The Melancholy of Caitlin Cooke

Chapter One

If you were to ask me when I stopped believing in things like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, I guess you could say that I never really believed in them to begin with. I knew the Santa that showed up in my kindergarten class was really just one of the teachers in a rented costume. I've always known that this world of ours is boring and ordinary, and I accepted it. But deep down, I really didn't want to. Santa Claus and the heroes in the comic books…I knew they weren't real, but I didn't want them not to be. But soon I fell into step with the ordinary daily routine of the world, and I looked forward to many more ordinary days in the future. That is, until I met her.

It was the first day of high school. The building itself lay at the top of a steep hill, and I could easily see myself making the slight uphill climb every day for the rest of the school year. Everyone was getting up and introducing themselves in homeroom, but nobody really caught my eye…except for one.

"I'm Caitlin Cooke from East Middle School, and I have no interest in ordinary humans. However, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers or psychics, please come see me. That is all."

And with that extraordinary pronouncement, the girl sat back down and said nothing more. When I managed to get a good look at her, I found that she was actually kind of cute with her long blonde hair and incredible skin. Hard to believe that someone so pretty could turn out to be such a massive nutjob. But, even then, we were only scratching the surface of Caitlin's weirdness. For example, before gym class, everyone was expected to go to their respective locker rooms and change into their gym clothes there. But Caitlin didn't even wait until she got there. As soon as the bell rang for gym class to start, she just started changing her clothes right there in the classroom. When the time came for extra-cirricular activities to sign up, Caitlin went through every single one for about a week before giving up and quitting. Why even try out in the first place, then?

Some time later, my friends began to notice the abnormal amount of attention I was paying to our erstwhile classmate. A guy named Jonesy Garcia looked at me from behind a carton of guava juice.

"So, Wyatt, I've noticed that you've been paying quite a bit of attention to our school's resident weirdo."

"Who?"

"Caitlin Cooke, dude. And, trust me, you don't want to get involved."

I raised an eyebrow, quizzically.

"Oh really? Why not?"

My other friend, Wayne, bit the end off of one of his French fries savagely.

"Because she's freakin' crazy, man. You ever heard of the East Middle School Football Field Incident?"

I told him I hadn't.

"Well, apparently, Caitlin somehow managed to get her hands on some of the paint they use on the football field and she just went nuts with it. The whole field looked like one of those weird Nazca drawings. But the weirdest thing was that she just turned herself in the very next day. No apology, no reason, no nothing. And don't get me started on her love life!"

Jonesy took up the narrative, which I listened to with what most would call "rapt attention".

"You see, ever since junior high, Caitlin's just had boyfriend after boyfriend, and she always wound up dumping them. She never says no, but then she's always the one to break it off. I heard the longest time she was with some dude was two weeks, and the shortest relationship she had lasted only five minutes."

Here he became defensive.

"B-but not that I would know!"

Even I could tell that he was the guy in question. Luckily for Jonesy, Wayne found a nearby distraction.

"Now, if you wanna find a great piece in the freshman year, then just look over there."

And there she was: a beautiful bronze goddess in an aquamarine track suit. Serena Hawkins from the next class over. Everyone knew she was a shoo-in for Freshman Class president, and it wasn't just for her looks. Wayne licked his lips and sighed contentedly.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about. A-ranked Serena."

"A-ranked?"

"Oh, I took all the girls in our year and graded them on looks and personality, going from A-rank to F-rank."

"And where does Caitlin fall?"

"Again with the Caitlin? She's at least an A, A- rank. Granted, she's cute and everything, but you're not exactly thinkin' that when she opens that big yap of hers. Just leave her alone, dude."

And yet, in spite of all their warnings, the very next day, I did something so far from that that it would change my life forever.

To be continued…