"Chuuya, I miss you…" Dazai whispered quietly, as he leaned against one of the park trees. He could see Chuuya in the distance sitting on a bench eating a sandwich of some sort. He was tempted to walk over to him, be casual, maybe rile him up, but he decided not to. All he wanted right now was Chuuya's smile and warmth, his laughter, sure making him angry was funny sometimes but that's not what he wanted out of his partner.
Well to be more accurate ex-partner, "even though where on different sides, I hate that word, I still consider you my partner Chuuya. If only I had the courage to tell you that, but would it even matter to you? What would you think if I said that to you in a serious manner?" Taking a long sigh Dazai walked a few feet leaning against a different tree that was just a bit more closer to his Chuuya.
Once at the tree he carefully climbed up, Chuuya still hadn't noticed him surprisingly. Dazai was happy for that, after all, it was rare to see a relaxed Chuuya. Swinging his legs Dazai watched as a ball came rolling towards Chuuya, the small redhead picked up the ball quickly tossing it to a group of kids.
"Thanks, mister!" One of the children smiled back, while the others waved in thanks as well.
"No problem," Chuuya answered with a soft smile.
"...How lucky those kids are." Daizai whispered with a sad smile, tilting his head he looked closely at Chuuya and quietly sang a little song.
"Oh Camellia, Camellia, can you hear my heart? Do you see me? It's fine if you don't, after all, I love you, I-I love you… Chuuya…" His voice cracked, quickly Dazai covered his mouth while his tears flowed faster than ever down his face. "I was hoping for once I wouldn't cry, I guess I underestimated myself again…" Dazai didn't bother to wipe his tears he lust let them flowed still watching his beloved.
"You'd just love to see me like this wouldn't you Chuuya?" He was tempted so very much tempted to slide off this branch he was on and go see Chuuya. He was so tempted that he at least slide off it, his hand reached out wishing he could touch that lovely hair again.
Wishing he could touch that lovely face, wishing he could apologize to Chuuya, mot for leaving the Port Mafia but for how he left. Maybe he should have talked to Chuuya? Tell him more of the reasons why he left, just apologize for how he hurt him.
"I-I'm sorry Chuuya…" Taking a deep breath Dazai finally wiped his tears, it was rare for him to get so emotional, that is unless it was about Chuuya or even oda. "If only Oda were here, I'd ask him to be my mediator, or even get him to help meet Chuuya in private..." Great know he just wasn't upset because of his beloved Chuuya but also because of his dead best friend.
"This wasn't supposed to happen… I just wanted to see his smile, I didn't want to feel like this…" putting his hand back at his side Dazai took out a pen and a small black book with blank pages. It was an old gift from his dear friend Oda. 'If there ever comes a time when you feel sad or some sort of emotion you do not want to comprehend write it down and make it fly. Let it be free and forget about it until it comes back again.' As the words of his dear friend repeated in his mind, Dazai took the pen and wrote quickly wanting to do something about these emotions.
He was tempted to wish these emotions away but he didn't, these emotions were the only things that make him feel human, these were the only things that connected him to the two people he cared the most for.
Once he was done he carefully tore the page out from the book, slowly Dazai set the book and pen in his pocket, then he focused on making the paper into an airplane.
"Let me be free from this pain until it comes back...Until I can properly talk to Chuuya until I can tell him how much he means to me." With a kiss on the plane Dazai smiled as he let the wind carry it away, then he turned around making sure he was hidden from the people in the park.
Making sure that he was hidden away from his beloved Chuuya.
"I'll talk to you someday Chuuya, I promise."