Disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous Ladybug. If I did Chat and ladybug would be together already, and Chat would be more cat-like.
AN: I am of course Miraculous trash. Watched it all in one day.
Summary: The purification process isn't as simple as it looks. What it causes is a damage to the body of a human.
It started with a simple streak of black across her palm. It was shaped like a vein, and bulged grotesquely. She was scared. Tikki was worried, and there had been tense silence the rest of the day. It was Saturday so school hadn't been in session. Which means she was free to isolate herself in her room. Hidden under her blankets, she cried and tried to prepare herself for the inevitable.
On Sunday it had spread up her wrist. Making her hand numb and tingly. She could tell, from the blue tint, that her hand wasn't getting enough oxygen. But, there was nothing to be done about it. Nothing at all…
She had wrapped layers upon layers of bandages on her hand and up around her arm. Since she knew it was bound to spread even more. She did not wish for it to show, that would just raise questions, and she had no answers. None besides the obvious.
She had risked going around her parents with a lie prominent on her lips, "Alya and I were playing at the park and a ball hit me right on the arm. Its swollen and bruised...so I'd rather not show it." With a practiced giggle. They had been relieved and had hugged her. Worried after her full day isolation the day before.
She ate, with an empty, hollow stomach and drank juice with a sour taste on her tongue. Talking with her parents, her heart heavy in her chest.
On Monday, she set off for school. Tikki cuddled to her side inside of her jacket. Too worried to resume hiding inside her pouch. Marinette wanted to warn her against doing so, but the warmth was enough to make her want to cry. Just a steady comfort.
She knew Tikki had dealt with this before. Too many times before, and she wanted to give Tikki some comfort. Wanted to show that she was not responsible. That it wasn't the little kwami's fault.
She was shivering. The kwami was shivering. They were both shivering and it was like the world was shaking. She couldn't handle it. She didn't want to deal with this. She wanted to be a normal teenager again. Wanted to be able to walk to school. Wanted to be able to handle the cold without hazy days and lackluster nights. Wanted to be able to talk to Adrien without stuttering. Wanted to be able to deal with life without akumas trying to take her miraculous.
However, she had agreed and the consequences had to be dealt with. She couldn't just leave Paris without their precious superhero could she?
It was too late to turn back now.
Sucking in a sharp breath she entered the door of the classroom. Too early to draw attention to herself, as she hadn't been able to sleep the night before. Mind wrought with worry and Tikki cuddling in her arms with gentle sobs.
She settled down in her seat and just stopped moving. Staring straight ahead. Eyes dull and mind still. Even when Alya entered she said no words and when Adrien entered she didn't even stare. She just faded. Black trails bubbling inside of her and traveling up her arm. Hidden by the bandage she wore. Alya tried talking and all she felt was a muddled stir. A haze filming her eyes. Lunch came around and she didn't move.
Until, "Ohhhh, how nice it is to see my precious daughters! Come to mommy and she'll hold you!" An akuma...DearestDarling was her name.
There was a flurry of movement and people tried running. Adrien being the first out the door. And she thought he was a brave person….idolised him...he was just the same as everyone else in this school….too scared to do anything else….
She curled beneath her desk. Forced into a transformation by Tikki as red swirled. As she transformed she came alive. Breath coming out in a healthy rhythm. Heart beating fast and excited. Hands tingling, not with numbness but anticipation. Eyes glowing. Body filling with a strange radiance. Ladybug powers heal, only with transformation. The fact that you are human underneath the magic makes you susceptible to the akumas. Until you transform.
Awh. Glowing with light. She leaped from under the desk with excitement. Yoyo held at the ready and smirk on her face. As Chat landed beside her. "Lets take DearestDarling down!" She cried. Glancing at her partner as his smirk mirrored hers. Tail flicking behind him.
"Of course," he purred, "anything for my dearest ladybug."
I'm scared.
I am too
The numbness will come back...won't it?
Yes...even worse every time you purify.
Her earrings were beeping and she was in her room. Standing forlorn, yoyo hanging at her feet. "Why…?" The transformation and the feelings. They would be gone. She would be left a numb shell once more. Black spreading and body shutting down. It was beeping and she wanted to cry. Wanted to lash out as ladybug and tear her whole room to the ground. She didn't want to be Marinette. Not anymore. Not when her life was ending. She wanted to stay Ladybug. The perfect superhero.
I'm sorry
The transformation ended and she was staring in the mirror, as black spread from her arm and over her collarbone. Leading down to her abdomen. Veiny and chalky. It scared her. More than she could have imagined, it scared her.
Sucking in a deep breath she huddled under her blankets.
It was Tuesday and she went to school once more. This time adamant on having as good of a day as she could. She was going to confess to Adrien Agreste. Give him the gloves she had been working on since the scarf. She was going to have a great day with Alya, send her on a happy date with Nino. With the tickets to the movie she had been hoping to go to with Adrien. Before...all this.
She was going to apologize to Chloe for how rude she had been. She didn't feel like ending her short life with hatred. She was going to hand her sketchbook over to Nathaniel, knowing how much he liked her, how much he liked drawing and hoping he could continue her clothing designs. It was a bad hope to have. As she didn't even know if he could do clothing but...she needed someone to continue where she left off. She would not need to see Manon anymore, which is why she sent the dolls to her already through the mail. Ladybug, Chat Noir, Lady Wifi, and more.
Reaching the classroom, five minutes late as per usual. She burst through the doors with a fake laugh on her tongue. Nervous giggle. "Sorry, sorry I slept in because yesterday my parents had a late delivery to make and I felt bad because I wanted to help and they needed help-"
"Okay," The teacher said, "Get to your seat, Marinette. And no more interruptions from you."
She landed heavily in her seat with a forced sigh, looking up to Alya with a desperate look. Alya smiled, relieved. "Guurl, its good to see you late again. I'd never thought I'd say that." As she looked away, eyes squinted.
Marinette smiled.
It was lunchtime and Marinette was walking over to Chloe, having made sure she was away from everyone else. Besides Sabrina, of course. She was barely a foot away when Chloe spotted her. Eyes going up in a roll. "Oh, lookie here, if it isn't late Mrs. Cheng. Did you get stuck in the trash you belong in?" She asked with fake sympathy.
Marinette took no notice. Dropping to the ground, dropping to her knees and dropping her dignity. "Chloe...I'm very sorry for all the harsh things I've said to you in these past years. I'm sorry for being rude and trying to steal Adrien from you. I wish you were nicer, yes, but it doesn't mean I should be as rude as I was." She took in a deep breath, not daring to lift her eyes up.
There was a gasp and then Chloe was stuttering, "Wh-what are you talking about Mari-dupein-cheng? Wh-y are you acting so w-weird?"
Marinette finally looked up. "Everything I said is true, and I've never hated you." She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Guilt having eaten at her all this time, every time she uttered a rude word. Every time she acted like a brat. She didn't want that.
With that she walked away, leaving Chloe stunned, and Sabrina fuming. Wondering if perhaps someone was trying to steal Chloe from her.
It was the end of the school day, and she had already given Alya the tickets to the movie. To which she had hugged her, "Gurl, you are the best friend a girl could have." She was ready now. Ready to confess to Adrien and finally get over her pitiful crush on the guy. She didn't want any things left over. She wanted to be done, when she was finally gone.
The black she could feel was spreading, as her body numbed farther. Black trailing down her legs from her abdomen. Stopping just above her knees.
He was standing just outside the school, conversing with Nino. As she watched, they pointed at her and Nino smiled. While Adrien waved, probably talking about the date she had set up. They wore surprised looks as she walked up to them. Tikki, still huddled to her side. Asleep, but still shivering.
"Hello Adrien, hello Nino." She said, voice calm and cool. There was no stutter and she was grateful. She didn't want to end this on a bad note.
"Hey Marinette!" Adrien said back, voice shocked but...maybe pleased. While Nino looked between the two with a pleased look in his eyes. Trying to move away, to give them "alone-time".
"There is something I've been meaning to tell you, since really the beginning of school." She said, with a nervous giggle at the end. Heavy feeling alleviating a bit in her chest. She was...after the events of the day...somewhat happy. Even though the numbness was spreading. Her heart was still pounding and she was still alive.
"Oh?" He sounded surprised and she didn't blame him. Having barely spoken to him before. Besides their visits when she was a bumbling mess.
"Listen, Adrien." She had to suck in a deep breath, nervousness making her heart beat too fast. "Adrien, ever since the beginning of school. I've...had a massive crush on you. I liked you, a lot. Your kindness, your smile, your eyes, even the way you seemed so distant from everyone, just...made me want to be closer to you. I wanted to be with you so bad. But I was always too nervous to tell you." She knew silence was bad, and before, she would have been crying when the silence lengthened. But now, she was just happy to have told him. To have gotten it off her chest.
"Listen...Marinette," His voice was full of pity, and she was actually glad she'd never told him before now, because the numbness was coming back. "I have someone else I like...I'm really sorry."
Then...she laughed. Voice loud, and it surprised even her. Tears escaping her eyes at a fast rate. But she smiled at him anyway, giggles still making their way out of her throat. "I wish you two the best Adrien. Hopefully she makes you happy!"
She was running now, tears still streaming but smile still pasted in place. She was an idiot. Having crushed on him for so long even though he liked someone else. As if he would ever notice her. She was glad she had confessed now and not before. She wanted to continue running forever, so veered away from her home.
It was Wednesday now, and the black was spread behind her legs and in front. Condensing in her abdomen in a bad way. It was now on her legs, arms, stomach, and she dreaded it but she could feel it, on her back. She was in her bed. Paralyzed and stuck. She couldn't even move. Even as Tikki fluttered around. Patting every part of her body to try and stick feeling back into it. Her parents were gone on a delivery. Having had to drive far away to deliver it.
She had assured them she would be okay. Secretly relieved that they wouldn't have to watch her deterioration.
"Marinette, are you sure you shouldn't tell Chat?" Tikki uttered, worried. Now staring at her, sitting on her chest. Even though she couldn't feel it.
"Yes, I'm sure. He shouldn't have to deal with this too."
"But...what about the akumas?"
"I'm sure you can find another Ladybug Tikki. Someone just as good, probably better than me." She giggled through a cough.
Tikki's eyes squinted in anger. "Don't you dare say that Marinette."
Marinette tried to lift her arms, tried to comfort Tikki but she couldn't. So she just let silence fill the room.
It was Thursday. She was home sick again. Paralyzed still, when the idea hit her. She may be paralyzed in thisform, but not as Ladybug. She needed to see Chat. Needed to make sure he was still okay and maybe finally show who she was. He had wanted to know for a long time anyway. "Tikki. Spots on, please."
Tikki smiled grimly and nodded.
Then, Ladybug was flying across the rooftops. Eyes alight and body fluid and graceful. She was rethinking her idea, but she wanted Chat to know who she was. This was the last chance to tell him.
So, she landed on the Eiffel Tower and opened her yoyo, setting the call through. It took a while, but finally he picked up. She was pretty sure he was in school at the moment so it made sense. "Ladybug? Whats wrong?"
She smiled. "Nothing is wrong, silly kitty. I just think it's time we talk. I'm here atop the Eiffel Tower, if you can, please stop by."
Then she shut the yoyo and sat. Waiting. Ladybug was typically blunt, that's why she had ended the call so fast. Not wanting him to get the wrong idea.
It didn't take more than 10 minutes when she heard the skidding of his footsteps. Then at 11 minutes, he was sitting next to her. Eyes dark and confusion swimming in them. She understood why, having never called him without there being a fight before.
"Hello kitty," she started.
"My lady." He replied back, obviously waiting for her to explain.
"I know you've been wondering this for a while-"
"-you don't mean-"
"-and I think it's time I told you who I am."
A gasp escaped from his lips. Blonde hair twining in the air. "What brought this on," he asked with a nervous chuckle.
"I don't know," she answered honestly, because she really didn't, just wanted to, "But I think its time I do."
"Okay, so my pretty purrincess, who is your beautiful self under this mask?" He purred, but she could hear the nervousness, the tiny crack, under his joke.
"You know...how the Ladyblog said something about Ladybug being a middle schooler?" She asked simply.
"Oh yeah I remember that." He laughed. "That one time, who was it, the Alya girl said she had Ladybug's middle school book."
"Yes...well its true. I am a middle schooler. And I do go to the same school as her."
"Oh…" she could tell his eyes were wide, even though she refused to look at him, eyes set firmly on the rail she was sitting on.
"Yeah...well I know Chloe too, and she actually hates my civilian self."
"You're kidding?" His tone held disbelief.
"I wish I was, she is always insulting me, and even once tried to blame me for theft." She let out a tiny laugh at the end, remembering the incident where she had tripped. She still didn't know who had actually taken it, now that she thought about it.
There was something about these stories. Something about them that was reminding Chat of someone. Someone he went to school with.
"So, its really time I told you-"
No, it couldn't be.
"That I am-
No….
"Marinette Dupein Cheng." She said.
"Marinette!" He screamed, turning his head just in time to feel a brush of air as she flew away.
Not the one he had refused.
It was Friday, and the black was everywhere. Silvery lines on her entire body. She was naked, except for undergarments. Body sprawled out, where she was breathing shallowly. She had done everything she wanted to. She was finished with what she needed to be done with. She had confessed two secrets. The two which had been haunting her, and she was ready. Ready to be done. Tikki was huddled on her stomach, shivering as the pain slashed through her.
"Tikki, how does the purification process work?"
"You take the akuma energy into your own body."
"What does that mean for me?"
"It means sooner or later, your body will completely shut down as the energy spreads through you."
"What about you?"
"There will be no pain for you, because I take it away, into myself. Only numbness will be with you."
Two days had gone by and Chat was sitting on the street. His arm outstretched as if in prayer. Body trembling with exhaustion. Ladybug hadn't appeared in those two days. Even after he'd released the akuma from its host.
She wasn't there to purify it.
Marinette was dead. Said by both her parents and Alya. Her body having been found, with no noticeable causes of death. Since then, Ladybug hadn't shown once. Not to purify, not to speak to him, and neither to defeat akumas. He was left holding the butterfly. Darkness bubbling around his claws. Even as the leather kept from direct contact. He had to hold on though, because there was no way Ladybug would leave him forever. Never. Not his love.
So he held on, as pain spread through his body. And anger whispered in his ear. Days went by, people tried to talk. Some asked what he already knew. "Why did Ladybug disappear after the death of that middle schooler?
And all he knew...was that he should've figured out her identity sooner. She was so close. So close. She had liked him. Ladybug had liked him. He hadn't even known. Now...now she was gone...and it was like he was reaching for something too far away.