Middle Earth Postal Service
Good afternoon everyone I hope you're enjoying Valentine's day I'm afraid here in the MEPO (Middle Earth post Office) we are a bit busy at present here are some of our more problematic items of mail…
Legolas: At any time of year his fan mail is pretty heavy but come Valentine's day we get sacks of the stuff a lot of it in pink envelopes covered in hearts and smelling of various perfumes. The amount of chemical build up was so threatening we had to blow up most of it in a controlled explosion.
We had the usual performance from Faramir angrily searching through Aragon's mail to see if any of his cards had Eowyn's handwriting on them. This year he was joined by Arwen who was uttering dire threats about what she would do to the shield maiden if she has sent love letters to her hubby. Eowyn should have stuck to killing nazgul much less dangerous.
A badly written and smelly note covered in drool addressed to 'precious'
From Gandalf to the Balrog with the letters YSNP on the envelope – (we worked out this must stand for' you shall not pass').
A 30 page missive from Treebeard which is postmarked 6 years ago and as far as we can figure out all it says is I love you …hoom!
The usual anonymous card addressed to Mr Frodo …as if we can't guess who that's from!
A scorched card addressed to Saruman with the message 'I've got my eye on you' etched in flames.
As usual nothing from Celeborn, when your wife can read minds you don't need to send her a card and it's not a good idea to send any to anyone else.
Galadriel did get a card though addressed to 'The world's greatest Granny in Law' hope she's happy about that!