The Ballad of the Nine Heroes

Written by Pippin Took & Merry Brandybuck

ACT III

Théoden's army won the war, though not without cost,

But they triumphed, and all was not lost.

They rode to Isengaurd, the trio plus two,

That's how they found us there,

Up on a wall, eating our share.

We greeted them heartily,

Then shooed away a bee.

They talked to Sauruman,

We argued (and we won).

When Grima stabbed him good and hard,

Sauruman died upon a shard.

The Palantir in the water fell,

I picked it up, and looked at it well.

'I'll take that,' Gandalf said, and snatched it away.

Will I get to look at it? I grinned mischievously. I just may.

That night, I stole out from by bed and snatched the Palantir.

Gandalf didn't blink or even twitch an ear.

'Pippin put that down!' I hissed. 'You'll get in trouble.'

He laughed. 'The worst I could do is make Isenguard rubble.'

'And us with it! Put. It. Back. Now!'

I tried to look stern, but Pip was firm

'I'm going to look in it, and you can't stop me.'

Next I knew, Pippin was squirming and staring at the Palantir.

His eyes got wide. 'No,' I heard him say. 'No!'

'Oh no!' I wailed. 'Woe is Pippin, woe!'

He tried to drop it but couldn't, his face was filled with fear.

'Gandalf!' I yelled. 'Gandalf! Somebody! Help!

I knew he would come to no good. He certainly is a whelp!'

They somehow took it away, and Pip fell, smack on the floor.

'Is he dead?' I whispered, hoping not.

There was silence, not even a knock on the door.

Then Pip groaned, 'He stabbed me with knives, it hurt a lot!'

'You're alive!' I shouted happily.

He looked puzzled. (he excels at that) 'What else would I be?'

I pondered that. 'Dead?'

He glared and I went back to bed.

'What did you see?' Gandalf asked.

'Well, when Sauron saw me, he gave me a task.

He said, 'Tell me your name',

I looked at him crazily. 'That's quite lame.'

Then he did jab me,

It felt like he stabbed me.'

'Did you tell him about the Ring?'

My eyes opened wide. 'I wouldn't do such a thing!'

'Are you sure?' Gandalf again asked.

'Of course. Can I take a bath?'

'In Pippin's eye there was no lie,

But we'll have to leave, by and by.

Away to Gondor we must ride,

For maybe safely there we will abide.'

But alas Merry could not come,

He couldn't go and have some fun,

With Pippin his friend from the start,

And this thought broke both their hearts.

The next morning away Gandalf rode,

Along the way they squished a toad.

At last to Gondor they came

To king Denethor, full of fame.

To Denethor Pippin pledged loyalty

Now a knight he'll forever be.

Until released from Denethor's power,

He'll have to stay inside the tower.

Merry felt bad that his friends were in danger

So he went and talked to the Ranger.

'Don't worry about your friend.

I think you'll see him before he's dead.'

Merry sighed, 'I suppose you're right.

But here at Rohan it is night.

It seems like there's no hope anywhere,

And there's so much war, it's just not fair.'

'I'm quite sure,' Aragorn said,

'That we'll make it alright in the end.'

Frodo and Sam, were climbing a stair

Up and up, to Shelob's lair.

Then Gollum got the upper hand,

He crumpled all the lembas; it wasn't canned.

Gollum blamed Sam, and Frodo told him, 'Go home.'

Sam got mad and hit Gollum's dome.

Frodo said, 'Stop! You want the Ring.

And I refuse to give you this thing.'

With that Frodo let Gollum lead him away,

And Sam his friend he made pay

For Gollum the fiend's

Disastrous, horrible schemes.

Minas Tirith, under attack,

Gandalf told Pippin, 'The sky is black.

Light the fire at the top of the tower

The Rohanians will come and give us power.'

Pippin made it up and lit the fire

You could see it all around for miles (and I'm not a liar!).

Yes, the Rohan king saw the flame.

Merry gave his sword and got a nickname.

Off they rode, into war.

They stopped, and Merry was to stay.

But Eowen's horse could take one more.

'Ride with me.'

So she snatched up Merry.

He grinned. 'My lady!'

Frodo followed Gollum to Shelob

In her web, he was wrapped like a blob.

For Shelob was a dreaded thing.

Gollum brought Frodo here

so the spider could eat him and he would get the Ring.

Poor Sam, amidst his tears,

Went after Frodo, pushing away his fears.

He would stand by Frodo to the end,

He would have to think and use his head.

Faramir went to Denethor and told him what he'd done.

Denethor was mad. 'Boromir would have brought it to me!

He was my favorite son.'

Faramir didn't flinch. 'I will return and bring Gondor to success,'

'Bagh,' said Denethor. 'You couldn't do that. Unless. . .

Unless you had the bravery Boromir had. That you lack.

You gave the Ring to a scrawny halfling. That's cracked!'

Faramir sighed and out he strode.

He got on his horse and away he rode.

Denethor gave a nod of enjoyment.

'Can you sing?' he asked and Pippin nodded.

'Good. I'm glad you're under my employment.'

Faramir in a battle was hit,

They brought him back and Denethor had a fit.

Denethor said, 'Burn 'im alive!

I don't care if he lives or dies.

And while you're at it, burn me too.'

'But Sire! Burn YOU?'

'Yes, I fear my time is done.

By the way, would you happen to have some gum?

For I want fresh breath

Upon my death.'

Pippin yelled, 'You can't kill Faramir! He's not dead!'

Denethor glared. 'Pipe down or you'll get you're payment in lead.'

'No!' said Pippin. 'You can't kill him!'

Denethor snorted. 'You are released from my service. Be gone.'

Then he tossed Pippin out onto his front lawn.

Pippin ran and got Gandalf,

and away they rode into the South,

And Pippin got a fly in his mouth.

Gandalf yelled at Denethor, 'Pippin is no liar!'

And yanked Faramir to safety from the fire.

Faramir opened one eye

'Oh no!' cried Denethor, 'Now I will die!'

With that he fled from his hall,

And over the edge he had quite a fall.

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli went to the Paths of the Dead.

'Augh!' cried Gimli. 'I found a head!'

Aragorn recruited the old, old men,

He brought them all and fought alongside them.

Merry and the gang rode to Gondor as fast as they could go.

'Ride fast!' cried Theoden. 'We will soon meet our foe.'

They attacked the orcs, the oliphants and the rest of the lot.

Theoden was hit, though hard he fought.

Eowen came, at the end.

Merry came as well, a hand to lend.

Both were hit, but both survived.

Eowen killed the Nazgul that day,

Though a price Rohan did pay,

For Theoden king died that dreadful day.

Pippin found Merry on the battlefield,

He had helped Eowen, his sword he did wield.

And Eomer saw Eowen, he hoped she wasn't dead.

He brought her to the House of Healing and put her in bed.

Eowen recovered, alright and all well,

When Faramir saw her, he gave a yell,

'I love you! Marry me?'

Eowen said yes and both were full of glee.

In the midst of the battle, the Eye was vanquished

For the hobbits, they made it to Mt. Doom.

Frodo had been wrapped by the evil thing,

But Sam came and fought the spider, and it fumed.

He saw Frodo, thought he was dead and took the Ring.

Then orcs came and laughed, for Sam was foolish.

'He ain't dead! Whoever left him here is loonish!'

They took Frodo and carried him off,

But Sam followed behind; he wasn't about to get lost.

He killed the orcs and searched for Frodo in the long corridor.

There wasn't much hope in the evil Mordor.

But he found him at last,

And when he did they had a blast,

Dressing in the orc get-up.

They somehow got out, somehow, yup.

Sam gave Frodo back the Ring,

'Cause he ain't the king.

Luckily they had their orc-gear.

Because the orcs walked and came near.

'What're you doing here? Get back in line!'

The hobbits walked on, very fine,

Until Frodo could go no more,

'Push me, Sam. Away from us their eyes we'll lure.'

So Sam pummeled him and started a fight,

When the orcs were distracted, the hobbits made their flight.

They ran and then yanked off their orc-attire.

(Keep your shirt on. They had hobbit clothes underneath.)

Frodo said 'If I die, Sam, Bag-End to you I bequeath.'

Sam said, 'Don't talk like that! We'll both make it back just fine.'

Sam hoisted Frodo on his back,

And carried Frodo like a sack.

Until Gollum came and tried to take the Ring,

Sam said, 'We need wings!

Then we could fly, up to the top,

Then in Mt. Doom the Ring you could drop!'

Frodo outran Sam and made it to the top,

In Mt. Doom, he decided not

To throw the Ring in the fire.

Then Gollum came, full of desire,

To get back his Precious.

He bit off Frodo's finger,

And as he danced, he did linger.

Then Frodo yelled and ran at him,

For the Ring was his, and he would get it on a whim.

He wrestled Gollum on the edge,

Then Gollum fell in and Frodo was left hanging on the ledge.

Sam helped him back onto his feet,

And they saw the Ring was under defeat.

Sam and Frodo ran outside,

But the lava was fast, they knew they would die.

They sat on a rock and held on for dear life,

As Sam poured out his troubles to Frodo that night.

Then came the eagles, and they took them to Rivendell,

And once again, all was well.

They all then traveled back to the Shire,

They had traveled through bogs and many a mire.

When they got back, when they got there,

Sam got married to Rosie Cotton fair.

They had a bunch of kids, one named Eleanor

Then they had many, many more.

Down to the harbor the hobbits traveled

And while they were there, their emotions unraveled.

For going to the Grey Havens was Bilbo, their dear old friend.

Then went Galadriel, and Celeborn too,

(I'm glad it's neither me nor you)

Elrond and Gandalf went, and told Frodo to come,

'You're time here is done.'

Frodo said good-bye to his friends,

and sailed away, never to be seen again.

Sam slowly trudged to his home.

'I'm back' he said, missing his friend.

'That's great!' said his wife. 'Where'd you get the tome?'

'From Frodo,' he said walking out along the road's bend.

And this dear reader brings us to the end.

Also Written by CapNicholls:

Loki's Revenge part 1

COMING SOON!

Gollum's Story

Life in the Shire

How to Cook a Mr. Frodo

Roast Chicken?

The Amazing Pippino

The Monster of Dubsley Pond

Loki's Revenge part 2