Title: So Many Questions

Author: Simon

Characters: Everyone and no one

Rating: K

Summary: Just lots of questions

Warnings: none

Disclaimers: These guys aren't mine, they don't belong to me, worst luck, so don't bother me.

Archive: Fine, but if you want it, please ask first.

Feedback: Hell, yes. Beden65

So Many Questions

· So, what's with those uniforms? Are they machine washable? If they aren't, could you recommend a good dry cleaner?

· Do they all design their own looks or do they consult a designer? Do they throw out bids? And just how much is invested in those outfits?

· Say one of the woman heroes has a really bad case of cramps…does she get to call in sick?

· Has Superman ever thought about maybe doing something about that forehead curl? Kinda dated when you think about it.

· Does Batman ever take the Batmobile through drive-thru and what does he order? Does he have to drive a few miles with the windows down to air out the car so Alfred doesn't bust him for eating McDonald's?

· Does Speedy ever get confused with Speedy Alkaseltzer from those old ads? Was that maybe his inspiration for his name?

· Can Black Canary really sing? Has she made any albums? Could we download them?

· Why is Aquaman always such a douche? Has he ever thought about anger management classes?

· So if Green Lantern lost or gained a whole lot of weight, would he be able to get his ring sized? Would that mess it up so it wouldn't work anymore? Would his pay be docked to cover it?

· Exactly how stupid is Lois Lane? She can't figure out Superman is just wearing fake glasses and combs his hair differently? AND she swears she loves the guy? Really? And he buys this?

· And whatever happened to her sister Lucy? Anyone care?

· Does Robin ever lighten up? Like, does he even know how to play beer pong?

· When Nightwing was in his Elvis costume phase, did he wax his chest?

· Aqualad. Just…why?

· Wonder Girl…what are we supposed to wonder about? Does she ever wonder?

· Whatever happened to Gnark? Wasn't he like that character in Encino Man but with no sense of humor? And did anyone ever think that character was a good idea?

· Why do superhero offspring have a majorly high mortality rate? Have any ever survived past pre-school?

· Hawk and Dove. Are they now pot-bellied, graying remnants of Woodstock listening to the Byrds, Three Dog Night, going to Rolling Stones concerts?

· When will someone finally bitch slap Barbara Gordon?

· And Dick Grayson…why can't this boy just find a nice girl?

· With the poles melting, has Superman thought about relocating the Fortress of Solitude?

· Green Arrow. I mean…really?

· And money. Can we talk about money? How do these folks pay for all that stuff? Custom cars, boats, costumes, 'lairs', planes, weapons, super-dooper secret medical help, security, backup resources, majorly top of the line computer stuff, satellites. Big bucks. Where does all this come from? Riddle me that. Are they financed? Sure, some of them may have mega-bucks but the rest? Do they have like car payments? Mortgages? Are we talking Go Fund Me?

· Who are we to believe gave them the authority to do what they do? Are they all free-lancers? On someone's payroll perhaps? Think about it.

· Teenaged heroes….do they ever get acne?

· And the older ones; gray hair? Does Supes touch up his roots?

· Poor Alfred. Just…poor Alfred.

· Where's Krypto? Streaky? Supergirl's used to be a centaur but became a horse (Comet) with a major case for her? How creepy is that?

· Have any former/retired heroes written tell-alls? Where can we order them?

· Do their neighbors ever, you know, wonder?

· Those costumes…wardrobe malfunction much?

And so many more….

2/26/19