Amy was in her car, on the way to visit her boyfriend.
She had finally had the answer of the test the doctor had prescribed few weeks ago.
The origin of her headaches and vertigo had a name: tumor.
To be specific, a malignant brain tumor so misplaced that no one couldn't do anything about it. That beats everything for a neuroscientist!
She went over the situation a thousand times in her head, there were no solutions.
Yes, the doctor told her about the probability to live longer thanks to an experimental treatment.
If it works as they wish, she knows she had a chance to be healthy and saved, but in the other way, she has a lot to lose if it fails. She knows brains. She knows where her tumor is. She knows she can stay paralyzed or worse.
From the other side, she knows if she didn't do anything, she'll die.
There was no compromise.
She realized how alone she is in here and how bad she felt right now.
And she, she was a doctor in science, not a doctor in medicine. Even though, she would not open her own skull to try.
For the love of science, maybe she would let them use her for their tests … as she uses her monkeys.
"It's a stupid reasoning Amy" she told herself, one hand on the steering wheel, the other trying to erase in a clumsy way the tears blurring her sight.
She had to see Sheldon.
She knows very well that he would not react as she'd like to. She knows as well as he does, that he's still unable of compassion and empathy. He's trying yes, but right now, it won't be enough.
Knowing that, she just needed to see his face, hear his voice.
No matter he would criticize her unscheduled visit, no matter what he will say or not after that…
Therefore, she parked few steps from the building. She starts to blame herself for coming. She doesn't want to bother him and hesitate to get out of her car.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn't realize that she was being observed.
Then the compulsive "knock knock knock" of Sheldon was heard against her window, she looked up and saw him there, surprised, Leonard in the back watching the scene.
She opened her window but couldn't say a word.
"Amy, what are you doing here, it's not Thursday night, right?"
Sheldon's hands were clutching on to the bags with the take-out dinner, apparently embarrassed by the situation, Sheldon is dancing from one foot to the other, waiting for her answer.
"I know. It can wait. Good night Sheldon"
She is about to leave but he prevents her.
She can read in his eyes that he seems affected by her presence. He wants to understand.
"Since you are here, would you like to come up with us, we eat Thai food tonight" Sheldon asks quietly
"I don't think I will be good company"
"You'll always be better company than Leonard. For once, the conversation will be put to a higher level"
"Hey!" retorts Leonard in his back
"Without offense Leonard, you know I am right. I don't even know why I repeat myself"
He heard his friend blow but did not return. Amy finally nods, sketching out a smile.
Sheldon stepped aside the door so she could get out of her car.
Then they silently walk up the three stairs to finally arrive at the apartment 4A.
Once inside, they sat in their usual manner and places. They unwrapped their dishes and began to eat.
Amy looked at her meal but was not hungry. In fact, it's been a while since appetite had left her. Now she understands why.
She tried to bring her fork to her mouth and grimaced once she felt the taste of her food.
She felt him gazing at her from time to time. She barely talks, listening to Sheldon and Leonard about their respective day at work. Leonard is typing something on his phone, smiling.
Then he stands up, placing his empty dish in the garbage.
"Okay, I'm going to see Penny; she absolutely wants to watch a romantic movie with me, again."
He sighs and smiles again.
"Good night Leonard, say hi to my bestie for me please!"
He nods and she looks at the door when he leaves and turns to Sheldon, still silent.
Truth to be told, she knows that Leonard escaped the apartment because of the weird atmosphere in the air. Once the sound of door closing was heard, Sheldon starts to speak.
"When you said that you would not be good company, I have to admit Amy you were right. You don't speak, don't eat … that's inappropriate from someone who hadn't asked before coming that late."
"I'm sorry Sheldon. I had a tough week early."
He looks at her as he was thinking.
"Do you still have your headaches? Do you want a hot beverage before going home?"
"Yes please, the same mixed tea as usual"
She had not answered his question but he decided to not insist.
"OK"
She looked at him while he was preparing the tea. She was used to each of his routines. The tea bags. The way he still not approved the way she drinks hers. The respective cups.
Then she felt dizzy again. She lets herself sink a little more in the couch, not daring to move. Sheldon comes back to her, cups in his hands.
Putting his own on the table and holding the other to Amy, at the time of reaching out the cup, she realizes her hands shaking and hastens to place them both on her thighs.
Sheldon notices but says nothing. He puts her cup alongside to his and sits in his spot.
"Sheldon, we have to speak" Amy said in a serious tone
"You know I hate when you start your sentences with "my name" and "we have to" Sheldon retorted, annoyed by the fact she's still doing it
"I don't know how to say … what I have to say"
"Do you want to break up with me Amy Farrah Fowler?"
Amy surprised by what he means, quickly answered. "No … I …"
"I know I did not fit in all the "perfect boyfriend boxes" but I made efforts lately"
"Sheldon …"
"I can see that something is not going right and I can't put my finger on this thing. You know how frustrating is it for me to always try to decode"
"I'm dying Sheldon"
He stares at her for a few minutes. Yes, she was pale, but that was not unusual. Her hands shake. But she said she was tired because of her week already.
"Amy, we all die some day. It's what we call "the process in human nature". We are born, we live and we die and as you know, as long as cyborgs won't be ready to receive the transfer of our consciousness, things will be the same"
She takes her breath. "I'm dying. I have 6 months left. More or less"
"This is not funny! Are you trying to punish me for something I've done Amy?"
She looked him in the eyes. He closes them as he twists his hand.
She felt tears coming. She answered hardly.
"This is not a joke Sheldon"