Snape is Drunk! – Oneshot
I had way too much fire-whiskey in one night. I was skipping down the hallway, heading to the great hall for the Halloween Feast. I began humming as I skipped and then started singing.
"I got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly-diddly, there they are standing in a row, bum-bum-bum," I was smiling, skipping like a gay person would (1) flinging my arms around.
"Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head," I sang mimicking my arms to the words. I skipped up to one of the knights in armor.
"A quick little twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showmen said!" I sang as I twisted the knights' head off then flicked it down the corridor. It went flying and almost collided with a professor's head, one I soon recognized as McGonagall. She screeched as the knights' head went flying, hitting the wall behind her with a clang. I was having way too much fun being drunk. I began to laugh uncontrollably as Professor McGonagall stormed her way over to me.
"Professor Snape, what on Earth are you doing?!"
"Hi" I slurred out, standing like someone with a gay impression would. (2)
"Severus, your drunk!"
"No, I'm not," I said, my words slurring, "you know what, Minerva, I l-love you."
"That's it. Let's get you back to your chambers."
"No, b-but the feast is tonight. I'm going!" I said as I turned around and began dancing down the corridor.
"Well then, the Great Hall is the other way."
I smiled, turning around and danced in the other direction.
"Toodle-loo!" I called, going to the Great Hall.
I entered the Great Hall, skipping down the path between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables. I could feel all the kid's eyes boring into my back, trying not to laugh as their usual straight, serious professor was skipping down the Great Hall. Even the other professors were watching me with confused looks on their faces.
"Doo-doo-doo-doo! Gay Man!" I jumped right in front of Dumbledore, placing my hands on my hips. "Hi!" I slurred, waving my hand lazily.
"Guess what, Albus! I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, guess what's inside it!"
"Severus, are you okay?"
"Of course I am, faggot. I'll be better if you let me get your heart you old fart! Come on, die already!!" I said flinging my arms in the air. The jar of dirt fell to the ground with a large crash. "Shit…" I mumbled, staring at the dirt and glass on the floor under my feet. I looked up at Dumbledore, glaring at him. "I'll get you, my pretty!" I said, waving my finger at Hagrid. With that I skipped down the walkway, passing most of the students. I spotted Harry Potter in the mix of students and stopped right behind him.
"Hey Harry! Wouldn't it be funny if your last name was dick or pickle? 'Hello, Harry Pickle!" I said as I heard Mr. Weasley laughing at my comment about Harry. I smiled at the now flushing Harry and skipped off, right out of the corridor.
As the doors closed behind me, I could hear laughter erupt in the Great Hall. If only I knew then that I would never live that moment down.
I am never getting drunk again.
A/N: haha, Snape learned a very valuable lesson. I would like to congratulate my good friend TheCulllens for writing up this story. She says that if it wasn't for me though that she never would have written up this oneshot.
We would like to know however that if we receive at least 20 good…nevermind…20 reviews by next Monday, December 10, 2007, we will try to come up with another chapter for this oneshot and shoot it up from a oneshot to a twoshot…wee!
We have absolutely nothing against gay people…in fact I have a lot of gay friends…even though most of them are actually lesbians…just so you know.
If you don't know where I got this idea from…shame…shame on you…and if you do…wee! You get a cookie…and for this misinformed people, it's from Jeff Dunham's 'Arguing with myself' DVD, from his puppet, Peanut.
Enjoy…Review…all that good stuff.