far away." Klyde reasons. "Oh, well that doesn't matter! Kyle is just a no good jew, who should just stick it up his ass, and piss off!" Cartman angrily says. "If you can never be open to what makes you happy, then you'll never be" Klyde further reasons. "So what? you'd really be open about your love for a stupid girly, pony show?" Cartman says. "I don't have to be, and I certainly won't deny it, if I do that, then how could I ever be comfortable with it? If you keep denying that Kyle makes you feel whole, then you'll always just be a homophobic pussy" Klyde retorts. "Whatever, pony fag" Cartman insults. "piss off" Klyde says, as he pushes Cartman out the door, and slams it shut. Cartman then walks off Klyde's porch, and begins to mutter to himself again, "damn, not the reaction I was looking for, maybe, maybe Kyle is the only person who…". Cartman then immediately cuts himself off by saying "No! Kyle doesn't mean anything to me! In fact, i'm going to go up to him right now, and tell him he means nothing to me! I don't care if he reacts or not!". Cartman then immediately heads back to the basketball court to talk to Kyle.
Cartman returns to the basketball court, only to see Kenny and Stan fighting each other, while the rest of the boys circle around them and watch. "Fuck you Kenny, he's mine!" Stan exclaims as he fights. Kenny, again, inaudibly muffles something along the lines of saying that Kyle is going to be his. "What the hell, what are they doing?" Cartman asks Token. "They're fighting over who gets to be with Kyle." Token explains. "What? They're actually gay?" Cartman further questions. "No, they've just accepted that since Tweek and Craig couldn't fight it, they can't either, so they're just seeing who gets who" Token further explains. "So, whoever wins, is actually going to go out with them" Cartman again asks. "Yep, pretty much" Token explains yet again. Cartman then feels something inside of him, the thought of one of them being with Kyle, it crushed him, then it angered him, which then led him to throwing himself into the fight. "FUCK YOU GUYS, THE JEW IS MINE!" Cartman cries as he topples over both Stan and Kenny. Cartman starts to beat on Stan first, then Kenny intervenes, causing Cartman to fight off Kenny, and push him into the street, which subsequently led to a car flattening Kenny, clearly killing him. "Oh my god, you killed Kenny!" Stan exclaims. Kyle is too shocked and confused at Cartman's actions to say his typical line. Cartman then continues to furiously beat Stan. "Cartman stop!" Kyle says, as he rushes in to stop the fight. Cartman then stops beating Stan, as he is near unconscious. "What are you doing, I thought you didn't care" Kyle curiously questions. Cartman sighs as he says "Kyle, I hate you like no other, but Klyde was right, I can't keep denying what makes me happy, ragging on you, insulting you for being a jew, and how you react, it's what fuels me to go through the day, it makes me feel whole. And the thought of these assholes being with you, it just, didn't feel right.". "So, you want to go out with me?" Kyle asked, clearly shocked. "Maybe I do, it doesn't matter anyways, the asians paired us up, and there isn't anything we can do about it." Cartman reasons. "I guess so, but are you really ok with this?" Kyle asks. "I think I am, because you know what, i've learned something today. It's ok to be embarrassed about what makes you happy, and you don't have to be open about it, but if you deny that it makes you happy, then you can never find happiness. Even if it is transforming into a wolf person, or watching a girly pony show, if it doesn't hurt others, and it makes you happy, go for it, don't deny it." Cartman explains. "Wow, I never thought about it that way. Hey, what about Butters? I think he had one last picture that he didn't show us."
All of the boys go up to Butter's room to ask him about the last, remaining picture. "Hey Butters?" Stan asks, still visibly wounded from his fight. "Huh? Oh! it's you guys!" Butters says, as he quickly turns away from them, looking at another person in the corner of his room, the other person not being visible from the lack of light in the room. "Butter's who is that?" Stan asks. "Oh, well, ah I can't hide him from you guys. He's...He's the person the girls paired me up with." Butter explains. "Well, who is it?" Stan further questions. "Well, it's not someone I really expected, but he's really buff, and he's a former U.S Marine, and his name is JOHN CENA!" Butters says as the lights go on, and loudly playing John Cena's theme, as John Cena reveals himself out of the corner of the room, and flexes. "HE'S GETTING READY TO TAKE ON THE UNDERTAKER AT THE WWE SUUUUPPPPPPEEEEERRRR SLLLLLLAAAAAMMMMMMMM, THIS SUNDAY AT THE SOUTHPARK BOWL, TICKETS ARE ONLY $49.99!11!11!" Butters yells out proudly, clearly overtaken by the overused, dead meme. "Dude these memes are getting out of hand, how long do they last?" Stan asks. "It usually takes about five months for them to stop being funny, and about thirteen months for people to stop using them and realize that it's not funny" Cartman answers. "huh, guess it's not time yet." Stan says.
END