Well, this is it, I guess. I'm coming out, so to speak. Really, it was just a matter of time till my boobs decided to grow, but now everyone thinks I really did develop over the summer. Since I actually did get a boob job, I might as well tell all of you.

Er, I mean, this sheet of paper.

Anyways, this summer my parents and I found out about this, thing…in my very small boobs. My left boob, to be exact. It was just this one little area was bigger, and it showed. Soon, I had pains all up in that thing, and even when Puck rubbed it he knew something was wrong. I denied it, since I've always hated the doctor, but Puck, being the ever fucking loving boob guy he is, insisted that we go to the doctor, at three in the morning, all sweaty and sex looking. I decided no, and started kissing his neck, hoping he'd forget.

Score one for Santana.

So, after we screwed around, I went to the doctor, only for him to tell me it was cancer in my fucking boob. I thought that like, people my mom's age got breast cancer, not people who just turned 17. It was like God was telling me my life was still going to be fucked up, after a year of being the Head Bitch In Charge, a position I got due to being a kiss-ass (hard as hell, by the way) and for Quinn Fabray getting knocked up. So, I figured, Quinn was going to have a great year, and I was going to have a shitty one just because of this.

Now that I think about it, it all kinda makes sense. See, Quinnie Poo is now HBIC, and I am at the bottom of the pyramid, because of my Exploding Sandbags of Doom.(Thank you Jewfro for that amazing name. I am in awe of how original it is.)

So, we got the tumor removed, after about three months of chemo, and the doctors were positive that it wouldn't come back. For the record, chemo fucking therapy is the dumbest idea ever. Sure, it saves your life, but I went from being a twig (more so than I even am) to fat, to being normal sized. And, I lost my hair. ALL of my hair. I thank god for false eyelashes and the fact I still have my eyebrows. Now, I'm wearing a weave in my hair.

Then, I told Britt and Puck about my boob job. See, the tumor was removed, and it left my boob deformed. It was either a deformed boob or one a little bigger than my normal A size. I chose the latter, mostly because I didn't want to be kicked off the Cheerios for a fucking deformed, not perky, frumpy breast. My left one to be exact. So, it wouldn't even be two deformed boobs, just one. So, I got a boob job.

Then Britt told Quinn, and that little slut, decided to tell Coach Sue. So, Sue decided to demote me to the bottom, so my Exploding Sandbags of Doom (damn Jewfro) could protect everyone else. With my face filled with shame (and hurt, but mostly hurt.) I decided to go the abandoned girl's bathroom, and cry for a solid two periods (while talking to a certain someone. Er, I'm that certain someone.)

After I tightened my pony, redid my makeup so that it looked like I hadn't been crying, but been skipping to have a little lovely time with a jock, I walked out and saw that little bitch: Quinn Fabray. Instead of talking it out nicely, I kinda just shoved her into the lockers.

"Why'd you tell Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery?"

"A surgery is when you get your appendix out, you got a boob job!"

Those two words hurt. She would have gotten a boob job if that happened!

"Yup, sure did!" I smacked her before I could tell her what happened.

"Guys, we're supposed to be a family!" Mr. Shu came on in, and I couldn't help myself. She'd been complaining about baby fat, and loosing Beth all fucking summer on her Facebook status. I, on the other hand, had cancer. Needless to say, mine was worse.

"Oh, she has a family, she's a mother." I wanted to roll my eyes, but that little Queen Bitch told me to get to class and tighten my pony. I did both, but, ya know…

If she knew the truth about my Exploding Sandbags of Doom, I'm sure she would have hit herself.

And that's why I am wearing a weave and have a boob job.

The end.

Now, I'm going to go burn this paper so no one will ever see it.

Ever.

For reals.

My take on Santana's lack of hair, and boob job. Anyways, I probably didn't get eh voice right, but it was fun to write:) Hope ya'll enjoy!

-Madi