Bow down and call me the most unique The Oasis player ever.

Why?

Because I died in the real world, that is why!

Rather, I am a freely-waltzing avatar (nothing more) strutting with a pistol, dark brown hair, khaki jeans, and a white tee down a bustling metropolitan sidewalk as most of us boast our weapons.

I know, I know, a pistol is the most ridiculous thing a level one hundred-fifty player could be toting, right?

Heh, listen, pal, you gotta be discrete when you are king; do you think I would enjoy everyone and their mother parading around me?

God, for fuck's sake, no. Even in the real world, I wasn't a fan of people.

And why should you revere me as king? Besides my level, of course, I am barehands: all you see is all I wield and have, other than my custom-made bedroom with a king-size all to myself (I know, what a loner 'virgin'), clean white walls and ceiling, a golden fan spinning twenty-four-seven, and a beige rug with a patio cut off by clear sliding doors letting you see the most amazingly blue sparkling ocean you have ever seen outside.

And if this all sounds like a place on Earth rather than all the ridiculous places you hear about in this larger-than-life videogame, you are right: even though the whole reason everyone enter this universe is to leave the real world, the current designers thought 'players will enjoy a beautiful rendition of our home!'

And guess what planet I am waltzing around on now? No high level player cares to dwell in their free time here, right?

Again, discretion.

And as I keep walking, a beeping signaling a new text message goes off in my pocket.

Like a cell phone from years before.

I tap on it to bring up a blue textbox with a woman's picture beside it:

Adriana Watts.

Yup, the one and only. There are a few out there who do not know Parzival and Art3mis shared a bed...more than a couple times, and you might just be one of them.

So there you go.

She, via her hacking and tracking skills she picked up from her now dead parents, found me.

And I told her if any of my attires are streamed,

Her head will roll downhill the road my house is located on after I fuck it.

I do not care the infamy it will bring, as infamy breeds violence.

And I kind of get off on that shit, if my level did not already indicate.

So anyway, her message:

"Hey man! Your status doesn't say you are doing anything; wanna team up with me in the Historic Day simulation? There's shitloads of experience to be earned!"

I look away at a random quiet restaurant, grumbling, before looking back at the text..

I tap on her photo, taking me to her wall where everything we do is logged, and I tap on the phone-shaped button beneath her same picture.

A similar ringing again as the button does the same, and I stand still, impatiently tapping my foot while looking around.

The ringing ends before I can hear a muffled voice and breathing coming from probably the phone button.

"Really, Adrianna?" I demand, staring straight into her picture as if I expected it to literally respond.

A second passes.

Then another.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, that's right!" her elated voice yells (she is always so damn happy without me ever knowing why), "I forgot, you always want a long and dramatic conversation before everything for whatever reason. Why do we gotta have these?"

I continued tapping, raising a brow.

"Because we do," I said as I look away, "as this is how I gain your trust: we talk more, the better I know you So, what's really in it for me if I join you? Most of these 'shitloads-of-experience' for me really offer very little in the grand scheme of things."

"This is one of the more nuanced ones" she explained, looking more determined. "It's hard to explain unless you come with me - something about how much you earn depends on how well you perform different things."

"Damn generic."

"Oh, come on! Just join me and help a girl out, why don't you?"

She gives me puppy dog eyes as I roll mine like the baiter she is.

"Fine; I guess I'm not doing anything else today anyway since nothing else offers a lot of points - maybe this will be different."

"It will be different, especially if you change your attitude," she mildly pleaded. "Seriously, dude, I know what you are, but can you stop being so edgy and start trying to live normally?"

I raised my brows even further before pointing at my gun and at the ground, as if I were pointing at the whole world and universe.

"Here? I can normally live here?"

"As normal as possible if you try. You gotta lighten up one way or another, and perhaps shooting or saving some targets will do that for you! Honestly, have I ever seen you smile?"

I dimly look at her.

She sighs.

"Just. Come with me. God. Dammit!"

"Okay, okay," I complained, bringing my finger close to the red 'X' button to end the call. "Just send me the invitation and I will help you out."

"Bravo, Sir!" she playfully said, sarcastically saluting me before I push the red 'X' and her face and wall square itself away back into my pocket.

I look up at the clouds mystically.

What could this historic simulation be?

Damn, this is a process I will never get used to.

You know, when I am falling from Earth's upper atmosphere towards the ground; this is how I have chosen things to be when I teleport to a new location since there are often things to collect or kill on the way down that offer a lot of points.

Unfortunately, those are increasingly far and few between.

Still, as I grimace with my arms against my side as I am rocketing down to an absolutely destroyed New Orleans from the year two-thousand-five and hear gunfire, bestial roars from player monster characters, human cries, and lasers firing and explosions sounding off, it is a sensory experience that never grows old.

I cock my pistol, 'Khan,' as I call it, for all the lives it has ruthlessly taken under my careful watch. Its might is boasted by two of the most powerful perks: Infinite Ammo and Infinite Clip.

Sure, it is a single fire.

But it works just fine when you never miss.

A patch of uncovered ground is closing in on me, and I reverse myself in the air so my soles are aiming at it instead, allowing me to land with a thud as I fell to one knee and hand to brace myself against the force.

My eyes are wide with exhilaration.

Around me are completely green-plated warriors called Spartans running around, a small purple dragon about my current size named Spyro going the other way, and a couple medieval archers resembling those from Age of Empires perching amidst some rubble, readying their arrows for any targets that moved.

It is pure chaos as gunmen from this actual moment in time who are who they are because they were scared civilians are dying, police cars are driving and swerving in to stop them and us 'vigilantes,' and the rest of us are just not giving a flying shit.

I slowly stand up, dusting myself off as I eyeball the entire scene.

Hurricane Katrina.

Time to get my hands dirty, baby.