Cartman: [draws two and puts one down] Reverse to you, Jew. [the doorbell rings]

Stan: [irritable] I'll get it. [rises and walks over. He opens the door...]

Chef: Hello there, children!

Stan: He's back!

Kyle: Yeah!

Cartman: All right! [applause comes out of nowhere. Chef gives them a group hug]

Kyle: Chef! I can't believe you're back!

Chef: Well, it's true.

Stan: But are you back for good?

Chef: That's right.

[The bar, daytime. Mrs. Garrison bursts through the door with the big news.]

Mrs. Garrison: Hey everybody! Chef's back!

Patrons: What? All right! Yeah! [they clear the bar to meet Chef]

Randy: Oh, finally! [prances away gleefully after the others]

[Jimbo's house, later. Jimbo serves up lemonade. Everyone is laughing at Chef's tales, but they quiet down]

Gerald: Wow! It seems like you had a great time with the Super Adventure Club, Chef. They sound like really interesting people.

Chef: Yeah!

Mrs. Garrison: But now that you're back here, does that mean that you're not in the Super Adventure Club anymore?

Chef: N-no! No.

Randy: Ohhh, so have you decided you can still belong to the Super Adventure Club but live here in South Park again?

Chef: That's right.

Randy: Well, it seems like the Super Adventure Club was just what you needed, Chef. You must be feeling very happy that you found a club to belong to with new friends, but that you can also live here in South Park with all your old friends whom you care for deeply. [catches his breath] Right?

Chef: That's right, Randy! [everyone laughs approvingly]

Jimbo: Well Chef, you're welcome to stay with me until you buy another house.

Chef: Thank you, Jimbo.

Randy: Well, come on everybody. I'm sure Chef would like a little time to get moved back in.

Chef: That's right! Thank you. Good-bye everybody.

Townsfolk: Later. Great to have you back. Bye-bye. See ya Chef. See you later. Bye-bye

Kyle: Well, I- guess we'll see you in school tomorrow, Chef.

Chef: You bet! Good-bye, children! [the boys are puzzled at the way he's replying to them. It sounds choppy.]

Stan: Right. Uh, see ya.

[Outside Jimbo's house. The boys walk down the steps and move toward the sidewalk]

Cartman: Uh, guys? Did Chef seem a little, uh, trippy to you?

Stan: [stops. The others stop too. Stan looks up] Well, look. he said he's happier now. Maybe he just needs to rest up a little.

Kyle: Yeah. I'm sure whatever that Super Adventure Club does is pretty tiring.

Stan: [turns left and cross the street. The others follow] Yeah, but whatever, I'm just glad he's back for good.

Kenny: (Yeah, me too.)

[South Park Elementary, lunchtime. The floor is darker now]

A Boy: [at one of the tables] It's really weird what he said. I don't know, it kind of confused me.

Cartman: Oh boy oh boy, I can't wait to have Chef's lunch food again.

Kyle: Yeah. I hope he makes his Salisbury steak with buttered noodles! [a distraught Clyde walks by and stops.]

Clyde: You guys, you guys.

Stan: What?

Clyde: Something's wrong with Chef. He's saying some really weird stuff.

Kyle: Like what?

Clyde: I think... [glances at his food] I think he wants to have sex with me.

Stan: What?

Clyde: I gotta- I gotta go. [turns right and walks off]

Kyle: Weirdo. [Fosse moves up and gets his lunch; the boys follow him in]

Chef: Hello there, children!

The Boys: Hey Chef.

Chef: How's it goin'?

Kyle: Good.

Chef: Well, how about I meet you boys after work and we make love?

Cartman: [The boys are stunned] Excuse me?

Chef: Come on, children! You're my sexual fantasy. Let's all make sweet love.

Kyle: ...Chef? A-are you okay?

Chef: I want to stick my balls inside your rectum, Kyle.

Stan: Dude, what are you saying?

Chef: I'm gonna make love to your asshole, children.

Stan: ...WHAT?

[Mr. Mackey's office, later. A detective is in waiting to talk to the class]

Det. Jarvis: Hi kids, I'm Detective Jarvis. I need to ask you all some difficult questions about your school cafeteria chef.

Kyle: This doesn't make any sense!

Det. Jarvis: We have some information that all this time Chef has been and still is a pedophile.

Stan: No, he's not.

Det. Jarvis: [childish voice] Uh huh.

Stan: No, he's not.

Det. Jarvis: [childish voice] Yeah, yeah he is so.

Butters: What's a pedophile?

Det. Jarvis: Now, we need some testimony in order to arrest Chef, [whips out generic plush doll with no features on it] so I'm gonna use this doll to ask you kids a few questions. Did Chef ever touch any of you... here? [points to the genital area]

Stan: NO!

Det. Jarvis: Okay, did he touch you here? [moves two fingers over the groin]

The Class: NO!

Det. Jarvis: [sits the doll on his right lap and starts rubbing the doll's nipples] Did he ever do this? How about this? [lifts the doll to his face and wags his tongue over the doll's genital area]

Butters: My Uncle Bud did that to me once! [smiles unwittingly]

Det. Jarvis: [gets off the desk and walks around] Did Chef ever try one of these on for size? [places the doll face down on the desk and starts humping it]

Kyle: Goddammit, Chef isn't like that! Something funny is going on around here!

Det. Jarvis: [continues humping] Young man, will you PLEASE pay attention! This is very important stuff! Ohhh. Ohhhhhh.

[South Park Elementary, after school. The kids pour out of the school. The boys come out last, and the doors close. Chef appears before them]

Chef: Hello there, children!

Kyle: [the boys look at each other] Chef, the police are asking questions about you!

Chef: Oh really? Well, let's all go home and make love.

Stan: No, Chef, we don't wanna make love to you!

Chef: Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?

Kyle: Chef, CHEF! You need to get out of here before you get arrested, all right?!

Chef: I specialize in your asshole, Kyle. [turns and walks away]

Cartman: ...Man, I can't believe all this time, Chef just wanted us for sex.

Kyle: He didn't want us for sex, fatass! Something is making him say those things.

Kenny: (Like what?)

Kyle: Something must have happened to Chef while he was gone. Maybe he hit his head or, or got stuck in some quantum time vortex.

Stan: Well look: he spent the last three months with that adventurers' club. Maybe they know what happened to him.

Kenny: (Yeah! I think...)

Cartman: Yeah!

Kyle: All right, come on guys!

To Be Continued...