An Offer They Can't Refuse
"I don't care, I still think you're a damn idiot to dump a babe like Kory. A frigging moron, not that you ever asked me, of course, Grayson."
"Yeah, Roy—like I'd ever ask you anything about anything regarding my love life."
"Y'see, junior, that's your mistake. Big mistake. Huge. Pass me another beer, will ya? I mean it, you need major remedial work after living with Mr. I'm A Bat And I Have No Need For A Personal Life. Cripes. I'm amazed you can even function most of the time."
"I function just fine, thanks—what are we watching?"
"Saturday Night Live."
"Oh f'God's sake, Harper; that hasn't been funny since the 80's. Change the channel or turn it off or something."
"Can't. Too drunk. You change it."
"'Don't want to move. Screw it."
The opening monologue was just finished—thank you, Britney—and Lorne Michaels came on, looking serious, wearing a conservative suit and looking directly into the camera. Neither of the former Titans paid too much attention between trying to open the last beers and arguing over who would get the last piece of KFC.
"…And so, Titans, that's the deal. $1,000, split it any way you want, your call. If you think Aqualad should maybe get $100 because he wasn't around as much and maybe Robin should get $500 because he was the leader, well—that's up to you. Let us know, okay? The offer stands, we're here whenever you're ready."
"Hey Wing…you hear that?"
"No." He was picking the extra crunchy coating off the last leg and eating it. It seemed to be taking most of his powers of concentration.
"They just offered us $1,000 to have a reunion on SNL."
"You and me? Why?"
"No, you drunken sot—all of us, the original Titans; You, Me, Donna, Wally and Garth. $1,000."
Dick gave him a look. "Didn't they make the same offer to the Beatles a few years ago?"
"A few decades ago maybe." Roy drained half of his can of beer in on swallow. "You want to do it?"
"Do what?"
"C'mon, pay attention, Grayson—go over to the studio and surprise them; the show still has over an hour of air time left, we can make it and it'll be funny."
"We're too drunk to drive." Dick was sprawled flat on his back on the carpet, looking like he wished the room would stop spinning.
"Cab."
"Huh?"
"We'll get a cab. C'mon."
"Ah, maaaaannnn."
"Yeah, hi. I think Lorne Michaels is expecting us."
"I'm sorry Mr. Speedy, sir, but do either of you have a ticket?"
Nightwing and Speedy exchanged looks. "Just call up to the studio and tell them we're here, okay?" Roy never did get the hang of the Batvoice.
"…I don't know…" Nightwing gave the young female page a slow smile which spread until it could have melted a Hershey bar in January. "Well, I really shouldn't, but since it's you, I guess that just this once…"
Speedy gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, darlin'."
Somehow they got off the elevator on the right floor, found a guard and were taken by a PA to a backstage hallway then asked to wait while someone went to find Lorne. They passed the few minutes thinking this was probably really stupid and a better idea might have been to forget it. Too late.
"Yes, may I help you gentlemen?"
"We're here like you asked. For the reunion? We're here." If you didn't know how drunk Nightwing was, you wouldn't know how drunk he was. He hid it well, but then the man was a professional.
Speedy straightened himself up against the wall. "So we get the $1,000?"
Lorne's face was a mixture between bemusement and disbelief, though he covered it like an expert. A cameraman with a handheld camera was there filming them. "Well, yes, but the thing is I wanted the entire group. I could maybe see my way clear to, say, $300 and you can split it however you want, but really, that's the best I can do."
The two spandex encased former titans exchanged a look.
"Naaah."
And left.
8/3/07
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