Author's Note: Hi everyone, this is my first fanfic, so forgive me if it's not the greatest! This first chapter is very metaphorical and somewhat psychological, so yes it will require some thought. Any type of review is appreciated, and any pointers would be great!!
Warnings: Future LxRaito
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor do I claim any sort of profit or material gain from writing this story.
Prologue
The cards had been dealt, the first hand played. The bluffs, the challenges, then energy, the luck. That's all it really was—were you lucky enough to call the others' bluff, lucky enough to get good cards? That's what it boiled down to, that's all that you were worth – your luck. There were some with all the luck, there were many more with none. Could you even play the game without looking at your cards, without ever seeing them? Were there cards at all, or are you just swept along in a wave? Is there nothing you could do to change what you have, what you retain? Why not trade your cards, tempt fate and hope to get something better, hope to win? Why is it so useless to go against your fate, defy your destiny and do what you want – what you truly want? We are simply insignificant pawns, used in the great game of life. Throw in the towel, fold, lay down your cards and walk away. There, it's done. But it can't be that simple – it's never that simple. On your way out you're offered another game, another chance – another gamble. And you always accept, never taking the plunge and simply leaving, instead you comply once again to fate.
Coward?
Greedy?
Scared?
Brave?
Selfless?
Courageous?
What are we, what traits that we desire can we embody? Us, the race doomed to play, doomed to die and doomed to lose. The dealer has the advantage. A never ending cycle, one that doesn't have an alternate path, an escape, a reprieve. So why not just play? Why don't you try your hardest, bluff, threaten, coerce and charm until you win, until you're at the top? Maybe, just this once luck will be on your side, luck will find you, help you and love you. So go on, free yourself of oppression, live free, live fast – just live.
What? You can't do it? Just like I thought.
Coward.
Greedy.
Scared.
You've been stripped of everything; emotion, visage, life and death. Hands raw, wrists bleeding, you've given up. What other choice did you have, what second option was there? There was nowhere else to run, to hide. In the open, naked, shivering, stripped of everything. Bare for everyone to see.
Monstrous.
Disgusting.
Hideous.
And yet, intriguing, graceful and strangely beautiful. An oxymoron – that's what you are. You are everything and yet you are nothing. Lost in that tide, swept away without meaning. No more walls, no barriers, no protection – only yourself, only you. Scary, yet strangely, bizarrely exhilarating, freeing – an oxymoron.
What's your next move, what cards will you play? You decide. Last move, last hand until it's gone. What are you going to do? Have you decided? Then go, do it, try and win. Defy fate. Defy everything. Fool yourself, make yourself believe – you are whole, you aren't useless. Fool everyone, make them believe, deny fate, deny feelings, deny everyone and everything. Then what? What's left?
A shell, that's what you are, an empty shell who used to fight, used to play. Now you're nothing, you're just there. Just pretending to exist. Standing alone. Not seen, not heard, not felt. Make-believe, a fool, but you can still pretend.
Game over. You've lost, but not died. You've won but not survived. What one was it? No matter, you're still here, still there, still empty. Not seen, not heard, not felt. A pretence, a shadow. And then…He came.
He who damned you, he who made you, he who completes you. But what use is he now, you've failed, the game has ended, there are no more cards to play. He who defies all, he who defied fate, played with fate and won. And you, you who complied with fate, pretended to ignore fate, pretended to win but in the end lost. He the exception. You the failure. He loves you, he loves you not. Which is it?
You decide. Decide what to believe, or just pretend not to hear the question. That's all you can do, isn't it? Pretend, fool and deceive. What good did that do you? It got you to where you are now. The questions unknown, the answers right here. But how can you answer a question that was never asked. How can you possibly know the answer?
You don't. It's that simple, so instead, pretend. Pretend to understand, to know the answer – to know the question. It's all that you can do, after all, are you even here? You're a shell, an empty pretend shell. So is a pretence even there at all? Have you somehow gotten into our minds and made us believe? Or are you real? Can you still exist, still fight? Or has all of that left you?
Take a chance, take that leap of faith and for once don't worry about what's at the bottom. He's here, he's here. Is he going to save you, ignore you or damn you like everyone else. He defied fate once, went against the tide, against the wave and made it through. Perhaps he'll continue to do that, continue to go against the normal. You can only hope. Only try to believe.
Don't stop believing. Don't ever stop. Smile, for it will go one, a true smile will touch someone. Stop pretending. Stop faking and let go of the mask, fall, and take that one step forward. Do everything to roll the dice again, for that last faithful time. Continue on your journey; get on that train that leads to the future.
If two people got on a train at midnight, would they ever meet? Is He getting on a train as well, going on a journey that can lead anywhere? Out to the vast, the great unknown? Who knows? You certainly don't. The dice has rolled; a new number has come up. So try again, try and stop it. This time, don't pretend, don't be a fool. Just…defy and keep defying your so-called fate. Do it. Do it right this time. Do it for Him.