A/N: This is an odd thing I wrote involving Kaidan and a character that is my kind of fallback guy, his name is Dante Lee, and if you read my stuff, chances are you'll see him more than once. The context of this is weak, so I tried my best to beef it up to have it make sense outside my head, but mostly it's just a really beautiful scene that came out of my head at three in the morning after playing Mass Effect 3 for far too long. Slash, Kaidan and a character of my own insanity, M/M… lemon. I don't own Kaidan. Sadly. Or probably happily for him. If you want to see more about Dante, check the bottom of my profile, I'll have some stuff about him there shortly after this is posted.

A Comforting Thought

Kaidan and I had never known what we were. I mean sure, we'd both always been marines. Soldiers. Biotics. We shared a similar pain of being L2's. He gets headaches, I get nosebleeds. I claim he got the easier side effect. At least his biotic kicks don't end up with even more blood on his armor. I'd always adored him. Fell in love even.

"Captain," a woman came in and saluted him.

"At ease," I replied lazily as I set down the picture of me and Kaidan I'd been staring intently at.

"Coming into dock sir. Councilor Anderson wants to see you now."

"Can it wait?"

"No sir. Said he wanted you as soon as we hit dry dock," she replied.

"Thank you. Return to your duties." I stood up, grabbing my personal items, and left the ship. My bag was light. All I carried were some civilian clothes, all of them simple and likely out of fashion, a picture of Kaidan and me from when we were both much younger, and a few books. Not datapads, real paper books. I loved the feel of them, the smell. And it reminded me of Kaidan. He'd always liked books.

I arrived at the Councilor's office, and saluted as I set down my things.

"At ease Captain. I'm not here on official matters. Not really."

"Sir?"

"It's about Alenko." I sat down. Kaidan. My god, Kaidan.

"What sir?" I tried not to sound worried. It didn't work.

"The Normandy went down last week, I'm sure you've heard," he said. I nodded. We'd all heard about it. Shepard and twenty other crew members died that day. But many others survived. It was a sad day, but I knew Kaidan was alive. He'd made it out.

"Yeah, of course. But he got off."

"He did. But he's got survivor's guilt. Took shore leave at my request, and I've gotten news from his father that he's thinking of giving us his resignation."

"Kaidan would never leave the Alliance. He's a soldier in his heart. I know that sir."

"Even if it's just stress, he needs friends now. And I've been told you and he were close."

"We were… are still. We talk over extranet often. Stopped coming in for a while though, now that I think about it." I'd noticed more than I was letting on. Kaidan never went a week without getting me on vid-com. It had been two since I'd heard from him.

"Well I'm giving you some shore leave. Go see him. Make sure he's okay."

"Thank you sir. I will." I knew where he'd be. Exactly where I was. His home. Vancouver. It was my home now too. It was the heat of summer, and hotter than hell. But I loved it.

I went home quickly, my tiny apartment. I changed from my blues to a red tank top and dark jeans. Nothing special, but it's what I wore. I left my tags on. Leaving them behind felt wrong.

I rushed out of my apartment, and took a cab to Kaidan's parent's house. It was modest, but beautiful, right on the bay. Kaidan and I had gotten drunk on the balcony before, staring out into the ocean, swapping stories until late into the night. I smiled at the thought.

I knocked on the door with a heavy sigh, and a tall woman with long black hair and soft brown eyes answered; Kaidan's mother.

"Dante! I'm so glad you're here! Are you here to see Kaidan?" "Yes ma'am. Is he… okay?" She sighed and looked back.

"He's been better. I think he's taking Commander Shepard's death really hard," she replied. I nodded and sighed.

"We all are ma'am. How bad is he?"

"He's eating, sleeping. So not that bad yet, but he's pretty quiet, more than normal that is. Maybe you can get him to talk a little. He's spoken with his father about resigning from the Alliance." I laughed a little.

"Kaidan won't do that. He's thirty two and has little patience for civilian life. I know that much about him."

"Maybe. I always thought he'd settle down someday…"

"Find a nice girl, have a family, ma'am?" I asked. She gave a sly smile.

"Or a nice boy."

"As much as I'd love to, I'm married to the Alliance. I'd never leave."

"Not even for Kaidan?" Yeah, she knows.

"I… For Kaidan, I'd do anything."

"I know you would Dante. Go see him." I nodded and went toward the back door. Kaidan was sitting on the porch staring out into the ocean, out of his uniform. He wore a pair of well fitting jeans, his dog tags and nothing else. I smiled. Being away from Earth for so long makes you forget how great summer is.

"Hey," he turned.

"Dante. What are you doing here?" he asked. His voice was a little flat, surprised I was here, but depressed. I sat down next to him on the porch. It was the heat of summer, at least eighty degrees. Kaidan's chest was coated with sweat. God I love a marine.

"Anderson pulled me off my ship, and forced me to take shore to come see you. He said you were in pretty rough shape after we lost Shepard and the Normandy. How are you Kaidan? And I mean the truth, not what you're telling your mom and Anderson." He sighed.

"I survived. He died. Am I supposed to be okay after that?" I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. He was still strong and well built, but I could feel his weakness. It wasn't in his body, but his heart.

"No one expects you to carry the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, Kaidan." He turned to face me.

"You're right. But I can't stop blaming myself for what happened."

"You did everything you could. It was bad luck. I know Shepard meant a lot to you…"

"… what do you mean by that?"

"There were rumors Kaidan…"

"That I… Shepard… Oh Dante… None of those were true. He was my Commander, and he saved my life over Ash's, which was painful, but I don't have feelings like that for him… another man stole my heart." I was speechless. Words were running through my head, but none of them escaped my lips…. Until they decided to incoherently.

"I… Kaidan… But… you… me… how… I… Kaidan….Never… when… what… I… Kaidan…" He finally grabbed my shoulders and kissed me, effectively shutting me up. When he pulled away, the ability to speak returned.

"Kaidan, I had no idea you actually…"

"I know. Would you give up being a solider for me?" He asked.

"Hell yeah. Don't have a clue what we'd do. Neither of us really have skills to get us jobs outside military and mercenary work. But I'd do it."

"You're right. I just don't know."

"We're both Alliance and you know that. As upset as you are right now, you won't leave. We're marines, Kaidan. You know that we'd both miss it."

"I'd never leave. Not really. But, since we have some shore, maybe we can figure out what we are."

"Yeah. You know, I've wanted you for fifteen years… So many nights I've lie awake, thinking about you, wishing you were in my arms… so many nights you were in the bunk above me, while I thought about you laying with me… So many times I'd think about you… yeah, I probably shouldn't tell you that, anyway, I just don't know Kaidan. I'm fairly certain I'm dreaming." Kaidan nodded.

"You're not."

"Judging by how you're dressed, I'm definitely dreaming." Kaidan laughed.

"I wasn't exactly expecting company. You aren't in uniform either."

"Went home. Thought I'd rather not be recognized as military for the moment. Just wanted to get here." I smiled.

"So… what are we?" I sighed.

"We can't be together. It'd be too hard. Both of us would die every time the other left." He nodded.

"Which means we both are in pain not having each other constantly."

"No. While we're on shore, we're something more than friends, when we're on duty, we are just friends." Kaidan nodded.

"I can do that. What does 'more than friends' entitle?" He asked.

"More seeing you without a shirt and covered in sweat... Maybe some other things… like whipped cream." Kaidan smirked.

"Like what you see Dante?"

"Hell yeah," I said wrapping my arms around his neck, "you know how much I love a marine's body…" Kaidan pulled at the hem of my shirt, and pulled it over my head. His fingers traced the scars on my chest. They then met my tags.

"You're a hell of a marine Dante…"

"Yeah. I am." Kaidan laughed.

"What do you say we take a walk down to the beach?" I smiled.

"I'd like that Kaidan." We walked out from the house, and found a secluded spot on the beach. He sat down at water's edge, as the tide flowed in, and back out. I joined him, and smiled.

"Do you ever wish we'd never discovered the ruins on Mars…got into the mess with the council and aliens and Reapers… Saren and the Geth?" I asked as I leaned against his shoulder. Kaidan sighed.

"Staring out at the ocean, thinking about my life, yeah, it's crossed my mind. I think back to being a kid, how simple life was. That ocean was so beautiful, so perfect. Now I look out and see all the things I'm missing. All the things I've forgotten to do."

"Like fall in love?"

"That seems to have happened anyway."

"Kaidan… can we go inside? Somewhere… quiet?" I asked. He nodded, and stood, holding his hand out to me. I took it, and stumbled as I stood. He caught me, his strong arms now with no weakness. His strength had returned. We went up to the house, and inside. His parents had gone to bed. I followed Kaidan to his room, and he engaged the lock on his door. I looked around. And noticed something that made me smile. There was a picture of me and Kaidan sitting on his desk. The same one that I had with me on my ship. "Was that… on the Normandy?" he nodded.

"It was. I kept it with me most of the time, so when I escaped… I had it. You're always with me, Dante," he said wrapping his arms around my waist. I smirked and turned to face him.

"Kaidan…" I paused. We'd never slept together. I don't want him to change.

"Dante?"

"If… if we do this, you can't change. You have to be the same as you've always been." He smiled.

"I won't change Dante." I nodded, as he unbuttoned my jeans. They fell down, and I pulled off Kaidan's. We landed in his bed. Within seconds, all we wore were our tags. His lips met my neck. I stopped him.

"Kaidan, have you done this with a guy before? I mean, I know you're thirty two and you've had sex before, but…"

"No, I've never done it with a man. It's not that different is it?" I smirked. He had no idea what he was in for.

"Oh, it's different honey. I'll do you a favor and let you be top, since I'm used to it. But you have to promise me one thing…"

"Yeah?"

"Even if I look like I'm in pain, don't stop. All right?" Kaidan nodded.

"I'll try not to. Will I…" his fingers danced from my waist up my chest, "… will I hurt you?" He had no idea what he did to me. As his gentle touch got to my collar, I felt my cock throb. And then I lost it.

"You'd better. Otherwise you're doing it wrong." My heart was pounding in my chest, and I was loosing control of my biotics. Kaidan looked slightly afraid, but his brown eyes had something I'd never seen, then I placed it; fire. He threw me down into bed, and hungrily kissed my neck.

"Kaidan…" His erection hit my thigh, and I looked down. Holy shit. I had no idea Kaidan was that big. As I looked over his perfect muscular body, I had the urge to take him in my mouth…. And I don't give blowjobs to anyone. Not in a long time.

"What's that look?" he whispered. I smirked and rolled him over on his back.

"You'll see." I crawled down his chest, getting between his legs. Maker I hope I know how to do this still. I took a deep breath, and slid his cock into my mouth.

"Dante…" My gag reflex was not as well trained as it used to be, and I had to work hard to override it. But the moans and whimpers from Kaidan made it all worth it. I wrapped my hand around the base of his dick, and took the rest down my throat. I gently pulled back, flicking the tip with my tongue. He was grabbing handfuls of the bed sheets, and his knees rose. Well, maybe I do still know what I'm doing.

"If you don't stop…" I moved back to his chest, and kissed him.

"You act like you've never gotten a blowjob before."

"Not like that." I smirked.

"Well, then do you know how to do this?" Kaidan nodded. I rolled to my stomach. He grabbed my shoulder.

"I want to see your face, Dante." Now that I wasn't used to.

"What?"

"I can do that, right? I want to see your eyes." I felt my biotics flare again. I was becoming more and more tempted to pull the amp out. But, before I could consider it, Kaidan had me on my back, and his hand was wrapped around my cock. I couldn't breathe, and I knew that I was likely glowing blue. When I opened my eyes (not that I can recall when I'd closed them) I could see Kaidan had lost it too. His frame was lit with that eezo blue sheen, as he pushed my knees back so he had easier access.

"Remember Kaidan… don't stop," I said. He nodded, and put one hand on my waist, positioning himself over me. I closed my eyes. Then, he surprised me again. He leaned down, and kissed me, sweetly, passionately… perfectly. And his other hand went to mine, lacing his fingers with mine.

"Open your eyes…" I slowly opened them, and he kissed me again. Before his lips left mine, he thrust into me. I screamed. And I never scream. I looked down again. His cock was buried to the hilt inside me, and I could feel it. Pain. But a damn good kind of pain. Kaidan hesitated as he pulled out.

"Don't stop…" I moaned. He must have listened to my request, or realized I was enjoying it, and his worry faded. He thrust into me harder and faster. My hips bucked in response. Again, even harder. I could feel us starting to lift off the bed due to biotics. Just as I was cursing them, I realized he'd done it on purpose, as he thrust in again, and I felt a rush of ecstasy through me. Kaidan knew what he was doing. He moved quicker, getting to a perfect rhythm, hitting the perfect angle. His free hand stroked my cock, though I probably could have told him it wasn't necessary, it made it all the better. With a perfect rhythm of his hand and his hips, Kaidan had me without words. All I could do was scream his name.

"Kaidan!" He was close. I could feel it.

"Dante I…"

"Do it."

"Inside…"

"Now!" I screamed. He released, and I felt a warm wetness that was just enough to send me over the edge, screaming his name again as I did. Kaidan didn't move. Both of us had orgasms that lasted far longer than normal, and we were both covered in my cum. He slowly pulled out, and collapsed next to me, his hand still in mine. Kaidan laid his head on my shoulder, and I looked into his eyes. There was nothing but love in them. I could feel some of his cum dripping out of me, and I'd usually insist on a shower after that, but at the moment I didn't care. I pulled a sheet over us, and fell asleep.

When I awoke the next morning Kaidan's arms were still around me, and it only hit me then that I hadn't dreamed last night.

"Morning Dante." I smiled.

"Morning Kaidan." His lips met mine. Perfect. He'd always been perfect.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. I smiled. His eyes said everything. I didn't hurt you did I?

"I feel great."

"You… but… I was really…"

"I like it rough, Kaidan."

"But aren't you usually on top?"

"Yeah. I also gave you a blowjob. In case you're wondering, I don't do that. But hell, I'll do anything for you. Now, shall we get cleaned up?" It was only then that I realized something obvious. Kaidan's rock hard cock, pressed against my thigh.

"I think we can make my mom wait another half hour."

"Our breakfast will be cold…" I chimed.

"I don't care."

"I didn't figure."

"This time… you're on top." I smirked.

"All right baby, but don't forget that you asked for it…" I had a feeling that we were going to be more than half an hour late for breakfast… and I was right.

A/N: I really wish I wanted to write more with him, but it sounds so hard. Anyway, that's the best lemon I've written yet, no ADD and distraction, so that's good. I'm realizing more and more that first person seems to help me… despite the fact that I'm female. Weird. So yeah. Review! Please! I'd love to know if I really did write something good or if I'm so tired I think everything is good. And I swear, one of these days I'm gonna write a plotless lemon, instead of these 5-9 page behemoths…