Mission 1
"Ugh. D-rank missions are such a pain!", complained Asuma Sarutobi, the Third's son.
Yuuhi Kurenai, genjutsu specialist mumbled an agreement beside him as they both sank into a sofa in the jounin lounge. Both had just come from their first missions with their genin teams. Don't get them wrong, it was pretty funny to see them suffer but that just meant they had to sit for hours in boredom. Then a presence appeared behind them, making shivers run up and down their spine. Two heads slooooowly turned around to stare at Konoha's Green Beast who had dangerously shining eyes and a grin splitting his face.
"G- Gai? W- What can we do for you?", Asuma sweated nervously.
"Mwa- ha- haa!", Maito Gai laughed, shoulders bouncing up and down as the shine in his eyes (seriously, they looked like stars!) and shadowed face stared at them, "You have started taking D-rank missions with your youthful genin, huh?"
Both jounin waited as the green spandex wearing taijutsu specialist's grin widened. Suddenly it was day and sun was shining and a magnificent wave crashed behind Gai (even Kurenai had trouble guessing how he cast the illusion) as he made a pose.
"Fear not! Owando Midori-chan's youthful missions are just what you need! Do not worry about tedious D-ranks when she is up and awake! Hahahaha!", he walked away, fist still up in the air and leaving two creeped out jounin behind.
They glanced at each other, shivered, and stared forward again. A long moment later Kurenai talked.
"Owando Midori… That girl is the herbalist that lives near the wall, right?"
Asuma thought for a moment and nodded in agreement. There was silence for a few seconds.
"Perhaps we could give it a try"
Somewhere else, six newly assigned genin shivered.
xXXx
The next day team 10 had accepted a new mission.
"Listen up, kids. Today we'll be cleaning a warehouse near the wall. One Owando Midori has given the task and meets us at her house"
Three groans escaped from the young genin as they thought of the enormous task that would be. Shikamaru's trademark 'troublesome' was echoed by Ino's and Choji's body language. Asuma took in a lungful of smoke and enjoyed their silent complaining as they walked towards their destination. A few minutes later they were standing in front of a neat looking cottage where an apron wearing young woman was managing her garden of herbs. She had her long reddish brown hair in a neat plait over her shoulder and a light green scarf over her head. Bright forest green eyes looked up and she smiled.
"Ah! Welcome. I've been waiting", she dusted herself a little and started walking towards a trail that lead to a forest right beside her house, "Follow me. The warehouse is near the middle"
Asuma glanced at his genin and jerked his head to get them going. Shikamaru had a thoughtful frown on his face as he watched the woman walk, humming a cheerful tune as she went. Ino sighed.
"Well. Let's go. The warehouse doesn't clean itself"
And the trio followed behind the cheerful woman in a green sleeveless shirt and dark brown knee length shorts. Asuma trailed behind them. So far she looked fairly normal. As was the mission. He couldn't help but think that perhaps Gai was wrong and he would be subjected to a long period of boredom again.
Then they reached the warehouse. Midori opened the door and then threw the keys to Asuma. There was a glint in her eyes.
"I expect you not to steal anything. Just stack the same kind of things in piles and the named ones under their name tags"
"Hai, Owando-san", Ino agreed easily.
The woman gave a toothy smile, "Just call me Midori. I'm at my house. Come give me the keys back once you're done", and with those words she skipped away happily whistling.
His genin watched as she disappeared back up the path.
"A strange woman", said Choji, munching on some chips.
Shikamaru scratched his head, eyes closed, "...Troublesome"
Ino whacked them over their heads, "Let's just do it! We don't have all day"
She ignored the mutters of evil harpies and dragged them with her. They stepped inside… and were promptly assaulted by a barrage of flying objects.
"What the- !", Shikamaru ducked under a pillow that hit Choji square in the face.
Ino screamed a 'kyaa!' as she dodged honey coated sticks and- was that a flying squirrel skin!? Shikamaru couldn't check. He was too busy trying not to get hit by smokebombs… that promptly hit the floor and made dodging things that much harder. When they finally emerged from the cloud, panting and bruised from all the things they got hit with, Asuma was trying to stifle his laughter as he held a note attached to the keys he still held. It read 'Oh. I forgot to mention that it's cramped with traps. Don't worry! Any lethal aspects were removed yesterday!'.
"Pfft… Gai was right. This is going to be… interesting"
Ino screamed something about things 'not being fair' while Shikamaru was saying they shouldn't have trusted a former ninja to do things normally. Asuma suspected he knew Midori's first occupation by the standard shinobi sandals she wore and the fact her steps were abnormally quiet. He looked down at his team.
"Well, it seems she has the place filled with traps for intruders. Try not to set anything off while you clean up in there"
The trio groaned.
"Cheer up!", he chuckled, "Think of it as training"
xXXx
"KYAAA! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE"
"EH!? Shikama- wait. Ino. You're fine"
"Are you telling me there are genjutsu traps too? What a drag..."
xXXx
"No, Choji. You can't eat the chips"
The Akimichi trembled as Ino placed the last of the chip bags in their corner. His finger twitched towards them. He was just about to grab one when Shikamaru grabbed him from behind and dragged him away. Unfortunately that triggered a trap and both promptly fell through a trapdoor and bounced on a mattress.
Ino cackled at them. Shikamaru grumbled. Asuma chuckled from his perch near the ceiling.
xXXx
Ino tried to muffle her laughter as she helped Shikamaru get down from the most basic trap ever.
"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up…", the boy grumbled as he dangled from a rope around his ankle.
The girl burst into full blown laughter, "Y- you said you got this!"
xXXx
"Choji, watch out!"
The boy turned and got a water balloon on his head. His two teammates stared as the reddish liquid rolled down his face. He licked it.
Shikamaru and Ino shielded their eyes from the glowing grin as a pleased 'YUUUMMMYYY!!!' left his lips.
xXXx
"Mrr… Stop laughing and get me out of here!", Ino screeched at the boys.
Shikamaru's shoulders were shaking as were Choji's. The blonde girl was stuck inside a cage with a warning sign. A warning for an angry harpy.
xXXx
Shikamaru sweated. There was a hook near the ceiling. With a nametag for a plastic shovel.
He gulped.
There was also an unidentified trap up there. Readying the kunai in his hand the young lazy genius concentrated and threw. The shovel flew with it, clanging in the right place. He sighed in relief.
Too soon.
The kunai didn't stick to the wall and it fell, cutting a string. Two bags of confetti exploded as a banner fell down. It read 'Congratulations'. That would have been encouraging if there wasn't a smaller print under it telling to clean up the confetti. Ino slumped. Choji's stomach grumbled and he held his hand to it mournfully. Shikamaru, well… Shikamaru was Shikamaru.
He sighed in annoyance.
"Troublesome"
xXXx
The three genin plus one jounin returned four hours after the mission started, the kids looking bone weary but accomplished. Midori had moved inside and Asuma knocked on her green painted door.
"Coming!", came a muffled and cheery yell from the inside.
The door was opened and everyone saw the mischievous glint in her eyes as she stared down at the trio. Asuma gave her the keys.
"Thanks! How did it go?", she asked the genin with a kind smile.
"Mission accomplished!", Ino chirped happily, "Though that confetti trap was a bit much"
The two boys with her shivered, probably remembering all the trouble they got into while trying to clean it up. Midori chuckled as she threw the keys over her shoulder, straight to a hook in the wall. She dug inside her apron's pocket and took out four envelopes, holding them out for the ninja.
"Here's your pay. Plus a list of some interesting traps you might want to try out and a guide for making them. One for each genin!", she grinned as the trio took them, looking interested and Asuma chuckled good naturedly, "You're free to go now but if you want sandwiches for your 'long' journey home I can fetch"
Choji's stomach grumbled as he immediately brightened up, "Yes please!"
Everyone laughed as Midori walked back inside and gave them four paper bags and ushered them out to continue with their day. They were pleased to find the sandwiches tasted very good. Shikamaru was looking through the list of traps and making some interested comments on them. It sounded like they were more advanced than Academy taught its students.
All in all, everyone thought the D-rank was much better than a normal one. Asuma made a mental note to thank Gai for the advice. He wouldn't mind sitting through one of those again.
xXXx
Done! My attempt at humor. Tell me what you think. And if I should at least try to make another chapter or not. No guarantee I will, though. Right now I'm tempted. Don't know what it'll be tomorrow or a month later. Thanks for reading!
PS. Should I put up a disclaimer or something? Well hopefully this counts.