I know it's been a while since I wrote something or since I read something on here, but I'm slowly getting back into it with this little story.
Special thanks to Isis the dog for the encouragements and of course as always, to pussycatwithattitude.
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.
A contented sigh escaped her lips as she crawled a bit closer to him, draping her arm across his middle. She felt herself blush, feeling his body pressed against hers so intimately, still not quite used to the feeling of his bare skin so close to her. They had finally moved into their cottage and she couldn't be happier. They had waited so long to be together – properly together as husband and wife – that everything seemed to have happened in a daze. She was so desperate to be close to him again that she dragged him up the stairs the minute they set foot in their cottage. He had tried to slow them down, but the need in both of them made it impossible to hold back. She had gone so long without him that she couldn't bear the thought of waiting. Tears welled up in her eyes, thinking of how close she had come to losing him completely. The thought that he might have been trapped inside that prison forever, was enough to break her and a few tears started to stream down her cheeks upon his chest.
He closed his eyes briefly, blaming himself again for all her grief as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, turning slightly on his side so he could look at her and he cupped her cheek tenderly, kissing away her tears, "I'm here, Anna. I won't go anywhere."
She sniffed away her tears, offering him a small smile, "I know, I'm just being silly."
"Never." He made her turn on to her back, as he hovered above her, his hands on either side of her head holding him up, "You could never be silly." He placed kiss after kiss on her lips, "What can I do to make you feel better?" His lips teased her neck, down to her collarbone, "How can I make you believe?"
She tangled her hand in his hair to pull his lips back to hers, knowing only one thing could help her right now, "Let me look at you."
He gave her a confused smile, "You are looking at me."
She tenderly stroked back his hair, shaking her head as she lightly pushed him, making him lay back on the bed, "I mean, properly look at you."
He narrowed his eyes at her as she threw the covers down to his middle, her hands running across his chest, "You mean you want to scrutinise me?"
She caught his gaze and smiled a bit shyly, "I never got the chance to explore you." She straddled him and pulled him into a sitting position, wrapping her arms around his neck, "On our wedding night you still had to teach me, you showed me everything, you explored my body with your hands." She took his earlobe between her lips, feeling rather than hearing his groan, "With your mouth."
He turned his head and crushed his lips against hers, not wanting to wait another second, but she pulled back with a slight grin, "And today, I was so desperate to be with you that I couldn't take my time to look at you."
She cupped his cheeks, "You know every little scar on my body since our wedding night and I feel like I don't know anything about your body. So, my dear husband, will you give me permission to explore you?"
He stared into her eyes for a while, knowing he had many scars on his body, even more after his time in prison and he knew she would want to know everything, bringing back memories he'd rather never talk about, but how could he deny her? "You're my wife, Anna, you don't need my permission for anything."
She dropped her hands to his to lace their fingers together, sensing his insecurity, "Do you remember what you told me on our wedding night?"
He smiled, "I told you a great many things, you'll have to be more precise, my dear wife."
"You told me the same thing a few years earlier when you held my hand across the table in the pub, the Red Lion, when I came to visit you."
He let go of her hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his voice nearly breaking as he remembered his words, "I told you I would love you however, whatever, whenever."
"Do you believe me when I tell you I feel the same?" She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Nothing could change the way I feel about you, John." She saw his eyes darkening when she said his first name and she gave him a small smile, "My handsome husband."
He shook his head and lifted himself up to place a tender kiss on her lips, "I believe you."
She lightly pushed against his chest, making him lay back down, "Good."
She stood up from the bed and walked towards the chair in the corner, reaching for her nightgown, but just as she was about to pull it over her head, John got up and took it from her hands, dropping it to the floor as he hugged her from behind, his lips leaving a soft trail in her neck, "Oh no, Mrs Bates. If you're going to explore me, you'll have to be in the same state of undress as me."
His hand reached up to cup her breast as he turned her head and caught her lips in a passionate kiss, her moans stifled by his mouth as he gave her a taste of what was to come.
He pulled back too soon for her liking, "Do we have a deal?"
She sighed dramatically, but her smile was hard to contain as she turned around in his arms, "I guess so." She entwined their fingers again as she walked him backwards to the bed, making him fall down when they reached their destination.
He brought her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss just below her wedding ring, "Do you have any idea how beautiful you look when you're only wearing this ring?"
"If you're trying to charm your way out of my exploration, I can tell you now that it won't work."
He chuckled, and before she could say anything else he pulled her down next to him, rolling her on her back as he moved above her, his lips brushing hers as he spoke, "Are you sure?"
She crushed her lips against his, immediately deepening their kiss as she felt his fingers trail down her body. She caught his hand before he could reach his destination and she pulled away from his kiss, "Positive."
He groaned in disappointment, lying down beside her again as she propped herself up on her elbow to look down at him, "What are you so worried about?"
"I don't know." He sighed, "No one has ever looked at me the way you do, I guess I'm just nervous."
"How do you think I felt when you saw me for the first time?"
"You can't blame me for looking at you, you're gorgeous."
She shook her head, smiling, "Mr Bates, is it so hard to believe that I find you gorgeous?"
His answer came instantly, "Yes."
She felt tears well up in her eyes again, and she cursed herself for being such an emotional wreck even when he was here with her, "Do you have any idea how often I dreamt of this moment? I haven't seen you properly for 18 months, John. That seems like a lifetime to catch up with."
He cupped her cheek tenderly, hearing her voice breaking, "I'm sorry, Anna." He placed a tender kiss on her lips, before he lay back down, "I'm yours."
She threw her arm around his middle, resting her head next to his, "I love you so much, John."
Her words still brought a smile to his lips and he turned his head to brush his lips against hers, "I love you too, so very much." He reached up to wipe away her tears, softly kissing her again, "Now explore me, wife."
She giggled and he chuckled along with her, her laughter seemingly so infectious.
She began placing gentle kisses on his chest, occasionally looking up into his eyes to see him smiling down at her. Her fingers traced the white scars on his shoulder, before she bent down and kissed each one. He had definitely lost weight in prison and she noticed he had some bruises that were only just beginning to fade. She lingered a little longer over those and when she looked back up at him, she could see a shadow behind his eyes.
She reached for his hand to entwine their fingers, "Do you want to talk about it?"
He stared at their laced hands, "There isn't much to tell. Sometimes they would beat me up and sometimes they wouldn't." He looked back up into her eyes, seeing her tears forming again and he gave her a faint smile, "It's not as bad as it looks."
"Why did they do this?"
"Some of the guards didn't like me very much." He leant up on his elbows, looking down at where her fingers were lightly circling his bruises, "Neither did my cellmate. I tricked him once, when he and one of the guards tried to frame me for something I didn't do and they didn't like that."
She frowned, "Why didn't you tell me?"
He smiled, "We never had much time together, you and I. Why would I tell you something that would have you worry about me?"
"I wish you had told me."
"It's a prison, Anna. These things happen, more often than you know." He cupped her cheek tenderly, "There was nothing you could've done and I didn't want to add to your worries."
She nodded, accepting his explanation, "Did they hurt you a lot?"
He shook his head, "Nothing hurt as much as when they stopped your visits and your letters."
"You still haven't told me why that was."
He looked down, his fingers tracing lazy circles on her bare thigh, "When I tricked them, they reported me as a dangerous prisoner, which meant that I couldn't have any visitors or receive any letters."
She brought his hand up to her lips, "I was afraid you were trying to be gallant and let me go."
He rested his forehead against hers, "I was afraid you had given up on me."
She pressed a desperate kiss to his lips, "I couldn't, not ever."
He pulled back slightly with a smile on his lips, "I know. I think I knew even then, but you were the only thing that kept me sane in that place and I thought I'd lost you." He cupped both her cheeks, a single tear falling down his cheek, "I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for you."
"I wouldn't have survived if I didn't have you back here with me. I can't live without you."
She closed the gap between their lips, both reaffirming their love for each other as they wrapped their arms around the other, needing that physical connection.
He pulled back, wiping away her tears, again, "No more." He smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, "I'm home now and I will never leave you again." He took her hand in his and placed it back on his chest, before he leant back on his elbows, "Go on."
She continued her exploration, occasionally asking for an explanation when she discovered a new scar. He told her about some of his experiences in the war, while other scars were a sign of his childhood, memories of climbing trees, fighting with other boys over a girl or a simple innocent fall when he tried to run before he could properly walk. She loved hearing her husband's stories, never imagining that they could be so talkative when they were together in bed.
She moved a bit lower to his knee and she looked up to catch his gaze, as he offered her a small smile, "You know where that one's from."
She nodded, but she was surprised to see little scars all over his leg and she frowned, "These as well?"
He sat up, shaking his head, "No, that's another story."
"Tell me." She heard him sigh and she searched his gaze, "Please?"
"Do you remember how everyone looked at me when I first came to Downton? How everyone's gaze averted to my leg, the moment they saw my cane?"
She looked down, still feeling like she could have done more for him in the beginning, "Yes, I remember."
He leant forward and placed a sweet kiss on her lips to make her look back at him, "I'm not talking about you. You were my champion from the beginning, but the others. Especially Thomas and O'Brien, and even Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson in the beginning, they all thought I couldn't manage."
"I knew you could."
He smiled, loving her all the more for defending him even after all those years, "I know, you were my only friend, Anna. But I felt inadequate, I felt like I needed to change so that people would accept me."
She frowned, "What do you mean? What did you do?"
"I bought a limp corrector."
"What?" She looked at him with wide eyes, "Why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged, "I didn't want to admit my weakness to you, I didn't want to tell you that I was trying to be a better man, a more worthy man." He sighed, searching for her gaze again, "I'd had enough of people judging me because of my limp."
She looked back at his leg, seeing all those white scars, "You must have tortured yourself."
"It hurt, yes, but I thought it would be worth it."
"When did you do this?"
He thought for a moment, "About that time when Gwen was training to become a secretary."
"When you told her she could change her life if she wanted to." She looked back into his eyes and shook her head, "I wouldn't change one thing about you John Bates, not now and not then."
He reached for her hand to entwine their fingers, a shy smile on his lips, "Thank you."
"Don't ever try to change yourself again."
He smiled, "I made a promise to Mrs Hughes then."
"Mrs Hughes?"
"Yes, she found out what I was doing or rather she demanded that I tell her."
She released a sigh, remaining silent for a few seconds as she stared at his scars, until he leant forward and placed a tender kiss on her temple, cupping her cheeks to make her look at him, "Surely you must have known that I loved you. Even if there was nothing I could do about it. You must have known."
She placed her hands on top of his, "I always hoped you did, and in a way I think I even knew you returned my feelings, but you were always so cryptic."
"Can you blame me? I was a married man who had lost his heart to the most beautiful housemaid I had ever met." He placed a tender kiss on her cheek, "I couldn't encourage your feelings for me, because you deserved so much more."
"When did you realise I loved you?"
"Pretty early on, if I'm honest."
She blushed, breaking their gaze, "Was I that obvious?"
He chuckled, "Only because I couldn't stop looking at you whenever you were near me."
"Really?"
He gave her another sweet kiss, before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down with him, both lying on their sides looking at the other, their hands immediately searching for the other's, "I don't think you knew how fiercely I already loved you back then."
She smiled a bit shyly, "Then tell me."
He tenderly stroked back her hair, his smile hard to contain, "When you brought me that tray when I was leaving, I knew there was more than just friendship blossoming between us."
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, "It wasn't only me?"
He shook his head, "I told myself over and over that someone like you couldn't possibly harbour such feelings for a man like me."
"I told myself the same thing. I couldn't believe you could feel something for an ordinary housemaid like me."
"My darling, you were never ordinary. The moment we met, when you offered your hand to me, I knew you would become very special to me."
She narrowed her eyes, "And still you pushed me away."
He sighed, "You know why."
She smiled, "Don't worry, Mr Bates, after a while I knew you loved me, even if you never said so."
He mirrored her smile, leaning closer to place soft kisses in her neck, "When did you realise?"
She turned on her back, wrapping her arms around his neck as he leant up on his elbows above her, "I think when you brought me that tray when I was ill and I couldn't go to the fair."
He murmured against her skin, "I loved you long before that, Anna May Smith."
She giggled, cupping his cheeks to make him look at her, "I hoped you did, but I didn't know for sure until that moment." She narrowed her eyes at him, a slight smile playing upon her lips, "I think you secretly loved being such a mysterious man."
He chuckled, and raised his eyebrows cheekily, "It worked, didn't it?"
She gave him a playful slap, "Silly beggar."
He caught her hand and entwined their fingers, "I love it when you call me that."
She reached up to whisper seductively in his ear, "I love it when you call me a naughty girl."
He turned his head in shock, his eyes narrowing as he smiled, "Mrs Bates, you are a little temptress."
She bit her bottom lip, pushing him onto his back as she straddled him, "Is it working?"
"God, yes."
He lifted himself up and caught her lips with his, his hand immediately tangling in her golden locks as he deepened their kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her moans encouraging him as his free hand reached up to cover her breast, playfully pinching her nipple. He grinned when she broke away from his lips with a loud moan and he took his chance to turn them around again, knowing how much she loved it when he was above her.
His lips teased her neck again, his words a mere murmur as he spoke, "I'm so glad I told Molseley you had someone special in your life."
Her eyes snapped open and she pushed him away, "You what?"
He frowned, but his smile was hard to drive away, "I never told you?"
She shook her head, still keeping him at bay as he tried to kiss her again.
He huffed in frustration, "Do you remember the garden party all those years ago? It was just after you came back from London with Mrs Patmore, when you visited my mother."
She nodded, "I thought you were angry with me."
He gave her one of his smiles that were only ever meant for her, "How could I be when you fought for me, again?"
She dropped her hands from his chest with a smile, allowing him to kiss her again, but she pushed him away before he could deepen their kiss, "So, what's this about Mr Molseley?"
He rolled his eyes playfully as he rolled away from her, lying on his side, propped up on his elbow to look at her, "I was staring at you when you walked away from me and he came to stand next to me, asking me if you had someone special in your life."
"Did he?" She hid her laughter behind her hand as he nodded, "What did you say?"
He caressed her shoulder with his hand, placing a gentle kiss on her lips, "I told him I wished you hadn't, but that there was someone."
She raised her eyebrows, silently scolding him for his words, even if they were uttered so long ago.
He gave her another kiss to apologise, pouting slightly as it seemed she still hadn't forgiven him and he continued, "He asked me if that someone special was keen on you."
"And what did you say?"
He smiled, knowing for sure she would forgive him now, "I said he was very hard to read sometimes, that he kept himself to himself, but that he was keen on you." He slowly closed the distance between their lips, her smile irresistible, "Very keen indeed."
She smiled into his kiss, loving the fact that he made his claim on her all those years ago, even if she only just found out. He deepened their kiss as he cupped her cheek, feeling her hands wandering all over his body.
She broke away from his lips, tenderly stroking his hair back, "I turned him down later anyway."
Now it was his turn to pull away completely, "What?"
"When you left me to go with her."
He grimaced, not wanting to be reminded of all the hurt he had caused her and he murmured a soft apology, but she was quick to ease his worries, pressing her lips against his to stop him from saying anything more. It was all in the past and they were together now, that's the only thing that mattered.
"No more, John." He nodded and she gave him another soft kiss, "Mr Molseley asked me if we could see more of each other, because you were gone."
He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt jealous anyway, "What did you say?"
"Like I said, I turned him down. I could never forget you and be happy with someone else, you were and still are the only one for me."
He couldn't stop the smile from forming on his lips, and he tenderly cupped her cheek, simply adoring the woman that had become his wife, "We've come a long way you and I."
She tried so hard not to burst into tears again, but she couldn't stop a few tears from breaking through, "And I'd do it all over again, if it means I'll have you in the end."
"So would I, although I wouldn't mind skipping the prison part."
He raised his eyebrows and she couldn't stop herself from giggling at his words, "I never thought we'd be laughing at this."
"It's only possible, because you fought for me, time and time again." He cupped both her cheeks, looking at her with so much adoration in his eyes, that she felt like her heart might burst with love for him, "Thank you, Anna."
She shook her head, "There's no need to thank me."
"There's every need." He bent down to place a tender kiss on her lips, "Thank you for choosing me over all the others, thank you for sticking with me, thank you for fighting for me, every single day." His hand sought hers to lace their fingers together, placing a soft kiss on her wedding band, "You are my hero, Anna, and I'm nothing without you."
She felt more tears well up in her eyes upon hearing his words, and she knew she could never love anyone as much as she loved him right in this very moment. No words could do justice to what she felt in that moment, and she didn't even try. Instead she leant up to capture his lips with hers, pouring all her love into her actions as she pushed him onto his back and straddled him. Both finding everything they need in each other's arms as they slowly made love that night, reaffirming their strong believe in the other, their love and above all, their friendship. Even though they never said anything to each other in the beginning, deep down they always knew they were meant to spend the rest of their lives together.