Susan hissed quietly under her breath as she pushed against the marks on her knees. The bruises had turned an impossibly deep purple color with angry red edges. Lower down, across her shins, more contusions bloomed, stemmed with long, weeping gashes, some deep, others barely superficial. Her fall had taken quite the toll on her legs after all.
After the battle, after Aslan, she had finally allowed herself to feel the pain and the weariness. Susan set off up river, towards an inlet she had heard about from a few scouts, trying not to limp. It was difficult, but no one had seemed to pay any attention to her really. In order to rest, there had to be work, and many were setting up makeshift tents and lean-tos so as to try and recover from the long, violent ordeal. She had escaped with no one noticing.
At the inlet, she removed her leather armor and the chain mail, discarding them next to her bow and quiver unceremoniously. She plopped beside them with an ill-restrained moan and then lifted her skirt to see the damage.
The floor had dropped out from her before she knew what had happened. Boulders were flying past her head, chunks of rock were falling down around her feet, and then she, too, was falling. Her hand flew out for Trumpkin, who seemed to know what was going on before she did. Hands clasped and then she was no longer falling, but dangling, from the overhang. It seemed like she was holding on forever, looking up at Trumpkin with wide eyes. What would become of her now that his grip was slipping? She could not even chance a glance downwards for fear of completely losing what remained of her courage. Her hand slid out from his, her stomach flew upwards into her throat, and a strangled cry freed itself from her throat. She hit solid earth faster than she thought she would, stumbling down the slope, her ankles giving way at the impact. It hurt more than anything she had ever felt, but she rose to her feet quickly, seeking out Peter and Caspian amidst the scrambling soldiers.
Now Susan could no longer ignore the injury. Her legs torturously pulsated, especially her knees, which had taken the brunt of the fall. She prodded them gently again. They were quickly swelling. If she didn't take care of them, she'd be hobbling around like a ninety year old. Susan rolled over onto the side of her hip, preparing to stand, when her foot, still clad in her leather boots, slipped on the grass. Before thinking, she caught herself with her knee, and pain, white-hot, struck her. She screamed, biting her lip to silence herself, and crumpled to the ground. Her eyes watered as the offended joint continued to throb. Her lip had begun to bleed from the force from which she clenched down upon it and so she instead bit down on the leather strap attached to her left arm. The babbling of the river water eventually broke through the haze she had found herself in. The temperature would be cold enough to help numb the agony she fought against. Susan rolled over on her back, again raising on her elbows to try and stand to walk to the shoreline.
"Queen Susan?" The thick Spanish-like accent made her freeze. She quickly threw down the hem of her skirt to cover her legs and looked up towards Caspian, who stood a few feet away, his armor gone, clad now only in a white undershirt and his brown trousers. He frowned at her and his glance went down towards the blood red color of her skirt, then back towards her face suspiciously. "Is everything alright?" He asked slowly. Susan blushed and backed down from his questioning gaze.
"Yes. I'm just relaxing." She lied. Caspian walked towards her, crouching an arm's length from her. He had seen the bruises, she was sure. With bated breath, she watched him as he extended a hand deliberately out to the hem of her skirt and grasped the fabric daintily. He locked eyes, his golden, hers a piercing blue, and began to slowly lift the skirt away from her legs. She could barely breath as he broke their connection and , respecting her modesty, glanced down at her shins, then her knees.
"I am not sure how you can relax when your legs look like that. Are you not in pain?" He asked concernedly. His fingers traveled lightly up, running over every cut, every bruise, every dark spot marring her white skin. She winced as he brushed the centers of some of the larger marks and then nearly swallowed her own tongue when his palm covered one of her knees. The reaction did not go unnoticed by Caspian. "You are hurt." He confirmed. "You need to see one of the physicians."
"No!" She quickly said. Her frowned at her in confusion. "It's not that bad."
"Not that bad?" Caspian asked in disbelief. Forgetting decorum in his astonishment, he flung back her skirt and motioned towards the wounds. "Your knees are the size of cannonballs! And you're bleeding still! I cannot allow you to go untreated." He said firmly. Caspian grasped her around the shoulders, gingerly delving an arm under her knees, and began to rise to his feet. Susan felt herself flushing and she flinched away from him, afraid of the close proximity they shared. She fumbled for footing but regained some composure. Not waiting for a reaction, she took off as fast she could for the river.
"What are you doing?" Caspian called after her, following her doggedly.
"They just need to soak for a few minutes. It's nothing serious enough to warrant medical attention." She responded stubbornly. "Besides, you shouldn't worry so much over me."
"Why should I not when you are so obviously in need of attention, and yet you refuse to allow me to help?" He inquired. Susan lifted her skirts once more and walked far enough out into the water to cover her legs up to the middle of her thigh. She shook her head and turned back to the confused boy who stood waiting for her on the pebbled bank.
"You've helped me enough." She replied. "Back there, in the forest. If you hadn't shown up, well…I hate to admit it, but I probably wouldn't be standing here now. So, Thank you very much, but I don't need to be rescued anymore." Susan inclined her head in an appreciative nod and then waded over to a nearby rock, leaning against it and allowing herself to rest. The cold water felt good, yet painful, and she closed her eyes as a combination of the two sensations threatened to overwhelm her.
The inlet had fallen silent. She assumed Caspian had left with her dismissal. She deflated slightly. As embarrassing as his concern had been, she couldn't help but smile inwardly at it as well. Wasn't it every normal girl's dream to be fawned over by Prince Charming? It certainly was flattering. She couldn't deny that. What she could deny, and would as long as she remained in Narnia, was herself returning those subtle advances. It wouldn't be seemly for her, a shining example of a golden age past, to be flirting and falling all over the newest King. She needed all the dignity she could muster. Acting the age she looked wasn't going to gain her any favors.
Suddenly, splashing behind her made her pivot and she gave a surprised gasp as Caspian crashed through the water towards her. "What are you doing?" She cried out as he picked her up once again.
"I'm taking you back to my tent." He said simply.
"What?"
"I'm taking you back to my tent. Don't worry. It's not a rescue mission." Once again Susan struggled to escape his clutches. Enough shoving and pushing and Caspian did indeed let her stand on her own two feet. "And people say I am pigheaded!" He cried with exasperation. Susan glared at him. She firmly placed her hands on her hips.
"First of all, I'm not a damsel who doesn't know anything about basic first aid. Nothing is broken, cold water will do the trick just fine. Second, How incredibly inappropriate would it seem if you were to carry me over your threshold in such a manner? I've never done something so bold in my life!" She shouted at him. Caspian backed away a step at her outburst. However, he had no plans of backing down. He set his jaw determinedly.
"It would haven't to be like that if you'd just let me present you to the Physician!" Caspian shot back, giving her a smug look. Susan gasped, offended.
"It doesn't have to be like that period! You could just leave me here and let me take care of myself! Like I wanted to do in the first place!"
"I can't do that!" He returned with fervor.
"Why not?" She asked. The two stood a few feet apart in silence. The fury of the Gentle Queen had not ebbed. She stood poised, a sarcastic, expectant look on her face, waiting for the answer to her question. Caspian searched for it inside his head.
How could he tell her in words what he had been certainly been feeling the entire time they had been together? Words could not properly frame the way his heart raced whenever her name was mentioned, how his hands became clammy if she walked into a room, how he wanted her to see him in the same light. No phrase seemed right. He opened his mouth once or twice, only to shut it quickly, afraid that the sentences he had chosen would not blend together to paint the picture that was in his mind. Susan was quickly becoming less irritated as his silence wore on, her eyes narrowing in confusion, and perhaps a tinge of nervousness.
"How can you expect me to just leave you here in such a condition? I could not leave you to the soldiers in the forest…I cannot leave you to yourself now." Caspian finally remarked softly. Her brow furrowed at his statement. Her stance shifted as she suddenly found the stones beneath her feet very interesting. "Will you refuse me still?" He inquired. She looked back at him, and for the first time he saw her true age in her eyes.
He could not see past the beautiful façade of a 17 year old girl from the moment he saw her. His mind kept reminding him of who she really was, where the fire, the strength, the courage came from that he so admired and that he found so often lacking in the ladies of the court. It was the soft, pale skin that peeked tantalizingly from her dresses that confused him. It was her lips, full and rosy, that formed her words just so in that strange, yet alluring, accent. It was her hands, gentle as they wound bandages and applied salve. It was the release of her hair from a plait or bun, how it would cascade like a river down her back. The combination of these things and so much more captivated him and blinded him, but now he saw.
Susan shook her head at him.
"I know what you're thinking. It's not hard to figure out." She said solidly. Caspian blanched and began to fumble for words, but she stopped him. "I've had my share of suitors in the past. I know that look you give me. You have to stop it."
"Do I make you uncomfortable?" He asked, suddenly feeling like a little boy being scolded. Caspian blushed. He could no longer meet her knowing gaze. She sighed in response. Before answering, she waded back to the water, holding a finger up to keep him from protesting. When she had settled back into place, leaning against the partially submerged boulder, her knees and lower legs quickly freezing, Susan crossed her arms over her chest.
"It's not that I don't appreciate the attention, Caspian. I do. I…I wish I could return those attentions, but you have to understand."
"Understand what?" He demanded. She stopped a bit short, seeming a bit startled over his outburst. Caspian clenched his jaw and fists. "What is there to understand? I wish I could explain what has come over me, I do. But I can't seem to. I can't seem to make myself ignore you." Caspian approached her, forgetting the water, already swimming in the blue lakes of her eyes. Those eyes were still those of a 1300 year old queen, a sad and lonely one as well.
"I'm nothing but a fairy tale to you." Susan whispered.
"You were. Now, you are so much more." He responded. He had to kiss her. Caspian swallowed as he grew closer. He had never kissed a girl before but he had imagined it plenty. If there was ever a moment for it to happen, it had to be now. It had to be her. His hand crept up to her cheek, his thumb stroking the freckles.
"You're going to regret this." She said sagely.
"I'm going to remember you." He replied.
"You're just getting your hopes up." She croaked.
"Then I shall fly as close to the sun as I can before my wings melt. It will be worth the fall, I am sure." Caspian said before swiftly capturing her lips with his own. It was better than he had imagined. Her mouth was soft and yielding as she caved into the kiss. For protesting so vehemently, he though with an inward smile, she certainly gave up fast.
Susan moaned inaudibly as their exchange continued. She couldn't deny she wanted this as much as he did. But, the voice inside her screamed, it was wrong. This was not meant to happen and it would be nothing more than a stolen kiss in a river. Tears threatened to topple her composure. Roughly she pushed Caspian away from her, holding him firmly at arms length while she focused everything on stopping the flood from her eyes.
"Susan." He called to her softly. She could not look at him. The stony resolve she had built earlier was falling, brick by brick. The urge to desire and be desired was overwhelming.
"Please don't do this to me." Susan pleaded.
"Do what?" Caspian asked worriedly.
"Please…Just leave."
"No. I won't."
She balked. Her resolve was crumbling.
"We can't do this."
He refused to listen. Caspian grasped her chin between his strong fingers and pulled her face towards hers. Her eyes were squeezed shut, tiny tears sparkling in her dark lashes. Her lips were trembling. They formed a tight line across her face. His determination faltered. Did she truly not want this? Was he forcing himself upon her? A minute or two ago he was sure he had been successful. Now he was conflicted. Had his first kiss been a failure?
Susan opened her eyes at his hesitation. Her heart sunk into the pit of her stomach. He was looking at her sorrowfully. Had he finally realized what she had been saying? A legend had no business flirting with a king. His marriage would be one to unite countries, and hopefully, one for the storybooks as well. She closed her eyes again at the thought.
This was not how she envisioned her first love to go. She had assumed it would come in the form of a respectable boy in a school uniform, perhaps a bit more attractive than his peers, who would offer to carry her books for her or perhaps bashfully ask her to a study session in a library. Or maybe it would be a soldier, wandering the streets on leave, who would catch a glance of her and boldly and flirtatiously ask her for a cup of tea in a nearby shop. Perhaps it would end in a chaste kiss, perhaps it would end in the passing of addresses.
Now, she would never know because her first love had been a Prince. A dashing Prince who rescued her , who fought with valor and courage, and who wanted her more than anything else. It was every girl's dream, but for her it was bittersweet. This was no fantasy. She wouldn't let herself become so swept away that she would forget about both of their duties, and both of their real lives.
"Once more." His voice startled her. She blinked.
"What?"
"One more kiss…And I'll never bother you again." Caspian asked. He searched her face worriedly. He was practically begging her. Just one more.
What could it hurt?
She nodded slowly and he was suddenly upon her again. His lips were softer than before, if it were possible. She could taste him like she couldn't before. His hands began to wander. Fingertips dug into her hair and massaged her scalp and then trailed down her neck to her shoulders. Hers began to travel, despite herself. She cupped the back of his head, unknowingly deepening the kiss. Caspian's heart began to sing as she responded to him the way he hoped she would. He smiled into her lips.
When they finally parted, Susan found it hard to keep her breath normal. Her face was more flushed than normal. She began to play idly with the fabric of her skirt, bunched around her hips to keep it dry. It was harder than she thought to look up into the face of the boy she had just made out with. When she did, she became very surprised.
Caspian was smiling like a ten year old who had just been given the best toy of his life.
"What?" She asked dumbly. Her lips tingled when her eyes ran over his.
"I've never kissed anyone before." He confessed sheepishly. Susan couldn't help but let out a laugh. Her outburst caused him to retreat slightly.
"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh. It's just that-" Susan began.
"I know, I know. You must have kissed many before me. I have read about you." Caspian stated baldly. Her laugh had been enough to wipe the grin off his face, and now, this knowledge had begun to pull his mouth into a tight line.
"Well, I don't know what they paint me as in your books. I have shared a kiss or two when I was older, but…Technically, you're the first boy I've ever kissed." She said, the last half of her statement dropped to a whisper. Caspian looked at her wide-eyed. The Gentle Queen had been replaced with a giggling 17 year old. The girl before him wrung her hands around in her skirts, trying to hold back a wide grin, looking anywhere but his face.
"First…boy?" He repeated. A feeling of excitement spread over him in an instant. Caspian bit his lip. This news filled him with more joy than becoming King had.
"Or should I say King now." At that, Susan became guarded once more. The single word seemed to remind her of her earlier words and stance on the situation at hand. At once she became cold, quite unlike the girl who had practically melted into his arms earlier. Caspian watched the transformation in disbelief. "You have a duty and an honor to uphold now. This responsibility will be with you for the rest of your life. It will…cost you many things." She continued. Her voice was heavy. Caspian began to sulk. He had just had one of the best moments of his life. Why did she feel the need to ruin it right away?
"I know that."
"Then you should know that its time to walk away. One more kiss. It's all you asked for. It's all you'll get." There was a hint of sadness. Caspian was sure he heard it. His hands lingered upon her as she stood from the rock, wading back to shore. He swung around to watch her gather her armor. Avoiding her gaze, he followed her, like a puppy. Caspian kept to her heels the entire way back to camp. When they parted ways, he mumbled a formal goodbye, and was not surprised to hear no reply. With one last, lingering look, he left her, wandering to his tent to ponder about what had just transpired between them.
But then, before he got too far away, he heard his name.
"Caspian." Susan's voice was soft and low. He watched her as she stopped a few feet away. Shifting her load to one arm, she extended a gentle hand out to his cheek, stroking his skin so lightly he might have sworn she never touched him at all. His eyes closed in muted ecstasy. When he opened them, her face was drawing closer, and her lips brushed against the same place her hand had just occupied. Susan the Gentle had agreed with Susan Pevensie.
If nothing else, they both deserved just one more kiss.