Author's Notes: takes deep breathe okay so let's go easy on me... This is my first Harry potter fic ever... I mean I guess you have to start somewhere right? I am entering this fic in a contest on ( a cool site that u should all go check out if you support H/hr, G/D, or Lilly/James.) soI decided before i entered it i would put it on this site to get some feed back.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does... And the quote I do not own either it's from some song that I can't remember... I don't even know if the lyric is right butif you recognize it and do know... Let me know and I will give credit.
One-shot-
Being the Best
The worst is over…
You can now have the best of me
When I first started to like him, I denied it. I mean, who wouldn't? Liking you're best friend is just not something you should do. Or at least it isn't something I would do. It's just not me. That was all there was to it. And that's exactly what I would tell myself every time I would get that feeling. You know the butterflies. The light headedness. The warm cheeks and the famous pink blush. You know the feelings you feel after he does something sweet. Like smile your way or give you a hug or... UGH. See what I mean? Before I had known it or could have stopped it, I had fallen for him.
For having a reputation for being such a smart girl, it sure took me a while to realize I liked him. I'm not exactly sure when it was I started to like him...Or when I realized that I loved him. It just sorta happened so fast. But the thing I do remember is when he had left me heart broken.
- - -
I'm not exactly sure when it had all gone down hill. I think I might have ignored the warning signs on the green light go. It's just; I never listened to my instincts much when it came to him. He just always got me so mad! I just couldn't understand how I could have fallen for him. I mean my heart was always telling me something different from my brain. It was like my conscience. The devil and angel. Either way I think this all started that day when Harry had decided to give Ron the Felix Felicis potion. Well okay... So he didn't actually give it to him...
(Mistake #1 NEVER assume things.)
And I had sort of told him that well…He sucked at Quidditch.
(Mistake #2 NEVER hurt a man's pride)
Umm... Oops? Yes I know... BAD MOVE. But... I didn't mean for it to happen... You see one thing lead to another and I lost my temper… And well that wasn't even the worst part.
(Mistake #3 NEVER assume nothing worse can happen because well it can.)
And it did. Get worse I mean.
---
God, I can't even think straight at the moment. It was just such a horrid scene. I think my heart is breaking into two at the moment. I can't see straight and I am not even sure where I am going at the moment. I guess anywhere but the Gryffindor common room is fine with me.
Seeing an empty class room, I ran into it quickly hoping that nobody would see me in this emotional state. Not like anybody would see me anyways, mind you, all the Gryffindors were in the common room celebrating. I really didn't get the big deal anyways. It's just a stupid sport. So what if they won? Big deal. Okay, so maybe that's the jealousy talking. But really... How could he do this to me? I mean he KNEW I liked him. Okay... maybe he didn't know but that's only because he is just so dense. I mean, everybody else knows! UGH. Why did I have to like such a thick headed fool?
Sliding to the floor, I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head into them. I could feel warm, hot tears falling onto my cold skin. I could feel them trickling down my bare legs and hitting the floor with a pit-pat sound. I just couldn't understand what I had done to deserve such a punishment. To have my heart broken in two like this. It's the worst feeling in the world. I always thought this could never happen to me. And when it would, I thought I would be strong enough to pull through. I guess I was wrong.
Look at me now, I am pathetic.
'Good Bye to You...'
I thought gripping my hands together and bawling them into fists. I could feel my nails harshly digging into my palms. Feeling the pain I cringed but dug on. I was turning into a phsyco. Great, what next? Was I going to committee suicide over a boy?
Am I really that weak?
"Ron Weasley, I hate you with a hot bloody passion!"
I screamed it as loudly and as bitterly as I could possibly muster. I had forgotten for a second that somebody might hear me and might come to see what the commotion was and would find me in this weak state. I was never weak and I hated feeling that way. I have always looked down on weak people.
Yes and here I was, the weakest of them all, crying over a boy.
A stupid boy at that.
'I knew liking him was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Indeed.'
"Hermione?"
I looked up unexpectedly. I wasn't planning on anybody finding me. Everybody was so wrapped up in their celebration to notice, or at least I thought they were.
"HERMIONE!" The voice rang again and this time ready for it I recognized it to be Harry's voice.
"Yes?" I asked putting on a brave face. I wiped away my tears on the back of my robe before looking up at Harry who was standing very close to my cowering figure. I gulped. What was I supposed to say now? And for some odd reason I couldn't help but hear my heart beat, beating much faster then usual. This was odd. It was only Harry. Harry Potter.
My best friend since the first year of school.
Just like Ron…
And look how THAT turned out.
"Are you okay?" He asked this worriedly and I could tell he genuinely meant his words but there was a hint of awkwardness that he was trying to hide. I could read it in his eyes… Oh how I loved his eyes... I mean... What am I talking about!
It's Harry. . . Harry Potter for Bloody sake!
"Not really." I mumbled back turning my face so that I woudln't have to stare at him. If I didn't have to look at him then I wouldn't have to look into his eyes. Then I could ignore the awkwardness that I was feeling. Or so I thought.
"So you saw then?"
"How could I not."
I felt hot tears start to stream down my face again. I went to wipe them off but found another hand doing it for me. Utterly shocked I looked up from the ground, which I was finding quiet interesting, and saw Harry kneeling next to me with his hand on my cheek while wiping away the tears with a disapproving look on his face.
"Thank you." I choked out between gulps of tears. It was almost inaudible; I tried to turn my face from him. I felt so weak. So vulnerable. I could not stand being helped by others. That's why I strived to be the best at everything. So nobody could call me weak. So nobody would have to help me.
Too bad I didn't realize that when you're in love, when you're with that one person its okay to be vulnerable.
You don't have to be the best.
It's okay to appear weak.
"Hermione..."
"What?"
"Look at me"
Look at him? How could he say this? I just couldn't. I couldn't get myself to turn my face. But obviously he couldn't take no for an answer. With out warning, he grabbed my face and turned it towards him so that I had no choice but to look straight at him.
Straight into his eyes…
"You know it's rude to not look somebody in the face when they are talking to you?" He asked roughly. His voice hinted at a tint of irritation and his face showed a scowl which puzzled me.
Now knowing what to say, I just stared at him. I felt my soul falling deeper and deeper into his eyes. The outlets of the soul. Where I found confusion and lust. Lust? It couldn't be. I must have been seeing things. Harry Potter has no feelings for me. And I, Hermione Granger, have no feelings for Harry Potter.
It just couldn't be.
It could not be.
"Hermione speak to me."
"I . . ."
Then I started to cry. Yes. I am known for many things but never as a cry baby. What was I doing?
"It's okay. Let it all out."
"I'm sorry."
I whispered between muffled cries as he took his strong, lean arms and encircled me with them, while pulling me closer to his body. So many emotions were going through my mind. Some I shouldn't have been thinking. Feeling helpless and not wanting to detach myself from his warmth I let my body fall limp in his arms and allow myself to lie my head on his chest. Allowing myself to listen to his heart beat.
"Don't be sorry. Ron can be a git sometimes."
"Hmm"
Harry smiled and pulled me closer to him. Can't say I was complaining as I encircled my arms around his back and pulled myself as close as I possibly could. It just felt so safe... So warm. I don't think I was thinking straight. I don't think anything was registering.
"Herm…?"
"Shh ... Don't talk"
I just wanted to memorize this moment. I wanted to paint a picture of it in my mind. So that it would stay there for the rest of my life. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The funny part was…I didn't care. And I always care. I care about everything.
"I have to say something."
"Hmm"
I whispered not expecting this. Reluctantly I took my head away from his chest and looked up memorizing his face and the outline of his chin. Was this love? Was I falling in love with Harry? No…I am in love with Ron. I felt a pang of sadness at this one. No I didn't love him either. He blew it.
"I…"
I looked up at him in interest. Harry almost never stuttered. He was always so confident even if he wasn't really feeling that way at the moment. His face was so close and I was starting to understand what he was trying to say. So instead of saying something to urge him on. I closed my eyes and allowed him to do the rest.
The kiss was amazing. I couldn't even describe the feeling. It felt like a million different feelings were trying to rip at my heart and then in the heat of this kiss it felt like nothing else mattered. No Ron and Lavender. Just Harry and me. Just the feeling of his arms on my waist and my arms entangled in his jet black hair. How silky it felt. It was like an addiction. Once you had a hit you had to have another or you would start to have withdraws. And then it got even better as the kiss started to deepen and I could feel his tongue abiding for passage into my mouth. Without even thinking twice, I allowed it in.
And then it hit me.
I was kissing Harry Potter.
I never loved Ron.
It had always been him.
Always.
He allowed me to be my best.
When I was weak and wouldn't let anybody see.
And then to my horror, the kiss ended abruptly as Ron and Lavender burst through the door laughing and giggling as they joked around without a care in the world. It took me a second to register that I was still entangled in Harry and that Ron was staring in shock at the scene. In a matter of seconds my blood went cold. Panicking I jumped up and ran out the door.
On my way out, I roughly bumped into Ron. Not caring, I mumbled a 'sorry' and ran out the door. I didn't feel any sparks anyways.
Ignoring Harry's shouts and pleas for me to wait up for him I ran up to the Gryffindor common room which was still occupied with the party, and ran as fast as I could into the girl's dormitory. It was the only place I would be safe. Safe from his eyes. Safe from them searching mine for the lie I would have to tell him sooner or later. It just could not be. I hope he would understand.
"Sorry Harry…"
I whispered as I collapsed onto my bed while hiding my eyes behind a pink pillow that laid nonchalantly on top of my four post bed. I had a lot of thinking to do. I just couldn't allow myself to go out with Harry. If I let my feelings get in the way, I would single handedly ruin Ron and his friendship. I just couldn't do that. It was something I could not allow and wouldn't. I will put my feelings aside; forget about him and the scene that happened today.
Just forget all about. Just like it never happened.
Thinking of this made my blood run cold. But I couldn't help it. It just could never be. Things were just too complicated like that.
Maybe someday things won't be as complicated.
But until then, I know I have to let it go. I have to let go of Harry. I have to let go of Ron and 'her'. And I have to let go of it all.
Because I would never be my best again.
—
This won't mean a thing come tomorrow.
And that's exactly how I'll make it seem
- TBS. Great Romance of the 20th Century
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Author Notes: okay... Kind of sad I know. But I was just in that kind of mood. But I do kind of like it... But it doesn't really matter what I think ... it's what YOU think. SO if you like it review and if you REALLY like it please vote for me. I would REALLY like that. If I get enough reviews I might do a sequel to it... but that's only if I am satisfied with the feed back. I mean don't you all want to know what Harry's take on this scene was? What was going through his mind and more importantly what he is going to do now that he has figured out his feelings for her? Will he let her go? Or will he chase after her? HAHA yes I know I am evil.. But review.. And maybe you'll find out. .