Goodbye.
The soft crunch of snow beneath his footsteps seemed a million times louder then the actual sound which echoed from beneath him. His mind was unnaturally clear, for so long now, thoughts had ran through it, mixed and cluttered thoughts were breaking their way through his many walls only now, they were gone. Extinguished like a flame on a candle.
His steps took him closer to the one place he needed to be the one place he shouldn't be. It is only to say goodbye, he told himself unconvincingly, and his heart hammered out a merry hopeful tune against his ribs as his black empty eyes caught a flicker of red.
"Lily," he breathed into the wind. Speeding up, he followed the flicker the red. His feet growing numb in the cold wet snow, yet on he walked, as though his life depended on seeing the flicker of red once more.
'Just to say goodbye,' he fooled himself once more.
And then it happened, he turned the corner, the tall Christmas tree and its lights glistening in the cool winter night of Christmas Eve, the red flicker was a small child carrying a smiling carved lantern.
Slowing his feet into a steady, soul breaking heart wrenching pace, the sound of church bells made him snap his head round to the left, and he saw it.
The owner of the famous red hair, the soft friendly smile dancing on her lips in pure ecstasy as the tall dark haired young man planted a loving kiss onto her lips, the young couple stepped out into the court yard, and their dress robes broke his heart.
The photographer suddenly appeared, rounding up everyone, the wedding party smiled and laughed as their picture was taken numerous times. Lily Evans' eyes flickered to the spot where Severus stood.
Taking a step further into the darkness of his heart and shadow, Severus thought he had imagined the look of deep pity in the ever sparkling green eyes of the woman he loved. The woman who owned his heart
Turning fast, he Disapperated to the top of a deserted hill, snow beginning to fall once more. Dropping to his knees, Severus began to mourn for the loss of his love, his mind was empty, his heart was broken and soul numb.
"Lily," he whispered into the cold breezy wind which was blowing the soft thick snow down onto his dark hair.
"WHY?," he screamed a heart wrenching scream out into the wind and wild of the world as his mind filled with hollow thoughts, he would never share that kiss with her, he would hold her, he would not be the one she turned to when she needed a friend, she had a husband now. His Heat gave a soft shake
'I'd run a thousand miles to be with you, I need you! I'll never forget what you said!' he thought weakly
"WHAT ABOUT ME?" he screamed again into the wind. Fantasies of their first ever Christmas together as husband and wife flooding his mind, his heart gave another shake, how could he have allowed himself to be fool enough to even dream and hope that one day she would be his.
'You were nothing to her,' he thought bitterly.
"GOODBYE!" screamed Severus at last, but they were only words, he would never say goodbye, not to his Lily, he would protect her from a distance, his heart gave a final shake and shattered within his chest, never would it heal, never would it be pieced back together.
On the snowy hill, as Christmas Eve gave way to Christmas Day, Severus slept, unafraid, distant and lost within himself, a broken man for now, a bitter and twisted one to come. His future was lost to the love of Lily which he would never feel upon his heart again.