Glee 100 in my eyes.
I remember a time when I used to dread walking down these halls. When beyond every red locker I feared an attack of an icy beverage. I also remember walking with my head held high, chin up, shoulders back, and a confident smile. When inside all I felt was small.
Now I am here, head held high, chin up, shoulders back, and confident smile. But I feel anything but small. I am to star in the production of Funny Girl. I admit, I had my doubts along the way. But here I am, 19 years old, and already the biggest success story of this school.
Is it so wrong that I expected rolling red carpets down the hall? Confetti? Cheering crowds? Perhaps. Doesn't mean i didn't feel a twinge of disappointment when I walked down the hallway and I felt as invisible as I did the first day I walked through these very halls.
No matter. I walk through the familiar doors of the one place I was able to call my sanctuary and inside awaits my friends. No. My family. Because that's what each and every individual is to me in this room. Yes, even the newer ones. Though they're more like the long distance relatives that you never really find out their names, just faces.
Each person in this room is my family. Why You may ask? Because each person in this room had the same dream, the same goal at one point. And it was to see this little rag tag glee club make it to the top. And it did. That it did.
Some of these people were my biggest tormentors. At one point they really wanted me to fail. And now I can say for certain, that they only want to see me succeed. Though Santana may be the only one in the room who doesn't, but I'm hoping that is just a phase she's going through.
Mercedes stands beside me, eyeing my chair. Yes, MY chair. That is THE Rachel Berry chair. She knows it. I know it. There is no point in denying it. So why is she practically salivating over it? How dare she! We all know I am the biggest star, no point denying it. I might have graduated a year ago. I might have matured. I might usually let petty things go, but it's almost like a spot light shines down on it. (Even Wade, or is it Unique? must see it, because she's searching for the source of the light.) And I did say MIGHT after all.
So who's to stop me from lunging from the chair, situating myself at the front of the room, right next to one Quinn Fabray?
I can't concentrate on her right now. What with my position of biggest success story from glee being compromised. It's the first I have seen her since arriving in Lima and I wanted to greet her properly, but I have a situation at hand.
"Greet each other!" Kurt hisses into my ear from behind. He of course has his fiancé to sit next to, so he's in the best of moods. HIS title isn't being compromised. Everyone knows Kurt Hummel at this school. But Rachel Berry didn't get her welcoming committee of adoring fans, so she can at least have this.
"Hello Rachel I am so happy to hear about your success." Mercedes greets rather forcefully.
"Oh thank you Mercedes. And you are looking well." I greet, plastering on one of my best grins. Though by this time, everyone in this room must know it's false. Who does she think she is? Stealing my spotlight. It's just plain rude.
"Now if you'll excuse me. I'll make my way to the back of the buss." Mercedes quips with a forced smile. I refrain from rolling my eyes as she makes her way to the back of the room.
"100 Lessons." Mr Schue starts his lesson after writing down the number down on the board.
"Hey, cam I get Finn's plaque when we clear this place out." Noah asks. I swallow the lump in my throat at the thought. It's taken some time to heal from his loss. And I don't think I may ever truly recover. No one ever does after their first love. I shake away those thoughts. I'm in a good place now.
"Finn's plaque stays. Lillian and Finn belong here. At McKinley" I frown at the mention of Mr. Schue's old glee club teacher. I had almost forgotten about her.
The room is enveloped in silence. The kind that hurts. I briefly lock eyes with the blonde to my right. She offers me a supportive smile.
Mr Schue begins to ramble, and normally I would be the first to pay attention to his long winded rants. Especially now, that it is going to be one of the last I will ever hear. Instead my lips are curled into a smile, thankful that Quinn was the one who put it there. It's crazy how she still has this effect on me.
"Your assignment." These words get my attention. "Is to sing one of the songs we have already done in here, but reinvent it in some way. Way back in the old days when I started the Glee club, I would give an assignment then give a little demonstration of what I was looking for."
There's laughter and cheers around the room, but I can't help but grimace at the thought. It's not that all of Mr. Schue's performances were bad, he did give it the old college try, but some of them still haunt my nightmares.
"See you all cheer now, but wait 'till he starts rapping." Santana tells everyone from her seat in the back of the room. It's one of the few things my old roommate and I can agree on these days.
"No Hip Hop today Santana." Mr. Schue tells us. There is a God! And he's merciful! "However." And yet.. I cringe at what the man might come up with next. "I have asked a very special person to come join me. it seemed appropriate since her contributions helped save the Glee Club. Or at least the auditorium, way back when. Please welcome, all the way from broadway, Miss April Rhodes!" Ok this is actually a good idea.
I watch the petite, perky blonde enter the room with a smile on my face.
"Hey Y'all!" She greets us enthusiastically. I can't help but jump to my feet, like the rest of my friends, and clap excitedly for her return.
Maybe this week wouldn't be a total waste, With a side cast glance to my right, I really think it might be a good thing.
We are gathered around the piano as april tells us about her... experiences.
I really try and focus on her tales. I do catch a couple of parts, but mostly I find my eyes drifting over to the blonde across the piano. And I could be imagining things (God knows it isn't the first time I have imagined things around this piano(my best example being almost falling in love with William Schuester)), but I might have seen Quinn throw a couple of her glances my way.
"I see you." Speaking of blondes. I turn to look at bubbly Brittany. I really have missed her. Not only because she brought out the best in Santana (not that I have anything against my friend and coworker Dani) but also because she was naturally happy and she has a way of projecting her happiness to the people around her.
"Hi Britt." I smile, giving her a one armed hug, as to not disturb April's story.
"I see what you're doing." Brittany repeats. I have to furrow my brow at her sentence. I've been standing here the whole time. What could I have been doing. "Quinn looks good, doesn't she?"
My eyes go wide for a moment, but I let it pass, I am an actress after all. I can turn this around. Instead of answering I run my fingers through her blonde hair.
"You're growing it out." I note, she nearly throws back her head in a laugh, but manages to stop herself.
"I'm watching you." Brittany warns, narrowing her eyes at me. She smiles, pointing her plastic champagne flute at me then turns her attention to April who has now started to sing Raise your Glass.
I pick up my own champagne flute and join in on the shenanigans going on around the room. I have to admit, I did miss this part of Glee. When, no matter if you were a cheerleader, jock, nerd, or an up and coming star (me), you would sing and dance together, because none of that other stuff mattered.
I'm not being creepy, I swear. I simply followed Quinn to have a proper conversation with her. Yes, I'm a couple paces behind her, but that is only because I have yet to muster up the courage to actually approach her.
What? Did I actually just think that? No. I am THE Rachel Berry. I don not have to muster up courage. I am courages 98% of the time. Hey, I'm human. Spiders and dark New York Alleys still scare me. Back to the point. I'm about to take those extra steps to reach her, when I see she has spotted Noah.
Dammit. That was my chance. Ok, I can just wait. I'm not going to step in now. I want my own time with her. I don't want to have to share it with Noah Puckerman.
Did she just call him handsome? Ok, well that's true, if you're into that sort of thing. No. Don't you dare Noah Puckerman. Do not ask Quinn out to breadsticks.
Tickle spot? Why didn't I now about this tickle spot. I'm sure I look about as thrilled as Noah does right now. What's a Biff anyway?
"Wait, you call your mother, mother?" Noah and I are the same page here. I don't like this Apple Kid. I don't care that Quinn has been with this guy for 3 months. She can do better.
Quinn walks off with her preppy boyfriend, laving both Noah and I slightly unsettled.
Noah spots me, hiding behind a freshman who is rifling through his locker.
"Does this look itchy?" He asks me, pointing at his uniform. I shake my head and run my hands over my clothes, trying not to appear like I had been eavesdropping. It's bad decorum. "Have you been here the whole time?" Puck smirks at me, almost knowingly.
"What? N-no. I was simply admiring my old locker." I say, turning to face the locker in front of me.
"Yours wasn't in this hall." Noah reminds me. I force out a laugh, tapping my hand against my head.
"Silly me. I guess it really has been a while." He does not look convinced. "Well I must be going now." I try to excuse myself, but Noah takes a hold of my wrist.
"Were you listening to that?" Puck nods over to where they had been having their conversation. I shrug instead of answering. "I don't like that guy."
"I don't think it's any of our business. Quinn can date whomever she's like." I tell him. Though I completely agree.
"Then why were you eaves dropping?" Puck asks, almost in a teasing manner, like he's in on a joke I am unaware about.
"We should get to the choir room soon." Call me Rachel Berry, master of evasion. "I'm sure someone is going to perform something soon."
I am not leering. I am not leering. No, I am admiring. Taking notes, actually. Yeah, that's it. Also. I am admiring the choreography- no. No I am not. Just kidding
It started off innocent enough, but now. Am I the only one having a cell block tango fever dream here? I can't be the only one.
Ok, someone needs to turn on the AC. I should probably blink soon. People might notice. Those Cheerio outfits just do things to me...
"Are you ok?" Sam asks from the seat next to me. Seriously? How can he even notice how I look? Why is he not watching them. I have never appreciated the sights of 'the unholy trinity' more.
"Fine." I try and sound nonchalant, but I don't tear my eyes away from The sight in front of me. So he probably didn't buy it.
If there is a God. He blessed us with this performance. Quinn Fabray, please stop moving your hips that way. Ok don't stop. No stop. No, don't stop.
The funny thing is Kurt sat me down before flying out here to Lima. He wanted to make sure I'd be ok seeing Quinn. He knows about the crush I had harbored for her when we were in Glee club. It had always been a small crush, it would occasion flare to dangerous proportions, but I almost always managed to keep myself in check (the almost part being when I couldn't help but follow her into the bathroom at prom when Kurt won queen). I had assured him that those days were behind me and I no longer had romantic feelings for Quinn.
I think I may need to reevaluate that. At the very least, I am still very much attracted to her, physically I mean.
It might not be Quinn. It could be the performance itself. I'm human after all. Who wouldn't find that performance sexy?
Oh no, she stopped. Act normal Rachel. Be cool. I clap loudly like the rest of the club.
"That s what I am talking about, Kiddos." April exclaims. "What did you think Mr. Preppy McDimplebutt." She takes a sip from her red solo cup. I'm not sure what is in there, but i have half a mind to ask April for a sip.
"Oh, um, I thought it was very..."He trials off, unable to find a word. Sensual? Sex? Hot? Hell wouldn't be able to reach the temperature of that performance? "Energetic."
I turn in my chair, like most of the first row, and look him up and down. What is wrong with him. Were we not watching the same performance? Does he not realize how lucky he is?
"Dude, you were texting the whole time." Mike looks upset with the Biff. I knew I always liked Mike.
"He's very busy." Quinn defends. Usually I listen intently to every word that comes out of her mouth, but I can't find it in me this time. Puck glares at him, the eyes Quinn. Then his eyes stop on me. I try to wipe all emotion off of my face, but apparently didn't in time. He arches an eyebrow at me. The something in him seems to click and he grins widely over at Quinn, but she is too busy defending the Biff to notice him.
What does that boy know?
"Hey Rachel!" Brittany greets me a little out of breath once the bell rings. Wait, where is everyone going? We don't go to school here.
"I wasn't staring." I blurt out without thinking. Brittany smirks knowingly at me, but shakes her head. She's slightly out of breath, and a little flustered after her performance.
"I mean." I correct myself. "You did great. You girls were wonderful."
"Suuure Rachel." Brittany smiles, taking my arm. I may notice Santana glaring at me when Brittany takes my arm and leads me out of the room. Whatever. Santana can't be mad that I am friends with Brittany or even if she was propositioning me. She and Britt are no longer together and Santana and I are no longer friends so it's not like I'm breaking an rules. Not that I see Brittany that way.
"Would you like to be a guest on fondue for two?"
This is the perfect way to keep my mind off of the other blonde in glee club. No not that Kat girl, or whatever her name is. Quinn. That's right. I'll put all my time and energy into making sure I beat Mercedes as the 'Ultimate Glee Star'. Copyrights Pending.
That's right. This is why this Diva off is so on. Defying Gravity is my song. I can conceded Mercedes joining Kurt and I if that means I win it all. I take the title. I take the belt. I... you know where I'm getting with this right. I shall be the ultimate winner. That is why Kurt and I are at school after hours, practicing Defying Gravity. Blaine is here by extension of course.
"You want to what?" I nearly bark out. Actually yeah, I probably did yell. Kurt has to place a calming hand over my own to get me in check. Blaine eyes me curiously, though I'm sure by now Kurt has told him. I expect as much, those boys no longer keep secrets from each other.
"I mean, technically I don't have to ask your permission." Noah starts, though with the slight smirk on his face tells me that he is poking fun at me. Or he is up to something. It's probably the latter. "But I figured you would be weird about. So will you let me sing it?"
"What? No. Keep Holding On is my song." I protest. Is his smirk getting bigger?
"I'm sure Avril Lavigne would disagree." Kurt pipes in with a joke. I glare at him.
"What are you getting at Noah? You know this song is important to me." Ok, so maybe he doesn't know, but still.
"Look, I just think I should sing it, the whole club will dance it. It'll be nice for Quinn. She needs to see that Biff isn't the right guy for her." I can tell Puck's admission is honest, which makes it all the worse. I narrow my eyes at him.
"And you are?" I question. Kurt squeezes my hand, reminding me to dial it back.
"I think that's up for Quinn to decide."
"Fine." She really deserves someone better. And who knows? Maybe Noah Puckerman is the right guy.
This time Puck narrows his eyes at me. Almost as if he wants to continue arguing.
"You sure?" He asks. Is he really all that surprised? Did he want me to say something different?
"Yes, you're right." I tell him. Again, Kurt squeezes my hand, but this time it's in support. Puck heaves a sigh, looking slightly... disappointed?
"I'm heading to Breadsticks with a couple of the gleeks, you guys in?" Puck asks. I shake my head. I really don't want to look at him any longer.
"I think we're fine. Thank you Puck." Blaine speaks up us. He nods and leaves Blaine, Kurt, and I in silence.
"Are you ok?" Kurt asks. Bless this boy, he really understands me.
"Again." I nod at the Piano, urging Blaine to play us the song.
I stand before my friends, my eyes flickering around the room. Trying not to land on either Quinn or Puck. But of course, my attempts are futile, they always drift back to her. She watches me, a smile on her face. Like maybe she's proud of me.
And maybe that's enough.
I continue to keep my focus on being number one. Even recruiting meetings with the new new directions.
"Blaine tells me you ordered a meeting, hoping to persuade them to vote for you? Shouldn't you let your talent speak for itself?" Kurt asks. He has yet to tell me who he thinks deserves to win.
"What do you know Charlie Brown?" I ask, entering the choir room.
"I happen to like this shirt." He huffs defensively. "I'll let the moment pass because I know you're using this competition as a-" I glare at him, daring him to continue. "I'll go sit with Blaine." I take a seat at the back of the room, mostly so I can sit and admire in peace. No one can see me from here.
I watch her as she enters and takes a seat at the front. I know the moment is coming. We have already rehearsed all we're waiting for is for Puck to give us the go ahead.
He stands for a moment because Mr. Schue has asked him to go next. My stomach clenches. I tell myself I am doing this for her. She deserves a chance to choose. Santana of course, interrupts. I don't even stop myself from rolling my eyes at her, but part of me is grateful for it. I'm fine with anything as long as it puts that performance on hold.
I try to pay attention to the performance. And for the most part I enjoy it. Brittany and Santana really are at their best when their with each other. But I never stand. I simply stay seated, my eyes occasionally flickering over to Quinn.
When it's all over Puck stands, announcing to the class that we will be moving to the auditorium.
Well, here goes nothing.
Who am I kidding? Here goes everything.
Puck has me sitting next to him, almost like he wants to keep his eye on me. Kurt, being the dutiful best friend that he is, takes a seat next to me. Silently promising to get me through this.
And then he sings the song. My song. Our song.
And I am in the perfect position to watch her. And boy does it hurt. Because it moves her.
And I sing a long. I do it for her,
The curtains open and we start the choreography that I came up with all those years ago.
I dance my part with Kurt, clutching onto him tighter than I need to. He holds me just as tight, because he of all people knows how much this hurts. He is the only person I have told.
He and I sort of had this unrequited love thing going on. He with Finn. Me with Quinn. Kurt and I really are soul mates.
I put on the brave face. forcing myself to smile. I know I look over at her longingly, but I really don't have the right to. I never confessed my feelings. Not that I ever really stood a chance.
I see the tears roll down her face. Dammit Puck. It's working. He's going to get the girl, isn't he?
And when the song ends and he approaches the crying blonde. We give them their space. I automatically move towards Kurt.
"I can't watch this." I tell him. Kurt sits me down and takes my hand. He could go over with our friends or his fiance. But instead, he sits with me.
Noah and Quinn talk for a moment. I watch her wipe at her tears before she exits the auditorium.
"Alright everybody. No more drama. It's time to vote for either Rachel or Mercedes." Mr. Schue announces.
You know, in my defense about this whole situation. Mr. Schue shouldn't indulge Mercedes and I in our petty argument. He should know better to stop us. I'm just glad I have something to keep my mind off of things.
"Excuse me Schuester. Before we cast another pointless vote in a meaningless contest that has absolutely no practical ramifications what so ever. I would like to say some things about my good friend Rachel Berry." To say I am surprised about this is an understatement. I grin up at her though, I need a little self esteem boost after everything that has been going on.
"Rachel Berry is the most horrible human being on the planet."
"What?" I really should have seen this coming.
"Can it troll." She bites back.
"Santana!" Mr. Schue tries to intervene.
"You have sold half the people in this room down the river more times than I can count. So you could get a solo or the lead in a musical and I'm pretty sure that you don't names of the other half of the people." Santana challenges. i shake my head, smiling politely at the room, trying to keep it together.
"That's not true." I disagree.
"Alright, what is his name." Santana points at the boy next to Mike. O c'mon that isn't fair. Santana doesn't know his name either.
"Rick." Or something like that.
"Exactly thank you." Santana thinks she has proved her point. The poor boy mouths his name to me. Ok, I feel bad now.
'See you've all met Rachel ok, but I live with her." Kurt hides his face in his hand. He looks tired at all of this. Everyone else in the room is either shocker or feels bad for me.
"Let me tell you what it's like to share a bathroom with this stubby undergrown little creet. Someone in that apartment shaves their face and leaves their stubble in the sink and we all know it ain't Kurt so do the math."
"That's a lie." I try to defend myself, but she keeps going and no one stops her.
"You know what else is a lie? When you won prom queen." Santana continues, my eyes flicker over ti Quinn at the mention.
"What?" Now what is she making up?
"Yeah that's right. You didn't win, ok? Everybody just felt really bad for you and the two people that you hate most in this whole world, Quinn and I, stuffed the ballot box so that you would win." I want to correct her, because I have never not once, hated anyone in this room. I have to keep my eyes away from Quinn because it would hurt even more. She's not eve jumping in to say it's not true. Which mean it is.
"You are so cruel, Santana. I mean, you're only doing this ti me because I'm the lead in Funny girl and you're just the lowly understudy. You want to make me feel bad because I am better than you." It really is the only thing I have to defend myself. My mind is so blank, having learned what I just did. "And you're an awful person." And with that, I leave the choir room.
I find myself in my usually crying bathroom. Part of me hopes that Quinn, like so many times before, will follow me here. And even when the door squeaks open, I actually think it might be her, but it's Mercedes.
Why did I even bother coming back to Lima? I know the answer to that. It's because I knew there was a chance I would see Quinn. So much for that. She and I haven't even had one conversation.
Mercedes coaxes me out of the bathroom after a lovely, uplifting conversation. I really did miss this girl.
For a moment I wonder if she chose to follow me here or if someone sent her in.
I guess it doesn't matter, because like usual, I had to dry my own tears.
"Want some?" Kurt asks when he finds me outside the school, near the busses
"Where did you get a flask?" I ask, scandalized.
"April gave it to us." Blaine pops up out of nowhere, holding up his own flask.
"Engagement slash wedding gift, I think." Kurt explains, waving it in my face.
"I'm fine, thanks."
"You sure?" Blaine asks me, patting my shoulder sympathetically. Yup. Kurt told him.
"Yeah, I'll be right in." I nod over to the school. "I'm going to go find Mercedes."
I wander around for a bit, when I hear the angry voices.
"A baby?" I hear "I mean what happens if we got married and this kid shows up looking for money? Are you crazy?" Oh I know what this means. "Was this the loser that knocked you up?
"Yes, Pucks the father." I peer around one of the busses and take in the scene before me. "i'm looking for acceptance here. This is how I love."
"That may be how you and your loser friends love, but where I come from you carry your past, with you. You are the worst kind of hypocrite." Why is Noah not doing anything? Why am I not doing anything?
"You walk around like some snow fricken white, but you're really a dirty little slut bag." I start forward, but then Quinn defends herself. She takes The Biff's nose between her knuckle and yanks hard.
"You shouldn't have said that." Quinn tells him as he is whimpering in pain.
"Ow God, let go. Am I bleeding?" Quinn let's go of his nose.
"Not yet." Puck tells him. I move forward again to intervene, but someone stops me.
"Let's go." It's Mercedes, tugging me back towards the school.
"But-" I point over at the struggling men.
"Puck's got it. Let's go." And she manages to yank me away.
Puck is going to get the girl. Because he saved the day.
Mercedes and I walk around, giving me time to calm myself before we head back to the choir room.
Mr. Schue is collecting what I assume are the votes when we enter.
"So um," I start " sorry about that outburst earlier. Mercedes and I have been talking-"
"And we've both decided that making you vote for who's more talented is completely ridiculous and unproductive and narcissistic. I mean, how can we ask you guys to choose between two beautiful, Queen Divas?"
"Well funny enough, they did vote. And they did choose. and guess what? you're both equally talented in their eyes and mine." Mr Schue tells us.
I can't help but squeal and hug Mercedes.
I look around and realize Puck is here, but Quinn is missing. I wonder who would've won had she been here.
My heart might be breaking into pieces. I tell myself that it's what's best for her. That I helped this happen. That she'll be happy.
I don't see the context of it or even stay long enough to really watch what happens after, but it hurts regardless.
Quinn in Noah's arms, right in the middle of McKinley, kissing.
I turn around, running right into Blaine's arms. He has witnessed the whole thing. I collapse into his arms, breaking down.
"C'mon, let's get you to Kurt. I think he and Mercedes are looking for you." He tells me, wrapping an arm around my waist, shuffling out of this hallway. Away from the pain.
Why did I come back?
I pull away from Puck's lips and look around the hallway. Was it all for nothing.
"Did she see?" Puck asks me, looking around.
I look over to Brittany and Santana who are returning from their designated 'posts' as Puck put it.
"Did she see?" I repeat Puck's question to my two best friends. Brittany smiles sadly, like maybe what she witnessed had broken her heart.
"What? What happened?" I ask, pulling away form Puck, moving towards Brittany.
"Don't worry Q." Santana steps in. " Rachel needs this. She needs to fight for it." My best friend tells me.
"How do I even know this is going to work?" I ask them. The three of them had cornered me right after my fight with Biff. They came up with this absurd plan, but the hope that it works is what reeled me in to go along with it.
"Oh, it's going to work." Brittany smiles.
"Quinn." Puck tells me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're going to help you get your girl."
So Glee 100 and 101 kinda kurt. I mean, I knew they would never show Faberry, but not even one scene? C'mon!
Anyway I read a fic called you're too late by diannasbacon in the middle of writing this. You guys should go check it out. It's angsty and beautiful and definitely what I feel happened canon-wise(in my little shippers heart dreams).
I wanted a happy Faberry ending. So I'll just pretend what I am writing is what happened. Part 2 of 2 should be up soon(ish).
What did you guys think?- A