Electric Guitars

I liked Akashi for quite sometime now, actually. For the duration of ten years, ten bitter years. I liked him. Many have told me it's not just a mere crush anymore, that it's much more than that. My constant answer?

It depends on the person in question. They told me that if your crush exceeded three months, it's called Love but that's just bullcrap. If you know in your heart that those feelings just aren't swell enough for it to be classified as love, then it isn't. You, yourself alone can tell what feelings dwell inside you.

Whenever I state this, my friends would just laugh at me or they'd be quiet and decide that their efforts of making me fess up are futile for I'm at a certain stage known as denial.

In the end, I lose either way.

'Ah... there he goes again'

Yep, you're not mistaken. This is the typical scene wherein the object of interest pass by and all you can do is be awed by their perfection. I'm a very hopeless person. Yes, it does hurt and it hurts even more knowing that he'll never see me in the same light.

As of now, I know you're kinda curious as to what made me interested in this dude in the first place. Let me tell you this. He's quite the handsome devil but it never occurred to me till just recently when my classmates would fawn over him. After all, I'm not after his looks. He's very smart from knowing the difference between the words your and you're to naming all the kingdoms classified within the biosphere. He's nowhere near tall which devastates me, can you imagine the struggles our children might have?!. He's bipolar. However, despite all his flaws, he's a very gentle, loyal and passionate person. I know that for a fact because, that's how he is towards my best friend.

He is all I ever wanted but he is all my best friend ever wanted too. Knowing my chances, I let him go. My best friend is a very beautiful person, she can be a little over the top sometimes but it's tolerable. They've got a lot in common too, admirers, brains and talents.

Among all their shared traits, music was the one they excel the most belong to a band and today, they decided to have practice and I tagged along.

"-ko. Kuroko. Hey!"

"H-ha?"

Furihata smiled at me. I was spacing out again.

"You were spacing out again"

"Yeah, I've noticed..."

She was holding her keyboard in the most modest way possible. She's just so eye catching in every angle. Beside her was Akashi, who's busy devouring a bag of potato chips while tuning his electric guitar. He accidentally grazed his sight on me, the erratic beating of my heart was short-lived for he instantly diverted his gaze to the beauty beside me. She was sorting out her notes for her next song earning a hearty laugh from him. She looked quite distraught but in a very cute way, with her pencil between her lips and her lightly disheveled hair..

'Ah, why is it that I can't even make out the faintest smile from him yet with her, it requires no effort? '

Then, her notes went everywhere. Before we could even react and offer help to gather the scattered papers, she ran. We were left alone.

'Well this is awkward.'

Then silence ensued. I can't really remember how we got into this situation but here we are seating across each other, staring at each other in an awkward fashion. I broke the eye contact and my sight fell to the instrument he was holding, it was quite an interesting selection.

"Akashi-san?"

"Hmmm..?"

"Why did you end up with an electric guitar? Doesn't..." I hushed my tone a bit "-Furihata-san prefer acoustic guitar players?" He just laughed at me.

"Tetsuya, should I change for the person I love? Being loved because you're you and being loved because you have flaws is the best feeling ever. Besides-"

"Electric guitars are cooler?" I finished his statement but I regretted it. He sent me a somewhat disappointed look. He sighed.

"I have better reasons. You see, when you play the acoustic guitar , it conveys your feelings more. Its music is just so captivating and any instrument would easily jive and create beautiful melodies with it, not to mention that it's cheaper and more appreciated. Just as you stated a while ago, Furihata-san might prefer it BUT electric guitars give me more than all of those combined.." he smiled for a moment. That distant smile that I came to love. "-time. Time. For every prolonged note that I play, I spend at least two seconds more of my time with her. You see, this gives me all the advantage I want. More time.. With the person I love.."

All I could do for the moment was stare at him, and he did as well. Then, he laughed as he looked away.

"What's with you! Haha! And why were all those based off of Furihata-san? Hahaha. It's not like I like her or anything!" I can tell at that time, that his laugh was forced to hide his embarrassment.

And all I could do was laugh along.

Laugh along with the same forced manner.

You see, we were the same in some ways too.

At that moment we also had feelings in our hearts.

The only difference was, his was love and mine was pain.

After what it seemed like forever, after the most painful laugh died down, Furihata came. Akashi was back to his usual self except, a blinding smile was present on his face. That smile. That laugh. That electric guitar. They were all directed to Furihata but even so...

I wouldn't say that I lied saying..

I liked Akashi for quite sometime now, actually. For the duration of ten years, ten bitter years. I liked him. Many have told me it's not just a mere crush anymore, that it's much more than that.

Because it was true. That I liked him.

You, yourself alone can tell what feelings dwell inside you.

I meant this statement too.

But now when I'm asked. I know now. I know. That I liked him then but...

I love him now. And all that I could do was to hopelessly strum this electric guitar hoping that someday all this time I forcefully prolong would be spent with him.