I don't own the Fantastic Four, sorry. And the idea for a superhero group going to therapy isn't terribly original as well. But it's something that rambled in my insane mind so here it is, despite this idea being overdone.
Not Another Therapy Fic
"Therapy?" Ben could not believe his ears. "You want me to go see a shrink?"
"Ben," Sue was trying to be as diplomatic as possible. "I know due to the whole incident with our powers…You have to admit, out of all of us you've been having the hardest time dealing with the whole situation."
"Susie, I'm an orange rock!" Ben snapped. "Who wouldn't have a hard time dealing with that? But I ain't crazy!"
"Yes you are," Johnny was casually making a fire version of a tic tac toe game in the air as he lay on the couch. "You've been certifiable for years."
"Johnny!" Sue snapped at him. She turned to Ben. "We've all been through a traumatic experience. It's standard procedure for all of us to…"
"All of us?" Johnny interrupted her. He stopped his fire game and looked at her.
"Yes. I think it would be a good idea if we all go to therapy together," Sue said.
"When you say all of us," Johnny interrupted her again. "You mean…"
"Exactly what it sounds like," Ben told him. "You, me and Stretcho are being dragged to the nuthouse."
"We are not going to a nuthouse!" Sue turned on him. "It's an office in downtown Manhattan. Dr. Weisman has a lot of experience dealing with workplace related stress and…"
"Stress? Stress?" Ben looked at her. "What makes you think I'm stressed?" He slammed his fist down on a nearby table, which promptly broke into several pieces.
"Call it a hunch," Sue sighed.
"Look Sue," Johnny began. "As much as I'd love to be there when Rockhead has a breakdown I have a date."
"Yeah, you have a date with my fist if you don't quit bugging me," Ben grumbled.
"Boys!" Sue snapped. She glared at Johnny who was starting his tic tac toe game again. "Johnny what have I said about you playing with fire in the house?"
"Relax Sue I have it under control," Johnny put the flame out. "Unlike the mental case here I haven't wrecked anything all day."
"Except for this morning when you melted the toaster," Ben pointed out.
"Look that thing was broken and I was trying to speed up heating up my bagel," Johnny snapped. "I'm not the one who's making all those holes in the bathroom walls."
"Well if a certain flame head didn't keep leaving the soap lying around…" Ben growled. "Or shoot talcum powder at me while I'm…"
"Stop it!" Sue shouted. "Just stop it! Johnny you'd better behave yourself while we're down there or so help me…"
"Me? Why do I have to go to this stupid thing?" Johnny asked. "Ben's the mental case here!"
"AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE HOSPITAL!" Ben shot out of his chair.
"BEN SIT DOWN!" Sue shouted. "AND YOU JONATHON LOWELL SPENCER STORM…"
"Oh no…" Johnny winced. "Not my full name…""JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND BEHAVE YOURSELF," Susan looked very angry and very frightening. "OR ELSE! GOT IT?"
"Yeah Sis," Johnny gulped. "I got it…""Way to go Torch," Ben hissed. "You got us in trouble."
"Me? You started it!" Johnny defended.
"JONATHON…." Sue's voice was definitely angrier.
"Okay! Okay! I'm shutting up!" Johnny winced and drew away from her. "Therapy, tomorrow at ten. It'll be fun."
"Fun like a migraine…" Ben grumbled.
Reed walked in with some lab reports. "Sue look at these results from the testing we did on that carbon alloy that was exposed to the ship. I think we might be able to…" He then realized that everyone was glaring at him. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh no," Ben said sarcastically. "Everything's peachy keen!"
"Reed we're going to therapy tomorrow!" Sue snapped at him. "Ten O'clock in the morning! No excuses, no complaining, no backing out! Deal with it!" She stormed off.
"I did something didn't I?" Reed was very puzzled.
"You did a lot of things pal," Ben gave him a look. "But I'd never thought you'd drive us all to the loony bin!" He stormed out and brushed Reed aside.
"I hate it when she uses my full name," Johnny pulled his knees to his chest. "She's scary when she does that. The last time she called me that I was seventeen and was late for curfew and…" He shuddered violently.
Reed was quite perplexed at the sight of his future brother in law cringing on the couch. "I really should leave the lab more often…" He sighed. "I never know what is going on around here."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Ten A.M. the following day…
"Why do I have to be here?" Johnny grumbled. The Fantastic Four were in civilian garb and in a waiting room. "Seriously, why? I'm fine with the way I am. I'm perfectly adjusted to the situation."
"You're perfectly maladjusted, that's what you are," Ben glared at him. He was wearing a trench coat and a hat in an attempt to cover his features.
"Will you two please behave yourselves?" Sue hissed. "We're in public for crying out loud! Reed do something!"
"Um," Reed was still adjusting to being the team leader. "All right. Both of you just…relax."
"Relax huh?" Johnny looked at him. "Real smooth Reed. Geeze Ben's right, we are gonna end up in a rubber room. That shrink is gonna burn us, I just know it."
"Gee I wonder who he's gonna start on first?" Ben asked sarcastically. He glared at another patient in the room who was looking at him. "What are you looking at?"
The patient squealed and ran out of the room. The other two people in the waiting area cringed and scooted down further onto other seats. "What am I contagious or somethin'?" Ben roared at them. This sent them fleeing out of the room as well.
"Way to go Rocky," Johnny said sarcastically. "Now that you've scared off all the other patients we'll have extra time!"
"I should have brought my notes," Reed said absently. "I could have gotten more work done."
"The session hasn't even started and I'm already getting a headache," Sue sighed.
"Fantastic Four," The secretary said. "You may go in now."
"Oh goody…" Johnny grumbled as they went in.
There was a plump man with balding white hair, a white mustache and spectacles. "Ah you must be the Fantastic Four! Come in! Come in! Make yourselves at home. Sit down please. I am Dr. Weisman and I will be conducting your therapy session today."
They did. However in Ben's case the chair he sat on crumbled and broke from under him, leaving him to sit on a very crumpled cushion. "Yes," Dr. Weisman coughed. "Now I see you are all having some complications, some issues in your little group that you want me to help you iron out. Let's start with you Mr. Grimm…"
"Here we go…" Ben grumbled. "I knew he was gonna start with me."
"So, Mr. Grimm…" Dr. Weisman looked at his file and made a huge smile. "I hear you're having some problems adjusting to your powers."
"Problems? Me? Oh no…" Ben said sarcastically. "I mean just cause I got hit in the face with a ton of cosmic rays that turned me into a big orange rock don't mean nothing. So for some reason I only have eight fingers instead of ten? Eight extremely large fingers that break everything in sight. No big deal. So what if I can't go nowhere without people running away from me and calling me a freak? Who cares? So what if my fiancée ran screaming from me when she saw how hideous I became? So what if I'm so freaking strong I destroy nearly everything in my path? I'm fine! I'M JUST PEACHY KEEN!"
"Uh…" Dr. Weisman began.
"In case you couldn't tell doc," Ben interrupted. "That was sarcasm!"
"Well duh," Johnny rolled his eyes. "Can I go take a walk or something? I mean it's gonna be at least an hour while Ben moans about his problems."
"I think I kind of have a right to complain!" Ben shouted at him.
"Just a shot in the dark here…" Dr. Weisman asked. "You're Jewish aren't you?"
"Yeah? You gotta problem with that?" Ben snapped, making a fist.
"No, you just sounded like my grandmother a moment ago," Dr. Weisman gave him a look.
"Oh," Ben realized. "Sorry Doc…"
"Ben, hello? Weisman?" Johnny pointed out. "You can't recognize one of your own? Oh wait, you can't even recognize your own face let alone…"
"You're not gonna be able to recognize yourself if you keep this up!" Ben snarled.
"I sense some hostility towards each other," Dr. Weisman said.
"Really Doc?" Ben looked at him. "You must have graduated at the top of your class."
"Ben please," Sue sighed. "Dr. Weisman is here to help us. Give him a chance."
"Sue is right. We have nothing to hide from each other," Reed said. "We should be as open and honest as possible."
"You want honesty?" Ben looked at him. "You really want honesty pal? Okay how's this for honesty? This whole therapy thing sucks!"
"I'm with Ben on this," Johnny agreed. "This is a waste of time. Come on let's go!" He stood up.
"Shut up and sit down!" Sue snapped. Johnny sat down. "Continue Doctor."
"Like I was saying," Dr. Weisman checked his notes. "There are a few things I'd like to ask you Mr. Grimm. For instance it's been indicated that you might have some abandonment issues and issues with trust. Care to comment on why some people would say that you might feel this way?"
"On top of the whole turning into a one man freakshow thing?" Ben asked.
"Well yes," Dr. Weisman said.
"I dunno," Ben remarked. "Growing up poor with two alcoholic abusive parents, having an older brother killed in a gang fight, years running around in a gang to have them turn on you when both parents are killed and you have to be uprooted from the only home you've ever known. Being hopelessly in love with two women and both of them rejecting you in the most humiliating ways possible…"
"Two?" Johnny asked. "You don't mean Alicia? I mean I know Debbie was one of them but…"
"There was someone else," Ben said. "In college and I don't really wanna talk about it now. In other words in one way or another nearly every human being I ever cared about as well as twelve hamsters either died or ditched me! Of course I have abandonment issues! Sheesh!"
"Twelve hamsters?" Reed blinked.
"Let's just say elementary school wasn't exactly a fun time for me," Ben groaned.
"Uh, another thing I'm curious about…" Dr. Weisman cleared his throat. "About your um…"
"My ears are the same place they've always been, they're just under the rock," Ben rolled his eyes. "Or part of the rock. They're in there somewhere."
"Uh no," Dr. Weisman coughed. "I was actually referring to another part of your anatomy. If you…get my drift."
"Oh for cryin' out loud…" Ben put his head in his hands. "Why do people always have to ask that question?"
"You know I've been wondering that myself," Johnny said. "I mean, not in a gay way. Because I'm not gay or anything…"
"Yes Johnny, we know that," Sue rolled her eyes.
"I think half the models in the city know that!" Ben retorted.
"I ain't saying being gay is bad," Johnny held up his hand. "It's just I'm not. Not gay that is. It's an interesting question from a scientific point of view I guess but not as a gay thing because I am definitely not gay and…"
"Just shut up, Matchstick!" Ben snapped. "Just do us all a favor and shut up!"
"So you're completely…?" Dr. Weisman motioned with his hand.
"Let's just say I'm never going to need Viagra as long as I live…" Ben moaned.
"Wow," Johnny blinked. "No wonder you're always so cranky. I'd be too if I always had a hard…"
"Don't think of finishing that sentence!" Ben snapped at him. He pointed to Sue. "For crying out loud your own sister is in the room!"
"You think you got problems in the bedroom, Ben?" Sue grumbled as she folded her arms. "You have no idea."
"Uh, Sis…" Johnny said. "Could we talk about something else?"
"Sue I don't think this is the…" Reed coughed.
"You are having problems with…intimacy?" Dr. Weisman blinked.
"No, we don't!" Reed said quickly.
"Yes, we do!" Sue glared at him.
"Good we're off me…" Ben sighed with relief.
"I am under a lot of stress," Sue said. "It's bad enough I have to deal with two grown men who act like hyperactive eight year olds, try to keep our home from being either claimed by creditors or destroyed," She glared at Ben and Johnny. "But when I want a little support or…Well, Reed just doesn't always have enough initiative when it comes to lovemaking."
"You know I don't think we really covered Ben's problems," Johnny interrupted. "And he has a lot of them!"
"Apparently not as many as Stretch," Ben quipped.
"Sue! Do we really have to talk about this now?" Reed pleaded. He pointed to Ben and Johnny. "I mean come on!"
"You're the one who said we have nothing to hide from each other," Ben pointed out. "Go on Sue, share!"
"Sue, don't!" Johnny pleaded. "Don't say anything!"
"The first time the two of us were intimate after we got our powers was a disaster," Sue groaned.
"She talks about it anyway…" Johnny groaned.
"Oy vay," Reed moaned putting his head in his hands.
"Took the words right out of my mouth," Johnny moaned.
"This is almost as bad for you as when she stripped on the bridge isn't it?" Ben asked.
"Eww! Did you have to remind me of that?" Johnny winced. "She's my sister! What kind of person wants to see their sister naked? Or invisible naked or…Uhhhgh!"
"Well maybe I am sick of feeling invisible, pun intended!" Sue snapped.
"Interesting," Dr. Weisman nodded. "I would think that for someone with Mr. Richard's powers…You know, being able to stretch certain parts of one's anatomy…"
"Are we back to that again?" Ben asked.
"Such powers would be an asset in the bedroom," Dr. Weisman continued.
"Not if he misses it isn't!" Sue snapped.
"Well it's common for one partner to miss another partner's…" Dr. Weisman struggled. "Happy spot."
"He missed my entire vagina!" Sue snapped. "The damn thing shot right over my shoulder and…"
"SUE!" Reed shouted.
"Okay," Ben winced. "This isn't funny anymore."
"I don't really wanna hear this!" Johnny held his hands over his ears. "This is not happening! I am not here! I am not here!"
"You know damn well that the third time was your fault," Reed defended. "You shooting up that force field really hurt my…"
"LALALA!" Johnny shouted, still holding his hands on his ears. "NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING!"
"The only reason I shot up the force field was the fact that I was getting so frustrated…" Sue yelled.
"LALALALALALALALAAAAA!" Johnny sang even louder. "I AM NOT LISTENING TO THIS!"
In his nervous state Johnny accidentally started to flame up. Before anyone knew it he set the couch on fire. "MY COUCH!" Dr. Weisman screamed.
"Oh geeze!" Johnny leapt up. "Sorry my bad!"
"I got it!" Ben grabbed the flaming couch and threw it out the window.
"WHAT GOOD DID THAT DO?" Dr. Weisman shouted.
"Well at least the room won't burn down," Ben shrugged.
Reed stretched his neck to look out the window. "Ben it hit a car and now the car's on fire. A green Volvo."
"MY CAR!" Dr. Weisman screamed as he looked out the window.
"Way to go Ben!" Johnny clapped sarcastically.
"Hey! I ain't the one who set the fire in the first place!" Ben shouted. "Just cause you can't deal with your sister's love life…"
"LALALALA!" Johnny being the mature individual he was put his hands over his ears. "NOT LISTENING!"
"My car…" Dr. Weisman sobbed. "I still have payments on it! And I just paid for that couch!"
"Ben how could you…?" Reed began.
"Me? Hot Head here…?" Ben said at the same time.
"LALALALALA!" Johnny still had his hands over his ears.
"SHUT UP!" Sue lost control and sent a large force field at them, which pounded them into the wall. Unfortunately she also hit Dr. Weisman as well. "Oops…I'm sorry. I…"
"I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!" Dr. Weisman ran for his life as soon as he managed to get up. The Fantastic Four were left alone in the wrecked room.
"Gee, I feel a lot better," Ben said sarcastically. "Great idea Susie!"
"We just drove that poor man from his profession didn't we?" Sue asked.
"I'm afraid we did," Reed sighed. "I just hope he doesn't sue us for damages."
"DOC! DOC COME BACK!" Johnny screamed after him. "Great! Thanks a lot Sue! Now I really do need a therapist! DOC WAIT! MAYBE WE COULD SCHEUDULE A PRIVATE SESSION?"